CHAPTER TWELVE (FINAL CHAPTER) :
"AMRITA will share custody, Di! She has gone to Shimla, for a month, to sort things out with the house and the job she set up there. She won't be moving there with Khushi after all. Amrita says she will be back, to rejoin another company right here in Delhi! She says she cannot work for me at AR anymore, and that's fine. Whatever she's comfortable with. If she needs help, she'll get it. If not---that's upto her. I can set her up here in Delhi with some other design house, or she can do it by herself. She can get another job. Anything she wants.
The main thing is that she will live here in Delhi with Khushi, and I can have access to my baby whenever I want!! Amrita says so! Khushi will stay with her for now, since she is enrolled at the day-school in that area. But if I want, we can work that out, decide on a new school for her as well. She says that she is willing to work with me, to figure out how we can share Khushi.
She will help me to know Khushi. She will let me be in her life, so Khushi can slowly get to know me, know about her mother, and as Khushi adjusts, we can slowly explain everything to her! She is right--whatever she is saying is what is best for Khushi! I don't want to move little Khushi around too much, not right now, and she will do better if she has her stable home and her mom living with her, and if she stays in her school.
So maybe it will be best if I see Khushi every day, whenever I can, and then she can come to stay with me on weekends, she can share her holidays and festivals with me, spend time here, with us, and with Amrita, as well! Amrita says she wants to be here when we tell her that I am her father, so she can explain about Pradeep and herself as well, and about her mother, Khushi too. Khushi should feel nothing but love, nothing but care. She should know, how many people love her, how she is cherished, wanted!
Amrita has sent little Khushi to me for this month. She will stay with us here until Amrita gets back from Shimla, and then we will sort out the details, Di! Amrita says Khushi and I, we should get to know each other! I should get to know my own daughter! She will...she will be both mine, and hers Di...Khushi will have two mothers, two fathers...and more than enough love from all of us...love...my baby will be here, right here, she is coming to stay with me and...and I will love..."
The tears streaming down Arnav's face sparkled with the brilliance of a thousand suns. Anjali stood, transfixed by the change in the man before her. The letter bearing such incredible news fell from his shaking fingers as Arnav turned and paced, his excitement, his happiness overflowing out of him. Arnav's eyes looked lit from within, his lips trembling with an emotion, the breadth and depth of which had no name, no words. Arnav turned to look at Payal and Simran, who had come, silently, behind Anjali. There they stood, Khushi's other family, the people who would have her in their lives as well, who had so much to give his child.
From whom, he had taken so much...
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"Payal..." his eyes were drowning in tears of joy, and Arnav extended his hand, blindly, in Payal's direction. He felt her soft hand hesitate, and then firmly clasp his own.
"Payal, you will be here to help Khushi and me, right? You are her Mausi, she must get to know her mother's sister very well---and Simran too! Her real didi, Simran! You know your Khushi Mausi so well already, don't you, my little darling? She comes to you in your dreams and you know her in your heart right? Simran, you must help your little sister get to know her mother too...!! Payal, you are happy, naa? You won't reject her because of me...because of what I did...you will help her adjust to all this, wont you?
The broken, deliriously happy words now stuttered to a stop. Arnav stared at Payal, waiting for her to accept---or reject--him, his daughter, his plea for a new life.
Payal Raizada looked into the proud, ravaged face before her, seeing a new serenity now softening the harsh, handsome features. A sense of peace glowed within Arnav Singh Raizada, something that had never existed before this night of miracles.
Peace.
She could feel it too, the liquid, healing balm that was now rushing into her body. The return of a part of her sister silenced her inner torment, soothed her devastated soul. Shuddering, she felt herself break open from her shell. Now, for the first time in eight years, she allowed herself to grieve, to breathe through the pain...to just---let go.
Tears of her own, tears that were washing away the rock that had been lodged over her heart for eight years streamed down Payal Raizada's face as she smiled, mistily, at her brother in law.
"Yes Arnav ji. Simran and I are happy to help, happy to welcome Simran's sister, my little niece-- will both help, too. We will tell Khushi about her mother when Amrita is here, we will make it easy for Khushi, we will help her understand about all this. I will call Bua-ji and Amma, in the morning, tell them to come and visit us soon. They will want to share Khushi's childhood stories and pranks, they will want to see their grandchild. Little Khushi--she will have so much love, she will have so much happiness, Arnav-ji, everything we can give to her, and more! She will know us! In the meantime, I guess we should go get a bedroom ready for the newest Raizada!"
"No, Payal.." Arnav's soft voice stopped Payal in her tracks. "Her name won't change, she is Khushi Singh. Pradeep Singh gave her his name, didn't he? He died, trying to give his name to his daughter, and she is his daughter, as much as she is mine. She is Amrita's daughter, as well as Khushi's. She can be Khushi Singh, Khushi Raizada---Khushi Gupta, Khushi anything, as long as she is also my little Khushi.
I...just...I just want my daughter, Payal. I don't care how, or for which days of the week, or who I have to share her with. Just my baby, under my roof, with me for a while, even if I have to share her with the entire world. I don't care. I don't own her, Payal---but she owns me, and that's enough. It's enough that she will be my baby girl, mine, and Di's., Amrita's, and Khushi's and yours and..."
