God, he looked good. Even after all this time.
She watched him as he reached for a rope that hung in the water. He
began to pull it, and despite the darkening sky she saw the muscles in
his arm flex as he lifted the cage from the water. He let it hang over
the river for a moment and shook it, letting most of the water escape.
After setting the trap on the dock, he opened it and began to remove
the crabs one by one, placing them into a bucket.
She looked around and realized she had forgotten how fresh and
beautiful everything seemed here. Over her shoulder, as she walked
over to join Swayam, she saw he had left a couple of lights on in the
house. It seemed to be the only house around. At least the only one
with electricity.
She stepped on the dock and it creaked under her foot. The sound
reminded her of a rusty squeezebox. Swayam glanced up, then went back
to checking the crabs, making sure they were the right size. She
walked to the rocker that sat on the dock and touched it, running her
hand along the back. She could picture him sitting in it, fishing,
thinking, reading. It was old and weather-beaten, rough-feeling. She
wondered how much time he spent here alone, and about his thoughts
at times like those.A compulsion had driven her here, and for the first time in three
weeks the feeling was gone. She'd needed Swayam to know about her
engagement, to understand, to accept it'she was sure of that now.
While thinking of him, she was reminded of something they shared
the summer they were together. With head down, she paced around
slowly until she found it'the carving. Swayam loves Sharon, in a heart.
Carved into the dock a few days before she'd left.
A breeze broke the stillness and chilled her, making her cross her
arms. She stood that way, alternately looking down at the caning and
then towards the river, until she heard him reach her side. She could
feel his closeness, his warmth.
"It's so peaceful here," she said, her voice dreamlike.
"I know. I come down here a lot now just to be close to the water. It
makes me feel good. Come on, let's go. The mosquitoes are getting
vicious, and I'm starved."
THE SKY had turned black and they started towards the house. In
the silence Sharon's mind wandered and she felt a little light-headed.
She wondered what he was thinking about her being here and wasn't
exactly sure if she knew herself. When they reached the house a
couple of minutes later, Clem greeted them on the back porch.
Swayam set the bucket by the door, then led the way inside to the
kitchen. It was on the right, large and smelling of new wood. The
cabinets had been done in oak, like the floor, and the windows were
large and faced east, allowing the light from the morning sun. It was a
tasteful restoration, not overdone as was so often the case when
homes like this were rebuilt.
"Do you mind if I look around?"
"No, go ahead. I did some shopping earlier and I still have to put the
groceries away."
She toured the house for the next few minutes, walking through the
rooms, noticing how wonderful it looked. She came down the stairs, turned towards the kitchen, and saw his profile. For a second he
looked like a young man of seventeen again, and it made her pause a
split second before going on. Damn, she thought, get a hold of
yourself. Remember that you're engaged now.
He was standing by the counter; a couple of cabinet doors open
wide, empty grocery bags on the floor, whistling quietly.
"It's unbelievable, Swayam. How long did the restoration take?"
He looked up from the last bag he was unpacking. "Almost a year."
"Did you do it all yourself?"
He laughed. "No. I always thought I would when I was young, and I
started that way. But it was just too much. It would have taken years,
and so I ended up hiring some people. . . actually a lot of people. But
even with them it was still a lot of work, and most of the time I didn't
stop until past midnight."
"Why'd you work so hard?"
Ghosts, he wanted to say, but didn't.
"I don't know. Just wanted to finish, I guess. Do you want anything
to drink before I start dinner?"
"What do you have?"
"Not much, really. Beer, tea, coffee."
"Tea sounds good."
He gathered the grocery bags and put them away, then walked to a
small room off the kitchen before returning with a box of tea. He
pulled out a couple of tea bags and put them by the stove, then filled
the kettle. After standing it on the burner, he lit a match and she heard
the sound of flames as they came to life.
"It'll be just a minute," he said, "this stove heats up pretty quick.""That's fine."
When the kettle whistled, he poured two cups and handed one to her.
She smiled and took a sip.
"I'm going to get the crabs in to marinate for a few minutes before I
steam 'em," he said, putting his cup on the counter. He went to the
cupboard and removed a large pot with a steamer and lid. He brought
the pot to the sink, added water, then carried it to the stove.
"Can I give you a hand with something?"
He answered over his shoulder: "Sure. How about cutting up some
vegetables to fry. There's plenty in the icebox, and you can find a
bowl over there."
He motioned to the cabinet near the sink, and she took another sip of
tea before setting her cup on the counter and retrieving the bowl. She
carried it to the icebox and found some okra, courgettes, onions and
carrots on the bottom shelf. Swayam joined her in front of the open door,
and she moved to make room for him. She could smell him as he
stood next to her'clean, familiar, distinctive'and felt his arm brush
against her as he leaned over and reached inside. He removed a beer
and a bottle of hot sauce, then returned to the stove.
Swayam opened the beer and poured it in the water, then added the hot
sauce and some other seasoning. After stirring the water to make sure
the powders dissolved, he went to the back door to get the crabs.
He paused for a moment before going back inside and stared at
Sharon, watching her cut the carrots. As he did that, he wondered again
why she had come, especially now that she was engaged. None of this
made much sense to him. But then Sharon had always been surprising.
He smiled, remembering the way she had been. Fiery, spontaneous,
passionate'as he imagined most artists to be. And she was definitely
that. Artistic talent like hers was a gift. He remembered seeing some
paintings in the museums in New York and thinking that her work
was just as good.She had given him a painting before she'd left that summer. It hung
above the fireplace in the living room. She'd called it a picture of her
dreams, and to him it had seemed extremely sensual. When he looked
at it, and he often did late in the evening, he could see desire in the
colours and the lines, and if he focused carefully he could imagine
what she had been thinking with every stroke.
