I'm so sorry for updating late, exams finished last month and I was busy catching up on IPKKND episodes. To make up for the lateness somewhat, this is even longer than part 2, 9 and a half pages on Word.
For you Tree aka Baji Sadia. Thank you for encouraging me with this SS (not FF as you so love to call it) from the beginning. Hope I did justice to Khushi's POV for you. Love ya :D
How the Mighty have Fallen - Part 3
So cold.
Khushi sat unmoving as the bitter cold night wind sliced through her. She did not attempt to ward it off. Instead, she welcomed the chill, allowing it to permeate through the thin layer of clothes and skin to reach her numb heart, still in a state of shock due to the events that transpired just a few hours ago. Khushi stared ahead at nothing, trying to make herself understand how things had come to this.
How one's life could change in a mere few seconds. She did not know why she was still surprised; in fact she should have been used to it by now. This was not the first time she felt her whole world tilt on its axis, making her stumble and fall to her knees, yet she somehow managed to get back up on her feet and continue living with boundless optimism and hope. But this time it was different; she simply could not do it.
There was no silver lining, not this time.
Instead, she could feel a big dark cloud trying to descend, just waiting for her to finally admit defeat and let the darkness encompass her. Khushi had never felt such overwhelming betrayal and despair, not even when her parents' lives were claimed in a tragic car accident. An accident which should have claimed her life too, yet quite miraculously she had been pulled out of the wreckage unscathed.
She felt herself go back in time, back to that helpless, little girl who had just realised that she had been orphaned at the tender age of 8. She had thought it was the blackest day of her life.
Amma! Babuji!
She ran inside the emergency room and stopped dead. Her wide eyes with unshed tears took in the sight before her. Two hospital beds, each of which lay a prone figure covered with a white cloth.
No...
She walked forward slowly and stood in between the beds. Their bodies were completely covered with a white cloth and only their ashen faces could be seen. She started calling for each of her parents in turn as the tears ran down her face, fear trying to choke the words off before she could get them out.
'Amma!'
She ran towards her mother's bedside.
Her mother.
The most beautiful woman in the world Khushi had always thought. Her long wavy brown hair, which cascaded down her back and framed her heart-shaped face now hung limp and lifeless. Her rosy lips, which she had always used to shower Khushi with kisses, now looked dry and drained of colour. Her pink cheeks, with beautifully high cheekbones, now looked gaunt and highlighted the big black circles under her eyes.
'Amma, open your eyes!'
Khushi begged her mother to wake up, to open the eyes which were always filled with warmth and tender love.
Her mother's kind eyes.
They always seemed to brighten whenever she saw Khushi or babuji, their sparkle conveying her happiness in a way a smile never could. She was her best friend. Her closest confidante. And the thought of never seeing her mother's eyes come to life again was more than Khushi could bear. She turned away and looked towards the other bed.
'Babuji!'
She ran towards her father's bedside.
Her father.
The most handsome man in the world Khushi had always thought. The small beard, which used to tickle her cheek as he hugged her close, now looked unkempt. The straight long nose, which she used to pinch lightly whenever they played together, now looked too pale. His eyes, which were always able to reassure Khushi and chase away all her fears of monsters carrying her away into the night, were closed.
'Babuji, wake up!'
She looked at his arms, which lay unmoving underneath the cloth, as she pleaded for her father to wake up, to move the arms which always cocooned her in an embrace.
Her father's warm embrace.
All her fears and worries vanished when she was hugged by her father, she felt protected and safe because she knew he would never allow anything or anyone to hurt her. He was her hero, her pillar of strength and support. And the thought of him not being able to hold her again broke her heart.
She moved to stand between her parents once again, the tears dripping off her chin as she looked from her mother to her father and back again.
They had left her.
To face a life without their warmth and protection. How she wished she could go with them but they had gone to a place where she could not follow. As the realisation finally sank in, the tears ran afresh and Khushi cried her heart out for losing the two most important people in her life. The two people whom she loved with all her young heart.
