Chapter 11 : The heart of the matter
Two days ago, Khushi had with brevity claimed, she would get married again. Now, two days later, she was immensely regretting her decision. The pinnacle of her being was stumped at how she was to find someone in such a short span of time. It wasn't as if men were lining up at her doorstep begging to be her would-be husband, nope; her luck had run dry at that end. There were certain lines she'd come to draw around herself over the years; somewhat like a coping mechanism for the fear that still continued to pierce her heart. To her mortification, she withdrew even when her own brother touched her. The shock of that revelation had been brutal and tantamount to being alarming for how deep her scars ran.
'' Khushi, don't doubt yourself. I am sure you will win the case just don't give Neel the chance to get inside your head. Anyway, Aman told me Ashok is doing everything he can to make sure you have a strong case when it comes to the hearing. When do the family service people start doing their routinely check-ups?''
'' Two weeks. What am I going to do? I don't know if I can do it again.''
'' Any idea on who this future husband might be? ''
Khushi chucked away the cushion she held in her arms and groaned. '' I think I am going to wait for prince charming to fall out of the sky- but wait, I already found him and he turned out to be the big bad wolf in disguise. ''
Kinjal grimaced at her sister-in-laws clipped tone and retaliated instantly. '' Don't let that one mistake dictate how the rest of your life will turn out to be. It is one thing to feel defeated, another to throw in your armor and pronounce yourself as a failure. Each day is a constant battle and what makes you is your mettle to resist those who want you to surrender. Never surrender, when you can be so much more, Khushi. You have so much waiting for you and I worry that you are trying to push away the one thing you need most in your life. We all need somebody; the one thing that is constant in humans is the need to be accepted and to belong. I know people say, they don't need anyone or that letting people inside only adds to their pain but that's life. It's the bruises and patches; the more you fall, the higher you get to stand. Don't ever see the necessity of love as a burden, it's a exhilarating experience...almost liberating in a way. ''
'' I've learned that even surrender has its own braveness to it; yes, we are told to fight when it gets bad, but sometimes giving in and accepting your weakness is still worth something, especially... '' Khushi whispered, her stomach ached, and she felt raw and torn inside. '' Especially, when it's the only choice you have left. Our courage isn't only determined by our will to stand tall, sometimes it is accepting the need to hide underneath a blanket, when you hear the thunder rumble in the near distance. ''
'' You are completely right. Here, let's try something. When my parents told me they had already fixed my marriage to your brother after my graduation, I was completely against the idea. Anyway one day, I was sitting at my desk at work and wondering just random things and your brother kept on popping into my mind. Even when I would close my eyes and tried to push him away; he would keep on coming back. I guess after that day, I've tried to pass every obstacle in my life with him or through him... ''
'' I guess it couldn't hurt...'' Khushi sat up straight and angled herself in Kinjal's direction. Once they were face to face, she waited for further instructions.
'' Close your eyes. Now think about that one person who has been there to help you at the most unlikely times. Someone who you may not necessarily like but they in an odd way understand you, someone who can make you smile and angry too. Yes, anger is very important and healthy too. ''
Khushi focused the fragile reserves of her heart and went in search of that ''someone''. No one particular popped into her mind instantly. At first, all she saw was darkness and it enveloped her inch by inch, but suddenly she was led back to a memory that felt so familiar but seemed like a distant dream.
'' Here',' Arnav said, dropping the anklet into her right palm. ''This is your mother's right? ''
Khushi stood near her locker door with her books still snug in her left arm. She suspiciously eyed the silver chain and closed her fingers over it, '' How did you know? '' Mimicking a smile to a passing by friend, she reverted her gaze back to Arnav. '' How do you know this anklet belongs to my mother? ''
'' I just know. '' Tugging on the belt-loops of his jeans, he awkwardly fixed his backpack.
'' But, how? ''
He appeared to be hesitating with his response, but eventually spoke. '' You told me. Remember, when we were at that Jai's party and we were locked away in that closet. The stupid five minutes in heaven game? You were wearing a white dress and you spilled something on it and I ended up giving you my jacket - You had been crying then. I asked you if you were crying because of the dress and you refused, but eventually you accepted and in your rambling you also told me about your mother's anklets and how you had found them that day. You were sad that you would never get to hear that chime in your house again. And, I...''
