Arshi FF-Falling in Love Again- Ch15-19 upd 16/11 - Page 11

Originally posted by: lovetoread08

Hi, the transition between reality and dreams was very well shown in the story.The story of Shirin and Barkath was beautifully portrayed.The natural scenario narrated here was heart touching.The glimpse of tamil poet was a treat to read.Here you have raised a very good question which says Rama should do the Agnipariksha now??? I think it shows the importance is given to the chastity of a woman over all other qualities.Also it shows the regressive mentality of the people.Waiting eagerly to know what happened in past with Khushi. Brilliantly written.😊

ARshi FF - Falling in Love Again.

Chapter 5 : CRIMSON

I Was 3 , when my elastic of the skirt on the dress got loose and it fell down.

A boy from my class started singing ..

"SHAME SHAME PUPPY SHAME.. "

I was not wearing my petty coat.. only blouse and skirt .. ( Lanka and Blouse ..I was three ).It was a traditional wear day..My teacher came and corrected the boy that you are not supposed to sing the song on a girl like that in this occasion.. The boy after sometime apologised to me.

I dint know why he laughed and finally said Sorry. I was happy that from a laughing stock by a mere word Sorry .. my mood was changing and hugged my friend and said ITS OK BUDDY..i was in full glee.

I grew up very fast.. After I became big gal and got my first ever periods I noticed that day morning , the bedsheets were are red and I screamed with pain in my tummy and mom came and hugged me consoling that , it is nothing dear .. it is part of human life.. that All girls go thru at this age..I listened to her and without knowing anything I accepeted it is NATURES NIYATI and adjusted according to the natures plan.

Slowly my physical features started changing..Dad always said don't wear Red clothers.. It Doesn't suit you..Dont apply too much make up .. Be simple.. Don't be talkative.. He suggested to change my behaviour or personality little bit.. but dint understand anything that time.. I was angry with him .. as why he was not letting me wear any bright clothes and heavy make up ..Even for Prom or -gettogether with friends or any meeting.. I had to be aloof and silent at times.. I dint know why ?. But understood that there would be underneath a real meaning , as why they are imposing so much of conditions and being strict.

Now I was in my college and I always was fighting with everybody.. I was angry all the time.. I shouted at every body in office if work was not done.They called me DANGER, RED DYNAMITE, OR WALKING VOLCANO , WALKING FIRE etc..Yes, I thought ,my position is something which I earned thru my hardwork and the POWER associated with it had some RESPONSIBLITIES towards it.. My duty to attain that I was on the ANGRY OR FIERY SIDE..All my collegaues were telling me that I was the BOMB AND WOULD BLAST any time .. but with a reason with it..

I was ready for marriage now.. Dad told me to be ready with nice makeup and a good decent wear of clothes. I was in a KANCHI saree.. I had left my hair loose, with a small bindi on my forehead and a small neck piece with a pair of bangles in hand.. I was simple.. But I guess my SMILE was the attraction in the crowd, that the BOY.. WHO CAME TO SEE ME .. said OK .. AS soon he saw me for the first time..

We got married on a auspicious day,I was in a Red and yellow combination Saree,He was in his Silk Cream Panche/Dhoti...The mantras being sung by PANDIT, in front of All GODS, he tied the MANGALSUTRA , he filled my MAANG with VERMILION.. THE KUMKUM, He applied the HALDI on my both CHEEKS AND above that he applied the kum kum too.. He kept Kumkum , below the bindi portion , little bit above my nose portion too.. He wore me a TOE RING.. METTI OR METILU.. by keeping my foot on the MORTAR.. ( Ammi Stone) and finally we took the SAATH PHERAS with Five elemets Witnessing , All the Gods witnessing , with All Elders witnessing.. and Finally we were pronounced we were married.

