Arshi: Making Khushi Mine I (THREAD 1)

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ragaya

@ragaya

Inactive

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#331

Yaar, since u asked for a detailed review, here is something I have been feeling since the beginning of this story:

I like ur basic plot but unless u have decided that u r going to end the story in say 20(just for example) chapters, don't rush the story with generic third person descriptions. For example, in this chapter, instead of simply saying the trust and friendship between Arnav and Khushi gradually grew, you could have had proper incidents like the cooking experiments with more active dialogues. Dialogues seem rare in your chapters. The only dialogue in this chapter, for instance, was nani's.

That is the biggest crib I have with ur story. But I love the plot line of Khushi chipping in to help Arnav's family when they need it most and Arnav learning to trust people. Continue to update, and do it soon and more frequently :)

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A, Anon, Nony, Anamika :)

@Anony_mous

Inactive

+ 9

Posted: 12 years ago

#332

Originally posted by: ragaya
Yaar, since u asked for a detailed review, here is something I have been feeling since the beginning of this story:
I like ur basic plot but unless u have decided that u r going to end the story in say 20(just for example) chapters, don't rush the story with generic third person descriptions. For example, in this chapter, instead of simply saying the trust and friendship between Arnav and Khushi gradually grew, you could have had proper incidents like the cooking experiments with more active dialogues. Dialogues seem rare in your chapters. The only dialogue in this chapter, for instance, was nani's.

That is the biggest crib I have with ur story. But I love the plot line of Khushi chipping in to help Arnav's family when they need it most and Arnav learning to trust people. Continue to update, and do it soon and more frequently :)

Thanks for the review Ragya . I really appreciate it :)

I in fact plan to finish this story in around 20 chapters or so. That's why I titled it as SS and not FF. But a lot of readers have been telling me that they want to read 'scenes' between Arshi. So I would try to change my writing style a little and try my hand on that from next part hence. But I do not want to lose my original style so you'll get to see third person descriptions also ;)

Thank you once again, for reading and reviewing 😊

Edited by Anony_mous - 12 years ago

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ceciliadam

@ceciliadam

Navigator

Posted: 12 years ago

#333

AMAZING UPDATE
LOVE IT
THANKS 4 PM

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kafa

@kafa

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#334

just come across your SS, read all parts and very beautiful

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ziya-farhannish

@ziya-farhannish

Navigator

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#335

hi...i loved reading ur ss ...both arnav and khushi are potrayed as similar to the original track except khushi not as outgoing...still i think i loved urs better...keep writing!!and update faster!😊

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aanchal_c

@aanchal_c

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

#336

really really loved the whole concept,very different,plz pm me the next time u update...and plz update soon.

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Nehasupnfan

@Nehasupnfan

Voyager

Posted: 12 years ago

#337

Ok I can't help but laugh at Arnav's plight and state of confusion!!! LOL! :D Its not love...yet...but its getting there! :P

Maybe Nani gave the right push that was needed to get this done! :P I loved how you described the transition from the cold war to an amicable relationship between them both! It got the point across without pointlessly going into details of it all! :) I assume your keeping the detailing to the juicy stuff like their actual romance...??

Thank you for the PM :) Can't wait to read more!