Part 3
The room was fully dark except the lamp that kept going on and off every few seconds. He was sitting alone deep in thoughts, the words from the evening ringing in his head loud and clear.
"How could you do this?
"Dadi...?
He was jolted out of his guilt trip hearing dadi's loud voice.
"How dare you shout at Antara like that?
"But... listen to me...
He tried to say something, justify his act to himself more than anyone else.
"No. You listen to me Maan.
He knew it was better to keep quite now, he's never seen his otherwise cool dadi so mad before, well considering the extent of his mistake she should have slapped him, but she didn't.
"I know you are not a very good place right now. You had a bad day at work, you are upset you're your father's words and you are anxious about this whole wedding thing. Big deal!
He bent his head low in shame. Off course she knows what's bothering him, she always did. Antara must've gone to her crying, told her how he behaved with her; it's not hard to guess the rest for her.
"Doesn't mean you take out all you frustration on a little girl. It only makes me think... forget it.
His eyes shoot up to meet hers in surprise, maybe she didn't complete the sentence, but he knew what she meant and it was equivalent to, or worse than if she'd slapped him.
She took a deep sigh and continued. And he knew the worse was still left.
"If you can't keep your temper in check around her, then just make sure you are not around her. And that is my final word on this.
He panicked. That was not possible, how could she do that to him. Well better question would be how did he land himself in such a deep trouble?
"What! But dadi how can I stay away from her? She's...
"Then you better make it up to her.
She left saying that, and he sat there not knowing what to say. But he wouldn't let dadi separate him from his little princess, he has to talk to her and make it up to Antara too. Oh god! How will he explain the little girl that it was a mistake, that he shouted on her but he wasn't angry on her, only if someone was there in his life to make this difficult situation easy. That thought made him travel back to the marriage thing, it's become a circle now it seems.
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"Did you talk to Geet yet?
"Yes dad.
"Well...
He was eager to know where this was going. It would've been easier if he talked to Geet off course, as she wouldn't refuse him. But he wanted to give her a chance to refuse. Not refuse to marry off course but refuse to this alliance, basically to give her a choice which had become difficult off late since she'd take anything thrown at her by destiny quietly as if she has lost her will to fight.
"What did she say Anjali?
He asked again not getting a reply. Somewhere he'd already guessed what it was.
"She's still stuck on Mom.
He took a deep sigh. Yeah well, he saw that coming, only he didn't want to deal with it till the last moment. It was difficult, but then time was running out of hand too.
"You know it's impossible to make your mother see sense. She's blind with hatred. I haven't talked to her in like 20 months.
"Shall I talk to mom?
"No, at least she lets you in, that way we know what she's thinking don't spoil that.
"Then you have to talk to her dad. We've lost some good alliances earlier because of this, but we can't lose this one after reaching this point. They've also said yes, if we back out now it will be more difficult to pursue others in future. Besides I feel this is best for her.
"I also feel that way. I've known Maan for a long time; it was all professional initially until this alliance was brokered. Then I started to pay more attention and concluded how it was difficult with Khurrana's initially the business arrangement but it changed since Maan took over, things have been smooth after that. He's been going through a rough phase too in personal life, still his business is all the same, unbeatable as ever and I admire this quality in him. I really want this to work. I'll talk to Geet.
"If you think it will help.
"Don't you?
She knew her father was looking for an assurance, but she knew it was a lost case, so she didn't say anything just left from there leaving him confused and deep in thoughts.
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Savitri Devi was sitting in her room on her rocking chair thinking of all the harsh words she said to him. But it was high time someone knocked some sense in him, he's been way too careless since a long time now, 2 years to be precise, especially with his temper poring all over the place, basically defenseless people like the servants or like today a child. It was unacceptable.
A sudden knock disturbed her thoughts.
"Maan.
"Can I come in dadi?
He really had to talk to dadi first, unless he gets it out of his mind he wouldn't be able to move on. And frankly there wasn't any other person in this house, or in this world whom he could share this with.
"Please.
He pleaded when she didn't reply, still standing at the door like a student at Principal's office.
"I know I upset you with my behavior. Can't you forgive me?