She cried for hours while crouched on the floor. Her arms clutching her knees as she screamed for her parents repeatedly. She shrugged off the hands of the nurses who tried to placate her, not wanting to part from her parents, at least not physically. She hated the intrusion whenever a nurse or doctor came near her and so she paid them no heed, eventually they left her to grieve in peace.
Unexpectedly, Khushi felt a comforting hand on her head and she looked up, startled, into the kind eyes of her Shashi mausa. He was sitting beside her with tears running down his own face and a world of grief in his eyes. Without a word, he pulled Khushi into his embrace.
'Khushi bitiya, I'm so sorry.'
He hugged her close as both continued to cry. Her tears seeping into his kurta, as his own tears fell onto her shoulder. Khushi clutched at his kurta with her tiny hands as the sobs wracked her. Shashi mausa had held her all the while, both grieving yet finding comfort in each other's embrace. After a while, her sobs subsided and Khushi only then realised that her mausa ji's hug made her feel just like how she did when she was in her father's arms. She felt safe. Shashi mausa then pulled back and looked down at her tear-ridden face.
'You will never be alone Khushi bitiya. I promise I will look after you.'
Even in the midst of her grief, Khushi could see the sincerity in her mausa's face as he made his promise. She knew right then that she could depend on him. Shashi mausa had then kissed her forehead and got up whilst holding onto Khushi's hand, helping her stand up too. They proceeded to walk outside the emergency room and were greeted by a distraught Garima maasi and Payal jiji. Both of whom enveloped Khushi into a hug, as they reassured her that they will be there for her. Afterwards, they led Khushi back to their house and after many futile attempts to get her to eat; her mausa and maasi had tucked her into bed in the spare bedroom.
After an hour, Payal jiji peeped into Khushi's bedroom to see if her cousin had slept, only to hear quiet sniffles and sobs underneath the blanket. Payal jiji tiptoed across the room and snuck underneath Khushi's blanket, lying down beside her. Khushi jumped at the intrusion and looked at Payal jiji with wide, startled eyes brimming with tears. This had only served to ignite the motherly instincts in her 10 year old cousin and she wrapped her arm around Khushi, resting her forehead against hers.
'Don't cry Khushi. From now on, I will be your bigger sister. I will take care of you forever and for always. You're not alone.'
Just like Shashi mausa, Payal jiji's face showed nothing but sincerity and tenderness. This induced Khushi to cry even more as she realised that though she had lost her parents, she had gained another family who vowed to love and protect her. Payal jiji held her as she cried, consoling her as the night passed.
It was the darkest day of Khushi's life, the day she had lost her parents but her newfound family made sure that she did not give into despair. Though it took time, she learnt to live again. To laugh, to play and to accept the fact that life goes on. Her strong beliefs in religion, cemented by her parents' loving guidance, also helped to bring back her optimistic and cheerful nature. She grew closer to her new family, confiding in Shashi mausa and Payal jiji and behaving mischievously with Garima maasi and Madhumati bua, when she came to visit occasionally. She especially used to love making her family laugh as she imitated exactly bua ji's plait-swinging, eyes-narrowing, hai-re-nandkishore-calling ways. Though once it earned her a clipping around the ear when bua ji caught her in the middle of her impersonation. Sometime later, it seemed second nature to call her Shashi mausa, babuji, Garima maasi, amma and Payal jiji just jiji.
Babuji doted on her, bringing her into his halwai shop and teaching her how to make the sweets she so loved to eat. Khushi had quickly realised that jalebis were her favourite mithai and could eat a dozen without feeling sick; a feat her family still marvelled at. Jiji also doted on Khushi, pampering her as only a bigger sister could. Always bringing a smile to her face whenever she was glum. Somehow managing to get Khushi out of a pickle she suddenly found herself in and joining Khushi in her pranks on the poor, unsuspecting villagers of Laxmi Nagar. Amma also loved Khushi but Khushi could see that she differentiated in her behaviour between herself and Payal. Many times, Garima maasi had side-lined Khushi and showered Payal with a tenderness and love Khushi had rarely received from her. Bua ji also made it clear who was her favourite niece, choosing to dote on Payal and telling her off gently for any mistake she committed. But, when it came to Khushi's mistakes, bua ji used to yell until she was red in the face and screamed at Khushi to disappear from her sight. Jiji had always tried to lessen this difference by being another mother to Khushi and placating her quick-to-anger bua.
