IPKKND:SS: A New Hope ~~Chp 18 Uptd on pg 35 - Page 10

To that she replied Bcz you have changed Arnavji & bcz I have changed Arnavji. He didnt understand her first but then looking into her doe eyes he understood, so he asked, do you wana start afresh & are you sure this time it will be right ???

She said "Yes" I am sure it will be right this time. He so fell in love with her again for believing in that " US" for both of them.

she came close to him and sat at par with him for the first time in his life, she caught hold of his hand and told him do you remember that once you had told me Hamari Dhadkan 1 ho gayi, so thats why we need to be together now.

To this he questioned so than why did you leave???

She replied to him: "for my sake, for me loving you was not difficult, but at first when the truth came out I was hurt very hurt & could not mend my self no matter I did I didnt feel the desire to be there & then for days & months... I couldnt comprehende what had I landed up myself in".

To understand this I will hv to tell you my story The Story of KKG,

she said as you already know I was orphaned at 8 and amma bauji took me in and never they let me feel for once that I was not a part of them, they always outdid them selves but the society doesnt let you, with time I grew up to be a happy go chirpy gal but underneath this was the gratitude I felt for amma bauji, I was eager to stamp my presence in their life and they always accomodate, I had just started college and had my exams for NIIT that vacation. but than jiji's marriage got fixed & we all got bzy and than came than fateful day came when we met, now you the reasons but that night you hadnt believed me & it had crashed our world.

It had bought a huge set of problems for us. Bauji had taken a huge loan after mortgaging his store for jiji's marriage, the marriage never took place but we still had bills to pay & not to forget the emotional stress.

& then you released the Clip, it made our lives a living hell. we didnt belong to a so called progressive society of delhi, nor did we hv funds to secure ourselves with hired security, each jibe which was directed to me hurt my family so much more. but than In Lucknow during one such incidence I came across shyamji, he helped us & we were grateful to help for being there in that difficult moment.

but that again caused a huge stress for bauji, & when it your parents suffering we all like to sacrifice our dreams, just than bauji decide to send me n jiji to delhi thinking that it was cause good for us a change of scene and sail through rough times. In delhi fate had written something else for us. Buaji was going a difficult finincial period and recently lost her husband & it felt we were a added burden to her. So I thought of working & helping till the time was in delhi as I always believed that these efforts gona help my famly tide the rough waters. the things with jiji were not helping my parents. jiji didnt utter a word yet kept crying when she thought no one was watching, each tear that felt from her eyes increased my guilt 10fold.

babuji was under huge mental strain & was losing his health desperately, I still remember the day I had told I will be returning to Lucknow & that fateful call that night, we had bought our tickets and called amma babuji to inform We will returning the next day, amma had cried and told me abt a babuji's attack& the visit to the doctor. My happy colorful canvas had some more drops of black smeared in there. yet I thought with all of us being together we gonna tide though the tough times, on the way to station I got a idea that delhi was bigger place we could get a better opputunity to earn & after things will settle I will go for my exams & my dreams then. We returned home and told no one abt my exams & my plans just that we could put up a small mithai store and earn money, once we had enough to settle babuji's debt we would return to lucknow, since from childhood we had been raised in a envoirement of mithai, mithai making came naturally to us. At first bauji had her doubts yet babuji wellbeing come first for her so she decided to help us. She even mortgaged her Gold bangles for this. we started and things started smoothing & we were happy abt it and than we got the Mithai order from Shantivan & again you came & again things failed. We had invested agood amount in it yet lost bcz no fault of ours, in these days I once agn met Shyam ji, he helped me reach home one rainy evening, bauji was indebted with his mannerism & slowly he started visiting frequently & i do not know how he convinced bauji to be a PG in her house yet one day he was there when I reached home, I found it strange yet who was I too comment & he always behaved sweet & decent. Money helped, the need of hour that time. and the charmer he was with Raizadas, he was with us.

Whenever we needed help he was there, advice effort or some small household thing, though we never expected but he always bought in that the Smile which we needed those times. & one day Anjali came and she blckmailed me to train lavanya ji

and we met again. Each of these occasion you told me abt my staus( aukat)/ Socail standing and it hurt me double bcz I had just given my dreams.

and than the first few days went by and you and anjali ji had a fight bcz of me, that day I saw the Glimpse of Arnav behind the hard facade you carry, The love u had for Anjaliji had me bowled over, in that 1 moment I forgot all the things that you had done wrong to me.

Again I started at RM and a few days later amma babuji arrived suddenly, and amma told us that babuji had to sell his shop to pay the mortgage, yet we all were happy that we were together and we will tide these times.

and then one day Shyam ji asked bauji If an alliance was possible between him and me & she discussed with babuji, which he intially didnt not accept he wanted to be reassured abt everything.The day you had fallen bcz of your low sugar, I had for the first time felt that you are also human being who has his vunrabilities and when you laughed that day for the first time I felt a tug in my heart.