On the Suhaag raat night, I was asked to wear a Red Saree, with Red Bangles and some pieces of Jewellery.. I went inside the room and saw the room.The Bed was decorated with RED ROSES and FRAGRANCED CANDLES EVERY WHERE. I saw straw berries and Apples too kept there.. My Nanand asked me to apply RED LIPSTICK .. I did and was waiting for him , with full of scared and mumbling, jumbling thoughts.. How will I react. Though I know what will happen , as I have watched many movies , that they exactly switch off the light or shut the doors.. I have read that what will happen behind the doors.My mind was thinking of so many things. Though I know about my husband little bit not sure what will happen to me today night.. I was shit scared , but was waiting for him with anxiousness.

The Door opened .I was sitting on the bed , with a Red duppatta covered over me. He came closer to me and lifted my Duppatta and lifted my Chin with his Thumb and asked me to look into his Eyes and talk. I couldn't do that.I was tensed. My whole body became sensitive and I was feeling some sensuousness running thru all over my body.Slowly he removed the Duppatta aside. He started removing my jewels one by one. He took a strawberry and asked me to have a bite . I said no.. and he said, Ok .. I will utilise Straw berry , after sometime for some other purpose. He traced his fingers all over my face and finally he came to my shoulders and to the portion where my pallu was pinned on the blouse. He wanted to remove.. I dint know what to do.. But said OK and gave way to for all his GAMES FOR THAT NIGHT.. YES.. IT WAS A VERY BEAUTIFUL AND HOT NIGHT.. I WAS NO MORE A VIRGIN.. I was a complete Woman that day. I lost my virtue to him..My Husband, bonded for seven births.

The next day I saw the bedsheet.. It was slightly red in someportion. Yes It was my blood there. Days passed ,like seasons changing his and my understanding too changed a lot. We became more closer. He liked RED COLOR A LOT. I decorated myself daily in a very beautiful way , so it made him very happy.Some time my periods stopped and was waiting for the day I would tell him the GOOD NEWS.. that NOW FROM RED I WANT TO FEEL AND SEE THE COLOR OF GREEN.. I was eating Apple pies and Tomatoes more this time.I felt like eating Imli which was red when it was ripe and finally it became dark INDIAN RED OR INDIAN BURNT UMBER/SIENA color..

I wanted to share the good news with him..but was waiting for the correct time .I dint say onething. On our suhaagraat,his first ever GIFT was a WHITE TEDDT BEAR WITH A HEART IN THE MIDDLE HELD TIGHLTY BY TEDDYS HANDS WITH A " I LOVE U " WRITTEN ON IT. ALSO.. THERE WAS THIS ONE BUTTON THERE..WHEN I CLICKED ON IT , IT SAID " I LOVE YOU.. I LOVE YOU.. I LOVE YOU.. MUAH ...MUAH...MUAH.." very sexy that was.. I have kept it in my SAFE .. so it is safe in my heart all the time locked. Funny the heart was RED. Yes the birth of a child was made of Red.. The Death of anybody was treated with Red.. The singals of the Road was burning Red to say that Danger ..Dont go a head.. Im warning you.. I dint know the importance of Red till then ..Till my life changed upside down..

My own .. somebody distant.. I met him on the bazaar that day.. he met with an accident .. I said I will bandage ur wounds ..Pl come home.. My extrovertism or ignorance or my Straight forward thinking , dint allow me to think that he was RED THE DANGER.. I thought with my white heart that he was a good Red not the Dirty Red.My home members too thought he was a good one. Even my hubby thought..But don't know his Dad what he thought what he had planned in his RED FILES .. which he had kept in his mind.. His Dad had this Red file..like Red Tapism.. something more serious and important or GRAVE FILES.. in his mind.. he was the BLACK..

Many flags in our country had RED COLOR IN IT.. 77% of the World country flags had the red color in it. The Red Roses were perernnial. Not seasonal. That particular day ..I was adorned in Red from Top to bottom and waiting for him to share the GOOD NEWS.. AS IT WAS OUR PROOF OF OUR BLOODY RELATIONSHIP ..THAT I WAS CARRYING HIS RED SEED INSIDE ME WHICH WILL BLOOM AND BLOSSON INTO A RED ROSE WITH A CHUBBY APPLE CHEEK LIKE A APPLE PIE ,CUTE LIKE A BUTTON..