Over the years, amma and bua ji were more inclined to be affectionate and loving towards Khushi and putting up with her mischievous ways, earning her the name 'Sanka devi' in the process. But Khushi had still occasionally felt as if she was second best. Though she had initially felt a small ache in her chest seeing Garima maasi's displays of affection towards her cousin, she chose to ignore it. She was already so grateful towards them for making her a member of their family and looking after her when she had no-one else, she had no right to complain. But sometimes she had wished that Garima maasi could fill the hole that her amma had left behind. With her maasi's love, the hole had reduced in size but it was still present nonetheless. It was the ever-present ache of an unfulfilled wish. All Khushi wanted was for someone to love her wholeheartedly, to fill the hole in her heart left behind by her parents' deaths.
Someone with whom she could find home.
Khushi came back to the present with tears in her eyes. She had not even thought about her family when she decided to leave. She loved them dearly and hated the fact that she was going to hurt them by going away, but she had no other choice. She could not stay in Delhi. Not anymore.
And it was all due to one man.
Arnav Singh Raizada.
The person who changed the course of her life forever.
Once again, Khushi felt herself go back in time but to a time period much more recent. She replayed the scenes from just a few hours ago, though now it seemed as if it had occurred a lifetime ago. She recalled the scene as she demanded to know the reason why he had married her.
Khushi would not let up, even as she saw the anger rising in her husband's eyes like a black tide, she had to get to the bottom of the matter.
'I feel suffocated staying in this house as your wife, knowing I cannot tell anyone about the circumstances in which you married me. Why don't you just free yourself from this? I know you hate me, ever since you met me you've shown it. Let us live our own lives and end this suffering!'
She could tell he had reached the limits of his patience and, sure enough, he snapped. Arnav's arms shot up to hold her arms in a hard grip that would undoubtedly leave bruises.
'So you can get back together with Shyam and break my di's marriage?'
'What...'
Out of all the responses, she had never expected this. How did he find out about her and Shyam and their despicable past? She instantly regretted not telling him the truth sooner as she realised that he misunderstood the relationship between Shyam and herself. If you could even call it that as it was all based on a lie. Before Khushi had a chance to open her mouth, he continued.
'Don't act innocent Khushi, it won't work with me. I saw with my own eyes. You and jeejaji,' he emphasised the last word with disgust. 'The two of you cavorting on the night of your sister's wedding, touching and hugging each other.'
He paused, as if he was trying to quell the disgust that was about to overwhelm him. Khushi's heart felt as if it was shattering; his words shooting like poisonous arrows straight into it.
'Then you asked him to break his marriage with my di. Why would you do that Khushi? You have no answer do you or perhaps you do but don't want to say it? It doesn't matter, I'll tell you why.'
Another pause. Khushi could do nothing but stand and stare with wide brown eyes.
'You realised that your efforts in trying to trap me were not bearing fruit. So you moved on to my jeejaji, desperate to find another wealthy suitor whom you could marry. So you could wrap him around your little finger and use his money shamelessly. Well then here's news for you, jeejaji is not rich at all. In fact, I'm the one who used to pay for his expenses; his bank account is funded by me. I always wondered why, despite being a lawyer, he never had enough money. I assumed it was because he spent the money gifting presents to my di but I was wrong wasn't I? It wasn't my di he was lavishly bestowing presents to, it was you! Where else would he have gotten the money to buy you that engagement ring? Also, I saw the wrapping paper in your bedroom drawer that night of Preeto's wedding; the tag was addressed to you from Shyam. You should've been more careful Khushi. You might have been able to hide the numerous gifts Shyam has given you, but you slipped up with the gift wrap.'