''... You said I should start wearing them that way she would always be with me.'', Khushi completed, surprised, he had such a clear recollection of that night, whereas she only had a vague remembrance of it. She stood for a moment staring foolishly at him. '' I can't believe you remember that. Where did you find it? I thought I had lost it. ''
Feeling uneasy, Arnav shrugged. '' Yeah, whatever, I have to go...''
'' Wait...thank you. '' Khushi sweetly touched his arm and grinned. '' You found my mother's anklet; they are very precious to me. Thank you once again. ''
Khushi opened her eyes, her lids heavy and hooded. She didn't what she was more scared of, revealing what she had seen, or believing in what her heart was trying to tell her. No, this was wrong. Some signals had definitely been mixed-up. She couldn't possibly be thinking about the Arnav Singh Raizada. There was grim panic inside, and she didn't where to rightly place her disbelief exceedingly overwhelmed by it. Her thoughts and her heart had outright betrayed her by leading her towards the last person she expected to see. There couldn't a deeper meaning infused in there; it was merely a flash of memory.
Kinjal eye brows creased with concern as she read Khushi's distress, '' so, who did you see? ''
Standing up, Khushi grabbed her purse from the table. '' Uhmm, I have to go and pick up Sarah. ''
'' But, Khushi who did you see? I felt jilted when I saw your brother also! The most scariest moment of my life. ''
'' Well, it does make sense; my brother and him are like two peas from a pod. '' Khushi glowered; well, there went her plan of coveting the whole thing.
Kinjal gasped, and placed her hand against her lips her frayed shock evident. '' Oh...you..oh Khushi, you saw Arnav? '' Once the shock subsided, there was pleasant warmth in her voice as she hugged Khushi. '' I can't believe I never thought of that. ''
'' Kinjal just because I saw him doesn't mean I am going to land up at his doorsteps and propose. ''
Perhaps, it was only Kinjal, but she could see so much potential there. Lamenting herself for not coming up with this idea, she grinned widely despite the disappointment on Khushi's face.
'' Stop that. No groom. And, definitely not Raizada. That is a big NO! '' She said with ill-concealed distaste.
'' Yes. ''
'' No. No. No. No. '' With finality in her tone, Khushi smashed the door on her way out.
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Walking around the curve of the desk, Arnav sighed with displeasure. If there was one thing, he wasn't used to; it was the feeling of restlessness. Ever since, his conversation with Khushi two days ago, something strange had started to weave inside him. To think, there was work on his desk, appointments waiting to be cleared and still nothing. He couldn't get himself to concentrate at something that allowed him to thrive over the last few years.
His company had granted him all the galore of wealth and status; he was currently the one name at the top of every list in social gatherings, and woman, well they practically threw themselves at him. Yet, since his relation with Samara he had always maintained a 'no strings attached' status quo. It was a lot easier and avoided the emotional mess it could turn out to be later on.
Any kind of emotional attachment and dependency on another no longer interested him. It wasn't the idea of carrying a relation as much as the idea of staying faithful that forced him to not become dependent on someone once again. Somewhat like, once bitten, twice shy.
A while ago, he had come upon a stark understanding of not allowing life to bring him down. He would take everything in his stride; the good or the bad. Not surprisingly, the bad had been upfront in his life, from the time his father died of an overdose; he could still remember sterile scent of the hospital, to the day his mother ran away leaving him and Anjali with their grandmother. The feeling of being given up on wasn't anything new. Niyati Singh Raizada had brought them up well to the best of her ability, but there were always shortages. Sometimes he did complain of the audacity of life; one of the nearest memories he had was asking his grandmother, why his friends had new bikes every year while he didn't even have one. The constant battle of inferiority complex had only heightened when Samara walked out on him, becoming his life-long plague. He had been nothing but a fresh out of college graduate with big dreams but nothing to show for it. She took the next exit out when it hit her; she had a whole world waiting for her, whereas his view was limited.
Now four years later, he had climbed the ladder of the corporate world with success after success. It was what had been expected of him. He was proud of where he stood today, but still his life was amiss, nowhere near completion.