Not sure what happened that day night.. he came with his face in RED - ANGER.. I was with a crimson cheek.. he came and poured all his Red Anger on me and finally called and yelled at me that I WAS A _______.. I don't want to utter that word.. How can he say me So.. I was thinking..by the time I could think and react ,he dragged me out of the room and called all his family members and started accussing me as SO AND SO.. SO MANY THINGS I DID, I WAS NOT SO FAITHFUL, I WAS A ____...

My heart which was RED stopped for a moment ..i couldn't regain my consciousness. My eyes became blur.. I fainted .. but he dint bother.. he pushed me out of his house.. On the raining night.. I was standing in mid of the road.. I was thinking what had happened..i was recollecting. No I was not.. I was crying. MY EYES WERE RED.. CHILLY RED.. MY HEART STOPPED.. THE RED BLOOD CIRCULATION TO THE HEART STOPPED AND THE ALERT BUTTON OF WARNING TO ACT ON THE HEART , IT DINT START.. I WAS WALKING LIKE A CORPSE IN THE POURING RAIN ,MY VERMILION FROM MY FORE HEAD RUNNING LIKE RED BLOOD STREAM , MY RED BANGLES WHILE HE DRAGGED ME OUT OF THE HOUSE HAD BROKEN..THE STIFF CLUTCHES OF HIS TIGHT GRIP DID LEAVE A MARK OF BROKEN BANGLES WOUND THERE.. I was wincing In pain..HEART ,BODY,MIND AND SOUL..

I dint know where to go.. I dint have money..Finally I came near the Temple where we met First and sat on the last stair of the stair case.. Crying all alone.. I dint know how time passed.. I cried all thru the night and slept off.. in the last stair.. It was early morning 5am..When the Temple Pandits wife came for cleaning the temple and put Rangoli .. She saw my condition and woke me up ..Dono what she felt..She was like my Goddess that day.She called me BETA... UTTO.. She woke me up.. I couldn't control..I dint know who she was ,but I hugged her and poured my heart out completely.. She undertstood me , that I was broken and shattered into pieces...She supported me to get up.With her hands support I got up and she took to her house.. I dint feel like eating..she offered me a piece of biscuit and Tea.. I couldn't say Know.. I had to..As my little one was hungry.. I felt so and had the little bit of food..She took me inside the washroom and cleaned me.. She changed my clothes and put bandages on the wound and made me lie on the Raddi bed.. I dint bother..I laid down myself on the bed on the floor and slept for sometime.. I woke up with a Shudder.. sound and severe pain in my head.. and was recollecting all the incidents one by one..

I heard the bell sound from the Temple..I got up and went to the temple.. I saw the Goddess drapped in YELLOW AND RED SAREE.. with KUMKUM ON HER FORE HEAD AND CHEEKS.. and in a RED ROSE AND YELLOW CRYSANTHEMUM FLOWERS.. with RED LIPS AND A BIG RED ROUND BINDI ON HER FORE HEAD AND A WITH A BIG RING SHAPED NOSE PIN ... her nails were painted with Red.Her inner hands .. were given Red MEHNDI .. OR RED ALTA.. She was DIVINE..

I was thinking .. and cried ringing the bell several times.. asking her..

WHY GOD.. ME ..WHY GOD.. I raised my questions to her.. She WAS A STONE.. did she have the BLOOD AND HEART WHICH WERE RED AND GAVE LIFE.. I dint know.. I saw her.. it was in the evening.. the Sun set and the Pandit lit lamps all over to bring in light for the Goddess... I saw her face from morning..Her GARBAGRAHA...where she was placed..They dint have Lights.. They lit the Lamps from morning... They had placed a Mirror in the back of her..I could see her BACK SIDE reflections.. I understood Why..this was the INDICATOR FOR ME.. HOW I WAS BEEN PLAYED ...The lights made me think ..THAT GODDESS HAD THE FIRE IN HER.. She indicated me that .. I was the FIRE NOW.. ANGER OR DANGER.. not sure.. But I wanted to fight.. But Thought again when in a relationship

TRUST AND BELIEF WAS NOT THERE.. WHY DO I EVEN THINK OF FIGHTING..

