SwaRon OS: life and death in a moment

hello people!! it is my first ever work on SwaRon. i am not sure whether its worth or not but i would really appreciate it if you all will take some of your precious time to read this work of mine!!

SwaRon OS

Life and death in a Moment

It seems that my life has came to an end, I can't live anymore, I am going to die, My life has came to halt, rather a very drastic halt, which I never imagined in most frightening dreams. But how can this happen to me? This very question is haunting me. My heart wants to live and wants to live my life to fullest but my body doesn't seem to co-ordinate with my heart. They seem to be poles apart. My heart wants to live, to make my love SHARON forever mine, to make her fall in love with me, but I can't. I can see she is slowly falling for me, But NO, I can't love her. How can I be so selfish to only think about myself? How Can I ruin her life with my presence? She should be happy but her happiness doesn't lie with me. She deserves happiness. I should leave her. Yes, I should leave her life, go far away from her. I should go somewhere that she can't see me, that she can forget me; somewhere I can FORGET her..?? But whom I am fooling? Myself? How can I ever think about forgetting her? When I very well know that she lives in my heart. She owns a permanent residence here. This was when I felt something salty on my lips and realized that I am crying... But why? Because I will have to leave my love. But I can't do anything about it. And that's when I saw bright yellow light flashing in front of me and I realized that I was walking in middle of road and a giant truck is proceeding towards me. I can't run, and save my life, my body went numb, eyes closed. Here I was thinking to leave her, but it seems that my soul is leaving me. But within nano seconds, I heard someone calling my name, rather shouting it. But wait, I have heard this voice, ohh!! How can I not recognize my love's voice, as sweet as honey' I can be mushy also in most drastic times of my life. I came in terms with one more quality, or uniqueness or something; I don't know what I should term this thing. Here I was lost somewhere, when I heard a loud thud, and when I opened my eyes to see where I am I saw myself in arms of my love. I thought I am in heaven, she is looking angelic, but wait I have read in books that heaven is not a dark place, but where I am now seems to be a road. Heaven doesn't have roads. And if it is heaven what is she doing here. Am I dreaming? But no, we are lying on road. She saved my life from that truck. That is when I noticed her. I must say, she is looking pretty in white. She is looking beautiful. Her hairs flying in air like free birds. Her eyes lost in me, conveying hundred of unspoken emotions. OMG!! Only I can think like that in such circumstances and conditions of my life. Now I think, I am one piece created by God and that's why He is now calling me. But instead of all this things I can't help it; I can't stop admiring her beauty. And that's when I heard her yelling at me and I came out of my Sharon land'

"Are u fool? Insane, mad and what not?? Can't you see a giant size of truck proceeding towards you or did u need invitation to move from there? Do you have any sense? And what the hell got into you that you are walking in the middle of road and that too at this hour of night? Answer me Mr. Shekhwat?"

That's when I noticed that it was 2:00 am but I was not shocked because I know I was very much engrossed in my thoughts to keep check on time. But I don't know why I was feeling happy? Sharon is right, I have gone mad. I am feeling so many interwoven emotions at a time that I don't know for which I should respond for? I should smile because I am feeling happy at her concern for me or I should be sad because I will have to leave her. CONFUSED!! I am hell confused. Sharon was continuously blabbering something for which my hearing senses were not-at-all responding. Only I could see her, admire her, her eyes, her nose, her lips, her beautiful face. That's when I noticed Sharon eyes were questioning me something. I don't know what? But when I heard her say, I chuckled

"What do you think of yourself Mr. Shekhawat? I am talking to you and you are smiling. Will you oblige me with your answers? Oh God! You have gone nuts."

I know why I was smiling because my happiness overpowered my sadness. I was happy more than sad, just because Ms. Sharon Raiprakash was concerned for me. I can't describe how lucky I am feeling. Just her concern made me forget my grief. How insane of me? I thought and then something struck my mind and I asked her

Me: "Sharon what are you doing here at this time? You know you shan't be here. And where are you coming from?" and then she sarcastically said... I think I made her more than angry at me.

"I am here doing job of super hero. I love saving city from destruction and crime. And I was just flying when I saw you and I came here to save your life. How does that sound? You dumb, you are outside my house. You see that street goes to my house if you remember"

Oh my God! I came here, to Sharon's house; I should have recognized this road in first place but now what. And she once again she started saying something. I wonder from where she got this stamina for talking continuously.

"Swayam your hand is bleeding, come with me to my house. I will bandage your hand."