than babuji felt sick, the bottom from our world felt blown we dint know what to do, all of ladies I mean and that too not much qualified yet I dint not want them to feel weak so I decide should continue work as long as I could to RM and when I hv some money aside I could put some shop or something so I kept continued and then buaji started talking aby my marriage to shyam, I intially refused bcz thats not what I wanted I had postponed my dreams & gvn up on them so I jus said no but with each passing buaji kept getting adamant and I kept refusing One night I had reached home, & i heard amma crying in a dark room, the room was in which babuji was there, I couldnt imagine the pain she must be going that she had to unburden herself infront of her sick husband. I felt very sad that night for the first time bauji told me to rethink my decision in a mellow down tone, it felt she had lost a important thing in life, yet I couldnt bring myself to the thing my family was expecting and then I dunt know I started feeling sumthing happening when you were in vicinity, which I couldnt lay my finger yet bothered me day in day out. yet I couldn never think of reaching you, u were THE ASR & me, so I just left those thoughts and continue among all the chaos and one day when i reached home, buaji & amma were very upset, someone had made a rude comment me n Shyam & for buaji all hell had broken that night, that she emotional blackmailed me for the first time, showing me the mirror of my dead parents, babuji sick health & general conditions, I relented & agreed to get married to Shyam. I felt I need to make scarifice of my dreams again for my family n I did that. There were a few things abt Shyam which didnt not fit right some days but when questioned he came up with such perfect answers that doubts couldnt stay & one day at RM I came across the truth, I felt shattered for being so ashamedly used & I broke that relation at that very point, I guess you must be remembering that day when I had bumped into you by the poolside & your coffee mug had broken, you questioned me & I was abt to spill the beans that very moment I remembered Anjali ji she had been always kind to me and I knew she was all important to you, I jus couldnt decide what to do then & went home and we all decide that truth needs to be told to Raizada's even though amma was scared of the consequences yet we all decided thruth needs to be told, next morning I returned to RM and was abt to tell the truth sumthing happened, that is anajali's mangal sutra got misplaced & she started crying & was nervous, in that few moments I got a glimpse of her love & dedication to her world, how could I deal a cruel blow to it. I just didnt hv the guts..I backed that moment when I reached home back I somehow convinced others too.

But I kept coming to RM to help with marriage preparations and in those day I saw a new Arnav, a Arnav not ASR, he was naughty sweet & cared for PPL, he had started helping me not jibing me at my class, I njoied these small moment but I never dreamnt abt anything beyond that, and then sangeet happened, that was the first time you had effected me so strongly. yet you were attentive to me for the first time I felt sumthing so strong that went beyond my control, yet once again I didnt wana any hope buding so I just left it there & moved on but during those few incidences between us the shouting at me on the road, the bangles, the kiss u gv me kind of left me dazed and on the marriage day You said you wanted to to talk to me & when I asked you questioned you didnt reply. We meet agn n this time you said YOU n ME & again ME n YOU again when I questioned something came up you didnt reply and pointed towards the bindi in glass for the first time a hope arose in my heart may be we both wanted same things. after that I dint know what happened by your side but when I returned to my mirror agn I found a message asking me to come to terrace, naturally I assumed that you had sumthing imp to tell & were distiurbed agn & agn so you had called me on a seculded place I went there and found shyam when I found him I was disgusted at his intentions & thats where I refused him once more and he got irked with me & told me that he could leave anajali ji for me and I got more bad taste in my mouth and thats when I told him to leave Anjaliji at least that way she will not hv a creep for a husband, but obviously you heard a part of it and hence the MU between us. after moving from there I came in search of you bcz for the first time I wanted to trust you with this important matter as it was related to ur di. I dint find you and than di's pregnancy news came, than I agn thought in her delicate condition she mite not be able to deal with it and decided to not tell u and got bzy with jiji n jijaji wedding prepration and the most cruel blow came, you asked me to marry you but under duress N I felt my most important dream was being crushed, I had always dream of my marriage, it was my biggest dream for years I used to dream abt my dream wedding n my partner, I had wanted a marriage filled with love n security like my amma babuji but yet agn fate conspired agnst me u lef no choice but to marry you& so we married & I felt I had ashamed all my upbringing but yet agn u nvr answered to me That one act had the Shattered the foundations of my world yet I couldn't do anything, how could I, was lost in darkness which had engulfed my soul yet we started living together hook or crook we were together until you had stipulated. for hrs I used to think what why & how and you nvr bothered to gv answers. Yet I hd no one to turn but I Knew I couldn't move ahead in. Life until I found my answers so I tried in my own methods bcz in all the months, I knew you, you rarely lost control on yourself, yet such moments rare though were nt impossible, so I kept trying to push u beyond the edge to get my answers some of it was childish antics most was effort to get to you. In those days I visited GH one day & realised that watever the conditions I still needed to support my amma babuji, hence the dabba service. It served 2 purposes for me irritating you.& income which I needed and with some close n some distanced moments life kept moving Then Heer ranjha hppnd, tht night I was sure sumthing was there between "Us" N u too felt that but in those 5 months, I got a lot of moments where I knew in my heart you had some feelings for me and I came to love you a little more with each passing day. I felt in more love with you. even if there had not been any love just a arranged marriage between us I would hv accepted you bcz for me my partner would hv been the axis of my world but with you I was also in love n married so u you were twice imp but I could nvr understand why you hated me in those days at the same time I knew I couldnt hurt you in my dreams so in reality it was not possible and thats why each day when my day ended my eyes wanted to capture a glimpse of you and go to sleep because you never know what tommorow brings in for us. and than that kitchen encounter happened and even before you said a word I knew you gone think me guilty so I kept quite most of the time diverting my energies to Di's well being & when she was safe I left knowing very well that you had killed whatever was between us, there was love atraction & evrything else in our realation but the vital blood of a relation was missing its called "TRUST"

Originally posted by: Suchi.R

Nice update.. little confused, how did Khushi thought of coming back suddenly..