Ab Toh Forever-Intro Updated Do Check

Fan Fiction Ab Toh Forever

This Story Is About Love and Fight(not War)
Mainly Revolves Around Mariyam And Shabd's Love story
and the problems they face

Characters:

Sareen Family:
Mr.Sareen: age: imagine what will be the age of four children's dad
Mrs.Sareen: Age: imagine this as well
Abhay Sareen:age: 27
Natasha Sareen: age:25
Shabd Sareen: age:20
Malika Sareen: age:18
Veer Sareen

Goenka Family:
Mr.Goenka: Age: Imagine plzz
Mrs.Goenka: Age:imagine
Alok Goenka: Age=28
Devika Goenka: Age=25
Sudha Goenka: Age=23
Rajveer Goenka Age=20
Mariyam Goenka: Age=18

Others:
Manvir: Age=17
Tanveer: Age=19
Tejbir: Age=21
Shefali Age=22
Yuvraj: Age=26
Raj: Age=25
Raji: Age=25




hope u like the introduction

must say gr8 gr8 gr8 characters 👏 ....waiting 4 1st part.....write soon 😃

i need more replies guys
and yeh will continue evening

nice intro can't wait for the first part 👏 👏 👏

so here goes the first part

Epi 1

Mr.Sareen: Ok Moni(mrs.Sareen)..... i should be leaving by now... i will be late for my meeting ok so where is this abhay now
there is person shown getting dressed up in black pant coat..
then he comes down
Abhay:i am here dad
Mr.Sareen: Ok lets go
Moni: breakfast???
Abhay: Office main ker lain gay
Moni: Ok
After they leave
Moni(shouts out to wake up her other chldren):malika ,natasha, shabd
first we see a girl getting dressed up in salwar kameez and getting ready for collage
its mailka,
she comes down
Mailka: good morning maa
moni: hi beta nashta ker lo
malika:no mom aaj last exam hai late ho jaun gi so i have to go
moni:kia baat hai sab ko hi jaldi parhi hui hai
Malika(laughs):ok bye mom
moni:bye....did your sister woke up??
mallika: who knows
then she leaves
natasha:good morning mom
moni: Good morning....now you don't tell me that you are late for something too
asha:hehe no mom i am not late for anything....just going for a jog will be back soon
moni: where is shabd
Natasha:gone... he had to gome pictures for his project in collage
moni: Oh ok

meanwhile in goenka family
mr goenka and alok goenka have already left for office
mrs.goenka:mariyam,sudha,devika rajveer wake up
sudha getting dressed up
comes down
sudha: hi mom
Mrs:goenka: hi
same time devika and rajveer come down
they all leave for collage
mrs goenka:marriyam where are you????
mariyam: i am here
a girl comes down wearing shalwar kameez and going to collage
mrs.goenka: nashta
mariyam: ker lia
mrs goenka: so u leaving
Mariyam: yeh
mrs goenka: ok bye
mariyam: bye

hope u like the first part
will continue soon

no it is not bad but you have to develop the characters which you are not...
If you want i can help you..
The next time you write an epi pm it to me or email it to me at mghurye@gmail.com and i will make some modifications and show you what i mean...
My friend had the same problem..
The thing is when you write as oppose to watch an episode you dont know who is what age, what expressions are on their face and dialogue is not enough most of the time...
For eg is Malika 18 or 22 what does she looks like? Does she have spectacles.. where is your story progressing? Is it the story of 2 lovers? if so who are they? i mean you are starting out and w have no idea what your story is or where it is going or which characters we are supposed to like or who are the ones who are bad and evil....
Actually you know what i am going to take this first epi of yours and try to turn it into a visual one by Thursday 24th night!!
Meanwhile think about my comments and take my criticism positively!!

so guys should i post the second part

ok here goes epi 2



We see a person taking pictures of various places
mariyam passes by and some of that person's pictures get ruined because mariyam comes in between the scenery

the person goes towards mariyam
its none other than shabd

Shabd(angirly): hey.... excuse me.... where the hell you think you are going you are comming in between my pics

mariyam(angirly): you don't own this place that i have to ask before i have to pass

