Today it's not a good morning đ„ș
What a gut-wrenching portrayal of domestic violence was that. And at the hands of an IPS officer who's assigned to head a team to protect women đđđ
I must forget the profession for a moment because it is true that many men who are enforcers or law do have lowly minds. But, Virat Ninad Chavan, what was that display of being the chaheeta beta whose parvarish was done by the Queen B of the rotting Chakram niwas? The ugliest side of him came out -- should I dare to say ugliest? Or is he going to spring more surprises that will change this fact.
To me this humiliation is worse than him asking her to leave the house whenever that happens because that will be the solution -- setting her free and setting himself free from an untenable situation... Whether they unite after that or not is entirely up to their emotions that will then drive their mind and action once they separate. But to inflict this humiliation and want to keep someone tied to abide by you is inexcusable -- this is his lowest and this HAS to be the beginning point of his realisation for his emotion and for the emotion of the woman he thinks is the one God carved out of his own rib -- Holy smokes that sense of 'haqq' has has on her to decide if she should eat a meal to cure her migraine or not. Are we supposed to excuse this only because he did not pull a bhara hua plate from her hand while she was eating a morsel and so it is a 'better' act? Or is this his desperate attempt to ensure she eats the next meal only with him? I really am in no mood to pander to your ego today.
Yes he is hurting but it doesn't matter that you're hurting when you decide to cross over to the side of the evil and act in ways that are beyond redemption. Is there anything that can redeem this -- not just the redemption of the person he should have been but the redemption of the very 'right' he thinks he has in this woman that is driving him crazy. What sense of male entitlement is this to crush her self respect and still stand tall to claim your rights?
Unfortunately, viewing the entire fight, the husband and wife did the worst things to reach this point of no return as it seems -- Living over two days of an unresolved fight and an extremely inflated ego, thanks to all the toxicity that inherently forms part of the thought process due to the conditioning over the years and added fresh dose of the zeher being spewed -- I would also say being asked for because he's the one heading to the venom willingly. But there's no denying the toxicity of the constant reminders to men, who are taught right from their birth that they have an inherent right to power, right to anger and also the right to display it. The conditioning that women will always be polite, beautiful and submissive to the orders issued by the men because 'Main bol raha hoon' and that the woman must not only labour in domestic chores but also the emotional investment to keep the family together while the man can be the protective providers and dominant, at the verge of inflicting violence.
Both husband and wife made some below the belt comments earlier and made the biggest error that a couple can make -- speaking every word of the relationship that exists between them in public, allowing every single spectator to the match to collect information needed to be used for their own purpose -- all because the palpable anger because of the 'intimacy' break got the better of them! đ„ș
Virat's stand makes it clear -- hurting himself or not, with malice or not -- he does not care about Sai's honour when he's upset. This is not a first when he's done that. In fact, with each passing incident, the level of humiliation he throws her to is even more deplorable. He wouldn't care one bit before offering his wife and mother to the wolves when they don't agree with him or follow his word without questions asked. Whether we like it or not, this is his character trait and as Ashwini said, "Beta Baap par jaata hai... He has done what he has seen his father doing since his childhood"...
Right from his interruption to Ashwini's fetching meal for Sai, to pronouncing the verdict that she doesn't deserve a meal served to her in the house, to reminding her that the 'money' she's showing off is his -- right after the first installment of physical force (yes, in the stupor of rage but it can't be denied), to participating equally in the uncalled for verbal exchange between the two partners -- there isn't a single line that the 'husband' did not cross in full public view since the beginning of the fight.
So, what sense of male entitlement is this? Just like the entire toxic family, talking about what Virat deserves and what the unchahee bahu has supposedly taken from him, Virat has shown the unwillingness to let go of his rage and decided that the "retribution" is the need of the day because the wife 'overturned' his directive and refused to adhere to rigid behavioural codes. But his sense of male entitlement allows him to throw her to the humiliation ring, where everyone is allowed to comment, insult and abuse his 'wife' while he can remind her and anyone standing up for her that she deserves it because she is badtameez and ziddi?
I don't mind the anger -- the fight is unresolved between the husband and wife. They will say mean things to one another before they reach the point where one will eventually break and want to end it. But the urge to punish in public -- to establish the superiority and declare the entitlement is toxic. There are a million productive, respectful ways to hash things out and it should go without saying that abuse -- physical or emotional -- is NOT OK.
Also, Virat should truly stop his double standard of 'mere aur Sai ke beech ki baat' when he's indulging his ego in the public display of humiliation of his wife just so that he can establish to the family that he indeed has the power over his wife. No matter how wild she is, he's the one who can tame her and he is willing to do whatever it takes to domesticate her. Today, I regret to say, Virat seemed willing to go to any length to drive his point home -- that he is the one running the relationship between them. And 'beech ki baat' reminders issued only to those trying to show him the mirror -- not to anyone who joins in to add to the humiliation.
Least chastising of all is for his 'pavitra dost' whose contempt for Sai doesnât capture even half the degradation she feels at the prospect of being denied the right to spend time or be emotionally intimate with him, who has just clarified himself that he is uninterested in having romantic relationship. But then, he does definitely give her the right that should ideally be his wife's -- to speak to his face whatever she wants and get away with it, fully aware that she can repeat her act without fearing a single reaction from him.