Every word, every accusation, every taunt made its mark on her heart. Each wound allowing a fresh torrent of blood to seep out of it. She had never known such pain could be so intense. Her heart struggled to beat and she struggled to breathe past the constriction in her throat. But Arnav had no mercy.
'But it doesn't matter. I know your true colours, I realised just in time on the night of your sister's wedding. Thank God for that! If it wasn't for my timely arrival on the terrace then you would've gotten away with it all. Even I almost fell for your innocent charm. But I knew I should've stayed with my gut instinct ever since I first met you. That you are a scheming, opportunistic gold digger with no class, no money and no scruples!'
Finally, he had finished and, with the final sentence, her heart had finally given up its struggle to beat and stopped, cutting of its connection to her brain. She felt the blood drain from her face as she continued to stare at Arnav, her shock almost palpable.
Arnav looked...as if he was about to be sick. Most likely because he had finally said the wicked tale, as he knew it, aloud instead of keeping it festering inside himself. Slowly, Khushi's brain began to work again and she knew what she had to do; she could not allow this misunderstanding to hang over their heads a second longer. So, she had then picked up her phone and dialled Shyam's number, putting the phone on speaker right after. She had then tricked Shyam into revealing the entire truth as she talked to him on the phone with Arnav, a silent witness, standing in front of her.
When the whole truth was out, she had felt immense relief only for the fact that she had finally told the truth to the person she had wanted to tell it to all along. Ever since Arnav had finished talking, she had started to build walls around her numb heart, to protect it from any more pain that should come its way and keep her rising emotions at bay. It was only her brain which helped her to function and endure the phone call with Shyam whilst standing opposite the person who betrayed her in a way she could not forgive. This was not the time to break down and cry, not with her betrayer looking on. But one look at Arnav's devastated face, which almost immediately looked down as he realised the gravity of his mistake, and she could feel the newly erected walls come crashing down. The pain engulfing her completely and her eyes subsequently filled with tears. They escaped the confines of her eyes and fell down her face in silent rivulets.
She saw Arnav's head snap up and stare in horror as she started to cry. He moved forward but she knew she would not be able to stand it if he touched her. So she turned and fled to the bathroom. She heard him running behind her and once inside, she closed the door in his face and locked it. She could not face him, not after already crying in front of him. She stood quivering in front of the closed door, her hand on the wooden panelling as she tried to control herself from breaking down completely.
'Khushi. Khushi, please open the door.' Arnav begged.
Grief threatened to choke her, she could not reply. Only the tears trickling down her cheeks were a silent witness to her anguish.
'Khushi, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I never thought that this would happen. That Shyam was the one who trapped you in his web of deceit. I trusted him Khushi. I thought he was faithful to di. God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me Khushi.'
She lost the fight with herself and started to sob uncontrollably.
She heard his voice break.
'Khushi, Khushi I beg you. Please open the door. I know I deserve this and worse but I can't... I'll do anything. I'll make it up to you. Just open the door. Let me in.'
This only served to make her cry even harder. He had broken her trust in a way that it could not be repaired. But Arnav Singh Raizada never begged anyone and the realisation that he was hurting made her heart constrict painfully and it cried right along with her.
'Khushi!'
She heard him cry and the sound ripped right through her. She could barely endure her own pain but hearing him cry in pain was more than she could bear. She clutched her chest and screwed her eyes shut, but the pain was relentless.
'I love you. I always have and always will. I know...I know I haven't shown it but it doesn't make it any less true. I was angry, confused and I pushed you away. I misunderstood you, but not anymore. Please don't do this to me. I barely survived after losing amma, I can't survive if I lose you too. Don't leave me in the dark again.'
He had finally said it. The three magical words she always wanted to hear from him. But now they were meaningless. Without trust there was no love. So why was it that she could feel her heart ripping in two? One half crying over his betrayal and the other half wanting to go out and comfort him. She slid to the floor as she faced the door, her legs unable to hold her up.