'' Sir, the charity function tonight, would you like the limousine to pick you up from the RM, or should I address them here? ''
Arnav looked up and nodded. '' Lavanya, please cancel my 3.30 appointment and reschedule it to another day. Also, I will be leaving for the charity gala from my house. ''
Taking his words into consideration, she nodded and jotted down something quickly on her notepad. '' Will that be all, Sir? ''
'' For now, yes. ''
Lavanya exited from the office as quietly as she had come in, leaving Arnav to ponder over his recurring thoughts. None were meant to please him.
Later that evening, underneath the dainty chandeliers, Arnav graced his lovely companion with his swarming presence looking dapper in the black and white tuxedo. He gently took her hand into his own, twirling her onto the dance floor with a rigid elegance. The swayed to the harmonic tunes abashedly filled with solitary fantasies, which were all too suggestive. Surrounded by couples, they crisscrossed over them falling into a subtle pattern sweeping into small spaces in between.
'' It is a pity really to be in the arms of a handsome man, and yet have him be so far. Perhaps, a testament to my companionship...am I really that- how do you say it? Oh yes, boring? '' Maya questioned, appearing to be momentarily offended.
Maya Ghai was a part owner of one of the most renowned companies and the brain behind H.R Consolidated success. She was also, a true dusky beauty, with her eyes forging the graininess of a fine whiskey, and her lips red as a sin. '' I am waiting for your response, Mr. Raizada. ''
'' I don't think my response will please you either way? '' Arnav had meant it as a question, searching her eyes for that flicker of understanding, pleased greatly when she acquiesced.
However, she also went two steps-ahead by leaning closer and whispering into his ear. '' I thought you my bird and built you a nest in my heart. ''
'' What is that suppose to mean? '', befuddled by her quaint reply, Arnav arched his brow. They still continued to glide across the wooden tiles, their steps; like beats of a heart, never missing one or tripping over the other.
'' It is a saying in my country for a forlorn lover. I can see you staring at the woman in the far off corner with the child in her arms. She was your bird, wasn't she? ''
Arnav shook his head vehemently, but later conceded with a bow of his head. Yes, he had been occasionally glancing in Samara's direction. It been a year since he had seen her in person, she still looked as radiant as ever, maybe even more beautiful with the child. When he had decided to attend tonight's function, he was well aware of her being present, but he had still gone ahead with it. It was a test for himself, and his new resolution; if he could withstand to be in the same room as her and not drag her off somewhere, he was probably on the right path. Surprisingly, a look back once or twice, only strengthened his resolve. It occurred to him that while her betrayal still left him sore, he was no longer seeing her as the woman he once loved. He wasn't seeing her as his any longer.
'' You built a nest in your heart for her. You still continue to tend to it, even though she has flown away. It is time to clear out those straws; otherwise they will only prick you, therefore always reminding you of her. '' Maya, informed him, her lips stretching into a formidable smile. '' You are a handsome man, I am sure you will find someone; except this time you both could built that nest together, which would become your home. ''
Dipping her low, flush against his body, Arnav smiled, '' you are quite beautiful. ''
Maya blushed and hugged him, as he brought her upward. '' Must you force me to break your heart?'' Holding up her hand, she pointed towards her ring finger which was occupied with a square-cut diamond ring. '' You are sadly a little late, if only you had found me earlier. ''
'' I think that can be arranged.'' Arnav said with a charming smile that could just about win over the crudest of hearts.
Maya reached up and placed an affectionate kiss on his cheek. '' Thank you for that lovely dance.''
He took her hand, brushing his lips against the silken glove that reached up to her forearms, '' the pleasure was all mine, Maya. ''
The night withered away; people were everywhere, some on the dance floor, others near the bar, and most were indulging themselves with tonight's menu whipped up by the city's most renowned chef. It might have been a charity function, but it amounted to being the same social highlight as would any other party. Everyone who was a someone was here, and well to have been absent on a night like this would have only left you the star of the tabloids with their racketeering tag lines and most absurd presumptions.
There were two groups of people attending tonight; one who were here to build their status in the public eye, and the second were genuine people whose intentions were sincere towards the cause at hand.
Arnav Singh Raizada belonged somewhere in the middle; his principles might have led him to this event, but his motives were purely selfish.
