Virat also abusive unknowingly? - Page 2

Originally posted by: vena.cava.

There's a phenomenon amongst abuse survivors, to internalize the tactics of abuse they have been subjected to and expel them towards others and it's possible Virat is doing the same.

Virat his entire life, has been exposed to the Chavan level of 'normal' and he has never questioned it until Sai came along. He never questioned it until she on every occasion has been rightfully up in and arms about the regressive, oppressive and abusive nature of the Chavan household. Infact it has been through Sai's arguments that Virat himself has even begun to acknowledge the verbal abuse his own mother suffers at the hands of her own husband.

Ashwini has been the ragdoll for punches and abuse before Sai came along and seeing Ninad and his shameless nature, I'm pretty sure his verbal and emotional abuse of her has existed through their entire marriage. Even as a child, Virat would have been privy to that seeing as Ashwini has spoken back even prior to Sai's entering the home. When you've been conditioned to live a certain way, it takes a very hard external force to make you unlearn the stuff you thought was normal. Virat is doing the same unlearning, and he will continue to make mistakes in the process.

This doesn't mean I'm absolving Virat of his mistake or of his own continued fuelling of the patriarchal views that are the foundation of his family. He married Sai, knowing her dream was to be a doctor, while also KNOWING the rules of his own family. He thrust her into this hell without so much as a warning. I don't think even he realized that just because he had been the favoured son for so long, that not all of his decisions would be accepted. Until Sai, he had never taken control of his own decisions before.

So it's interesting that you bring this up because I'm inclined to agree. Virat, without knowing it, is perpetuating the abuse he's internalized as a result of his upbringing. He thinks that his family is moreso angry at him because he took the decision to marry Sai, and are just directing his anger at her. He is so brainwashed by Kaku that he thinks that if Sai calmed down just a little bit, it may make things easier on all of them. But no one deserves to be treated like a caged wild animal, and it is dehumanizing to continue to push Sai into believing that she just has to deal because the Chavans are just like that.

You nailed it.

I was angry with Ash. Yesterday and with Virat today. But, I thought about it deeply.

He thinks this is normal because it has been happening with his mom, him.

Just like Ashwini thinks its normal that the behaviour of Sai would be scruntinised if she does not meet the family expectations.

In essence, his behavior is a survival tactic. Ashwini and Virat are just surviving in that household, they've build up a coping mechanism so strong that they've internalised agreeing, accepting whatever everyone says just so that nobody has the opportunity to go against them.

This is why he was presenting his family as a challenge today, because it is what it has been for him, a challenge that you can win by complying to whatever anyone says.

However, it is still abuse at the end of the end. Like I said yesterday, the voice challenging abuse should be as loud as the one perpetuating it and Virat has a long way to go. The first step should be recognising the abuse and acknowledging that he has internalised those patterns of behavior as well.

Originally posted by: prs_725

Like Virat told Sai to take his family’s behavior to make sure she doesn’t leave, that’s emotional manipulation .. is he also indirectly abusive on an emotional level? At this point is he really out to look out for Sai? He isn’t realizing he is giving huge hopes to two woman only to break each one of their hearts ..

Yeah he must be clear in his thoughts. He can't think about Pakhi and Sai both at a time.

Originally posted by: luvzindagi

I am wondering if I should watch the episode today or not!

Please suggest

Yes definitely you should watch it. Atleast we will come to know what virat is going to do for Sai.

Originally posted by: vena.cava.

There's a phenomenon amongst abuse survivors, to internalize the tactics of abuse they have been subjected to and expel them towards others and it's possible Virat is doing the same.

Virat his entire life, has been exposed to the Chavan level of 'normal' and he has never questioned it until Sai came along. He never questioned it until she on every occasion has been rightfully up in and arms about the regressive, oppressive and abusive nature of the Chavan household. Infact it has been through Sai's arguments that Virat himself has even begun to acknowledge the verbal abuse his own mother suffers at the hands of her own husband.

Ashwini has been the ragdoll for punches and abuse before Sai came along and seeing Ninad and his shameless nature, I'm pretty sure his verbal and emotional abuse of her has existed through their entire marriage. Even as a child, Virat would have been privy to that seeing as Ashwini has spoken back even prior to Sai's entering the home. When you've been conditioned to live a certain way, it takes a very hard external force to make you unlearn the stuff you thought was normal. Virat is doing the same unlearning, and he will continue to make mistakes in the process.

This doesn't mean I'm absolving Virat of his mistake or of his own continued fuelling of the patriarchal views that are the foundation of his family. He married Sai, knowing her dream was to be a doctor, while also KNOWING the rules of his own family. He thrust her into this hell without so much as a warning. I don't think even he realized that just because he had been the favoured son for so long, that not all of his decisions would be accepted. Until Sai, he had never taken control of his own decisions before.