They are having an argument....when manvir tanveer comes
tanveer:what's going on here
mariyam tells her everything
tanveer:ok ......lets leave we are getting late collage
mariyam:ok
while they are walking away
Manvir(laughing):isn't he hot
mariyam: shut up
they all go away ..........

while at goenka house
mrs goenka(to devika):we are getting a perposal for you.
devika blushes 😳
Raji(devika's friend):who is aunt???
Mrs goenka:its mr.sareen's son
Raji:aunti naam batain!!!!!!
Mrs.goenka:well rajji!!!1 jaldi toh tumhain perhi hui hai
everybody laughs
Mrs goeenka: his name is abhay sareen
devika:but i have not seen him
mrs goenka:they are comming tommorow you will see him tommorow
devika blushes and run away
mariyam comes home
mariyam:why was devi di blushing
mrs.goenka:we got a proposal for her
then mrs goenka tells some things about the boy to mariyam

mariyam first becomes happy then becomes sad
mrs. goenka: what happened
mariyam: now devi di will go away 😭
mrs.goenka: u have to go too..... waise bhi she isnt breaking our relation ship she is making a new relationship

mariyma: main aisa karun gi kai agar abhay ka koi chotta bhai hua na then i will marry him......

everybody laughs
rajii:well......woh sab kal aa rahe hain devi ko dekhne check out if he has a brother
mariyam:kal is myy bday....my very own 19th bday
mrs goenka: 2 celebrations together

while in sareen mension
shabd: well bro how do you feel
abhay: nervous
shabd(laugs):yeah thats like my bro
abhay:what!!!!!
shabd: nothing

next day all the preaprations are going on
the whole sareen family and goenka family are busy....
mariyam,raji,tanveer and manveer get devika dressed up
mariyam:haiiii main mer jawan.... jeeja ji toh fida ho jayen gai.....
Raji:yeh
Devika:shut up
mariyam:raji di did i said something wrong.....chalo kaala teeka laga dete hain
she puts kalla teeka on

will continue soon

raji: apni di ko toh tyaar ker diya app khud bhi tayaar ho jao
tanvir: yeh and you are the bday girl too
manvir: yeh happy bday
mariyam: you remembered quiet early
manvir passes a smile
mariyam: ok i will go get ready now
then mariyam leaves and everybody gives devika the finishing touches
while the sareen's come and every bbody says hi to each other
after a little while of talking
mrs sareen: devika ko layee
mrs goenka:ok!!!!!!! girls bring devi down
manvir and tanvir bring deika down
devika takes every body's blessing and then sits beside alok and shabd teases alok
while servants are setting the tables shabd walks around and sudha comes there too........shabd looks at some paintings
shabd(to sudha): who made these paintings
sudha: my sis.....mariyam
shabd: queit artistic
mrs sareen(to mrs goenka):app ne pataya tha kai app ki wik baity ki ach birthday bhi hai
mrs goenka: yes actually woh tayaar ho rahi hai
mrs sareen: oh ok
mariyam comes down wearing green and blue salwar kameez.... she also takes everybody's blessings and stands behind where devika was sitting........raji is standing there too....
raji(to mariyam):iss ka eik nahin 2 chote bhai hain....
mariyam laughs
shabd comes there and looks at mariyam and thinks
shabd:(thinking) i have seen her somewhere
mariyam(thinking too): have seen him somewhere
mrs sareen: so you are mariyam....the bday girl?????
mariyam: ji
mrs sareen: happy bday
mariyam:thx
after sometime everybody goes on dinner table first mariam cuts the cake and they celebrate her bday
shabd getting bored goes on other side and switchs on his camera and roll through the pics he took and then he sees the pic mariyam came between in.......and remebers
shabd: oh yeh!!!!!!!!!!!
mariyam: hi think i have seeen you somewhere
shabd shows her the pics
and then they start having a fight Again
tanir stops the fight again
tavir:tum dono kia puri zindagi larte raho gai
then tanvir and mariyam leave
(after about 3 hrs)
mrs sareen: hamari taraf se toh aap rishta paka samjhain
mrs goenka: hamari taraf se bhi
they all eat methai......


wil sontinue soon