Payal nodded, overcome. She would not insist that Khushi be called a Raizada, or theirs, or anything at all. She was coming to stay with them for a month, for now, and they would share her with Amrita, going forward. All this was a compromise, sure. They would have a difficult road ahead, with adjustments that would have to be made between both families. Little Khushi would have questions, they would all deal with problems and issues that came with this kind of arrangement. But little Khushi would be with them, in some way, forever. It was enough.
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"Chote...!!!"
Anjali had no words, nothing to say. All she could do was to thank a goddess who had given them their miracle, after eight years of punishing her family for their combined sins. The long penance was over. They would, all of them, get a chance to show that they had changed, had understood what pride and cruelty and indifference had cost them. Arnav would be given a chance to prove himself as a father, would look at himself in the mirror again without flinching in self-disgust. It was overwhelming.
Anjali knew that the hopes, the dreams that had died with Khushi on a hill in Shimla would not return. Her Chote would never have his happily ever after, not after what had happened to his Khushi. This Anjali knew. This Anjali accepted.
There would always be that look in Arnav's eyes, that emptiness in his life. Little Khushi was, after all never going to take her mother's place in a heart that had already been broken. The fact that Chote had lost his heart and soul--that loss would never dim. How could it, when Arnav Raizada had been the one who had both worshipped, and then damned Khushi Gupta? Guilt and grief, once it has entered like iron into the soul, does not ever leave. It can stop hammering through the blood, given time--but once it has entered, it becomes a part of life.
But along with grief, in life, there has to be hope. There has to be the chance for penance, for growing, for becoming someone better and finer because of the grief. There has to be, along with grief, a chance for repentance. After a long night, after all, there has to be a new dawn.
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Anjali knew all this as she watched her brother now break down, fall to his knees, sobbing unrestrainedly. She knew why, even after getting his daughter back, her Chote still wept. He wept for his unfinished life, for the bite of sadness that came with the ecstasy of this moment. He wept for the life he could have had, the woman he could have saved, the child he could have brought up, with full rights and no shadows.
But most of all, he wept for himself, and for Khushi, who would never have the life they had wanted. He was begging Khushi, through his tears, to guide him now. He had taken the first steps down the path of redemption, he was guided onto that path by the memories of the woman who had left him. But the reality would never change---he would always be alone on that path, without Khushi's hand in his, for him to hold.
Anjali gently helped Arnav rise, trying to stem his pain. Her brother shook his head, and twisted his face away from her, perhaps to spare his Di from seeing his falling tears. The teardrops fell on the pool now, disturbing the reflection of a star, seemingly brand new, high up in the sky.
Arnav started in shock, as he looked at the reflected star he had not previously seen from this poolside, a star he had not ever seen shine above this particular home. Arnav impatiently shrugged his Di's arms off as he turned, looked up at the new star now, greedy and avid for its light.
Anjali, knowing when to leave Chote to his flights of fancy, went away to prepare for her niece.
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That new star. The star he had not been able to see above him for eight years. The one he had known was up there, that he could see from Lakshimi-nagar's window, but that never seemed to appear here, on this horizon, before his eyes. That star now shone. Brighter than all the rest, a diamond sparkle just where Khushi had once told him she would be. The third one from the left. The brightest in the sky. That was where Khushi was. He could see it, now.
Arnav stared at the star, praying that she was happy, praying that she would be with him as he tried to be a good father. Praying that through her daughter, through his memories of her love, he could learn to be a good man, and not just a great one. For a long time, he waited, his eyes trained on that star, for a sign.
For long, breathless minutes, none came. Sighing, Arnav turned away, just grateful for the star, and feeling a bit foolish for expecting more than just the star from his Khushi.
And then, just when he was about to turn away and go back indoors, just when he had turned to the door, he felt...it. For the first time in eight years, Arnav Singh Raizada felt ---that--- breeze as it touched him, erupting goose-bumps all over his parched skin. He stood stock still, as he sensed his heart being soothed, as he felt the gentle pressure of a head resting over his hammering chest. He could feel the caressing touch, ever so softly, as moonlit fingers stroked his face, wiping his tears away, ever so gently.
Arnav closed his eyes, feeling her touch, listening, finally, finally, to the secrets and the laughter and the stories she told him in her own way. He focused intently on the sounds within, her voice now a haunting, sweet murmur in his mind. Arnav stood as he listened to Khushi, felt Khushi, knew Khushi---and was filled to the brim with her love. Somewhere, from beyond the moonlight, among the stars, high up in the heavens that had no end, Arnav knew, without question---finally...that the real Khushi...that paagal si Khushi---his girl named Khushi---was with him once again.
For a long while, he stood, greedily absorbing every word, every feather touch, every note of tinkling laughter. For a long while, he spoke within his soul, directly to his love--he spoke of his longing, his love, his complaints, his fears and hopes and desires for her, for himself, for their daughter. She promised to see him, to speak to him, to fight, and chatter, to soothe and guide. The moonlight shone down on the entranced man, limning the gentle waves with streaks of silver, shimmering across the faint, shadowy outline of the woman who was, seemingly, right there with him, in his arms.
She would come. Through the shadows, into the moonlight, during the dead of night or in the rosy dawn. Come to him, and, through him, come to their daughter, to their little Khushi. And he would wait, he would always wait, until that day when he could go to her, wherever she was, and she would no longer have to find him. At long last. He knew it. At long last, he could look forward to it.
Arnav Singh Raizada turned and walked inside, to go and welcome his daughter home, smiling gently as he softly closed the doors to the moonlit poolside behind him.
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Edited by napstermonster - 12 years ago
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