He released a long sigh, his head down to face the waves that gently lapped at the cement beneath his feet. He had tried everything since she had left his the previous night. Sleeping, but sleep never came. Drinking coffee, but he still could not calm down. He had spent the night pacing like a ghost inside Aman's flat which he had borrowed for the duration of his stay and as soon as the day had cracked through the darkest night of his life, he had taken a hot steaming shower to calm his nerves, changed into a comfortable tracksuit and left without breakfast.
Instead, he had gone down to the waterfront and run, from one end to the other. He tried to run away from her rejection, from her accusations, from her hatred. But it was impossible. They followed like his shadow. Her words, cruel and biting, rolled endlessly in his mind. And deep inside, he knew half of it was true. At least the Akaash-Payal bit was.
Arnav held onto the cold metal railing tight, his jaws clenched. It was already past midday, and he hadn't eaten anything yet. He could not. He didn't feel the least bit hungry. He closed his eyes and went stiff all over, his heart beating like a maddened humming bird fluttering about his chest. If only she could give him one chance to explain himself.
He was not like this, he realised. Arnav Singh Raizada had never been like this before. He never cared about anyone like he cared for her. Why didn't she get that?
"Aapne aisa kyun kaha?" he heard a low but firm voice behind him. Despite the shock he received when he immediately recognised it, he turned on the balls of his feet, leaning back against the railing to hold him up, because he could no longer trust his body, and her neither, to hold him up if there were more cold words to come this way. But what he saw took his breath away. (Why did you say that?)
Her beautiful eyes were bloodshot and tired, but still as beautiful. It seemed she had spent the whole night crying, without getting an ounce of sleep. They were still full of tears as she stood before him, trembling in the cool sea wind and wearing nothing but a short-sleeved churidar. Silly of her, what did she think? That she was still in India, in the Northern hemisphere where summer was roasting everything it could? Typical of her.
Her hair was dishevelled, her arms wrapped around herself, trying to get some warmth, her cheeks tearstained. She was breathing heavily, as if she had run kilometres like him too, her chest heaving. Had she? Run? Arnav didn't ask. He merely stared at her, his head cocked to one side, and he sighed again. Khushi took what looked like an aggressive step forward, her eyes on him.
"Aapki himmat kaise huyi voh kehne ki?" she spat ruthlessly, only to spill more tears which were bright red despite the cold. (How could you dare say that to me?)
"What?" he responded, calmly. On the inside, he was battling himself as there were so many things he wanted to do right then. One of them was shouting at her, but his heart was not really into it. he could jump off into the ocean, his namesake; he could just leave without giving her any explanation, like she had; he could... Right at that moment, when their eyes met, there was just one thing he wanted to do, even though it seems the worst of things to do; grab her tight aand kiss her till she forgot her own name.
"Vahi jo aapne kal raat kaha!" her temper was rising, he sensed, as her voice rose slightly and she turned redder. (What you said yesterday!)
"I said many things last night, Khushi, and you did too... Main tumse koyi explanation maang raha hoon?" (... Am I asking you any explanation?)
More tears streamed down and on an impulse, she walked up to him to grab his collar fiercely, her teeth gritting together. "Aapki himmat kaise huyi yeh kehne ki... ki aap... aap humse pyaar..." (How did you dare say you love me?)
Arnav half-smiled humourlessly while his hand rose to the side of her face to tuck a loose hairstrand behind her ear. "Because it's true."
She looked up at him, her eyes wide with horror but he just closed his warm hands around hers, satisfied that she had come closer to him, although it was to vent her anger, but she certainly was getting some warmth from his body heat.
"I never wanted to fall for you, Khushi, I wanted to hate you. I didn't want to think you're beautiful and intelligent and so... kind... I wanted to hate you because you're middle class, because you always were a challenge for me, because even if I wanted to stay away from you there was this thing which kept pulling me back, because you always disliked me... But I ended up falling, and fell really hard... for you."
There. He had said it. These feelings he had ignored for months, he had finally accepted it overnight, after he had screwed everything up. Had things been different, he would have laughed at himself. He would have laughed about how Arnav Singh Raizada had had his pride crushed at a simple middle class girl who had trampled over his feelings with as much care as he had taken when making his friend do the same to her sister.
