BARSAT KI EK RAAT-(BAHE NE DE)NEW OS

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khwaishfan

@khwaishfan

Elite

+ 9

Posted: 10 years ago

#11

terrific update! well written! Maan loves Geet! his dadi doesn't approve of Geet as she is an orphan! Maan angry! he loves her bt wanted permission frm his parents b4 he confessed n proposed! feeling 4 Maan! update soon

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Krupa

@idunno

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#12

Originally posted by: sophiexx

No no what rubbish (purple bold), your a good writer I'm a hopeless reader 😳 Hindi isn't my forte and i dont know what untouchables are or the chaste system. I'm not from india sorry, so my knowledge is zero, chaste i know abit about since before wedding people look into such stuff well so my parents told me, even in the UK i know, weird.

Dadi is good, just really living with the rules made by her ancestors and what she believes in. Now it makes sense when you've pointed it out. Not a rich/poor story, but one that dwells deeper. I think I'm interested but my hindi is really bad since I've missed the whole idea, and i thought my hindi was ok 😭😭😭😭

Sorry will try and read again, and feft bad for you, Chrome seriously and you've lost your first draft 😲. Stupid computer, menacing creatures 😡😡

Wish you the best with the computer issue ofcourse and the story, seems to be interesting and hopefully I'll learn something new 👍🏼

Good luck

no need to feel sorry as you had open up my eye about language problem, you see I cant write in English those touchy sentences so when I translate it become so plain that I myself don't like what I wrote and hold on English is not that good.my daughter doesn't know to translate from Hindi to English as she have same problem like u, and it is obvious for the people brought up on foreign soil will feel this wedding concept vie red as they didn't heard of it...I will try my best to convert in English next time...good luck with reading again...

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kabslocks

@kabslocks

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#13

Wonderful update. Read it on behne de thread. But read it again. Don't make it a one shot. please write full story.

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Krupa

@idunno

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: khwaishfan
terrific update! well written! Maan loves Geet! his dadi doesn't approve of Geet as she is an orphan! Maan angry! he loves her bt wanted permission frm his parents b4 he confessed n proposed! feeling 4 Maan! update soon

LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING ABOUT DADI REFUSING WEDDING BECAUSE GEET IS ORPHAN, LOOKS LIKE I WILL NEED TO ADIT THAT PART AND WILL NEEDED TO write some words about concept as I realise everyone has mistaken dadi and maan's conversation which was according to me was the best part of the update..

This story is based on persons belief, in our society in India there are so many family are there who believes marriage is reunion of not only 2 souls but family, cast system , religion, food, status, sanskar, gotra, mother side of family so many thing has involve. here I have shown conflict of belief between parents and son, I had describe in length about savitridevi and their families belief and how maan oppose it.

My main concept of this story is untouchable, and Dalit people on one side and high standard people like pure vaishnav, Kshatriya,Thakur's, Brahmins on other side. this people will allow their children to get marry with these people on their dead body, I have not seen this topic anywhere in geet forum don't know other forum so try to write entire story on this concept only.

So in short Dadi is neither against of poor girl, nor upset of orphan ,she is upset because she is Dalit I mean untouchable she don't know she is orphan even geet don't know she is orphan as sonabai never told her about her parents, sounds like because of lengthy update and Hindi writing people have not understand my concept and I will have to do something before moving story further.

Thanks for your comment.

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Krupa

@idunno

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#15

😛 BARSAAT KI EK RAAT

Part 3

Past-

Maan was in very happy mood as after uni excursion they will have far wale party for final year's student and he was also finishing his final year and was supposed to be going for further study to London, and he decided to propose Geet before he go...but before proposing he was wanted to take permission of his family, and so next day at breakfast table he told them about his love affair, initially their parents become happy that he has selected someone for marry, but after knowing Geet's background they straight away refused and said ek achoot kanya se ye shaadi kabhi nahi ho sakti ,hum paidaish thakur hai, rajvanshi hai, ek daridra ki ladki hamare ghar ki bahu kabhi nahin ban sakti, agar aap hamari marji ke bagair ye rishta apna ho to hum apse sab naate tod dalenge...Dadima...!insan apne karmo se acha ya bura hota hai nahi ki jat pat, unch neech choot achoot, amir gareeb ye sab insan ke banaye hue kayda kanoon hai, bhagwan ke nahin, bhagwan ne har ek insaan ko ek jaisa banaya hum insano ne ye jaat paat, dharam adharm ke kanoon banaye hai...aap hi bataiye agar koi insaan gareeb ghar mein janam leta hai to wo bura ban jaata hai? Agar koi untouchable cast mein janam leta hai to kya wo untouchable ban jata hai? Ye bhed bhav kyu ma bolo kyun..? oe side we are opening orphanage, naree seva sanstha, dookhi logo ke liye ghar, bhul ho ke liye anaj baat hai aur doosri aur khud ke hi ghar mein aise vicharo ko badhawa dete hai..?where is humanity in that maa...?