So it's interesting that you bring this up because I'm inclined to agree. Virat, without knowing it, is perpetuating the abuse he's internalized as a result of his upbringing. He thinks that his family is moreso angry at him because he took the decision to marry Sai, and are just directing his anger at her. He is so brainwashed by Kaku that he thinks that if Sai calmed down just a little bit, it may make things easier on all of them. But no one deserves to be treated like a caged wild animal, and it is dehumanizing to continue to push Sai into believing that she just has to deal because the Chavans are just like that.

Wonderful post. Really your analysis is just epic !

Agree that Why virat never questioned anything until Sai came

i am totally pissed off by his advise to sai😡 what the hell..dil kaey achaey my foot...men are always blindfolded like this in real life too.. only.10% are sensible enough to balance the family life..eithwr they are mummas boys or totally a wife's puppet🤢

let sai stay in hostel for god sake...

Originally posted by: vena.cava.

There's a phenomenon amongst abuse survivors, to internalize the tactics of abuse they have been subjected to and expel them towards others and it's possible Virat is doing the same.

Virat his entire life, has been exposed to the Chavan level of 'normal' and he has never questioned it until Sai came along. He never questioned it until she on every occasion has been rightfully up in and arms about the regressive, oppressive and abusive nature of the Chavan household. Infact it has been through Sai's arguments that Virat himself has even begun to acknowledge the verbal abuse his own mother suffers at the hands of her own husband.

Ashwini has been the ragdoll for punches and abuse before Sai came along and seeing Ninad and his shameless nature, I'm pretty sure his verbal and emotional abuse of her has existed through their entire marriage. Even as a child, Virat would have been privy to that seeing as Ashwini has spoken back even prior to Sai's entering the home. When you've been conditioned to live a certain way, it takes a very hard external force to make you unlearn the stuff you thought was normal. Virat is doing the same unlearning, and he will continue to make mistakes in the process.

This doesn't mean I'm absolving Virat of his mistake or of his own continued fuelling of the patriarchal views that are the foundation of his family. He married Sai, knowing her dream was to be a doctor, while also KNOWING the rules of his own family. He thrust her into this hell without so much as a warning. I don't think even he realized that just because he had been the favoured son for so long, that not all of his decisions would be accepted. Until Sai, he had never taken control of his own decisions before.

So it's interesting that you bring this up because I'm inclined to agree. Virat, without knowing it, is perpetuating the abuse he's internalized as a result of his upbringing. He thinks that his family is moreso angry at him because he took the decision to marry Sai, and are just directing his anger at her. He is so brainwashed by Kaku that he thinks that if Sai calmed down just a little bit, it may make things easier on all of them. But no one deserves to be treated like a caged wild animal, and it is dehumanizing to continue to push Sai into believing that she just has to deal because the Chavans are just like that.

Very well said 👍🏼

That is exactly how he has been conditioned to behave. Both Virat and Ashwini's normalising of the toxicity is such a let down. They know that it's toxic. But it is covered under the cloak of "traditions". And to keep their own peace and status quo of the 'peace' around them, they will try to emotionally manipulate anyone challenging that status quo. Which is exactly what both mother and son are doing since the last two episodes.

the way virat was advising me reminded me of my own father who was advising me to adjust so called in laws who never like me or have accepted me as part of their family.to be a doormat for kids future..my foot.🤢nafter seeing my life i have only one thing to say..not to raise the girls as emotional fools. to be more practical and bold saying no when it is required and keeping a stand in that word "no". My heart goes to sai. these people will talk all the nonsense and justifying that as they told in anger..just like how my great patidev justifies his maa and mahaan behen in real life..

Agreeing with vena.cava.

Virat was definitely disappointing today. We expected a lot from him forgetting that he might not even see this as abuse. He probably saw this as duties of the DIL that Sai couldn't do because she isn't used to it. He won't blame her because of that because he doesnt care about it and its not what matters on the first day of college but he won't see the wrong in his family's behavior as abuse.

He did notice PP's unnecessary taunts and asked her to shut up but the rest of the family has been behaving like that since forever and it is normal to him. He might be forgetting the 'deal' part of the marriage and wants her to live in peace with his family. This guy is more confused than he seems to be.

Originally posted by: chinnu_kaku

the way virat was advising me reminded me of my own father who was advising me to adjust so called in laws who never like me or have accepted me as part of their family.to be a doormat for kids future..my foot.🤢nafter seeing my life i have only one thing to say..not to raise the girls as emotional fools. to be more practical and bold saying no when it is required and keeping a stand in that word "no". My heart goes to sai. these people will talk all the nonsense and justifying that as they told in anger..just like how my great patidev justifies his maa and mahaan behen in real life..

Girl. I feel you need a hug🤗

Agree with your words, girls are conditioned to bear all the shit from in laws without questions. It all starts from the childhood at their own parent's house. The patriarchy runs deep down in the veins of indian households that sometimes our own parents dont realise that they are actually making us vulnerable for future.

Originally posted by: anjali0111

Girl. I feel you need a hug🤗

Agree with your words, girls are conditioned to bear all the shit from in laws without questions. It all starts from the childhood at their own parent's house. The patriarchy runs deep down in the veins of indian households that sometimes our own parents dont realise that they are actually making us vulnerable for future.

Thank you.