'' Now, if one sees Arnav Singh Raizada at the Charity ball, you have to think he has made a niche for himself. ''
Arnav could have easily recognized that deep, throaty voice anywhere. Drawing up beside him, the old man pulled on his jacket lapels, rocking back on his heels. His signature drink sitting in his right hand and that impervious smile glistening ever so brightly.
'' It appears I have ruffled quite a few feathers with my niche, or was that when your daughter ran away with me? '' Sparing him a scathing glance, Arnav smirked.
Lalit Mohan grimaced, his smile faltering at Arnav's response, and with a true politicians knack for equivocation, he amended his previous words. '' Let bygones be bygones! Look how far you have come? '' Finishing his brandy in one sip, he patted the young lad on the back. '' Oh but I suppose, how could we let the past remain in the past? I mean without my daughter's help you would have been nothing. ''
'' Your daughter's only aid to my life has been her decision to walk away from me. I would have sent her a thank you card but I was too busy with my company. '' Arnav knew what money meant to a man like Lalit; he was someone who measured people by the amount of wealth they had stashed away in their vaults.
'' Exactly, if she hadn't walked away, imagine where would you be now? '' If there was something Lalit knew well, it was using his words to evoke any kind of reaction he wanted. Which, of course, worked in his favor in terms of his professions, but it also revealed his deceit which hid underneath the concealment of his words.
Uncharacteristically, Arnav found himself scathing at Lalit's words. '' There is no use of wondering over the 'if's' because where I am now is what is important. ''
'' You might be right, but this 'now' you speak of has only been granted to you because of Samara's last wish before...'', Lalit trailed off with a conspiratorial smile.
Detesting himself for being curious, Arnav cringed. '' Why don't you just come out and say whatever you are trying to tell me? Don't beat around the bush with me, Lalit Mohan! ''
'' All I am saying is when my daughter ever so foolish decided to run away with a low-life like you, I had to undo the damage she had done. I gave her two options and either way she would come back to me. First was to stay with you and eventually watch you get arrested under the charges of kidnapping a politician's daughter for ransom, and the other was to leave you in exchange for me not taking up any action against you. I think you know which route she decided to go with... I suppose my job did come very handy at some crucial moments.''
Drinking and the unwarranted truth was always a lethal mixture. Over the next few minutes, Arnav found himself nauseated by the magnitude of his feelings. The muscle in his jaw twitched in annoyance, a pure tell-tale sign of his anger, the anger he hadn't yet learned to control. It was imperative to be clear minded, but given Lalit's confident manner; there was no room for suspicion left. He was indeed telling the truth. It of course explained a lot of the unanswered questions of his mind.
His grip on the glass tightened immensely, and his teeth gritted against one another to prevent himself from saying something he might regret later on. Stepping into the hallway, Arnav hurried down the narrow passage rushing past nameless faces and once he reached outside; the glass in his hand smashed against the concrete road.
Quickly breathing in the cold air, his lungs pumped at minimal speed trying to match up to his racing heart. He blinked once, twice, craving the bracing effects of the liquor that might soothe away the storm welling inside him, but to his dismay it only bolstered the fire burning in the pit of his stomach.
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The continuous telephone ringing eventually drained away any sleep she had left in her, forcing her to wake up. As any normal person would, Anjali raggedly spoke into the receiver her voice still heavy with slumber. ''Hi, is this the household of Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada?''
'' Yes, it is. Who is this? '' Turning on the lamp on the side-table, she sat up against the headboard sensing a irrational worry slither up her spine. '' Is everything okay? I am Arnav's sister. ''
'' It is unfortunate of me to inform you, Mr. Raizada has been brought into the hospital following a car crash that was reported to be set at 2 am. There were no other cars involved, he crashed into a nearby pole.''
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5k3XbsGf5w[/YOUTUBE]
^^I have never seen this show, but this song is beautiful.
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'' I thought you my bird and built a nest in my heart'' - Unknown.
Hi guys, I hope you like the update. I think after Khushi filled updates, Arnav deserves some focus also!! I am missing Arnab-Sarah too, but don't worry loads on them coming up! I think this truth at this point was pivotal for this story.
Please do excuse any mistakes! I have read over it several times, but I know there will be loads of mistakes still!
Would love to know your views on the updates, as always. Take care.
Edited by InvisibleSmile - 11 years ago
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