Chapter 36: A dying wish
To experience ecstasy,
The bliss of utter decadence,
Would not be my final wish,
It is to attain peace.
To leave unencumbered,
Free from guilt and pain,
To have my last breath,
With nothing but peace.
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PAST:
Geet felt as if she was encased in glass, dampened sounds and blurry vision. She knew that everyone was expecting a reaction from her but it was beyond her to say anything.
Lily was dead.
The very thought was so repugnant that the very air she was breathing felt foul. It was impossible to imagine her brother and her best friend not alive, utterly impossible.
Vaguely she could hear the doctors voice in the background, "Geet, you have had an eclampsia, a seizure. I am sure you are aware of the risks associated with this but currently you are stable."
Geet couldn't focus on the man's words instead she looked at the drop of tear trailing down Meera's face. She wanted to wipe it away but she was frozen. So in silence she watched the tear fall down Meera's face.
"We had to do an emergency caesarean section, which has led to extensive scaring of your uterus as well as antepartum haemorrhage." The man's voice was filled with pity. "As you can understand any subsequent pregnancy has high chance of complications; either due to the eclampsia, heavy bleeding or potential uterine rupture. It is advisable to take all this into consideration prior to any pregnancy."
Geet didn't even blink at the man's words or react when he left, after having tried to console her. It was only as one of the interns came that she was forced to react.
The intern had glassy eyes, showing that even she was touched by Geet's loss, yet she managed to keep a calm and soothing voice. "Geet, I know you are going through an unimaginable loss. To help you deal with this, would you like to see your baby?" She held Geet's hand and patted it, while Meera brushed back Geet's hair. "A lot of women find that it helps to deal with the loss of their baby to bathe the baby and touch them for a while."
Hold my baby? The very idea was so exhilarating. Maybe he is alive'.maybe his little heart is still beating. Maybe''..
But her mind knew that it was not to be. Her baby's heart had stopped beating the moment it had come out into the real world and lost before the battle of life had even truly started.
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PRESENT:
"I was dying." She didn't look at him as she said the words, instead staring out in front.
Maan froze hearing the words and suddenly a part of him didn't want her to continue. He could sense that something sad was going to come out of her mouth.
"Maan haven't you ever wondered why I was so weird." She asked with a humourless smile, confusing Maan with the sudden change in topic. "Is it natural for anyone to work so late in the night, not tell anyone her name and then to make friends with a stranger? I made you do things that others would consider slightly crazy and it was all on a whim. Yet you never questioned me."
Maan had thought of that but for him Belle had always been different from the rest of the world. He hadn't applied or thought of her in terms of "normal" people because she was unique. Yet he had never considered the reason for her personality.
"I am or was that way because I had lived my whole life on the edge of death." Maan couldn't tear his eyes away from the intense look in her eyes as she finally started to open up. "Acceptance of death brings exhilaration in doing what you want without any repercussions."
"I was four when I was diagnosed with leukaemia, so I don't have memories of being healthy before that. Instead I lived in a world where death was an imminent possibility."
Maan reached over and clasped her hand. It was more for comforting himself as opposed to her because it was too much for him to even consider a dying Geet.
"But my brother, Rahul saved me. It was his bone marrow that cured me but even a cure wasn't enough to take away the lingering certainty of death. I had accepted that my life would be short and it was because of this that I was going to live life to the fullest. More importantly I would make sure that I would keep my family happy and fulfil all their dreams, especially Rahul's. It was the reason I chose to be a doctor, to help people live even if I felt the lack of future in mine."
"But fate can be a bitch at times." She said harshly. "Death had always surrounded me but at the last moment it didn't take me. It took away everything that was precious to me."
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PAST:
Tiny hands and tiny feet. Geet brushed her fingers across the delicate little body, yet nothing could harm her baby anymore.
She let her eyes take in every detail of the little body, memorising the shape and size of very feature. This would be the only memory of her child, the only sight she would be allowed. She would be denied the comfort of watching her boy grow up or even of spending a day with him.
So peaceful in death, her boy might as well have been sleeping and it comforted Geet to know that her little one was in no pain.
"I love you." She whispered in the tiny forehead. "Mama will love you till her last breath."
She felt a teardrop slide down her cheek, as she held her baby boy close to her chest. The droplet fell on her boy's cheeks and with the softest of touch she brushed it away.
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PRESENT:
"I buried my brother and best friend." Geet's voice was cold and emotionless, as if stating something that had was so painful she didn't even acknowledge the hurt. "The first time I held my baby boy he was already in heaven."
Maan felt something wet on his face and as he presses his finger there he realised that he was crying.
"That day I promised myself I would bend neither cry for anyone." Geet was in a trance, her eyes dry. "I haven't shed a single tear afterwards because I understood that no amount of tears would fix what was done. Life ceased to be exhilarating, instead it became a battle."
"Don't say that Geet." Maan entreated. "You taught me how to live and laugh. I can't imagine that girl not living life to the fullest."
Geet gave a sad smile at him. "That girl was never meant to live. It took me a while to understand that in the end I did die, the girl I was couldn't survive with what had happened."
"I refuse to believe that." Maan growled, putting his hands on her shoulder. "I'll bring all the happiness you deserve."
"I have happiness, Maan." Geet tried to calm him down. "I found my peace in becoming someone different, I became Mel's mother."
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PAST:
Geet felt the emptiness in her heart and arms as she sat by herself on the hospital bed. Bleakness that refused to shift away filled the air around her and permeated into her soul.
She knew that everyone was concerned for her as she had seen their faces filled with worry. Yet her mind ceased to care about anything. She was frozen in a sense of oblivion.
