Koi Fariyyad

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Khushi

@blueangel1308

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Posted: 14 years ago

Koi Fariyaad

Koyi fariyaad tere dil mein dabi ho jaise
Koyi fariyaad tere dil mein dabi ho jaise
Tune aankhon se koyi baat kahi ho jaise
Jaagte jaagte ek umr kati ho jaise
Jaagte jaagte ek umr kati ho jaise
Jaan baaki baaki hai magar saas ruki ho jaise

It has been a few days since she told me. We have not talked much since then, what could I say, what more could she say. I did not have the words to offer her. I have been dealt with many disappointments in my life but I don't know if they measure up to what she has went through. Since the conversation we had in the conference room, I am filled with even more admiration and love for her. What she did for her baby and for herself, I can find no words in me to describe what pride that brings me. With the pride, comes the anger, not at her, it can't never now be at her, but at the man who did this to her. She says she has given up on that matter, that her life has moved on, that she had more than enough within her to take care of herself and her baby, she did not want the shadow of such a man in her child's life. I cannot help but want to take action, whatever that emotion can be described as, call it vengeance, revenge, or justice. He needed to be held accountable for what he did to her, he needed to pay for all that he took from her, and he needed to suffer for all that she had suffered. To think, I had been there to save her, so she and her child were here now, but what would have happened if I had not been there. My body and soul tremble at the thought. In the days, since that day, we have been in the presence of each other often, in the office and at home. I cannot help but to visit the outhouse more often. For some reason, I keep needing to see her, to ensure that she was still there, I had said many things to her in my anger and uncontrollably I felt the fear that one day I would wake up and she would not be there. I too felt the need to look after her, though maybe hearing about her past she did not need me to. It sometimes feels as if I need the feeling, the sensation of being needed by her, of her wanting my company, as if its essential to my being. I wanted to hold her close, but I cant say if I have the right to anymore. In so many ways life has moved on from the day, I have rehired pinky, the original project for the dream house is back on, daadimaa is more than happy with the engagement, but I am stuck, we are stuck, still at a loss of words in that conference room. We talk to each other about the project, act as the loving couple in front of Daadimaa, and act as boss and secretary, but since that day we had not talked of us, these feelings between us, all the words that I had meant to say before I found out about the baby. I had told her that she had lost all rights over me and over this relationship, and she has been action more distant than even when we were strangers. She did not talk to me as before, no scolding me, no lecturing me, no requesting me, nothing. I wish she would ask me something, tell me something, anything. I have told her many things but she has taken this to heart. Her eyes still seem to ask me so many questions and they all still gave me so answers but it seemed her words were gone for me now. Is this our fate?.

As he is contemplating this, Maan is working at his office in the outhouse. He was finishing some paperwork and putting some more details on the final blue print of the dream house. He had decided to work from the house today because she had not been feeling well this morning, and he did not want her to follow him to the office. As he hit's a mind block in regards to some detail for the house, after much debating and multiple tries, he finally decided to go to Geet room and ask her help. This way he could also check in on her, it had been a while he had heard even a noise from her. As I approach her room, I see her sitting on her bed surrounded by many books, she was concentrated on the book currently in her hand. She looked so happy, a smile on her face.

Har Mulaakat Pe Mehsoos Yehi Hota Hai
Har Mulaakat Pe Mehsoos Yehi Hota Hai
Mujhse Kuch Teri Nazar Pooch Rahi Ho Jaise

