Five
He called her but she did not respond.
She checked missed calls from him. She smiled sarcastically at them. They were calling each other under one roof. How ironical that was! She had stopped crying but she was just standing there, totally blank and somewhat fresh as mentally her burden was on lower side now, after crying. She decided to go inside.
When she stepped into the house, she saw him sitting on their bed with mobile in his hand. As soon as he saw her, he got up and about to say something and she stopped him.
'I do not want this'
'Same here', he said impatiently.
'I need some time'
And his face dropped.
'How much time do you want? I am sorry baby! I made mistake and I am sorry. I love you and I don't want to live without you. Just know this. I am going. I will be in the other room. Whenever you feel okay, like coming home, I am there. Waiting for you.' He said in one breath and left.
She just stood there frozen. How could he accept defeat easily? And then she already has an answer, it was not a defeat. It was a declaration. He just said what he felt. One thing she knew for sure was that her husband was a genuine person, he would never lie and that was true otherwise this would not even happen in the first place.
And then she realized.
He was her anchor. And she was his. Everything they did was an independent task, in a very separate manner, in a way, but they always knew deep down in their heart that they were there for each other. And at the end of the day, they wanted each other, not in a big dramatic way, but they just needed each other to know that they are safe beneath their little facade they put on for the entire world. She loved him and there was not a single doubt about that. She loved him so deeply that even she could not make out sometime what she would do without him.
In another way, she thought that after losing a baby, they were closer mentally and spiritually than ever. She felt like they were connected by something, it was their mutual thing, their loss, their grief, their pain. Sometimes, she felt there could not be a world without him for her. And she knew...it was much more than love. It was home. And she also knew that what was left between them will not come back easily. Just the way it broke one piece after another, it would need to come back piece by piece. And she exactly knew what was needed to be done. She made few quick calls at work, informing that she won't be coming at work for few days except for some live or die type emergencies. And then she slept. With a hope inside heart that morning will bring freshness into their life & she will get everything back which they lost in a period of time. For a fraction of a second, she wanted to call him back into their room but she could not. And this was what exactly she wanted to let go. The estranged & overwhelming feeling to want him and not to communicate him about it at the same time. So, she slept.
When he opened his eyes, he knew that he was late. He quickly checked his mobile. It was 9.30 am. He was too much late and he was never late in past one year. He quickly got up & went to the washroom to get ready, doing all tasks with background thoughts about her. He started wearing shirt & came out from the room to check on her but as he came out from the room, he was stunned to see the sight in front of him.
There she was.
She was sitting with a newspaper in her hand, acting like reading it out but he knew her & he smiled at her for poor acting. And he saw breakfast on the table.
A French toast.
He could not show it on his face, but his heart swelled and filled with so much joy he could not control, somehow, it all flooded in his eyes. The joy, hope & love. He did not say anything, just looking at her, he cleared his throat.
And immediately, she shot a look.
'Sit' she said.
He took a sit, besides her.
And waited.
'I have not forgiven you entirely.' Before he could say anything with the immediate disappointment shown all over his face.
'But. I want to give us a chance. And I am saying, 'us' because I know you slipped momentarily and it is not like me and you are not perfect anymore or we are not in love anymore. And secondly, I don't want to give that bitch any chance to control both of us & our relationship. Because, we are beyond that and we know that. I love you and you love me. But somehow, after miscarriage, we drifted away and not in the dramatic way but we did. And I want to undo it.'
She paused to take a breath.
'I completely agree with you'
There was no drama, no overwhelming emotions and nothing.
He smiled. She smiled. But she immediately gave him a stern look. And he knew there was more to it.
'I can't make it work, alone. But I can try and the least you can do is, to help me build it back together, to make us who we were & who we can be, together!' she said, giving more emphasis on the word together.
'Of course! In fact, I have an idea'
'Me too!'
'A Vacation!', said both of them simultaneously.
He smiled again. Somehow, they just knew what the other want.
'Okay!'
'Okay!' she said & signaled him to eat the breakfast.
After few days, arranging & planning everything, they made it to their favorite place. The place that they chose for their honeymoon. It was his idea to go there as he strongly believed in movie-type-tales that the same place would bring back good memories to them while she, on other hand, was okay with anything as long as she can get relaxed & space for them. She knew that at some point of time, they would talk about it, and she was preparing her mind & heart for it because without closer, she knew, no amount of days spent on lavish, relaxing vacation would work for them.
Gradually, they started enjoying their days, and once they got in tune, they realized that it was really needed. A well-deserved break, from entire world. At the beginning, it felt so good, they both enjoyed in their own way, a little space from each other & small talks & genuine smiles. Slowly, they got into the tune, with all other activities together, they started feeling that bond again, like the first time they met. None of them talked about the incident, because of which, they were there in the first place.
On one of such warm, cozy night, they were sitting on the outside porch of their villa, on a private beach. They both were silent, she was enjoying her Cabernet, and so was he, his chilled beer. On her mobile, her favorite artist was playing her favorite songs & she was humming along with it while looking at the stars, a sound of rhythmic ocean waves was another melody to her ears. He was just looking at her, adoring her. It was really a different side of her to him. Of course, he has seen her like this many time, but tonight, her white summer dress, her loose & messy bun, her face was telling totally different story. A part of him knew that she was bracing herself for the unavoidable part, but the way she was dealing with it, was impressive for him. And deep down she admitted that only she could have handled it with enough patience, dignity and maturity. The more he thought about it, the more he loved her.
