PART 2 - Tum Bin Jiya Jaaye Kaise
"Silence doesn't always means yes, it may also mean no, But its better left unsaid...
Anger doesn't always mean hatred; it could be a means of coping...
Laughter doesn't always means happiness, Sometimes It's just a mask...
A tear doesn't always mean sorrow; it may also be an outlet of joy...
Staying away doesn't always mean its end; it may also mean the best beginning."
RECAP-
She can still feel the pain and the dried tears on papers which belong to Armaan. Maybe or no he had cried while writing this letter to her. She held her forehead and while carrying the ring and letter she headed towards ICU but her vision started to blur and she felt dizzy. Next moment they found her lying unconscious in the corridor.
They carried her to a ward near Armaan's and gave her all sought of medications to bring her around. After an hour she came around and sees her surroundings. As the reality dawned upon her she woke up shouting only one thing which is on her mind "Armaaannn..."
Muskaan and Anjali entered in the room only to see Riddhima breathing heavily and getting all restless not finding something. They went to her and while holding her Anjali asked "ridzy...What happen...kya dhund rahi hai tu..."
[Ridzy..What happen...What are you searching for..?]
Riddhima while looking here and there said "Di..Di..Arma..Armaan ka letter...wo kaha hai...wo mil nahi raha..."
[Di Armaan's letter...where it is...I can't find it...]
She was getting out of control not understanding a word they was saying trying to calm her down. That time Rahul entered and saw her condition. He took out something from his pocket and handed to her which by the way was Armaan's letter and the ring which he found when they were carrying Riddhima to the ward. She breathes in relief as she saw her Armaan's last words to her. This letter will always be a reminder to her that how weak was her love and how strong he was to bear the pain she gave him.
She went out of the room to see him..to be with him, to feel him near her. As she entered she saw him between several machines and oxygen mask. More tears of pain flow down through her eyes and she now feel the intensity of pain and hurt she gave to him. She was bound to feel the same pain he had gone through last night.
She couldn't think much but after reading the letter all she knew was that she deserved a punishment. Armaan being Armaan will surely forgive her but she can't forgive herself for doing this to him. For hurting him so much that now he is here fighting for his life. She took some steps back not able to see him in this condition and she walked out from there crying harder.
Everyone tried to stop her and console her but she care less. She only cares about Armaan and she knew no consoling words or tears can bring him back. She made her way to the terrace wanted to be alone. As she entered there again lot of memories came rushing to her. All the moments they had spent together here be it romancing, fighting, crying or consoling.
They have been together all the way their journey in Sanjeevani and he was always there for her whenever she needed him but...but she was never with him when he needed her. She has always left him alone to suffer, to bear the pain and hurt alone but he never said a word to her. And today few words from him said everything. The unspoken words from him yet spoken through this letter.
She stood in the center of the terrace and once again read his letter to her..
Riddhima,
This is the last letter from me for you...I only wanted to apologize for the pain and hurt I gave you. Trust me; I never wanted to bring you here in this situation. I guess you were always right when you said that we aren't meant to be together...And I realized I am just not worth it...But please promise me that you will never cry and will always smile. I am going far away from your life and I promise you are and will be the only person I have and will love until my last breath. I didn't know how to make you believe that how much I have loved you...Maybe these few last words from my side can tell you that how much you always meant to me...
Too Late..!
"I didn't know I love you, Until you went away..
I didn't much think of you, Up to that final day..
The music that was you, I only noticed when it stopped..
I didn't take the time to tell you, that I cared a lot..
My Love of Life went with you
Too Late for me to say...
I didn't know how much I love you,
Until the day you went away..."
Goodbye Riddhima...and please be happy always.
Love you and will always love you...
Yours
Armaan
She again cried and while kneeling down she kept the letter near her heart to feel the pain she gave him, to feel him near her. She kept calling his name in every now and then hoping that he will come back hearing her cries but no he is gone. He will never come back to her.
"Armaan...Armaan I am sorry...Please Mujhe maaf kardo...mujhe yeh saza mat do ..please come back...ple..ase..c..ome..ba..ckk.."
[Armaan...I am sorry..please forgive me.....please don't punish me for this....please come back....]
Tum Bin Kya Hai Jeena,
Kya hai jeena,
Tum bin kya hai jeena..
She then stood up and while watching the dark sky she remembered the day when he had kept karwachauth fast for her. She smiled between her muffled cries remembering his each and every antics to make her believe that he truly loved her. Her smile again washed remembering she has hurt him then too but he didn't utter a word. He had still loved her the same way..
She remembered all the moments when she realized she was slowly falling for this man. She now actually realized that no one..no one in this entire world can love her more than him. She regretted the moment when she had doubted his love.
Tum Bin jiya jaaye kaise
Kaise jiya jaaye tum bin
She moved towards railing and remembered the day when she was to operate first time and she wasn't able to save a life. That day too she cried but she was not alone, her Armaan was there too with her. That time he was nothing to her but still he was there to support her, to comfort her.