I was going to deny thinking about my state of mind but how can I forget, she is my boss and practically I don't have any right to say no to her and then she said

"You are coming with me NOW!! And I am not in mood to give you any invitation"

I was helpless but deep down I was feeling happy at her concern for me. I have seen many sides of her personality but this one is actually new for me. I love this side. She once again started saying something, I was completely lost. She took my hand into hers and took me inside her home.

"Swayam sit here while I will get you bandage."

And she disappeared. I got myself seated on an armchair placed nearby. She came out of a room and sat at chair in front of me and started talking now in a soft tone.

"Swayam, you are so careless even to take care of yourself. And why were you walking in middle of road? What have happened if I wouldn't have been there on time? And now when I am asking you so many questions you are not even saying a word. When I am not in mood to listen you say hundred of words but when I am asking you something words seemed to be died in your mouth. Swayam are you alright? Please answer me! I can't see you like this"

Me: "Sharon I am fine you need not to worry. You see I am perfectly fit. And please don't ever use this "PLEASE" word to me. You can order me as you know you are my boss!!" She smiled.

"Yap I can see how much fine you are. That's why you were walking just like that and that too in middle of road. And look at yourself; you are looking so weak."

With this, she placed her soft hands on my right cheek. I felt like melting right before her. I felt so vulnerable but I made a mental note that no matter what happens I have to be strong. And can't let her ruin her happiness just because of me. And when she bandaged my hand I got up from chair, bid her good-night and started walking towards door but then she got hold of my hand and said:

"Swayam what the hell you think of yourself? How you dare to go without answering my question? And now that's my order, I want my answers NOW!! Dare you again try to walk away.''

She was back to her Diva mode. And that made me more than happy.

"Swayam sit here. You have got fever. And you are not going anywhere."

She just said like she was telling me about some official work. :P and I being her secretary doesn't own any right to say her no. saying so, she placed her hand on my forehead to check temperature. And that cute innocent face of her just made me fall in love with her once again.

"Swayam if I ask you something, will you tell me? She said. I became tensed that what she is going to ask me. What if she asks me that where was I since last week. What I will tell her? What if she asks me that why I am not coming to college since last week without informing anyone? Why I am not answering anybody's call? And to my despair she asked same things. "Krishna ji!! Help me!!" I mumbled'

"Swayam Krishna ji will not save you from my questions. But if you don't think that I don't own any right to know about your whereabouts so that's really ok."

And she made innocent face and looked into my eyes. I felt helpless and yes she is blackmailing me' GIRLZZ' but I can't say no to her; she very well knew it. So taking check of circumstances I have to lie and believe me it is most difficult time for me to lie to my love' but I have to' so I said:

Me: "Actually I was busy with some family matters so couldn't inform you."

"Don't lie swayam"

She looked into my eyes like she can read me like an open book. This scared me to death. Now I came to know what she might have felt when I looked her like that. She took my hand into her soft one, first time I am scared of her touch, it is gentle yet dominating like she is not letting me go anywhere. Here I am thinking of going far from her, and she once again told me that I don't own my heart, my soul. She is the owner of it. So, I don't have any right to take my heart away from her.

"Swayam, come here with me. I want to show you something."

We walked till her room. Then she told me to sit on her bed. I am doing what she is telling me to do, as if I am her toy, she can do with me what she wants. But what could I do, my heart is not following my orders.

"Swayam see this"

She took out all gifts I gave to her a long time back. I am perplexed. First thing came to my mind was, I burned all these, so how come these things are still with her? And why is she showing me all these things? Suddenly why is she behaving like that? So I asked:

Me: "Sharon, is something wrong? Why are you suddenly showing me all this stuff?"

"Swayam this is not just stuff, these are my prized possessions and today I want to confess something to you. You must be thinking that that day you burned all these then how come all these things are still with me? Well, for your information I will just say that, how can I let these things get burned when MY SWAYAM gave me all this. How can you just think that you will burn all these and I will not do anything? These are my prized possessions just like you. You are my prized possession swayam. I LOVE YOU SWAYAM. Yap, I realized in this whole week that what importance you hold in my life. I can't live without you; I will be dead if you will leave me. You don't know what I have gone through in this whole week, all bad thoughts were haunting me. My heart was questioning my soul that how I can be so mad to let a person like you, just goes away from me? How can I push you away? How can I be so blind to see love in your eyes for which is just for me? What if you left me? What if you will not come back to me? And when you were not answering any of our calls my mind was just thinking that what if' what if something bad happened to you? I was living corpse. And when I saw you on road my life was back, I felt that my life is back to me, but when I saw that truck coming towards you my breaths just stopped. My heart stopped beating. And why are you behaving like a jerk to walk just like that on road? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you? You stupid"

