How the Mighty have Fallen - Part 1
Arnav woke up abruptly, disorientated. His eyes were bleary as he had minimal sleep and his muscles ached from sleeping in an awkward position. He looked around the darkened room to get his bearings from his position on the floor. Suddenly, realisation struck and he sat up and turned around simultaneously to see the bathroom door ajar.
No...
His drowsiness completely disappeared as urgency took its place. He got up so quickly he experienced a wave of dizziness. Quelling the feeling hard, he rushed to push open the bathroom door. He looked inside.
No...
He almost ran back into the bedroom and towards the wardrobe. He flung it open and rapidly checked its contents. Her clothes were all there. The many colourful saris and dresses were either hung or stacked neatly. The clothes she had become accustomed to wearing ever since he gave her the damning 6 month sentence she was to serve inside the Raizada mansion.
His frantic gaze suddenly stopped dead and his blood ran cold when he saw an empty space at the bottom of the wardrobe.
Even with the evidence clearly in front of him, his heart immediately rejected the conclusion his mind was trying to enforce.
He dashed to the dressing table and once again, his eyes skimmed its contents; for something amiss. He noticed it almost immediately and it took the wind right out of his sails.
The little pot of blood-red sindoor was gone. She applied it everyday even knowing that theirs was a sham of a marriage. But, even though she knew the circumstances in which they got married, she never failed to apply the sindoor in her maang nor remove the mangalsutra from around her neck. Her faith in her religion and God was unshakeable. Even when she saw her happy world burn to ashes, she did not lose faith. Even when he ruthlessly blackmailed her into marrying him, threatening to ruin her sister's marital bliss before it had even begun, she hung onto her beliefs with a tenacious willpower that Arnav had grudgingly admired.
As its absence finally registered in his mind, Arnav finally accepted the inevitable.
Khushi...
Arnav had never felt so happy nor his heart so light. He loved Khushi! Since when, he did not know but nevertheless, she had sneaked in and was now residing in his heart. He had denied the truth for so long that he knew it could not be contained anymore.
He had to tell her. Right now.
He felt himself bubble with elation. Finally, he was going to have the happiness enter his life; the happiness he so craved but was denied for so long.
He reached the terrace but, before he opened the door, he imagined what Khushi's face would be like once he confessed. It would definitely stop her non-stop chatter that's for sure, might even make her speechless but not for long he was sure. The thought made him smile.
The Laad Govenor proposing to his Chamkeeli.
Who would have thought it? She was not his type at all, they were exact polar opposites. But Arnav knew, with utmost certainty, that if he was ever to get married, it would be with Khushi and Khushi only.
The realisation did not bring with it the usual rejection, denial and abhorrence. Not anymore. Instead he felt a sense of rightness accompany his decision, as if this was his life's purpose.
To cement the bond that existed between them.
There had always been a connection between them, as wonderful as it was inexplicable. He felt it as soon as he laid eyes upon her when she was ushered up onto that ramp and down the catwalk in his fashion show. His mind immediately rejected the bond, shying away from the feelings evoked by the lovely vision she presented. So, when he punished her for supposedly ruining his fashion show, he realised, months later, that he punished her for making him feel vulnerable for that one instant. For chipping away a small part of the icy barrier around his heart; a barrier he had thought was impenetrable.
Arnav cringed from the memory and felt a stab of guilt when he recollected how he punished her shamelessly. For something she did not do. She had only come to the Sheesh Mahal because she wanted to talk to her gold digging would-be brother-in-law. To reason with him about the heavy dowry she thought was imposed only by his parents. How despicably low, to marry someone for money. Yet, he had accused her of the same.
Another painful nail hammered in his coffin of guilt as he recalled his earlier treatment towards her. He had constantly degraded and belittled her by mentioning her class, her aukaat. Lashing out at her by saying she was only after money and that all she looked for was to get married to a wealthy man.
But no more.
He could not even imagine hurting her again. He could not bear to see her tears; each one shot an icy dagger into his heart. In nearly all instances he was responsible for her silent tears, which made it even more painful to witness. Never again will he hurt her. He will be responsible only for her happiness and well-being. That was a promise. He will fill her life with so much love that all the sadness and bitterness from the past will be swept away. He will make it up to her and give her the unconditional love she deserved.
He knew she was pure and kind hearted. He'd seen it so many times, especially when she was talking to his di. The smile she so graciously bestowed upon his family members, he wanted it bestowed upon him...every day. To see her smile just for him would be one of life's sweetest pleasures. Because he knew she loved him. Her expressive eyes were a testament to the fact. Her shy glances and her tender smiles too. She was simply waiting for him to confess.
With a telling smile playing on his lips, Arnav opened the door only to have his world crashing down on him as he witnessed the scene before his own eyes.
His jeejaji was hugging Khushi tightly and she was not pushing him away. His arms were wound around her possessively, his chin resting on her shoulder. Arnav could see his face. His eyes were shut tight, as if savouring the feeling of having Khushi, HIS Khushi, in his arms. Seeing the disgusting sight before him, Arnav's heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. He stood transfixed, trying to make sense of what was happening but his ever quick mind ceased to function and he was finding it difficult to breathe. All he knew was that he had to leave there immediately, lest he did something he regretted, such as break down and cry.
Arnav turned around slowly. They did not notice his presence at all. He walked mechanically to his room, his legs moving of their own accord as his mind was not paying attention at all. He sat on the bed and closed his eyes, but it seemed the image of Shyam hugging Khushi was imprinted on the backs of his eyelids. His eyes snapped open, which subsequently filled as tears came.
Such intense pain felt so familiar; pain so familiar and close to the heart. He had been betrayed by yet another person whom he loved dearly. First his mother and now Khushi. But it hurt so much more this time around. He knew what it cost him to let Khushi in, to evade the barriers and let her dwell in his heart, yet he let her in anyway. He trusted her; believing she also felt the same way about him as he did about her. How utterly wrong he was and now he was trying to accept the one fact.
He had loved and lost.
With this knowledge, Arnav plunged into a roiling abyss of pain, hurt and betrayal. Was he cursed? Is that the reason why happiness always eluded him? It always seemed within reach but when he tried to get a hold of it, it always escaped his grasp and faded away.
His short-lived joy proved one thing. The world was a cold, heartless place and the only way to survive was if you were the same. He had been but Khushi's entrance in his life had changed him. He had begun to hope, feel positive for the future and revel in the feeling of being alive and in love.
But that was then and this is now. In one instant, Khushi had crumbled his newfound happiness; had fooled him completely.
With this dawning realisation, Arnav did not allow the tears to escape his eyes. Instead, his eyes blazed with a potent and wild fury. He would make them pay for their mistake. Both his cheating scumbag of a brother-in-law and the girl who had fooled him with her fake innocence and charm will pay dearly for betraying him and his sister. That was a promise he will go to any lengths to keep. After all, he was Arnav Singh Raizada. Nothing can get in his way and even if it did he would obliterate it. As simple as that. Khushi Kumari Gupta would regret the day she met Arnav Singh Raizada!
Arnav's eyes snapped open as he came back to the present. His eyes took in the cold, dark and empty bedroom from where he was crouched on the floor.
She left because of him. Because of the events that occurred last night. Arnav recalled her grief-stricken face with vivid clarity, the tears streaming down from her eyes as she looked at him reproachfully. He had finally achieved his aim, the one he had made since that night that changed his life. Though he did so unwittingly and when he least wanted to, he had broken her spirit.
Please don't leave me. I can't face the dark without you.
Anupamaa
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