I stand back, unable to go in. I soak in her smile. I knew if I was to go in the smile would be gone from her lips, so odd that I had noticed it before. I was so used to and so glad for her smiles, that I did not notice until they were gone. Now when we meet, its without those smiles on our face and that look gone from her eyes. Now all I see are questions and mires in those beautiful eyes. As I look closely it is to see that the title of the book was "What to Expect when you are expecting". It makes me realize I had never seen her acting as if she was pregnant before. I hope she starts taking some advice from the books and starts taking better care of herself and the baby, I am also glad to see that at least now with the truth open between us, she could read the books she needed to read, to act carefully, as she should act. As I take a step back from the entrance of the room, giving her time to read the books she needed, not wanting to take any more from her happiness than I already had, I see her come aware and turn her head around to look me in the eyes. As she sees me, I imagine with my lips slightly upturned and a softer look in eyes, I see her smile momentarily widen, as if used to before the last few days, before disappearing even more quickly than before. Her head again turns back to her books and I see her put down the book and start organizing the books strewn on her bed. I politely knock on the door, to get her permission and gain her attention. Without looking me in the eyes, she turns her head towards me and slightly nods. The next few minutes go by awkwardly, with us discussing the house and getting the details put down on the paper. As I am leaving, she goes back to her books and her thoughts, without glancing at me once. Taking advantage of her inattention, I pause at the door again and spend minutes looking at her. As she once again starts reading about her pregnancy, I come to a decision and dial a number which I had obtained yesterday.
"Hello, I am calling for Dr. Kirti, I needed to set up an appointment for someone as soon as possible"
Concluding my conversion, I once again go through the routine of going into her room. Again, I am struck by the difference in behaviors within the few days, I had taken so much for granted, always lost in myself, so my I had not seen. Now that lack of those things marks such a presence in me. Striding up to her bed, I wait for her eyes to look into mine. As she looks at me finally.
"We have an appointment with a client tomorrow. We will be going at 10 am, please be ready by then."
So many questions come into her eyes at this frank statement. She does not ask me anything though, no why, no who. She again nods her head in agreement. And again I leave, happy that I had accomplished this, yet so sad that she now no longer asked for my presence or my company.

Raah Chalte Huve Aksar Yeh Ghumaan Hota Hai
Raah Chalte Huve Aksar Yeh Ghumaan Hota Hai
Woh Nazar Chupke Mujhe Dekh Rahi Ho Jaise
Woh Nazar Chupke Mujhe Dekh Rahi Ho Jaise

The next day, once again with silence their companion, they make way towards Maan's car. He had arrived at the outhouse early and had taken the time to prepare breakfast for Geet and have it sent to her. He was unsure if she would eat with him there but she needed to eat so he sent the breakfast up to her. He had read on the internet that it was essential for pregnant women to receive proper nutrition. Waiting for her to get ready, he finishes some work and waits. He was nervous as to her reaction and if maybe this act would increase the distances between them but she needed to consult a doctor. As she descends the stairs, she for once is looking at him, really looking at him again, and for once in the past few days, her face is not the mask she had assumed when around him in private but the Geet who looked at him was the one who had looked at him at the De'Mellos wedding. She still does not say anything though. She only