She listened with an aching heart as he begged and pleaded with her for hours, apologising constantly until his voice became a hoarse whisper. With every cry, she felt another rip in her heart but she did not open the door. No matter how much her heart begged her to because either way it would still be in pain. Eventually, her tears ran out and all became silent but still she did not move. He was still waiting for her on the other side and knowing Arnav Singh Raizada, he would never let her do what she was planning to do next. So Khushi waited.
After a while, when she was almost certain he was asleep, she opened the door. She looked down to see Arnav lying on the floor in the foetal position, facing away from the door. Soundlessly, she walked around him and then looked down at his face. She could tell he was not sleeping peacefully. His forehead was scrunched up and his chest was heaving, as if he was reliving a nightmare he could not wake up from. Her heart urged her to placate him but Khushi closed her eyes to its plea.
She could not stay here anymore. Arnav had made that impossible.
Khushi knew she did not have much time. So she quickly went to his wardrobe and got her old suitcase out, which contained all the things her amma and bua ji brought from their house. She walked to the dressing table and packed away her things. Her eyes caught sight of the little box of sindoor. Her hand reached out automatically to take it but then stopped right above it. She did not want to take anything of Arnav's or anything that reminded her of him. It would making leaving too painful. But, she also could not ignore the fact that she had made sacred vows, though wordlessly and due to compulsion, in front of God. She could not just write that out of her life and escape from it. So she picked up the box and packed it away also. She also placed the 300 rupees that she had loaned from Arnav, into his wallet that lay on the dressing table. Not wanting to leave behind any debts she owed, especially to him.
She looked at the time; it was only 3:00am. She had to leave quickly before Arnav woke up. She turned towards the door.
'Khushi...'
She froze.
Her head slowly turned around to look at the still figure on the floor. Her heart thudded in fear as she realised she had woken him due to the disturbance. But instead, she saw that his eyes were still closed and he had whispered her name in his restless slumber.
'Khushi, please don't leave me. Don't leave me like amma...'
The tears sprang back into her eyes and she felt as if she had been sucker-punched. The impact made her gasp in pain. All thoughts of leaving were forgotten and, as if compelled, she crept closer and closer to Arnav and knelt in front of him. As she stared at him, her trembling hand reached out to touch the soft hair which was falling in disarray over his forehead.
Her hand stilled just a few millimetres from his face.
She could not touch him. Not only would it make it more likely that he'd wake up, but also her resolve to leave him would shatter. She could not go back on her decision. Not after everything that has happened. She slowly withdrew her hand as she looked at his sleeping face.
She has always thought he was especially beautiful when he slept. The facade of ASR the tycoon was stripped away and instead, she could see his vulnerable, soft side. Something which she had only caught glimpses of whenever he talked about his parents or when he apologised to her - both of which he seldom did. The chiselled features looked less harsh and his shrewd eyes looked less intimidating when closed. His hair, with none of its usual gelled appearance, looked rumpled and ruffled. Khushi wanted to stay where she was and see him like this forever. She sat there, memorising each and every detail of his face so she could store it away in her memory. For the times when she would feel lonely.
There was no future for them. Not now. Not ever. It was better she accepted this now and left than to stay with him and continue this baseless marriage.
She got up from the floor and walked slowly towards the bedroom door. With each step, she could feel the humming of the strong bond that always tied them together, trying to make her stop, to look back and to return to his side, where she knew she belonged. But Khushi was resolute. She walked forward, even as she felt her heart wither as she increased the distance between them. It seemed an eternity had gone by when she reached the front door. Her hand trembled on the door handle as she walked through the threshold and she closed her eyes in an attempt to shut off the pain.
She was finally leaving.
Khushi came out of her reverie feeling even more depressed and heartbroken. The ever quick tears began to form in her eyes. She realised and blinked a few times to get rid of them as anger overtook her. What use were tears now? She had always cried when life treated her unfairly but did that stop the hard times from coming? At least Arnav Singh Raizada was right about something. Tears were useless, a form of weakness. They did nothing to change a person's situation and it was not going to change her situation now. Even after her usual bout of crying, she would still be stuck here on this hard metal bench on the train platform, cold, heartbroken and alone.
