She settled herself at the dining table and started her lunch.
Being a general physician definitley had its perks...it didnt mean long hours at the hospital.
It definitley left her ample time to concentrate at home too.
The home which would never belong to her...but that didnt stop her from ensuring that it was was properly looked after...to ensure that everything related to her husband was taken care of...to ensure that he didnt have to worry about a single thing at home.
She remembered Shashank asking her once "Why?...Why do you put in so much effort my child? Especially when you know that in the end...its all going to be in vain...", he had looked away from her as he had uttered those words.
She had kindly smiled at him. "I know that...but its the only way I know how to live now...the only way I have lived for the last three years..."
Shashank had simply shook his head with a frown and softly patted her head.
She knew he was always worried about her...he was among the few people who truly cared for her.
But how could she explain?
Her marriage was nothing but a farce. An unexpected turn that fate had brought into all their lives.
It had no future...it was obvious it would never last...one day that weak, delicate thread holding her and her husband together would eventually snap.
But till that day, she would keep fulfilling her duties.
She would continue taking care of him...the way she always had for the last three years...even though he had never known about it and would never know.
It wasnt just a sense of responsibility or a sense of obligation that she felt had towards him...it was beyond that...something which she couldnt even explain to anyone...not even herself.
The day she had stepped into his house as his wife , she had made a silent promise to him.
That she would she would fufill every duty expected from her with all her heart, without any pretence.
That she would be there for him even though she knew she was the last person he would ever need.
That she would take care of him and every little thing connected to him without letting him even realize it.
It was the least she could do for him.
But she knew that the biggest relief she could offer him was to keep herself away from him...so that he wouldnt be constantly reminded of this marriage...so that he wouldnt be constantly reminded of the burden on his shoulders...the burden that had never been his to bear.
Sighing softly, she finished her lunch and stood up to wash her hands.
It was time...he would be home any minute.
He always had lunch at home on Saturdays.
The cook walked into the dining room and started clearing the dishes.
"Is his food ready?", she asked the cook as she wiped her wet hands with a towel.
"Yes Madam...shall I set the table for him?"
She glanced at the antique bracket clock on the wall behind her.
"Not right now...just keep everything warm and ready and as soon as he comes home, set up at the table."
The cook nodded and went back to the kitchen.
She made it a point to always finish her lunch or dinner before him. Except for Sundays, they never had meals together.
She knew her presence would only cause him discomfort...and she just couldnt let that happen.
Slowly, she walked towards the stairs and was halfway through them when she heard the lock, of the front door, turn.
He was home.
Her feet moved at a brisk pace so when he opened the door fully, the only hint of her presence was her dupatta swaying softly behind her as she disappeared up the stairs.
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"Do you love him?", Shashank had asked her once in his office when she had been discussing something with him.
She had turned to him, her pretty features scrunched in confusion.
"What?? Why are you asking me such a strange question? "
"Its just a simple question", Shashank had told her calmly.
He had observed her silently as she stared blankly into space, pondering over his question.
"Love?...love."
The word had seemed so foreign as it had rolled of her tongue. She looked at Shashank again.
"How can you ask me that? That is impossible."
"Is it ...really?"
"You know the circumstances in which we were married...in fact this marriage has no foundation...how can there ever be love?"
"Why not?
Shaking her head exasperatedly, she twisted her hands.
Shashank walked over to her and sat next to her.
Patting her head and giving her a wise smile, he said "His mother told me once that ever since you entered his life...as his wife...her worries have been put to rest. She doesnt fret over him and his future as she did before. She told me that no one has ever cared for him so much...nobody has never looked after him , his needs, his likes and his dislikes with such diligence...as you do. "
Her hands gripping the arms of the chair, she sat stunned, his words flowing around her .Her voice low, she said, "I am just doing what I am supposed to do...it is my duty."
He shook his head. "No my dear...it might be your duty but in today's world no one does all that unless there are some emotions involved."
Not knowing what to say, she remained silent.
"I understand, more than anyone else, the circumstances in which this marriage took place...it has happened before too, hasnt it?"
Her eyes fluttered away from him, something skin to guilt appearing in them.
"But the way you have dealt with all of this, the way you have adjusted to yourself...no one does that unless there is love involved in there somewhere."
A frown took over her forehead as she contemplated his words.
But then a second later, a small smile broke out over her face and she laughed softly...a rare sound.
Shashank looked at her, surprised.
"You're laughing...well that is certainly not the reaction I expected."
"Because you have got it all wrong..."
"How so?"
"I will explain it to you one day...but for now I have to go. My break is over."
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It was during one of the numerous parties at Shashank's house that she got a chance to explain herself to him.
She had been sitting alone in a quiet corner when she had heard his voice behind her.
"I am still waiting for that 'explanation' ", he said smiling affectionately at her.
She returned his smile and thanked her fate that despite everything, at least he still cared for her as a true father would.
She took a deep breath and started speaking...the words coming forth from her eagerly because she had never ever confided in anyone about this before.
"I thought I knew what love was...I had childishly believed that I had found it...that it would never leave my side...that it would never leave me stranded...but it did. And now... "
Her eyes clouded over with the shadows of the past.
"The day he left me..", her voice cracked as her heart remembered the despair from that day return.
Shashank softly patted her hands, silently giving her strength.
Dragging in a shaky breath, she continued, "Everything had ceased to exist for me that day...he broke my trust, he broke all those promises he had made to me...he...he left me...it had felt as if I was drowning in something so deep and murky that I wouldnt ever come out of it...rather I didnt want to come out of it.. That was the moment when for the the first time I had wished for death to take over me."
There was a tightening in Shashank's jaw as he gritted his teeth. He had known all this...he had been there when all this had happened but this was the first time she was speaking about it.
She closed her eyes as she recounted that cursed feeling of falling into a dark abyss...that cold numbness that had taken over rendering her almost lifeless. Her head had spun and she had begun to fall.
When suddenly out of nowhere, strong hands had steadied her.
Her eyelids fluttered open and Shashank was surprised as he saw a tiny light in her eyes just where darkness had prevailed a few seconds ago.
"And then he came...pulling me out of that abyss. He did something for me which he neednt have...in that moment, he didnt care that he was destroying his dreams and his future... that he was ruining his life. He saved from sinking into oblivion. He took hold of my hand and saved my honor."
Shashank felt pride well up in him for that wonderful man.
She finally looked at Shashank."Its isnt about love at all...he is my saviour, my light . No one has ever sacrificed so much for me.And for what...just to save me from humiliation. No matter what I do I will never be able to repay him."
Shashank looked at her with something akin to surprise and admiration in her eyes.
Such strength, he thought.
He touched her head, "I am proud of you...you know that? No one I know has such amazing grace and strength as you do. And things might not seem so bright at the moment, but one day you will get your rainbow...believe me. You will get your happy ending."
She smiled back at him letting him indulge in his far-fetched fantasy. Parents had a strange habit of believing that no matter how bad things were, their children will get their happy endings...but life is not a fairy tale. That was the harsh truth but she didnt tell him that. For that moment, she let him bask in his dreams.
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