C h a p t e r - 13
<3New Feelings,New Truths<3
21.07.12
Dear diary, It's been such a hectic week. I am just so glad to be home. Finally, yesterday Samrat was discharged from Hospital and now he's staying at our house. He was very uncomfortable yesterday. I could make out because he didn't speak much and he tried to do everything on his own, as much as he could do at least. I don't know why he's doing this. Its just us, right?. He's been a part of our little family for almost 2 years now, I don't know what is making him so uncomfortable. Mom made food for Samrat yesterday. She said that he's the only person who appreciates her cooking. How mean can she get? Now I am not even considered. I always tell my mother how much I love her food but since I don't have a gigantic appetite like Samrat, I am not considered. I eat as much as possible when she cooks, but Samrat can eat waaay more than that so he's the "only" one who appreciates her food.
Other than that, the nurse came over yesterday to teach me how to do the dressing for Samrat's wounds on his back. It was scary but she did it very calmly, so I will have to start from today.
Mom just left for South Africa a few hours ago and Samrat is sleeping next to me. I am actually worried for him. I really hope I'm able to take care of him. Dia and Benji should be here any minute to help. Mayank has been very busy these days because he joint his father's business. Benji has been giving a few interviews and has not heard from anyone of them. Hopefully he'll get a good job. As for me, I am jobless. At the moment I am just concentrating on Samrat. Probably after graduation, I'll start my own Interior designing career and work under someone for a year or two. Life is going in full speed and there is no time to stop and think about where you're going and what you're going to do. It was so much easier in college when you had to sit for exams and you were always told what to do and what not to. It was just amazing. We could all be carefree and enjoy life completely. Live the way we want and chill. Now its so different. We have no rules and its just open now. We don't know what to do?! Even Samrat is going to take over his father's business but for that he'll have to go to USA. I don't want him to go. I think he'll be leaving after graduation, havent really spoken to him about this. Lets see, I will talk to him sometime.
Other than all that, I really miss Louis. His laughter, his voice and everything about him. I think this is love? I am not sure but I feel so comfortable talking to him and I really want him to come to Dubai but I don't know if he'll be able to.. He is quite busy there.
And now its time to wake Samrat up!
I shut the book and looked at my watch. Yes. Its time for his medicines and dressing. I shook him a little. "Samrat?" I said. No reply. "Wake up, its 12 o'clock!" I said. Nothing. "Samraaat" I said a little louder. He moved a little. "I'll throw water on you, if you don't get up!" I said. No movement. So I did it. I took a class of water and I didn't pour it altogether. Obviously I couldn't. He was ill. So drop by drop I poured water in his face and his eyes shot open and I helped him up in bed. "What the hell Gunjan!" he yelled. "You were not getting up!" I retorted. "So you could have shaken me a little more." He scolded. Oh great, so now it's my fault! But, well, it was, he must be feeling annoyed. "Ok, sorry.." I said. He was grumpy because he had just woken up so he didn't reply. I gave him his medicines and he took them without a word. "I need to do your dressing." I said. He sat in front of me so I could start. I helped him take off his shirt because his hand was broken, ofcourse. I sat down with all the bandages and scissors and I started taking off the dressings first. I was being very careful since I had seen how much it pained yesterday while the nurse was putting the ointment on his brutal cuts. It was just scary.
They were really deep but I could see that they were healing. I wore the gloves and started to apply the ointment on the gash nearest to his shoulder. I could make out that he was nervous since I was putting it for the first time and he kind of knew it would hurt more than usual, but he didn't say anything. When I reached the middle of his wound, he shrieked in pain. He tried to control. "Gunjan, slowly. Relax, please.." My hands were shivering already. After alot of panicking I finished the first one and went on to the next. It was really hard for me to see him moan with pain. I knew how much it would be hurting him and he was trying really hard to control. While applying the ointment, my eyes started to water. I just couldn't take it longer. I immediately regretted my decision of making him come over. Maybe I could wait for Dia and Benji.. But I couldn't leave the wounds open. I tried to be as cautious as possible. It took time but finally all the ones as the back were done. I was practically wet with tears by then. I could surely never become a doctor. I couldn't bear the sight of the gashes across his back. I know its so kiddish to cry, but.. I couldn't help it at all. He turned around for the last one which was on his arm. He was clearly shocked to see my state. "Gunjan.. what happened?" he asked. "I'm sorry.." I said wiping my tears. "But what happened? I should be the one crying?" "I know, I could see how much it was hurting you.." I sobbed. "Its okaay. It wasn't your fault. It happens everyday!" he said taking me into his arms. I leaned against him and cried. His un-plastered arm was around me, and as usual he tried to comfort me. "Don't you think you've started to cry so much lately?" he asked. I laughed a little and wiped my tears but didn't let go of him. "Im really sorry." I said. "Chill Gunjan, its completely fine." I don't know why but that was the warmest hug I have ever received from anyone. Probably because he was shirtless. *blush* Its as if his arms are made for me. Its like returning home after staying at a hotel. It just felt special and something totally different. I didn't want to let go of him. I wanted to hold him forever. And then I broke the hug instantly. What is wrong with my thoughts. I jerked up and told him, "I'll be back from the bathroom" I stood in front of the mirror and I felt like slapping myself. How could I think that way about Samrat? Yuck. No. I have Louis. And he is the best man I could ever get. Samrat is just a friend. How could he be anything more. No. I have never had any interest in Samrat. I always wanted my dream man, and now that I have finally met him, why do I feel like hugging Samrat? Why did I cry when he was in pain? I left Louis and came here because he was hurt. Why? What is happening to me..? Its all rubbish. Samrat would probably laugh if he heard this. I think, I should just forget it. It was just a normal hug.
I went out and Dia and Benji were already there. "Hey guys!" I said. I think I just interrupted a very intense conversation. Everyone was so serious. I wondered what they were talking about. "Hi Gunjan" they both said. "Why are you'll so serious?" Before Dia or Benji could say anything Samrat said, "I told them you were upset.. that's why." That was so not what they were talking about. I can easily catch that when Samrat is talking too fast. "Yea, he told us that you started crying because..." Benji trailed off. Obviously he didn't know what to say. "Samrat was just going to tell us why.." Dia said making up. Perfect. So now my best friends were hiding things from me. Superb. I shook my head in disbelief. "Whatever. Anyway, I'm going to get lunch, you'll will eat?" I asked Dia and benji. "We just ate" Dia said smiling. Benji nodded. I went out of the room and then I just stood there to find out what they were talking about. I am a genius, ain't I? "I think you should tell her Samrat?" Dia was saying. "No way, with Louis in her life I don't want to complicate things for her..." he said. "Dude! If you tell her she'll have an option, anyway, why should she marry a Firang when she could marry you?!" Benji commented. WHAT? Did benji just say that. Oh My God. "Samrat, Benji's right. You've loved her for a year now. Its high time you let her know!" Dia stated. A year? Samrat has loved me all this time..? What is happening? I walked away from there because I couldn't hear any more. I was too lost to understand a thing. Samrat loved me for a year. He didn't tell me? All those girlfriends were just a pretence? All the dates and everything? Claire was right all this time? I didn't even get a hint of what he actually felt and I call him my best friend?! That kiss that night.. he actually meant it. He actually felt it. I am going to go mad. He didn't tell me anything at all?! *Ting Tong* The bell rang going right through my train of thoughts and shattering it. I pushed everything away and answered the door.
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