She will not be the weak damsel in distress waiting for someone to rescue her. She will pick herself back up again; she did it before, she would do it again. Although this time, she would do it without any help and the thought did not deter her in the slightest. Something she learnt courtesy of her encounter with Arnav Singh Raizada. Ever since she first met him, she landed herself in unfamiliar circumstances, where she was forced to go out of her comfort zone and swallow her pride. She provided for her family, worked for the most ruthless boss who swore to make her life hell, started two small businesses, one which ended in failure and the other; she had willingly stopped and lastly married the very same ruthless boss who swore to make her married life a living nightmare.
Which is why she was not scared of going out into the unknown world, she was not afraid of hard work and she always had a stubborn streak, which even Arnav could not break. She would provide for herself and gain her independence; she did not need him or anybody else.
The whistle signalled the arrival of her train and Khushi stood up, holding her suitcase handle in one hand and her train ticket in the other. The train came to a shuddering, squealing stop beside the platform and Khushi walked towards the entrance. There were very few people catching the same train, only a handful at this early hour. As she neared the door, Khushi's steps faltered. She managed to put one foot on the stair before she looked back. She could feel her heart protesting feebly with every action, but her mind overpowered her sadistic heart and urged her to look forward and get on the train.
Once Khushi had put away her luggage and seated herself, she knew she should have felt relieved but instead, she felt as if she was slowly dying.
'You can't live without him.'
'I can'of course I can,' Khushi whispered, responding back to her traitorous heart.
'You love him.'
'Not anymore. Not after his betrayal. He didn't trust me so there is no way he could have loved me.'
'You know that is not true.'
'That is the truth, it was the truth all along. I was just too stupid to realise it earlier. He didn't ever lov-'
Suddenly, Khushi heard a gut-wrenching scream and she looked up with wide unseeing eyes.
It was him. He was right in front of her. But how was it possible? This could not be real. Even as the thoughts ran through her mind, she did not stop staring at the scene in front of her.
Arnav was screaming as if he had lost everything that ever mattered, his grief coming out in a cry that was directed towards the heavens. He was standing in front of his car on a lonely, deserted road with the wind plastering his clothes to his body. But he paid no heed.
Khushi watched transfixed at the spectre in front of her, her heart thudding loudly in her throat as his scream rang in her ears.
She saw Arnav then look towards the sky as if seeking the answer to an unspoken question. The tears began to fall from his eyes and his expression changed to one of reproach, as if he resented the fact that an answering call was not given.
Khushi watched in horror as she saw Arnav, her mighty Arnav Singh Raizada, break down. She reached out her hand to somehow get closer to him, her eyes mirroring the grief she could see in his. But, as she reached out towards him, the vision started to get smaller and finally it faded away.
Khushi came back to her present to see the train had already started its journey. She knew, with absolute certainty, that what she has just seen was not conjured up by her imagination but was in fact real. Right now, Arnav was completely alone and suffering. Her hand flew up to her mouth, as she tried to stifle the fear and grief that was trying to consume her completely. Her breath coming out in short gasps.
There was no use denying it. She loved him. She loved him with all her heart, even after everything that had happened. He had owned her heart from the very first time they met and he still owned it even when he had thrown it back in her face as he accused her of having an affair with his brother-in-law. Yet, in spite of all that, she loved him. He was her life.
'And you thought you could live without him.'
This time Khushi let the tears fall, she knew that she would not be able to stop them so she did not even try. She would cry one last time for Arnav Singh Raizada. The man who stole her heart and then damaged it beyond repair.
'No-one can ever replace him, you won't be able to love another.' Her heart tried desperately to change her decision.
'I know,' she whispered brokenly.
Her heart was right. She was able to accept her parents' deaths because she was lucky enough to have another set of parents who loved her dearly too. But now she finally realised why this was the blackest night of her life. She knew that no other person would make her feel the same way as Arnav did or possess her heart like he had. He had changed her forever.
'I know.'
Edited by Iffy.Squiffy - 13 years ago
Pati Patni Aur Panga
Jaane Anjaane Hum Mile
Tum Se Tum Tak
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
Vasudha