comes to stand before him, now looking down once again. So he rises and joins her and they leave the house. He also notes that the silence today was not filled with the awkwardness as the past few days but was a contemplative silence. They arrive at the clinic soon, too soon for him, and they are early. She had been looking at him during the whole ride, the glances filled with questions, as he too had been sneaking glances at her, trying to find the reason behind her glances. As the car stops, she finally looks away from him and goes to get out of the car. She finally notices, the board on the building opposite where they were parked. Dr. Kirti Mishra, OBGYN. Private Clinic. Suddenly her face swings around to question me with her eyes again. Fidgeting with the card in my pocket, I finally pull it out and hand it towards her
"You needed to see a doctor. She is a friend of mine. The clinic is a very good one and they are very good with privacy. I set up the appointment and have taken care of all the arrangements. You are scheduled for 10:30 but you will have to fill out some paperwork"
The shock which comes to her face and the wary look in those eyes, I am taken aback by having such raw emotions looking at me once again. I cannot decipher the complete emotions which are now swimming in those eyes now but I know I cannot be the cause for them to swim over.
"Don't worry, it will be fine. Just go in, I will wait for you here"
He did not know if she wanted him to go with her. He knew that no matter how good the security and confidentiality of the clinic, there was bound to be talk if Maan Singh Khurana walked in there with a pregnant girl. He wanted to go with her, would go with her at the slightest request or word but he left it up to her. He had made so many decisions, some good some bad, regarding them, he did not know how to act now and more than anything he was frustrated at the helplessness he felt by that. She hesitantly takes the card from him and walks away from him, towards the clinic. She glances back once briefly but she does not stop and continues walking. He watches her go and waits for a few minutes. He tries to sit in his car but is unable to take the wait. He just wanted to see for himself that she was ok, then he would come out again and wait. So he walks towards the clinic and enters it. Following the signs he comes into the hall where she was sitting along with 2 couples waiting for the doctor. He ducks around the bend which led to that hall and pressing himself along the corner a little he bends his head forward to look at her. She was sitting there waiting for her turn. She looked so nervous. And for the first time I see an expression on her face which I had never seen on her face before. She looked so lost, without an anchor. As she sits there, the couples are taking amongst each other and are trying to draw her into the conversation but she only sits there twisting the ring which she wore on her ring finger. She is close to spilling her tears again, and I press myself more against the wall feeling my own eyes getting wet. I watch her for a few more minutes but her expressions only get worse. Unable to take this any more, I finally push away from the wall and walk towards her. As if feeling my presence again, she turns her head towards me. Her tears don't stop but I can see with each step that I take that the lost expression leaves her face and she stops twisting her ring. Slowly she stands to her feet and turns towards, waiting for me to reach her, towards me instead of away from as I had feared she might. Reaching her, I stop and stare at her, silently asking her permission. For what exactly I don't know, I know its not just to be here but for so many things. She once again only nods slightly and once again takes her seat. I sit next to her, so profound this moment, that I cant wrap my mind around it. She had said yes. Whatever else in the future, we were here together.