She remembered when his father and Sanjeevani were in problem, and then too he was there to help them to support them. She remembered how she mistook him every time and never listens to him.
Sadiyon se lambi huyi raatein
Sadiyon se lambe huye din
She stared at the sky to find the comfort in the moon but all she found was darkness. She realized the only ray of light in her life was her Armaan...without him everything is in dark...He is the only one she wants...she desires at the moment. With tears in her eyes she prayed to God once again.
She remembered when he had hurt her owing to that bet with Anjali. But she believed he had loved her that time also but in return she had gave him only pain and hurt that too more than he deserved for hurting her. She had spoken harsh words to him which she never meant but said to hurt him. To let him know how it feels but she never knew it will be other way round too. Today she is feeling the pain of hurting him.
Aa jaao lautkar tum
Yeh dil keh raha hai
She remembered the night of New Year when Armaan begged her to let go of the things which was holding her back to confess her feelings. She has lost herself in that moment to him. His eyes were showing enormous of emotions flowing through them begging her to say the truth. She was head over heels in love with him.
She sat near wall where many mirrors and broken glasses were kept. She cried looking at her image in those mirrors. She took one of the mirrors and threw them away from her, hating herself to no ends. She then stared at those broken pieces which showed her shattered inner self. Those pieces remind her that she had shattered Armaan's heart the same way. She tried took a piece in her hand which eventually leads to a cut in her finger and palm.
Kya Kya na socha tha maine
Kya kya na sapne sajaye
She then remembered her Roka with Armaan. They both were so happy that day. Their dream of living together forever was about to come true...But again it shattered all because of her. She never trusted him and his love enough. She always wanted him to be the perfect one as she expected but in this she forgot she had loved him the way he is...Imperfectly perfect.
Kya Kya na chaaha tha dil ne
Kya Kya na Armaan jagaye
Kya Kya na Armaan Jagaye
She remembered all the times they came close to each other. All the moments they had spent together cherishing them for life time. All their fun, pranks on each other, stupid plans, everything; She had loved him with all the flaws in him. She wanted him by her side throughout her life. She wanted to grow old with him.
Is dil se toofan guzarte hai
Tum Bin toh jeete na marte hai
She cried more remembering the last night. She very well remembered each and every word she had said to him piercing his heart. Still he was there confessing his love to her to only make her believe that how much he mean it. But what she did, she broke his heart into pieces...She felt so suffocating thinking about the accident.
Aa jaao laut kar tum
Yeh dil keh raha hai..
She thought about the time he had left sanjeevani because of her. Every time she was the one hurting him and testing his love. She cursed herself for everything she did.
She then remembered once when they both had a fight and Armaan have hurt himself with these glass pieces. How much pain she had caused to him that time; In her pain and agony she forgot that he too was suffering from the same pain.
Tum Bin jeeya Jaaye kaise
Kaise Jeeya Jaaye tum bin
She took that glass piece and stared it for a moment. She wanted her punishment for hurting him. She knew, he wasn't going to let her have her share of punishment anyhow. She was about to piece it into her skin when a hand held her from doing this.
She closed her eyes as her nerves calmed due to his touch. She opened her eyes feeling his hand on her cheek and saw him in front of her. She stared at him longingly not breaking the eye-lock as if he will disappear the next moment.
Sadiyon se lambi huyi raatein
Sadiyon se lambe huye din
She stared into his eyes and can see hurt and disappointment reflecting through them. Both of them were having tears in his eyes. Moments passed but both of them kept silent as if silence is the only language they needed that time. Tears were continuously flowing down her eyes seeing him in front of her eyes.
Finally she broke the silence muttering "Armaan...Armaan...Tum thik ho...tum aa gaye wapus...tum aa gaye..." She smiled through her tears and held his hand tightly not wanting him to leave her alone again.
[Armaan...Armaan....You are fine...You came back...you came...]
Aa jaao lautkar tum
Yeh dil keh raha hai
She hugged him holding him close to her. She wanted to feel his touch and his essence around her. She felt him parting her from the hug but she didn't budge.
"Riddhima..." She closed her eyes hearing her name from him. She reluctantly left him and stared at his face. He smiled at her and while caressing her face he said "Yeh tum kya karne ja rahi thi...Meri wajah se apne aap ko takleef de rahi thi..."
[What you were about to do...Why you were giving pain to yourself because of me...]
He paused for a moment and then continued "Kya tumne ek baar bhi nahi socha..ki mujhe kitni takleef hogi tumhe dard mein dekh kar..." [Have you given a thought even for once..that how much pain I will endure seeing you in pain...]
"Mai kyu tumhe itni dard deti hu Armaan...kyun maine kabhi bhi tumhare pyaar par trust nahi kiya...Kyu hu mai aisi Armaan..kyu.." with that she cried harder on his chest while he comforted her.