'Tonight, the stars are brighter than they usually are!' she said with utmost ease, without looking at him.
'Like every day, you observe them!' he replied.
'But I have more observing power & imagination than you, so I know!'
'Imagination has nothing to do with it!'
'It has!'
'No!'
'Of course, yes!'
'How?'
'Because, that way I can see what I want to see & ignore the dirty part! It's a bubble!'
Now they both knew that they were not talking about stars at all.
And suddenly he felt an immediate urge to know what was in that creative mind of hers. And suddenly he asked,
'Why did you do that?'
And then she looked at him. Her, now, deep brown eyes were on him, with the innocent questions.
'Why did I do what?' she was clueless.
'Gave me another chance!'
And she exhaled. Oh boy! The bubble broke. There came the part, she was conveniently avoiding from past few days. She remained silent for few seconds, then she finished her drink in one large sip, put the glass down & got up from the chair. She came to him, and held her hand for him, indicating him to get up.
'Let's go for a walk!'
And he got up.
They both went up to the beach, barefoot.
He wanted to hold her hand, but somehow, he did not.
'You and I, we belong with each other!'
He just stared at her, while she continued walking, so he increased his speed to match her steps. He would have asked many questions & say many things but somehow, he felt silence would do him good so he chose to remain silent and continued walking by her side. Meanwhile, she was staring ahead & he could tell that she was going to say more and she did.
'Of course, that's the not the sole reason, I let it slip away from my mind but I think what happened was an unfortunate incident, and yes, it was a mistake on your part but I don't blame you entirely. Because, one, you were drunk and depressed. Yes, we can't see it easily but I know the burden we are bearing with us, each passing day and we both were on denial, and don't deny it when I am confessing it now. And second, like I said earlier, I am not giving her any reason to come between us. It's not even applicable to me, she was never in the picture. It's just you & me. We were & we will be.'
She stopped for a moment.
He pondered over everything while walking.
And she continued,
'And I will not lie to you tonight. I thought about divorce. Not right after this incidence but before few months, after the stillbirth.'
Not that only he was shocked, an infinite amount of pain & sadness covered each fiber of his body within few seconds. Never in those years that they spent together, he thought for a separation. For him, it was a simple fact, he could not imagine his life without her. And suddenly, her little confession shook him, not that it was unbearable but he could not ignore that sharp jab of pain in his heart for few seconds, and no matter how fiercely he wanted to crush that feeling, he was not being able to.
'I...' he opened his mouth to express anything but nothing came out. So he chose silence again. Good for him, she continued again,
'And it was not an impulsive thought, it penetrated my mind after our first big fight and then...a little other day & then other. Plus, I was never sure about it. Of course, I could have asked you & we could have talked about it but I really did not want to burden you with my depressing thoughts and secondly, we did not have enough time. We were always busy, either in work or in social situations. We did not take vacation or break after everything happened. We just ignored everything and you & I, we both know, it was downright stupid, illogical and unhealthy thing we ever did for our married life. I became distant and you let me. I am not blaming you, I also did the same. I never tried, so basically, we both failed each other in one or another way.'
She took a break and looked at him. There was no anger, sadness or regret in her eyes, instead her gaze was more understanding & forgiving. And he was amazed.
'And I think, your so-called make out with your drunk ex just triggered everything!'
'I am really sorry...' he interrupted.
'Instead of saying sorry & all...can we just do something about it?' She asked him irritatingly.
Instantly, he stopped and held her hand, she protested and tried to let go but this was the time he used all his strength and stop the lady of his life. She immediately stopped and asked, What?'
'I am ready'
She gave him the confused the look.
'I am ready to do whatever I have to do & to make you do it. I can't let you go like this. I love you.'
'Loving can be exhausting, sometimes! And this is experience talking...'
'...then let it be. That would be my problem and I will deal with it.' he cut her off.
She smiled.
'I just want to be with you and that's it and I am even thankful that you did not left me, you could have though...easily. You can find anyone in the world and I am sure you would be happy with anyone because you are that awesome but I am not and that's why I am not letting you go. Call me selfish, I don't mind!'
'See? That is where you are wrong. I admit that I can live without you, I can be happy, maybe yes, maybe no, I can't guarantee that. But, I choose to be with you, whether it brings happiness, sadness, frustration or whatever...I want all these with you only...'
And suddenly in the middle of everything, he grabbed her from her waist, pulled her in closer to his heart and kissed her.
For a moment, she was surprised by his sudden gesture but then she surrendered. It was not lustful or desiring kiss, but a sweet, little passionate & affectionate. They took their sweet little time, after so long, the feeling was heavenly.
He broke the kiss first, and none of them uttered a single word, instead they smiled at each other, held each other's hand and walked away together while laughing, teasing & fake-scolding each other but they were together, and eventually finding their own way, they were going home, where they belong with each other.
***Finally, this is the end!
Please, leave your comments! I would love to your views on this one. And also...lastly, really very sorry for making you all wait this long!
🤗
Edited by iMadz - 8 years ago
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