She sighed and he knew that was the most he would get in the circumstance. Truth was she is unable to see him like this. He's always had a hard life, both him and Anwesha, and she's been their support all along, she couldn't just abandon him now, when he's in his rough phase.
"It's not for me to forgive Maan, did you talk to Antara?
"Later. First I want to talk to you.
"Can I sit here? Keep my head in your lap, like when I was small?
She smiled. It really must be something more, something big bothering him for asking permission like that after so many years. He'd managed himself well after his first heartbreak, oh she knew all about it. His college sweetheart getting married to someone, he kept it well hidden to himself until they were bothering him with so many marriage proposals, well it was altogether different then how it is now. It seemed like that time was like a million years ago.
"Tell me.
She encouraged him while caressing his head, as he sat down on the floor with his head on her lap. He took a deep breath in, as he had to make things clear and he didn't know the right words to convey his dilemma.
"Dadi do you think I took right decision, I mean about agreeing to marry Geet?
"Why would you say that? Wait...
"Do you think your father was right?
There was a sudden rise in the pitch of her voice and he knew he got up from her lap immediately to meet her only so that his words don't spoil the meaning of his feelings.
"No, off course no. That's not what I mean. You know how it is, all the expectations from this marriage, do you think it will work?
"Maan say clearly. It again sounds like what your dad suggested and you know it made me mad.
Well yeah, it's difficult and it does sound like his father, and he doesn't know how to say this. He took a deep breath in and had another go.
"No dadi I mean that like we have expectations from the bride to be, she must also be having some expectation from this marriage won't she? Every girl does. And while it's all exciting the first time, I know, I absolutely know how difficult it is... the second time. So much more difficult.
He paused at this, and silence of few moments followed that seemed to stretch into time as they both struggled to communicate when the most trusted form of communication failed them.
"What are you trying to say?
"I mean to ask, do you think it is right for the two people with their own baggage of past come together to spend their life? It sure sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.
He stopped unsure what else to say. But was shocked out of his wits in the very next second, as
"Dadi you are making fun of my situation.
"No I am not...
She tried to control but couldn't.
"Yes you are.
With great difficulty she muffled her laugh.
"Okay... okay. Not laughing anymore.
There was a silence for few seconds before she reached to the root of his problem.
"You are scarred.
"Yes off course I am. I can't take decisions for my own I have a child to think about. Whatever I decide affects her life more than mine. That is why I didn't go talking to Antara yet. Yesterday she was talking about getting new mom; god knows where she got wind of that, I can't go ahead giving her false hopes if it's not happening anytime soon.
He accepted his fears openly, that was a character she always admired in him, because the moment we accept our fears we stop running from it and start to prepare against it. He held her hands in his.
"You know what I want from marriage right. I want a girl who will accept this house as her own, respect our relations, but more than anything I want her to be able to give mother's love to my daughter. Who is strong enough to make me see sense when I am in anger, like like today you know? I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn't been distracted, what if I raise my hand at my baby. Oh dadi, I feel horrible. So so weak. I want a partner to get my strength back, my sanity back.
He paused for a few seconds, his vulnerability was out there in open, but he didn't care. Men had a right to show emotions too. They can be weak sometimes needing support. And woman is a symbol of strength, that god created in form of mother.
"And... and you know the worst part, I don't even know what her expectations are? What if she is getting forced into this, I saw her that day she was so blank. What if she is unable to forget her past and move on, it's only going to create problems for me, for her, for us.
He kept going on and on about his worries and she didn't know how to stop him. It was like they went back in time; he was behaving like a crazy teenager fretting over his first date. Gone was that mature 30 year old man, a widower with a 4 year old child, who handles millions of business problems every day, he just looked like a small boy lost in a big city.
"Maan relax. You are behaving very strange. Here drink some water
She handed him a glass from side table and rubbed his shoulders to calm him, he'd stopped speaking but still breathing heavy. She smiled as he looked onto her expectantly like a little boy expecting all his problems to end by telling them to his mother.
"Now listen to me.
She held his hands in hers as she spoke.