[Why I always give you so muvh pain..Why I never trust on your love for me....why I am like this...]
"Riddhima...mujhse ek wada karogi.."
[Riddhima..Promise me something]
She nodded still resting in his embrace. He parted her and while holding her face he said "Please apna khayaal rakhna...aur chahe kuch bhi ho jaaye...you won't hurt yourself. ...Mai tumhe dard mein nahi dekh paunga..."
[Please take a good care of yourself...And no matter what...you wont hurt yourself at any cost...I cant see you in pain..]
"Armaan...jab tak tum ho mere saath mai koi bhi dard seh sakti hu..." She said while caressing hi hands.
[Armaan...if you are with me..I can bear any pain]
A tear flowed from his eyes.
"Par Riddhima...mujhe jana hoga...tumse dhur..bohot dhur'
[But Riddhima...I have to go...far..very far from you...]
"Armaan...mai tumhe kahi nahi jaane dungi...tum apni basket ko akela chod kar kahi nahi jaa sakte.." She said between her sobs and her hold on him got tighter as she didn't wanted to lose him again.
[I won't let you go Armaan....You can't leave your Basket alone...]
"Kash mai ruk sakta basket...par mujhe jana hoga..." He said while tears freely flowed through her eyes.
[I wish I could stay...but I have to go]
"Armaan...nahi..tum ,...tum..nhi...jaoge..please..." She said again crying hard.
[Armaan...noo...you..you won't...go..please]
"Riddhima...please Don't cry...you know how much your tears hurt me.." He said caressing her cheeks.
"Then please don't go..please...mai nahi reh sakti tumhare bina...I need you with me..Please" She pleaded to him.
[Then please don't go...Please...I cant live without you...I need you with me...Please]
"Riddhima...ek waada aur karogi..please.." He asked her as there was nothing much left to say between them or at least he thought so.
[can you promise me one more thing..?]
First she replied in a no very well knowing what was coming in her way. But seeing his eyes pleading to her she nodded. He smiled at her sadly and said "Please be happy always...chahe mai tumhare pas rahu ya tumse dhur...tum hamesha khush rahogi..itna kar sakti ho na mere liye..."
[Please be happy always...Even if I am with you or far away..you will always be happy...you can do this for me..?]
She stared into his eyes not wanting to give in but nodded and said "Meri khushi tum ho Armaan...tum mere pas rahoge toh mai hamesha khush rahungi...I love you Armaan...I love you..."
[You are my happiness Armaan...If you will be here with me...I will be happy...I love you Armaan..i love you]
"I love you too basket.." He said hugging her tightly..not wanting to let this moment go.
As the moments passed her she felt empty within her as if something or we shall say some one very dear to her was going far away. She opened her eyes as she felt loss of his touch. She looked here and there hoping to find him but there was no one. Suddenly the reality dawned upon her and she realized she was dreaming.
There was no one. He left her again. No, she can't let him go so easily. He can't punish her like this. He can't give up on her. He has to come back for her, for their love and she will do anything for that. While cleaning her face she ran downstairs to the ICU. She felt weak inside but nothing was important to her more than Armaan.
She reached ICU and saw everyone crying and consoling each other. She didn't understand what got into them suddenly but her heart gripped as the fear seeped in. Not even in her worst nightmares she could think about something. She ran to them and saw them staring back at her.
Everyone was trying hard to not show her anything but she won't let them to hide anything from her when it is about her Armaan. She moved to Shashank and asked him "Kya Huya Papa...aap sab aise chup kyu hai.."
[What happen papa...why you all are so quiet..?]
Not getting any reply she almost asked rather pleaded to everyone to say but no one budge. She then moves towards the OT when Atul and Rahul were coming out. Not able to bear the pain Atul hugged Riddhima and cried. Rahul patted Atul's shoulder and held him. Atul parted away and was about to go when Riddhima hold his hands and pleaded him to tell about Armaan.
Atul first hesitated a little but knowing how stubborn she is he gave in.
Ridzy...Arma..Armaan..he is very critical... He was sinking few minutes back but Dr. Kirti managed to calm him but still ..." He wasn't able to complete so Rahul continued "Still uski halat thik nahi hai...wo medications ko respond nahi kar raha hai...he has to... He needs to come around in next few hours or we will lose him forever..."
[Still..his condition is not good...he isn't responding to medications.. he has to... He needs to come around in next few hours or we will lose him forever...]
Listening to them her world again turned upside down. Her hopes were shattered again in front of her eyes but now she is adamant to bring him back. She won't let him go even if he wanted to. She isn't ready to take this punishment which will cost his life. She will make sure to get her part of punishment but he isn't at fault. She won't let him give up. He would have to come back not for her but for his friends, his family and maybe for their love too.
Sorry for delay..:)
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
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