Jaanta Hoon Aapko Sahare Ki Zarurat Nahin
Main Sirf Saath Dene Aaya Hoon

Leaning toward her slightly. I don't touch her, I cant touch her but I say, "Mein humse tumhare saath hoon. Jabhi tum chaho"
I sink into the seat again and we wait for the doctor. I am startled to feel her hand slip onto mine and hold it. Turning my hand I grip her hand into mine and without words try to convey my gratitude and my love through that touch. Turning my head slightly so she does not feel the tear slip down my face, I quickly wipe it away from my face, before facing front again. As I hold her hand, I slightly rub my fingers over her knuckles trying to calm her down. Every now and then, I feel them rub over the engagement ring which she was wearing. She had not asked me how it had gotten back on her finger and I had yet to tell her. But I remembered it so clearly.

Ek Lamhe Mein Simat Aaya Hai Sadiyon Ka Safar
Ek Lamhe Mein Simat Aaya Hai Sadiyon Ka Safar
Zindagi Tej Bahut Tej Chali Ho Jaise
Zindagi Tej Bahut Tej Chali Ho Jaise

I had run after her as fast as I could when I found out she had gone to the train station, intending to leave me, leave Delhi behind to start again somewhere new. I could not let her leave, no matter what I had done wrong, no matter what I had said, she was right when she had reminded me of my words. I did need her more than I needed my next breath. I had to apologize and I had to hold onto her, just a chance. I needed just a chance. I prayed to God, punish me for my ignorance, my ego, my stupidity, but don't take her away from me. I look everywhere for her but I cannot see her, I don't see her anywhere. I go looking from compartment to compartment, calling her name loudly, but still no sign of her. Finally I had gone to the counter to ask if a girl of her description had purchased a ticket, and if yes, where would I find her. I was told that yes she had but the train she was to board was almost out of the platform. I run after the train which I see leaving, shouting at my best, to see if she would hear me and give me a glimpse of her. Finally the train leaves and there is no sign of her. Oh God, I lost her, my Geet. I loose all my sense of time, of being, and unable to take it anymore, I fall to my knees. How long I stay there, cursing myself and crying for her, asking myself why over and over again, I don't know. I feel a hand on my hair. For a while I don't respond, it is only when I open my eyes and see her dress and finally allow myself to feel her essence do I open my eyes and look up. There she is standing, looking down at me. Quick to stand, I cant believe the miracle which stands before me. Seeing my happy face and my questioning face, she starts babbling.
"Wohh, mein pani ki bottle purchase kar rahi thi aur mera jhumka ghiir gaya, aur tab tak mein koi mera chota thela leke bhag gaya, mein bus woh report kar wa rahi thi tab tak mein train chut gayi"
As she finishes saying this, I feel her go limp. Quick to catch her, I lift her into my arms. Closing my eyes, I quickly send a prayer towards God. Thank you, thank you, for keeping our fate together. I will not let this opportunity you have give me pass. Taking her to car, I seat her into the passenger seat. As I sit in the drivers side, I feel the ring digging into my thigh, where I had placed it in my pant pocket. Taking it out, I look at it. I look at it and glance back at where she was sitting. Without giving myself much time to think, I place the ring back onto her finger. Maybe it was cowardly of me but I knew when she sees it there, she would have to talk to me, to at least see me. Also, there is no one else that could ever wear this again, she could do whatever she wanted with it, if she did not want it. By the time we had gotten home and I had gotten her settled in bed again, before she was even properly awake we had been surrounded and ambushed by continuous visit from Pinky, her dad, adi, and finally Daadimaa. I had seen her feel and see the ring back on her finger but she had not asked me how it was there again. But to my hope, nor had she taken it off. Daadimaa with her worry had taken to staying in the outhouse for the first two days, to make sure Geet was ok. Since then we had been as virtual strangers but she has not left. Those things give me the greatest hope.

Is Tarah Pehron Tujhe Sochta Rehta Hoon Main
Is Tarah Pehron Tujhe Sochta Rahta Hoon Main
Meri Har Saas Tere Naam Likhi Ho Jaise
Meri Har Saas Tere Naam Likhi Ho Jaise

I am brought back to the present again, away from that memory, when I feel her hand squeezing mine with great pressure. I only tighten my hand on hers and hold on. I know this is a great chance which she has given me, and I will hold onto to it tightly, never letting go again. Never letting her feel that way again, never letting her down again, as much as it was within my power. When I think of my present or my future, even my past, it is all colored by her, by her presence, I cannot see myself without her and given this chance I will show her exactly what I meant when I say that, when I think that. My every breath, my full being belongs to her, hers to do with as she wishes.
"Ms. Geet, please follow me"
The voice comes from the nurse, indicating her to follow her. I lessen my hold on her hand and am prepared to release her hand. She lets go of my hand and stands. For a moment, I feel lost again but I know I have to let her set the pace, I could not expect everything to be ok this instantly. Waiting in my seat, I watch her stand and take a couple of feet. Suddenly she comes to a stand, stops and turns around. She comes back towards me, and she holds out her hand. Looking at her hand, I alternate between staring at her hand and looking at her. I am overwhelmed, I feel my heart bursting. Is this my imagination or is this real. I cannot even find the presence of mind to pinch myself to see if this was happening. As I am lost in this moment, I look at her eyes once again and the look in them is the same as when she had looked at me at the durgah. I drown myself in her eyes and in an instant take her hand and stand. Holding onto her hand, we press against each other and with eyes on each other, we walk behind the nurse, towards our future.

Koyi Fariyaad Tere Dil Mein Dabi Ho Jaise
Tune Aankhon Se Koyi Baat Kahi Ho Jaise
Jaagte Jaagte Ek Umr Kati Ho Jaise
Jaan Baaki Baaki Hai Magar Saas Ruki Ho Jaise

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comments welcome and appreciated
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lyrics: koi fariyaad. movie: tum bin