Insaan ki pehchaan unke karam hai , uske ache bure vichar hai nahi ke ye sab...mai in bato me nahi manta...ye sab meri samaj ke pare hai...!

Daddima wahi to main samjhana chaha rahi hoon ki insan sab apne ache bure karmo se unch neech, ghareeb ameer, garo mein janam lete hai, wo un logo ke agle karmo ka fal hai aur unhe bhukta padta hai, unke baad agar ache karam kiye to doosra janam un logo ka uncha yoni mein hota hai...tab wo logo ko wo sare sukh milte hai jo hum bhugat rahe hai...

Maan agar aisa hai to videsho mein kyun jaat paat ka bhed bhav nahi?kyun wahan pe insaan jo ki gareeb hai government madad karti hai? Kyun wahan pe insaan ki kabiliyat dekhi jaati hai ? kyun wahan pe koi untouchable nahi hota, kyun maa kyun...?? bhagwan ek hai, insan ek hai phir ye ek jagah pe bhed bhaav aur ek jagah pe nahin?

Daddima-wohi to kyun ki woh apne karam se pahunche aur un logo ko ye sab suvidha mili, kyon ki un logo ne ache karam kiye hai...aur doosri baat sadiya prem ke upar nahin barabar mein hoti hai, jinke chaal, chalan, uthna baithna, shish stata bolna chalna uth na baith na khana pina, sabhyata,sanskar apno se milti hona chahiye, phir wo gareeb ghar ki ya ameer ghar ki ladki se farak nahi padta, farak un logo ke brought up pe padta hai, apni biradari ki ladkiyan apne ghar mein aaram se dhool mill ja sakti hai jab ki doosri biradari ki ladki ko humare sath milna julna bhari padta hai, pahele sab kutch hanji ha karenge lekin baad mein apna rang dikhayenge, ya to ghar chod ke akeli ya apne parivaar ko leke chali jati hai, ya itne paise dekh ke sar pe chad jaati hai, aur ya to humare paise se unke mata pita ka ghar bharti hai ya to paise leke rafoo chakkar ho jaati hai ya to sabko maar deti hai...is liye humare ghar ki bahu humari biradari ke bahar ki nahi hogi aur wo hamari adarso aur sanskaro ko jinda rakhne wali chahiye taki apne aane wali pidhiyan ki nasal bhi achi ho aur dusra koi apni biradari se bahar jaane ki soche bhi nahin...

Dadimaa you and my parents u all suffer from prejudice, I will show you that alag vatavaran mein paida hui ladki bhi humare ghar ki bahu bana sakti hai un mein bhi ache sanskar hote hai who bhi apne aap ki paristhiti ke mutabik badal sakti hai, aur maine bahot gharon mein dekha hai ladki shadi karke 3 mahine mein apna ghar chod deti hai aur apani biradari wali bhi scamming karati rahati hai, sasural wale pasand nahi aaye, bahar jake ghar ko badnam karti hai, nazar sirf paise pe hoti hai, kisi ka kutch kaha suna nahi maanti bado ki izzat nahi karti

kya apni biradari mein aisa nahin hota...? Bataiye dadimaa..?

Hota hai lekin jab hum tumhare liye ladki dhundenge tab sab kutch dekh ke lenge aise hi kisi ko utha ke nahi leke aayenge, pyar ka nasha to do din ki chandni hai wo to dhal jaye ga lekin agar ek bura aam ghar mein aa gaya to poore ke poore saab aam ko kharab kar deta hai vaise hi ek kharab aurat pure ghar ki aabroo ko khatm kar deti hai...hume biradari me rahena hai agar aaj tum dalit ghar ki ladki se shadi karoge to kal tumhari behan anni ka hath koi nahi tha mega aur phir rote rahe jaoge...!

Ye aap ki manyata hai hum Anni ke liye ache se acha ladka dhundh ke uski shadi karwa denge ye hamara vada hai, ab rahi baat geet ki to hum aapko proof kar denge ki aap jo samajhte hai waisi nahi hai woh, aap aapka ravaiya jab uske sath rahenge khud badal denge.Aur doosri baat use ye bhi patta nahi mai itne rahish khandan ka beta hoon, wo to muje ek samanya nagreek samajhti hai jiske sapne bade hai aur jo chand pe jaane ke sapne dekhte ho...!

Dadima- maan kitni bhi koshish karlo hum apna nirnay nahi badlenge.

To phir daddi mujhe bhi sochna padega, chalo milte hai...

