PART B
I saw her crying on the floor, and couldn't bear it. I went to hug her and embrace her, cursing Sheetal with all my heart. It hurt, when she flinched but I was glad she didn't push me away. Neither of us said anything, and the house was filled with her sobs. I prevented myself from telling her the truth, because I knew the tears she was shedding now would be nothing compared to what would happen later. Soon, when her sobs did not seem to end, I picked her up and took her upstairs. Both of us said nothing... It killed me to hear her silence, and I couldn't get myself to say anything to her.
As soon as she hit the bed, she rolled to her side, facing the wall, and facing away from me. Feeling desperate, I lay next to her and pulled her by her waist, and got her closer to me. "Are you angry with me?" I asked, dreading her answer.
"No." she said emotionlessly.
I was surprised. "What?"
"No. I am not angry." Her back was still towards me.
"Then why-"
"Arnavji, I am just shocked," she said as-a-matter-of-factly. "Don't worry about it. I will be normal again after few minutes."
Normal? Yeah right. She would probably PRETEND to be normal. "Khushi I am sorry." I said, tucking her head under my chin.
"What are you feeling sorry about?" she asked.
How I wished I could tell her. "Nothing. Sleep Khushi."
"Sleep won't come to me today Arnavji." she said pointedly.
"But Khushi-"
"How could you Arnavji?" she asked abruptly, turning around to face me, her eyes boring into mine.
I was surprised at her question. "What do you mean?"
"How could you have abandoned a pregnant woman?" she asked.
Anger coursed through me. She was going through so much, and all she could think of was how I had left the 'oh poor Sheetal, all alone.
"Please don't ask me questions Khushi." I said, and fell silent.
Khushi did not reply. She turned her head away from me, and fell asleep again. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, loking into her eyes for just a moment told me that she had made a decision... A decision which my heart was afraid to find out.
I hoped I was taking the right decision. I told Di that I had to go to the market to buy vegetables and snuck out of the house. I was fighting hard not to cry. The decision I had made, was for Aarav's good. I had seen how Aarav had become without his father... Too emotionless for such little child. I had seen how ARNAVJI had become when his father had abandoned him... Cold, ruthless, uncaring. I couldn't possibly let another child go through what Arnavji had been going through when he had lost his father's support. Aarav was a child, and he needed his father. Well, what I was going to do, could be undone. My heart did not want me to go on, but my brain was telling me that this was the right step. For the first time, I was stuck in a conflict of heart-brain. Well, not a conflict, because my decision, was final. I felt bad...Really bad. I could feel my heart breaking but what could I do? Did I have a choice? No. I did not. Because I couldn't let a child destroy himself with bitterness. I couldn't be the cause of an obstacle between a father and his son.
I took an auto, and went to the hospital with a heavy heart. My only strength was knowing Arnavji loved me.
-At the Hospital, in the Doctor's Room-
"Good morning Mrs Raizada! How may I help you, and how is the little angel doing?" Mrs Jain greeted me.
I felt a lump forming in my throat. My angel...My little darling angel...
"Mrs Raizada?" the doctor asked again, anxious this time.
"Oh yes Doctor. Both of us are doing quite well." I said, choking on my words.
"Where is your husband?" she asked, looking behind me. I felt that flash of pain again... Well, Arnavji did not know that I was pregnant so this action of mine shouldn't really matter, right?
"You haven't told him yet Mrs Raizada?" she asked, confused this time.
I simply shook my head. The moment of decision was close by. I could feel it and I clenched my fists.
"Then why-" she started to ask.
Taking deep breaths and trying to calm myself (unsuccessfully)I closed my fists so tightly that I could feel my nails piercing through the skin of my palm.
My words were stuck in my throat, as I tried to get them out. I had thought about this...I would go through this. I could become a mother again, but Aarav could never get another father... If my angel would be born, then I knew Arnavji would not care about his firstborn Aarav AT ALL. Thinking back on it, I know it was an impulsive decision, but... I was a wreck, and only I know what I had gone through back then.
So steeling myself with the thought that I could become a mother again. With great difficulty, I managed to choke out the words, "I-I don't want the baby." Then tears streamed, unstoppably down my cheeks.
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