Chapter 2
I lifted my head up from the never ending tears that were not ready to stop any moment. I looked around at the people; I saw them running in slow motion. The atmosphere of the hospital always creeps me out, the smell of the medicine makes me feel dizzy and the sound of the robotic machines makes me nervous. I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realize that one never really stop missing someone I should just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence. I felt my hands trembling, never had I before felt like this, not even when my parents were hit by a car and their lifeless bodies were laid down before me, blood oozing out from their bodies covering every square inch of the white sheet. Perhaps I was too small to understand anything.
The most terrifying thing I can think of now is being alone - and I mean utterly alone, like no one else in the world alone - at night. I recalled the happy moments spent with Beeji in just two hours, my heart crushed at the prospect of leaving her. I hate the situation and I hate myself for being in this situation, I had not been able to do anything when I saw my parent's lifeless bodies nor now when I'll see Beeji in the ICU. I hate being able to see everything going around me but still not able to do anything about it. People say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. But the truth is you knew what you had you just never thought you'd lose it. I felt that I'm left in this world alone to myself to battle with my fate. I felt a tap on my shoulder; I looked up wiping my tears in the anticipation of finding Beeji pulling me by my ears for not completing my food. As I looked up, my hopes were crushed once again; this was not the first time that this happened to me. Infact I wondered how strong I'm right now. It's true that, you don't realize how strong you are, until being strong is the only option left to you. "Are you Manvi? The doctor asked me as I looked at him with my hopeful eyes. "Yes" I replied in a mere whisper wiping my eyes. "She needs you".
I rushed to the door as I saw Beeji lying on the bed. I felt my interiors crushing and wailing in pain. It's strange how the mere thought of some loved one makes you weak. I tried to put on a brave face though I'm weak at heart. I had not been able to give the happiness she deserves till now. I somehow managed to drag my feet to the bed and sat on a stool nearby. "Manvi" I heard Beeji whisper my name with her eyes closed. It's wonderful how the mere presence of a loved one makes you feel them. I got hold of her hand, when she slowly opened her eyes. A lone tear escaped from her right eye.
"Manvi I'd be living with my son and daughter-in-law after some time". I instantly clutched her hand as she said this, tears brimming in my eyes. It's difficult to have a control on emotions but still I tried. "You can't be this selfish Beeji! How could you live with them before me? I laid my head near her hand and kept weeping when she held me by my shoulder and made me look at her. "Manvi...Promise me that you won't say "No" to what I will be saying now". She looked at with eyes full of questions and hope. I nodded my head in response. "This world is cruel beta, when you've no one to look for; it engulfs you into its dark room, and leaves you shattered. I...I've experienced this before you came into my life and then you became my life. I saw hurt, anguish and looks of betray in her eyes. I held her hand stronger to ensure her of my presence. "I don't want you to lead a life that I had years before. Manvi...Promise me you will marry Vanshika's younger son Virat, before I leave you I want to engage you around people, Promise me..? I couldn't help but smile at her. There is nothing I would not do for those who I really love. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature. I looked at her and nodded my head in response. She held onto my hand and kissed it.
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2 hours back...
I looked at myself in the mirror. The white stones necklace glistening, the chudis making jingling sound and the red bridal dress made me feel complete that I look like a bride now. I sat on the bed and twirled the phone between my fingers, looking around the room and thinking about what to do. When suddenly my phone buzzed as I opened it and looked at the sender's name. I smiled to myself and sat on the bed rather childishly forgetting that I'm in my bridal dress.
"So Miss...Are you ready? Don't dare to change your mind. I giggled reading the text, and I thought of teasing him a little. Shaking my head as I was about to tap on the phone I heard someone thudding on the door. I carefully slid down the bed and dragged my feet to the door. I felt arms snaking around my shoulders as I opened the door carefully. I smiled uncomfortably at the aunties leaning over me who were checking the jewelry out rather than me. I gasped looking at them and threw an unpleasant smile at them. The daily talks about the rising prices of Jewell carried on between the nosy women. I stood there least interested in their talks and secretly eying my phone on the bed. As minutes passed by, I felt my interiors jumping to send a text to the person I love. I gave a faint smile to the aunties and rushed into my room excusing myself for washroom. After shutting the door behind me I sat on the bed grabbing the phone and started tapping fiercely when I heard a knock on the door again. I stood at an instant as the anger rose in me and opened the door rather rudely. I was taken aback as a girl dragged me by my hand. "What happened"? I asked looking upset about not being able to send the message. The girl looked terrified and didn't talk much. She dragged me through the stairs until I was in the decorated hall. I quizzed through the faces which looked worried some even worse than that. My eyes searched for only one person to whom I wanted to see and ask what is wrong. I found some people forming a group. I rushed into the crowd pushing others as I looked at the sight before me. I felt my life turning upside down. Hands and legs refused to move and my whole body started trembling. I didn't have the slightest idea what to do. Numb was the word to describe my situation. Then I felt someone carrying Beeji to the ambulance that stood outside the entrance of the house. Tears rolled down my cheeks because of fear- fear of not knowing what to do.