Maan got upset and left from there.

To be continue...

Edited by idunno - 10 years ago

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..Maroon..

@..Maroon..

Dazzler

+ 4

Posted: 10 years ago

#16

congrats on ur first story

interesting concept

related to untouchables

maan a rich guy and his family follows the rituals and traitions from past but maan don't believe in all that

geet is an orphan who was brought up by a lady who belonged to untouchable caste of people...

continue soon!

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Krupa

@idunno

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: GurTi123
congrats on ur first story
interesting concept

related to untouchables

maan a rich guy and his family follows the rituals and traitions from past but maan don't believe in all that

geet is an orphan who was brought up by a lady who belonged to untouchable caste of people...

continue soon!

Oh real thanks you understand my concept very well.

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drrose31

@drrose31

Achiever

+ 5

Posted: 10 years ago

#18

Congozz For starting an OS ...

You write too.. ??Didn't know that..

Liked the concept ...Yeah !! The scenes maybe same but the actual concept is kinda different to me... Society and their thinking ...👏 👏

Ch sk: shows what His rest of the family's mentality is...

Geet is an adopted child, but is self made ... 👍🏼

Maan loves Geet... but she is unaware !!! She is an innocent soul here... Easily fooled well, for her own good

Liked the game they played... In that way, geet accepted the money ...

But i have few confusions ... If the start was present ???? And whatever you wrote abt him arguing with Dadimaa was past??? Then what was that in the prologue... Am a bit confused there...

And maan is in 3rd yr??? Geet 1st??? Right ???

waiting for more to know, what will happen to His love story... Will he get to propose Geet and what will be Geet's answer???

Thanks for the pm dearie

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Krupa

@idunno

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#19

Originally posted by: drrose31
Congozz For starting an OS ...

You write too.. ??Didn't know that..

Liked the concept ...Yeah !! The scenes maybe same but the actual concept is kinda different to me... Society and their thinking ...👏 👏

Ch sk: shows what His rest of the family's mentality is...

Geet is an adopted child, but is self made ... 👍🏼

Maan loves Geet... but she is unaware !!! She is an innocent soul here... Easily fooled well, for her own good

Liked the game they played... In that way, geet accepted the money ...

But i have few confusions ... If the start was present ???? And whatever you wrote abt him arguing with Dadimaa was past??? Then what was that in the prologue... Am a bit confused there...

And maan is in 3rd yr??? Geet 1st??? Right ???

waiting for more to know, what will happen to His love story... Will he get to propose Geet and what will be Geet's answer???

Thanks for the pm dearie

oh Rose thanks for your lovely comment.

To be frank I never wrote anything, I used to write sher and shayari when i was in uni, it has been long forgotten, I came to geet forum accidently, even geet serial I had started to watch after 10 month of actual serial release.

after become adicted of maneet and reading so many ff i also was wanted to portray them as per my wish, but as my english is very ordinary, never dare to right, but i always comment.

first update i wrote in ghsp family ff where someone has started this thread and everyone has to continue story as per their imagination.; There i had updated few episodes, but it was others story i was updating with my imagination.So in a way this OS is my first try to write on my own.

you may will find many flows but will like true comment to correct my errors so i can improve myself.

now coming to your concern,

1-the starting of this os is currant situation where 36 years old man was seating near beach in his farmhouse ,was remembering his past, about his geet ...

and all other story is past.

in short , initially they meet in college compound and had spark of first sight attraction, then they become friend and friendship end up in love.

Maan is son of millionaire but he was studying in disguise to keep away from scrutiny of media and their enemies as you know when the person is extra rich and famous they might have heir rivals and enemies.

Sonabai is the foster mother of geet who had brought up her ,after death of her parents so in a way geet herself didn't knew her true identity. she only knows she is the daughter of untouchable and she got admission in maan's collage on scholarship as she was extremely intelligent.

i had add some collage scenes. now so many ff has got collage canteen scene so i make it different by playing game and winning competition she cant loose her self respect and help ki help ho jaye.and now they plan excursion to goa and aage age dekho kya hota hai...?

Thanks one more time and i wish in future also guide me of my mistakes to correct.I think I need to introduce myself and little concept of story so people knew what is there and can decide whether they wants to read or not. next week end i will try to do as this eek i am quite busy.

Edited by idunno - 10 years ago

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Krupa

@idunno

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#20

Originally posted by: idunno
hi Tahir I will need to edit this story again as people didn't understand Hindi plus main concept in spite of explaining each one I am thinking of editing this story plus separate in small updates rather one big lengthy one what you say? and one more thing how to make index of this story and how to update every time different parts is I have to talk to moderator?

I had already edited and there was so many mistakes i had corected.

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