My body went numb hearing all these. How can I do this to her? How can I make her fall in love with me? Her words were ringing in my ears. "YOU ARE MY PRIZED POSSESSION. I LOVE YOU." No, this can't happen. Now if something happened to me she will be dead. My world started spinning around me. She was crying continuously. And I just can't do anything. Neither I can just go and hold her in my embrace nor can I leave her in this devastated state. I was rotted at my spot. She just came to me hugged me tight. I was losing my mind. I just can't think of anything. What have you done swayam? Now how will you mend your mistake? Mistake to make her fall in love with you. She is still softly sobbing holding onto my t-shirt. I was still in same position as I was before. I am sitting on bed and she is sitting in my lap, her face hidden in my chest. Suddenly I felt unbearable pain in my head; it was just because I haven't taken my medicines yet. But now what to do? I will have to leave her place as fast I can manage. I can't think of anything, I just can't tolerate this pain anymore. Think swayam, think of something. But the question was still same THINK OF WHAT? My mind told me "make it straight to her that you have to go somewhere because of important work" and I did the same but how can be so dumb to think that Sharon will believe what I will say. She instantly knew that something is going in my mind which I am not telling her, she knew that I am hiding something from her. She said:

"Swayam its 3:00 am in night. What type of important work is done at this hour of night? Is there something wrong? Is there something which you are hiding from me? Tell me swayam. I can't tolerate this silence mode of your anymore? TELL ME."

Before I can do anything I felt severe pain in my head. My body was shivering. My eyes were on a verge of being closed. My heart beat was slowing down its pace. She saw my condition and instantly cupped my face. I was trying to keep my eyes open that she doesn't get stressed but my body was in terrible condition. She said:

"Swayam what happened? Are you alright? Swayam you have got high fever. Oh god!! You are shivering. Just sit here. I am calling doctor."

Me: "Sharon its nothing. I will be fine in sometime. I just need rest, nothing else. I will go home and take some rest and will get fine. Don't worry"

"No, you are not going anywhere, you will stay here."

Me: "But Sharon, I have to go home. I need some medicines'" as soon as I realized what I said, I bit my tongue.

"What medicines?"

Her expressions were clearly indicating that if I will tell her anything she will not be able to handle a bit of it. If I am still in shock so how will she react? So I just said:

Me: "It's just a'. just some vitamins tablets. Yap vitamin tablets..." silently praying to God that she just believe me.

"Vitamins, but for what?"

Me: "Actually I was not feeling good so I just had a check up so doctors prescribed me those"

"O.k. so I will drive you home. I won't let you go anywhere alone."

Drive was silent. She is looking tensed. I can clearly see that on her face but I can't talk to her. I won't be able to talk, so I just preferred silence. Her voice got me out of my trance.

"Swayam we are home."

"Yeah" I said. I want to go and run, take that shit and make this pain somewhat bearable. But I can't take a step forward by myself. But I have to walk. Somehow I reached at main door. As we reached kaka came towards me to support me but I indicated him not to do so because Sharon is with me. She will be suspicious. I told kaka to bring my medicines and I took them and sat on couch with my eyes closed. Kaka saw her and told her to come in. she did so and came sat next to me kept her hand on my forehead. My eyes were closed but I can feel her. I can feel her emotions, her fear. I can see her innocent eyes with so many questions in these.

"Swayam is there something which I don't know but I should be aware of?"

I instantly opened my eyes and looked at her face. Tears were threatening to spill out any moment. But I will have to make her believe that everything is fine.

Me: "Sharon there is nothing. Everything is fine. It's just that I am tired and if will take some rest I will be fine."

"Swayam have u eaten something since morning?"

Now where did this question come from? Holy shit' and how does she know that I haven't anything since morning, so I just nodded a NO.

Me: "But Sharon I will eat something. You don't worry."

"And will you tell me that from where this SOMETHING will come from."

As I was going to say something she cut me in between.

"Don't you tell me that you will eat something from fridge? Wait I will cook something for you."

Saying so she goes to kitchen and made some soup for me and came out. And to my surprise she made me ate that soup with HER HANDS. And I must say she is a damn good cook. Soup is so tasty. Can't believe that someone can make this soupy something so delicious of course after my mom. No one can compare her in cooking. My mom is best cook in this whole world. After finishing she said:

"Swayam go get refreshed and take some rest"

Me: "but Sharon it so late. How will you go to home? You should stay here tonight. You go and sleep in guest room. I will arrange there for you"

"Who are you to tell me where will I sleep? Mind it mister. This is MY SWAYAM's house and I will do whatever I want. So I will sleep in my swayam's room with him. Get that in your head"

Me: "but Sharon'"

"No buts. I don't want to discuss this further"

Me: "ok madam as you says"

Saying this I bowed down and this made we both giggle.