I looked around petrified; I didn't understand how the atmosphere of a happy world suddenly turned into sorrows. I felt a hand around my shoulder consoling me about the loss. I instantly hugged Vanshika aunty; I need some support which looked to me like the lady in front of me could give me. She rubbed my back consoling me; taking me by the shoulder she wiped my tears. I looked at her to know the answers of my questions. "Manvi while coming by the car Vishal and his family met with an accident a-a-nd, I gasped out of fear and clutched the curtain beside me, "Vishal died on the spot". One by one, drops fell from my eyes like they were on an assembly line - gather, fall, slide...gather, fall, slide...each one commemorating something I've lost now. I sat down looking at the floor. Memories of Vishal rushed in front of me in a reel, like I was watching a picture which would end in two hours. It is so damn hard to find love in this world, to locate someone who could make you feel that there is a reason you're been put on this earth. A child, I imagined, was the purest form of that. But being a child I lost my parents. A young girl who'd find her prince charming someday, a pure form of love I believe which I've no longer now. And perhaps Beeji...
I looked at Vanshika aunty who stood beside me all the time consoling me, "I know for whom your eyes are searching for Manvi, she couldn't bear the news and got a stroke. You could lose the ones you loved in the blink of an eye, I felt dejected, and I didn't have even the strength to cry. It looked to me like even the tears were tired of flowing from my eyes continuously. Until today I had not understood that a situation of lonely people, about absence and loss, would be this painful. There really is only one ending to any story. Human life ends in death. Until then, it keeps going and gets complicated and there's loss. Everything involves loss; every relationship ends in one way or another.
Present...
I lifted my head up from the bed and stroked Beeji's face only to find it cold; cold as ice. As tears started forming in my eyes, I got the answer to my question. Beeji is no more alive! I kissed her forehead before parting from her; I had something to do, something that I've promised her to do. I got up from the stool, and started walking away.I've learned now that good-byes will always hurt, pictures will never replace having been there, memories good and bad will bring tears, and words can never replace feelings.
As I came to the door I turned to take a last glimpse at the angel of my life and rapidly walked from there. People started asking me questions as I came out of the room, when I refused to reply anyone they started rushing into the room where Beeji is kept. I walked aimlessly from the hospital dragging my feet and thinking about the sweet memories of my loved ones. The loss of two loved ones in a moment is too much to bear. I remembered once Beeji saying, "Time is very powerful; it changes things in moments". Today I feel the depth of the statement, how I was happy about getting married with the one I love two hours back and how I now stand in the middle of the road thinking about the most important people I've lost. The pleasure of remembering had been taken away from me, because there is no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing my co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things I'd done were less real and important than they had been hours before.
I stopped as I recognized the gate of the house in front of me as my little world where I was living with my Beeji two hours back. I walked to the door and opening it, I rushed to my room not looking for anyone. I clutched the photo of Beeji to my heart venting out my fear, sorrow, helplessness which I had successfully masked in front of Beeji putting on a brave face.
To whom could I put this question (with any hope of an answer)? Does being able to live without someone you loved mean you loved them less than you thought...?
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Thanks for reading again! And I'm extremely sorry about not being able to update faster and making you all wait for longer 😳 as I was busy with my singing competition, opening my vocals and practicing it . It takes a hell lot of time to get the sur rofl! I'm so bad right? But I promise this won't happen anymore!
And regarding the comments, thankyou sooo much 🤗! I haven't replied to all but I'll try to reply each and everyone next time as I first wanted to update 🤔. I already was feeling guilty of promising to updating "soon" and then not being able to 😳. But I've read and cherished them all. You people are really so sweet, do I need to say more?
And one more thing I never thought I could write something so emotional. I'm not a senti person but I still wonder how I wrote this (looks like saas-bahu saga worked well for me 😆). Okay I'll end it here, I don't want this to make longer than the update 😆. Hope you like this part. And don't foget to click the link button😛!
Edited by ITrustMyHeart - 12 years ago
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