MG FF: Quantum of Solace Thread 2 - Page 9

She couldn't believe this was happening and that too now of all times. Geet saw Maan looking at her waiting for a response. "I was just curious Maan, why would I be startled?" But Maan saw through her lie.

He was getting really concerned now. Maan remembered from that beach incident that it wasn't good for Geet to get too emotional high strung. "Geet, I'm getting worried. I know you were upset about everything before we even got here and now you look like you've seen a ghost."

Geet was getting nervous. She didn't know how to handle herself let alone ease Maan's concerns. "Maan, seriously I'm perfectly fine..."

"Geet? Is that you?" An older deep voice called out in disbelief.

She closed her eyes hearing that voice and turned her head to face him. Geet could not count how many times today she would have to look at people she cared so much for with pure guilt and regret.

He walked closer to softly touch her cheek not believing his own eyes, "Sweetheart, where have you been all this time? Do you know how worried I've been about you?" He hugged her tightly and Geet eyes started to well with water.

Maan stood completely lost as to what was happening between Geet and Mr. Chopra. He tried to fit the puzzle of how these two knew each other within his now chaotic mind.

He pulled away and gently patted her cheek. "Geet, how have you been? Do you have no idea how much I missed you? How much we all missed you?"

Geet held his hand feeling for the first time a comfort from childhood she hadn't had for years. "I missed you too Uncle, so much..."

Mr. Chopra looked at her with hurt. "Did you Geet? You could have come to me instead of running off. Not to mention, I did not get a single phone call or letter or anything from you. I doubt you ever even thought of me."

Geet's heart ached hearing that. "Please don't say that, of course I missed you. After my father you were the next and only person that treated me like a princess. I just couldn't stay there anymore...I had to get away."

He understood what she meant but it was still her home. "Isn't it about time you came back Geet?"

Geet wiped her eyes of the welled up tears and shook her head vigorously. "No Uncle, that place is not home…it never was after Dad was gone..."

With that she immediately walked away feeling new floodgates threatening to pour out. Mr. Chopra called out after her but Maan put a hand on his shoulder and told him to let her go. He realized Geet needed to get it out of her system and that too alone.

After putting two and two together with what Geet told him up until now and Mr. Chopra's interaction Maan realized just exactly who Geet was. She was the daughter of Mohinder Handa, the first self-made Indian tycoon in England. From what Maan could remember his own father telling him, Mr. Handa was hardworking, accomplished and had only one weakness, his family. Maan wished he would have recognized Geet sooner since their fathers were even friends before he passed away. But then again his father never mentioned anything of Mr. Handa's children.

Seeing Mr. Chropa visibly upset Maan snapped out of his thoughts to help him sit down and drink some water. He was hesitant but finally relaxed after Maan assured he was going to check on Geet.

Maan didn't have to search hard for Geet. He knew where she would've gone because it was the place he would have gone if he wanted time alone. It took him a bit longer than he expected to reach the secluded balcony where Geet stood because of acquaintances and guests wanting to have a word with him. But once he was able to finally get away he immediately rushed to Geet's side where she was standing shivering against the wind.

Maan started to take off his coat to place it over her bare back and shoulders but never got to it. Geet sensing his presence looked over at him with tear stained eyes and just crushed herself against his chest sobbing.

Maan held her tightly trying to not only comfort her emotionally but also physically by running a hand over her icy exposed skin. He cursed his dress choice feeling her shiver uncontrollably against him. Maan felt her trying to pull away so he protectively splayed this other hand over her head holding it against his chest. "Stop running for once Geet and let it all out...just let it all out."

Geet tugged his shirt helplessly as she did just that. She wanted to cry out all the festered heartaches time had allowed to accumulate within her. It wasn't physically possible though because no amount of shed tears could ever relieve all of her pain. A part of Geet felt she was destined always to suffer always, that there was no such thing as everlasting happiness in store for her.

Maan eased his hold on Geet hearing her sobs subside. He tried to make her look at him but she avoided all contact with him except that to his chest. Maan looked down only to see empty eyes and dried black tear stains against her now pale cheeks. He tucked away the flying hair and softly whispered her name. But there came no verbal response, only a physical one.

She felt weak, drained, in need of someone to protectively hold on to. Her hands travelled from his chest that tugged his shirt and wrapped around his waist needing him to be her anchor. Even though she didn't want it, Geet needed someone to hold onto. She needed someone to be there for her for once.

"You're wondering about who I really am. Thinking what kind of person I must be to have done such things, aren't you?" Her voice was barren and eyes distant.

His one hand roamed her back making innocent patterns while the other traced a finger along her eyes. "I'm wondering what caused these tears and loneliness. And I'm thinking what can I do to take away all of it and give you only solace."

She closed her eyes feeling the fluid gesture not only along her face but much deeper within. "I don't know if that's possible after all the things I've done and sadness I've caused others."

"What about the good you've caused and the people you have saved?" He whispered in her ear.

"You don't understand Maan. A few good deeds are not enough to make up for bad ones."

"Then tell me your story and make me understand." His grip had tightened on her bare waist causing his nails to dig into her skin letting his desperation to help her be known. Geet recognized this frustration because it was exactly what she felt when he was holding back. She didn't want to explain anything but at that moment realized she had to. She owed at least that to him if nothing else.