They stared at each other for long before he realised her hold had slackened on his collar. Arnav gulped at dropped his hands at his sides, his eyes boring into hers. Khushi looked away quickly and straightened herself. Unknowingly, she had let herself lean into his chest, her body revelling the heat he emanated. What had taken over her to follow him when she had seen him run past NK's apartment, right under her balcony? Why had knowing the reason for saying he loved her been so heart-breakingly important? Why did her rejection come back like an arrow to pierce her own self?
She dislodged herself from him and tried to leave but his hand had shot out to her, perfectly moulding around her wrist.
"Mat jaao," he whispered huskily. Why had he just done that? He could himself not explain it. but he needed her, more than anything, more than air. Khushi clenched her jaws and her fists balled up into fists while she struggled to free herself. Was it anger which surged up in his eyes? He pulled himself up from the barrier. "You want the truth? Come." (Don't go...)
His gentle clasp tightened into a torturous grip as he dragged her behind him, across the place, until they reached a secluded spot. He pulled her up the steps of a deserted gazebo and whirled her around, making her loose braid free itself from the elastic which bound it. She stood there trembling, half with cold and half with fright. Arnav unzipped his jacket and removed it. startled, Khushi took several steps back until the back of her knees hit the bench and she toppled over it into a sitting position.
He stepped up to her slowly and handed her the jacket. "You're feeling cold, put it on."
She stared at it, then at him. Could she trust him? She remembered how he had saved her from the mawalis that night and dropped her home, making sure she was safe. Reluctantly, Khushi lowered her gaze and wrapped the cloth around her. It was still warm and it smelled of him. She resisted the urge of burrowing her face inside to breathe in his scent, memorise it. Men's perfume had never appealed to her before, but his truly did feel heavenly.
"You accused me of breaking up you sister and Akaash?" he shrugged. "Guilty. I admit , I was the one who planned it all. I told Akaash Payal was not right for him. I told him she didn't love him. But I just told him what I saw! Your sister always seemed so... indifferent to him. But did you ever see Akaash? He couldn't see any other girl! And just put yourself in my place dammit! Your mother is... I'm sorry I have to say this to you, but you know it very well too. Your mother is crazed by money, all she cares is to get her daughters married in the richest families possible, your younger sister is obsessed with boys. Your father could be sensible enough. Then there was you..."
He paused, breathing hard, his eyes fixed on the floor between them. "I really wanted to hate you then, but I couldn't... I couldn't sleep at all last night, I kept thinking about you... and I realised I do love you... a lot... And then only, I saw what Akaash had seen when he fell in love with Payal. He never once looked at your family background, for him, it was just her, nothing else... Last night, it dawned on me... Your family, your mother, your sister, nothing matters... It's just what I feel for you which does..."
Khushi stared at him in awe. She half-wished she could say something hurtful to him but it seemed he was hurting enough. He looked battered as he fell on the bench too, keeping a good amount of space between them.
"I can only hope you forgive me but I promise, I'll never force myself on you, Khushi. And yes, I also swear to you, I'll do every possible thing to get your sister and my friend together... If you don't want to see me again after whatever happened, I also promise, I won't come in front of you... but not before I've clarified one more thing to you..."
When he lifted his gaze to her, she saw the anger inside there. Her heart pounded against her chest cavity violently while she considered the possibility of running away but his eyes had her tied there on the bench firmly so that all she was capable of was leaning back only slightly.
"What did Shyaam tell you?" Arnav growled, his voice dangerously low.
She stared back, her tongue tied in a messy knot, her bewildered eyes glues to his dark, enchanting ones. He didn't really need the version she had heard. He had heard it millions of times, from different people. So, he just took a deep breath in before he bent closer to her, narrowing his eyes.
"Whatever he told you, Khushi, was true."
He watched the shock cloud her face instantly after the words had left his mouth and he sneered, though a little ray of hope flickered in his heart. Did the look of astonishment on her features indicated she had started to have some, even the smallest bit, of trust budding in for him? His heart did a majestic somersault which would surely have shamed a professional acrobat.
"However, I'm sure he missed out a few facts in between?"
44