Chapter 7
~Sharon's p.o.v ~
I sit in silence, tears streaming down my face. I'm alone with my thoughts though I shouldn't be because I always end up like this. I think back and feel a sense of accomplishment, I survived a suicide attempt, I can smile again, I live my life like tomorrow's the end. Yet, the scars are still there. In the past I cried myself to sleep because of the horrific memories I had, but today, years after it ended, I cry because it still affects me. I have moved on or so I think, I have forgiven the man who killed my spirit, took my innocence and stole my childhood.
stole my childhood.
I look in the mirror and I see someone who who was a victim by fate but a survivor by choice and that person is beautiful in her own special way. I've moved on from the scared teen who tried to take her life, rather than live through another day with the pain consuming her very being, to an adult who believes life is what you make it so make it great!
Will I ever be totally free? started my life alone, working and studying, but will I ever really be free...
I look at different aspects of my life and notice that they are very much are affected by my past, though I let the past be the past. Love and trust are so foreign to me at 20 years old. Yet so many people tell me there's nothing wrong with me and to "give it time"...
Though an orphan, I was happy until I was a mere child. But the moment, changes occurred in my body, people started noticing me. I was never comfortable with attention, so it bothered me."
when i was in 7th standard, a couple adopted me. The woman was very kind to me and loved me...but her husband...
"He used to make me sleep between him and aunty during night saying that I would be scared if I slept alone. Aunty and I believed him. Infact I always wanted to sleep hugging my parents..
"It was fine for a week but then I felt him trying to touch my legs, waist. I didn't say anything to aunty as I was scared that they would send me back to the orphanage. Then he started nuzzling my neck...
. I didn't know what to do. I used to bear everything but cry all the night when he went to sleep. One day when aunty was not at home, he tried to –when I protested, he slapped me, ripped my dress open ...
"When he tried to rape me, aunty came back home at the same time and rescued me. She sent me back immediately to the orphanage. I never got enough time to forget it. Every step, I encountered those hungry eyes watching out for me -be it the workers at the orphanage or classmates at school or college. The more I tried to get away from it, the more those situations haunted me.
people always seemed to take advantage of the fact that I am an orphan and that I had no one to lean on."
and that's when I know ppl are right. YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO TIME AS NOTHING ELSE AND NO ONE ELSE CAN HEAL YOU! It seems difficult in the beginning, but through adversity you find strength. No one can make your life the way you want it, but you. If you give up and dwell on the monster which raped your soul, then you have dug the grave for yourself while those abusers killed you. It doesn't go away immediately, the experience stains your brain and you may never be the same, but you're alive and you can make your life different from your past.
i always maintained distance from guys...
i never even had too many friends...
only sam...we gave grown up in the same orphanage ...but he doesnt knows about this
he is very close to me and always treated me like his little sister...
i had never let anyone come close to me or affect...me
but i didnt knew how and when i let swayam do it...
affect me so much...
still a part of me wants to tell swayam the truth...
i dont want him to think like that about me.
n i hate myself for that...
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
Bindi
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