"My story isn't all that extraordinary. I was born into a family where society's thoughts prevailed values and morals, where human life was second to pride and money. I was insignificant in my own mother's eyes. My father was the only one who considered me his own and made it his life's purpose to protect me."

The onslaught of memories of her father brought another shudder through her body. Maan held her even tighter trying to comfort her best he could. "His heart was torn between the love of his family and love of his child to the extent that it couldn't survive in pieces any longer. The emotional grief manifested into sickness eventually and he was so drained from protecting me that there was nothing left inside of him to fight for his own life. He spent everything on me and I couldn't return the favor. When he needed my help there was nothing I could do but stand by and watch him die…"

Maan recognized the shame and guilt laced in her voice. He felt nothing but frustration about how to help her. "The one person that truly loved me in this whole world died only for me and I hate myself for it…I hate myself because he didn't deserve to die for someone like me…I hate myself for being the cause to the one person death's that did everything in his power for me…I hate myself Maan…I absolutely hate myself..." There was no stopping her tears this time. His attempts to soothe her uncontrollable sobs were futile. "My mother was always right…I will always be a curse..."

Maan wiped her fresh tears away then cupped her face towards him with both hands. "Don't ever say that Geet. It's you that was cursed by destiny to suffer this much."

Geet shook her head. "No Maan, if anyone suffered here it was my father. I turned him against his own wife only because of my selfish desires. I took away all of his happiness only because I wanted more love…I wanted my mother's love…all I ever got from her was the constant reminder that I was never good enough…I wasn't worthy of a family…I wasn't worthy of anyone's love. And all I wanted from my mother was for her to care for me like she did for my brother. I prayed to God for a warm embrace, a soft kiss, a loving word from her…but it never came and my father died in grief seeing my selfishness..."

Maan looked at her in disbelief. She blamed herself for wanting to be loved. She was pushing away everyone that showed any deep emotion in faith that she was selfish for wanting it. How could he possibly make her understand the need and want to be loved is not wrong? How could he make her understand that she deserved it like all people do?

"That's when I decided I never was going to be selfish because it only hurts more in the end. I never wanted anything to get involved into anything bigger than me because in the end I always cause more hurt than is due. It was only after so much time had passed between us did I realize what was happening. And as much as I want this I can't…I can't do this to you…I will not be a burden on you."

How could she even think of being a burden to me? Or hurting me by her presence? These and countless other questions ran through Maan's mind. Most importantly though he recognized what he had to do. He had to make Geet see the light in which everyone really saw her, the true light. That was going to be one of the most difficult things he knew but there was nothing that was going stop him.

"I wonder if when you look at your reflection in my eyes do you see someone else entirely. Because the girl you described is not my Geet. From the day I've met you, the only thing you have been is caring…not a selfish bone resides in your body. It's only your deceitful fears that are holding you back. You are afraid that I'd leave you like your father more broken than you are now…but more than that you are afraid of the possibility that you'd cause me pain…that it would be you driving me to such a state…and that would be the ultimate form of guilt for you…wouldn't it be Geet?"

The tears she held back found their way again. She was torn between her heart and her promise. She wanted to be happy and move on but at what cost? At the expense of whose happiness did she deserve happiness herself? Maan couldn't see her in agony anymore. "How do I make you understand that what happened to your father wasn't your fault? What will it take for me to make you realize you deserve all of this and more?"

"Please Maan don't make this harder than it is for me. No matter how hard you try you can't fix me. No one can..." She tried to pull away from his embrace but he wouldn't let her go. He tugged her back and held her tighter.

"You fixed me, didn't you? Don't I owe you the same?" His voice trembled with pained desperation. "Maan, I don't deserve to be fixed…I don't deserve to be cared about so much that people are willing to give up everything for me."

"That's called sacrifice Geet. If you love someone so dearly, with your whole heart you are willing to give up everything just for them. That's exactly what your father did and I know he would not like to see you living with all this guilt….I don't like to see you with all this guilt."

"It still doesn't make it right Maan. I can't forget all the misery I put him through because of what I wanted."

"The desire to be loved is an innate part of us Geet…there is nothing selfish about it." She turned her face away not wanting to accept such a thing. But Maan was determined. She helped him when he needed it and the time had come do the same for her. "I was broken and you healed me. Now it's your turn Geet, you have been broken much deeper and far too longer than I have but not anymore."

She looked into his eyes for the first time in their entire conversation. Her own eyes were hollow and empty begging for love and acceptance her mind didn't believe merited. "And if I say I'm a lost cause?"

He bent down and kissed those haunting vacant eyes of hers. No longer did he want to see the suffering within them that he recognized far too well. Maan always acknowledged Geet was similar to him in many ways. Broken inside, full of blame and desperate to fight against everything but what's rightfully hers. Except there was one thing different, which he realized now, it was that Geet had carried these false notions within her for much longer. Her childhood wasn't normal. It was bitter, ridden with guilt, loneliness, and sadly devoid of the love she so needed.

"You're not a lost cause Geet…you're only lost. To help you find your true self…to make you see the real you…not the false image that's been so well wrongly casted in your mind is now my only desire…"

Hope you enjoyed it! :)