IN ROOM

"Swayam you still don't want to tell me?"

Me: "Tell you what Sharon?"

"Don't try to act smart with me mister, don't you know I am smart enough to read your eyes"

I thought that now I should tell her because she has all rights to know whom she loves... She should know that may be her love doesn't have enough life to love her back. She should know the truth. But my mind asked me what if she will leave you? What if after knowing the truth she will not love you? What if she will not be able to handle this pain? You should not do this to her. But I did otherwise because I know she love me and I believe that if someone loves you she has all rights to know everything about; you be it good or bad.

"Sharon I want to say something to you, actually I '. I '.. I have brain tumor... And it's at its last stage, maybe I am only going to live for a month or two so I don't want you to ruin your life with me. You should live your life and make it beautiful. Find someone better than me and love hi'.him'"I stammered at last line. It really hurts to even imagine your love with someone else. I just couldn't control myself and turned around my back facing her and I was holding my study table for support. But she said something which I didn't expected at all'.

"How dare you decide that whom I should love and whom not? You are not going to die. And don't ever say that word again. My swayam is not going anywhere. I will not let you just go and leave me alone here. No, I just won't. You will live' with me' you will love me. I won't let anyone come near me except you... You are my life... And' and'"

We were crying and she suddenly hugged my back... I couldn't stop myself crying. Unstoppable tears were rolling down our faces. We cried our hearts out. After sometime she said: "swayam turn around and face me" and turned me around.

"Swayam believe me I will let no one harm you. No destiny can separate us. We are meant to be. And I will make that truth. We will consult best doctor and dare you even think about leaving me... I will eat you alive' GET THAT..."

Her eyes were swollen due to crying but still she managed to give me glares which scared me to death. She is diva in true sense. We smiled in tears and she hugged me tight... and after coming in straight frame of mind, she controlled her sobs and mentally prepared herself to be strong and support me because she know that how much I try to be strong I am really a weakling from inside. I know her inside out that's why I know what she must be thinking so after sometime she said:

"Swayam now will you allow your siren to sleep. I am very tired. And you should also take some rest. We have to take doctor's appointment tomorrow... And..."

Me: "Sharon my dad has consulted best doctor for me and I am going to NY day after tomorrow so you relax"

"Ok. So let's get some sleep now"

Me: "Hmm... so I will sleep on couch and you sleep on my bed"

"Why will I sleep there? I will sleep where my swayam will sleep' if you want couch then I won't mind if you can tolerate my weight over you all night"

I laughed and said'

Me: "Yap I will love to hold you in my arms all night... but I don't want to get up in pain so I would prefer bed' now let's go and get some refreshing sleep"

Her jaw dropped that really made me laugh. She was back in her hungry tigress mode and I was happy to see her back to her normal self.

"You mean I am fat? I will kill you if you even think like that. Now go and get freshen if you don't want yourself to be killed."

I got freshen up in my night suit and she washed her tear stained face. She got hold of my hand shying and took me to bed. We lay on bed cuddling into each other having most beautiful sleep of our life. I was smiling and she looked at my face with glint in her eyes and said:

"Swayam you know when you smile like that only one thought wandered in my mind..."

Me: "Which thought?"

"That I ' I '. Wanted to do this"

She kissed on my cheek and hurriedly hid her face in my chest. I felt myself on cloud infinity. I kissed her on her forehead. Today I came in terms with one truth of life that how much we try to make our way life always take its own turns and twists. The time when I wanted Sharon in my life she always went away from me. That time I felt like destiny is not with me. It's playing with me' and today when I myself was going away from her, she came to me... destiny once again played with us... Today life showed me its two sides in a moment' when I felt like I am dead but this angel came in my life saved me, gave me another life. And when I broke down I felt like I am dead but once again this angel held me in its arms and gave me life' today I felt life and death in a moment.. I wish destiny don't play any of its cruel game on us... I can't let Sharon break and suffer because of me' she hold all rights to be happy and to be loved and I promise myself that no matter what, I will always make you happy Sharon' I promise'

"I know swayam, you will make me happy; now sleep. Don't think too much about me. You know my happiness lies with you. I am happy with you. And I need nothing till you are with me."

Saying so, she came closer to me. I know she is afraid of losing me and she is making herself look strong in front me that I won't lose myself. But I am happy being in arms of my love and I don't want to think about future and what it holds for me. I am just happy being in my present. I know tomorrow morning will bring new happiness and shine in our lives with a new start of our chapter that will break through all the darkness of our lives just like sun rays break darkness of nights.

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