"Apne Josh me aakar aisa kuch mat Karo Jo tumhe baad me pachtaava Hoga" or a similar advice from Venom-wali Vahini was heard -- most intently by Sai. It was said in sarcasm as a taunt... But it holds true.
The justification for his anger before she left from the house -- which stemmed really from his protectiveness more than his jealousy or insecurity, even when it had spiralled into his ego and his need to control her -- stands washed away by the way he has shown his place as the 'master of the castle'. If being denied food was not humiliating enough, being reminded about the dependency and the money she is carrying in her purse was even ten rungs lower in that ditch.
What a moment that was -- returning the principle amount of the 'loan' which she had promised to repay with interest without negotiation because "aapse kya mol bhaav karna". Kya kiya, Virat? Just what!
"Ye ghar hai hotel Nahi"... Arrey, but hotels have fixed kitchen timings. Homes don't. So, ACP Chavan, your mansion is not a home or even a hotel, it is a jail where each one of your toxic family members wants to be the jailor.
The entire exchange -- their eyes fixed on each other. What kind of torture infliction is that? It's like invisibly slashing your wrist with a blade and bleeding on each other -- incidentally, even her hand that he held in his moment of stupor to stop her was the same hand she has slit to depart to a place where he would have never been able to get her back from -- complete disconnection -- the thing that drives him mad but also the think thing that he's unable to address...
Deep inside, his conscience will wake up the moment he realises he's not only going to lose his 'entitlement' but also the 'wife' he had begun to love but at the moment, at the darkest that it is, a simple apology will definitely not be enough for the redemption. Alas! Afraid it might be a little bit a little too late...
But a hurt man can be a handful â but a hurt man inspired by the conviction that heâs owed something can be dangerous. Isn't this attitude stemming from the assumption that Virat, as a husband, is owed something by the 'wife' that Sai is? What is he expecting in return for his "kindness in zimmedari"? Love and devotion to buttress his sense of entitlement or just plain submission from the 'wife'?
So, what has Virat done to earn it from his wife? If this is indeed a "zimmedari", then it is only kindness. And kindnesses can only be returned with gratitude. Sai definitely has gratitude towards him but to expect emotions of love one has to give love, seek love and acknowledge and make it known that it is being sought. Also, a wife is as much an autonomous humans as the husband. Sai has the right to give as much or as little of herself to him as she wants -- especially when he has refused to give his entire self to her right in the beginning. It goes without saying no one apart from the woman can decide who âdeservesâ to receive what from a woman, not even the husband.
Obviously, Sai's soul force fellows will rise tomorrow strongly behind her. They will chastise the serpent that has taken over Virat's mind and he Virat will be shown the mirror. Will he be able to identify with the ugliest reflection of himself in it? I really want to see Sai packing her bags, getting that scholarship and respectfully returning his money to him because only one person has the right to waste his hard earned money for her whims -- his 'best friend', who called off a trip after all the investment was made.
Today my blood is at boiling point with the entire Chakram gang -- right from Karishma to Kaku and the douchebags Ninad and Omkar in between but the venomous snake that Patralekha is, she's in revelation mode -- from raising questions on her character to desperately provoking her to react, she has really fallen beyond the last rung of redemption she could have stepped on... It was her absolute contempt for Sai is not for the person Sai is but for a woman who she knows is the "desire" of the man who she actually desires herself. Bhavani's knowing nods when she sees PP pulling Sai back from leaving the tamasha ring and her jibes have been registered in the record of those actions that need to be condemned not only verbally but with one tight slap across the face. I really wish to see Sai doing it someday.
Of course, goes without saying that my heart went out to Sai and to Ashwini. Sai was largely silent and did not give into provocations from the usual suspects except for sending up for the respect to Ashwini and herself. What a heartbreak it must be for the 'wife' and the 'mother' of a man they both pride in -- would both of them be able to see him in the same light again. Ashwini, of course, is the mother and will forgive the son but will she forgive the son of her husband who's perhaps made her relive the helplessness that she was only beginning to overcome because of his very support?
He says, "Sai Kabhi Mera intezaar Nahi Karti"... Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. That's how she waits for him... He vanishes unwillingly, without warning, just as she begins to wait for him. Each moment that she waits feels like eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment there are infinite moments lined up to see, waiting for them to unite again. Why, then, has he gone where she cannot follow? (inspired from a quote).
****
There will come a time in your life when you lose something that matters to you. You'll fight for it and you won't win. But what really matters isn't the war you're waging, it's that you don't lose the person you are in the midst of the battle.
The loss may seem like there's nothing more left to lose -- but it's not true. There's always something more left to lose and every time you step lower on the rung of the ladder leading to the dark hole, what you have lost becomes that much more distant to be redeemed....
Aaj coffee âââ or tea đ”đ”đ” is a must to overcome the chilling wet wave that has just dashed the sand castle, which was being built by two hearts, even before they could compact the grains of the sand to make it resistant. Unfortunatel, the wave isn't from the sea they see ahead of them but from the storm brewing right between them that has just been stroked by fiendish eyes.
Saari kaliya murja gayi, Rang unke yaado me reh gaye.. Saare gharonde ret ke, Lehrein aayi lehro me beh gaye...
Can this sand castle be rebuilt on the same foundation?
Dil bhaari hai ... Am sure Aapka bhi Hoga. So hugs đ€ and love đ
Have a lovely day!
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