I WANTED TO FIGHT THIS BATTLE ..BUT WILL I FORGIVE HIM FOR ALL THE BLAMES ..NOT SURE..I WILL NOT I SAID.. AND PRAYED GOD FOR GIVING ME THE NEW STRENGTH..

Yes ..

In a country where Gals are treated like Goddess , where the Goddess is draped and decorated with full of Red , starting from Flowers, Mangalya beeds ( havala),Kumkum, saree, jewellery and treated with Respect , when it comes to wife why don't they treat like Goddess..

They compared gals with a Red Rose.. Rose petals as her and the Stem with the Thorns as him.. But he was not the same of the Spear who protected me when needed..

The blood which was foundation for BIRTH was relating to DEATH also when the RED HEART stopped beating..

When I was shy my cheeks turned Blushy Red.. When I was angry I turned Angry red.when I had to be seductive.. I became sexy red for him.. i was very faith ful for him...but how can he blame me that .. I was FROM... OR WAS I A GAL FROM___ OR DID HE SAY THAT I WAS A _____..

Yes.. the Goddess is compared with Red ,like wise the Gals due to compulsion who are been cheated, trafficked and finally ending up in BROTHEL.. the area where they settle too.. they CALL THE RED LIGHT AREA.. WHY IS IT SO..

The RED LIGHT AREA.. where men come for pleasure paying so much HARD EARNED , BLOOD SWEAT earned MONEY.. forgetting their wife and children to get HIV.. or seek pleasure.. why that area too was called with RED..

I guess.. THE COUNTRY INDIA IS RED.. or we find lot of RED..

YES.. I RELATE HERE the POVERTY AND PEOPLE of the lower class too with RED.. Many people due to poverty end up coming to the business..For a session food..they have to sell themselves..

He did compare me or say that word ___ .. Was I so..

I Aint.. Im not...

****

Kushi was sitting near the window of the train.. she was travelling from Bombay to Pune..She was recollecting all these things in the train travel..Tears poured down like the Ganges.. yes.. she was the ganges.. Perennial..

She came out of her trance ,when some kids were singing ...They were singing..

PARDESI PARDESI JAANA NAHI...

THEN

DILWALE DULHANIYA LE JAAYENGE...

I was thinking the other way round.. Pardesi pardesi .. Jaao tum meri Zindagi Se.. I thought and wiped my tears.. Dulhaniya Lejayenge..MY FOOT .. I THOUGHT and Got up..

I Came near the Kids.. I took 500 Rupee note from my purse and gave them the money.. Their eyes LIT UP like thousand watts.. Light.. They were happy and suddenly tears in their eyes.. they said.. aunty pl take this money..it is huge amount and we cannot take it .. pl ..I know it is ur salary or so.. pl take it..I was wondering ...these small kids ...they do have discipline and good morals in life..

I took the money and hugged them and said..NO BACHCHE.. This money is for you guys..For Food.. pl have.. they hugged her back..She dint mind them being dirty with dirty clothes and shabbily dressed..

THEIR SMILE WAS THE ONE WHICH CHARGED UP HER SPIRIT AND THEIRS LIKE

RED APPLE TREE OR RED CANYAN OR RED BOMB..

She felt the content of her living in the world for the umpteenth time and walked straight..walking Tall...

Her Head as High.. with Straight legs..

SHE IS KUSHI.. KUSHI _____

AS OF NOW SHE IS ONLY KUSHI..

Originally posted by: kshubhangi

This is brilliant chapter. Looks like my thoughts are penned down. I pride myself in being a woman.