A dog barked in the distance, and Swayam realized he had been
standing with the door open a long time. He closed it quickly and
went into the kitchen.
"How's it going?" he asked, seeing she was nearly finished.
"Good. I'm almost done here. Anything else for dinner?"
"I have some homemade bread that I was planning on. From a
neighbour," he added as he put the pail in the sink. He began to rinse
the crabs, holding them under the tap, then letting them scurry around
the sink while he rinsed the next one. Sharon picked up her cup and
came over to watch him.
"Aren't you afraid they'll pinch you?"
"No. Just grab 'em like this," he said, demonstrating.
She smiled. "I forget you've done this your whole life."
She leaned against the counter, standing close to him, and emptied
her cup. When the crabs were ready he put them in the pot on the
stove. He washed his hands, turning to speak to her as he did so.
"You want to sit on the porch for a few minutes? I'd like to let them
marinate for a half-hour."
"Sure," she said.
He wiped his hands, and together they went to the back porch. Swayam
flicked on the light as they went outside, and he sat in the older
rocker, offering the newer one to her. When he saw her cup was
empty, he went inside for a moment and emerged with a refill and a beer for himself. He held out the cup and she took it, sipping again
before she put it on the table beside the chairs.
"You were sitting out here when I came, weren't you?"
"Yeah. I sit out here every night. It's a habit now."
"I can see why," she said as she looked around. "So, what is it you
do these days?"
"Actually, I don't do anything but work on the house right now.
It satisfies my creative urges."
"How can you... I mean..."
"Morris Goldman. My old boss from up north. He offered me a part
of the business just as I enlisted, and died before I got home. When I
got back to the states, his lawyers gave me a cheque big enough to
buy this place and fix it up."
She laughed under her breath. "You always told me you'd find a
way to do it."
They both sat quietly for a moment, thinking back again. Sharon took
another sip of tea.
"Do you remember sneaking over here the night you first told me
about this place?"
He nodded, and she went on: "I got home a little late that evening,
and my parents were furious when I finally came in. I can still picture
my daddy standing in the living room smoking a cigarette, my mother
on the sofa staring straight ahead. I swear, they looked as if a family
member had died. That was the first time my parents knew I was
serious about you, and my mother had a long talk with me later that
night. She said to me, 'I'm sure you think that I don't understand what
you're going through, but I do. It's just that sometimes our future is
dictated by what we are, as opposed to what we want.' I remember
being really hurt when she said that.""You told me about it the next day. It hurt my feelings, too. I liked
your parents and I had no idea they didn't like me."
"It wasn't that they didn't like you. They didn't think you deserved
me."
"There's not much difference."
"I know that I always did. Maybe that's why my mother and I
always seem to have a distance between us when we talk."
"How do you feel about it now?"
"The same as I did back then. That it's wrong, that it isn't fair. It
was a terrible thing for a girl to learn, that status is more important
than feelings."
Swayam said nothing.
"I've thought about you ever since that summer," she said.
"You have?"
"Why wouldn't you think so?" She seemed genuinely surprised.
"You never answered my letters."
"You wrote?"
"Dozens of letters. I wrote to you for two years without receiving a
single reply."
She slowly shook her head before lowering her eyes. "I didn't
know.. ." she said finally, quietly, and he knew it must have been her
mother checking the mail, removing the letters without her
knowledge. It was what he had always suspected, and he watched as
Sharon came to the same realization.
"It was wrong of her to do that, Swayam, and I'm sorry she did. But try
to understand. Once I left, she probably thought it would be easier for
me to just let it go. She never understood how much you meant to me, and, to be honest. I don't even know if she ever loved my father the
way I loved you. In her mind, she was just trying to protect my
feelings, and she probably thought the best way to do that was to hide
the letters you sent."
"That wasn't her decision to make," he said quietly.
"I know."
"Would it have made a difference even if you'd got them?"
"Of course. I always wondered what you were up to."
"No, I mean with us. Do you think we would have made it'?"
It took a moment for her to answer. "I don't know, Swayam. I really
don't, and you don't either. We're not the same people we were then.
We've changed. Both of us."
She paused. He didn't respond, and in the silence she looked
towards the creek. She went on. "But yes, Swayam, I think we would
have. At least, I'd like to think we would have."
He nodded, looked down, then turned away. "What's Lon like?"
She hesitated, not expecting the question. Bringing up Lon's name
brought slight feelings of guilt to the surface, and for a moment she
didn't know how to answer. She reached for her cup, took another sip
of tea, then spoke quietly.
"Lon's handsome, charming and successful. He's kind to me, he
makes me laugh, and I know he loves me in his own way." She
collected her thoughts. "But there's always going to be something
missing in our relationship."
She surprised herself with her answer but knew it was true
nonetheless. And she also knew by looking at him that Swayam had
suspected the answer in advance when he asked, "Why?"She shrugged and her voice was barely above a whisper. "I guess I
still look for the kind of love we had that summer."
Swayam thought about what she had said, thought about the
relationships he'd had since he'd last seen her.
"How about you'?" she asked. "Did you ever think about us?"
"All the time. I still do."
"Are you seeing anyone'?"
"No," he answered, shaking his head. He finished his beer. "I'm
going to go and start the water. Can I get you anything'?"
She shook her head, and Swayam went to the kitchen and put the crabs
in the steamer and the bread in the oven. He found some flour and
cornflour for the vegetables, coated them, and put some fat into the
frying pan. After turning the heat on low, he set a timer and pulled
another beer from the icebox before heading back to the porch. And
while he was doing those things, he thought about Sharon and the love
that was missing from both their lives.
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contd in d next post
Edited by namratajadhav - 13 years ago
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