"Maan, a marriage is always a risk, be it first or second ok. You never know if what will happen but that shouldn't stop you from taking that step because when it works it's the most amazing thing in the world. Nothing great can happen to you unless you are ready to take a leap of faith.
"You know about the old traditions right, the way things worked when I was young? You know how my marriage got fixed to your dadaji?
He nodded a no. Well that subject never came up until today.
"There was a barber who worked for your great grandfather, and was trusted by him so he asked him to look suitable alliance for your dadaji. He once visited my maiden hometown for a marriage, where he saw me and immediately asked me from my father for your dadaji. Then came back to tell this to your great grandfather and next I know is I was married within next 6 months.
She stopped and laughed looking at his now widened eyes and slightly opened mouth.
"Close your mouth Maan.
"You mean no meeting each other; oh hell with meeting each other not even the elders went to look what their D-I-L/S-I-L will be like?
"No. and still things used to work out in most cases anyway. Off course I am not asking you to do that, that time also Punarvivah used to happen, and people dealt with their past baggage while keeping up with the expectations of their new relationships. In worst case scenario, you opt for separation, not that I am any fan of it, but I like to keep up with changing times.
Well that much he knew that his dadi always kept up with the times and he really admired that quality in her.
"Besides you are a businessman you know no risk, no returns'.
He smiled a bit at that and nodded.
"But you know what matters here more than anything? Its how much you want it to work.
He looked confused as she gave him a knowing expression. Then smiled a bit as he didn't still catch on with what she was hinting.
"Don't you see this, the way you are behaving all worked up and anxious. It only suggests that you want this to work, and I know my grandson, if he wants something badly he makes sure to get it.
He smiled again, and hid his face in her lap again, bit conscious by all the praise she showered on him, but couldn't help asking
"But dadi what about her?
"About her, well, as far as I know about her, she was happy in her marriage so definitely she had tough time after her husband's demise. One thing I can assure you is she is good with kids,
She stopped for a moment lost in some thoughts, almost like recalling a memory.
"But off course you would like to see that for yourself.
She paused again for few moments.
"Look Maan, I don't know what her expectations could possibly be, but I know that she is a simple family girl, and prove to be a good life partner for you if given a fair chance. Perhaps...
"Perhaps you could meet her, and she can meet Antara too. You can talk; get to know each other a bit before things escalate.
His eyes lit up with the suggestion, but a thought came up suddenly which deflated his happiness to a great extent.
"Dadi, I think we are moving way ahead of ourselves, they've not even responded to the proposal yet.
Dadi chuckled at his disappointment.
"I am not ahead of anything son, you are moving way too ahead. And maybe they have not responded yet, but I believe this will work out.
I hope so too dadi. Maan spoke in his mind. He was relieved to a great extent now. He was finally sorted of his course of action for a Yes. And definitely he wouldn't take a NO for an answer.
"Thank you dadi, you are my star.
He hugged her goodnight, and dadi smiled ruffling his hairs affectionately
"Yeah, I know your maska, but you are making up to your daughter.
"Off course I am. I just wanted to be sure of my decision before I go on promising something to her. I will take you some rest now, goodnight
"Goodnight
He got up to his feet moving to door when he heard her again.
"And Maan, there was this thing I wanted to ask you...
He was unsure kind of hesitating.
"Yes.
He turned to see uncertainty on her face and smiled encouragingly.
"They way you were talking about her, I mean Geet... the way you say Geet
He let out an anxious yes, not sure where she was going with this.
"I thought you know her...?
"...I mean it just seemed like you know her...? Before all these?
He had a hard time controlling a strange rush of blood on his face, and he managed effectively if someone didn't notice his now pink ears. But he has to reply anyway, the old woman cannot be hoodwinked with a lie.
"Yeah I... I know her. Well she... she was there with me in school.
He rushed away out of the room before she could ask more questions. That was information enough for one night; he didn't want her to connect the dots just yet.
Precap: 1. Yes or No? 2. Talk with Antara.
Do tell me how was this. Thanks to all who commented on previous part(s)
I will be updating a character sketch in the next post probably on Sunday.
Edited by Sundari. - 7 years ago
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