To not feel, not care or even understand anything was a luxury that Geet immersed herself in. She let the cloud cover her and hide her away.
But her solitude was not meant to last.
Meera hesitantly opened the door, wanting to make sure that Geet was not asleep but finding a wide eyed Geet she entered the room.
Geet was vaguely aware of Meera entering the room but she still sat in silence.
Meera held the baby girl in her arms as she sat down next to Geet. Her broken heart clenched with even more pain as she saw the silent Geet.
But she wouldn't allow Geet to hide away in her pain.
"Geet look who is here to see you." She tried to use a cheerful voice. "It's our Lily's baby. Isn't she gorgeous."
Lily's baby, Geet's mind picked on that and as if jerked awake her eyes widened. She slowly turned to Meera and saw the little angel in her arms.
Without saying anything she took the little girl from Meera's arms and held her against her heart. She was so beautiful, Geet thought as she stared at the small face. Instead of pain, she felt amazement as she saw traces of Rahul and Lily in the small features but more importantly she could see herself in the little girl.
The small hazel eyes stared into her own hazel ones and Geet could almost see the questions in those eyes. Yet there was a trust that empowered Geet, knowing that this small life was so fragile and dependent on her love.
Your daughter, Lily's words echoed in Geet's mind and she now understood the truth that they held.
And for the first time since the accident Geet smile. "Hi Meliara, I am your mother and I love you."
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PRESENT:
"The moment I saw Mel I understood what it meant to fall in love unconditionally." Geet said with eyes sparkling and a soft smile on the edges of her lips. Maan watched entranced by the bloom of satisfaction in Geet's face, contradicting the gloom that had been there a bare second ago. "I didn't think it possible to love with such selflessness."
"As I held her in my arms I knew that she was always meant to be my daughter." She softly spoke. "Many people think that I did a favour by looking after my cousin's daughter, yet the truth is that Mel would have found a home easily but I would have died without my daughter."
Maan recalled the scene at the hotel when she had broken down with thoughts of their baby and how it had only been concern over Mel that had broken her trance. He understood the truth in Geet's words not only from her actions but the obvious love between them.
"Mel became the reason for my life. Everything else became secondary in comparison to her. I became selfish in wanting the best for my daughter and that meant going against the whole world. I fought even against my parents."
"Your parents?" Maan finally asked a question, breaking Geet's monologue reluctantly.
But he regretted it as he saw her face darken with anger. "Yes my parents. I couldn't let them touch my brother's daughter!"
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PAST:
Mohinder, Rano and Darjii walked into the hospital, all anxious and scared of what they would find. Seb's Nonna had informed them of the accident and they had rushed to see what had happened.
It was only as they came in and met Meera that they found out the whole story.
Disbelief and immeasurable grief was inadequate to describe the tumultuous emotions running through them. But it was covered with guilt as well.
Rahul had been their son as well as their responsibility and they knew that they had failed on both counts. They had failed their son.
"Where is Geet?" Rano asked while sobbing for her nephew and Lily. A mother's heart still found relief amongst such grief in knowing that her daughter was alive.
"She is with Meliara, Rahul and Lily's daughter." Meera put her arm around Rano to console her. "I'll take you to her."
All followed Meera to Geet's hospital room but Meera chose to stay outside as she wanted to give the family some privacy.
The three elders watched in dismay a bruised and battered Geet holding a tiny Meliara. All anger and resentment ceased to exist as they felt gratitude that she was alive. Nothing mattered anymore, instead they wanted their daughter.
It was Darjii who walked up to Geet. He gently reached over and brushed his hands across her head. "Oh Geetu." He choked out, voice shaking with tears. "Meri bacchi."
Geet looked up and felt her heart crumple as she saw her Grandfather's devastated face. "Darjii maat royie. Look at our Rahul's baby, look at my baby." She held up Meliara to show to Darjii. "Isn't she beautiful?"
Darjii nodded and attempted to smile through his sadness. "She is perfect."
"I know." Geet gave a kiss on Mel's tiny fingers. "She has the best parts of all of us."
Rano and Mohinder mustered the courage to go forward. Rano softly called out to her daughter as she stood next to her. "Geet, we have come for you beti."
It was then that Geet realised that her parents were there and that moment her face changed rapidly. Gone were the traces of sadness and the soft feelings. Her face was harsh in its rigid frown, proclaiming her anger.
"What do you want?" Her voice was precise and cold.
"We want to take you home with Meliara." Her mother tried to make her understand and put her hand forward to touch Geet.
But Geet was having none of that. "What home are you talking about?" She didn't raise her voice but there was a strong undercurrent of anger that made it worse than any yelling.
Mohinder cleared his throat and tried to find the right words. "Come back with us Geet. We want you and our granddaughter."
"How dare you!" She finally shouted. "Your Granddaughter? You are nothing to Meliara! Nothing! The moment you kicked out Rahul and Lily, you cut off all ties!"
"Geet please understand us." Mohinder's head was down in shame as he managed to say the words. "We are sorry."
"Sorry?" Geet spat out. "I can't believe that I even made Lily and Rahul see you. It is because of that they are dead! Yet you have the audacity to ask for their daughter! And you want me as well? It's all fine now that I lost my baby, no evidence of my sins. Makes it easy to accept me back, doesn't it!"
"It's not like that Geet." Rano cried out. "We love you."
"I don't need such love!" Geet's voice was livid. "I despise such selfish love! Get out now and I'll make sure you never see my face again."
Darjii tried to mollify Geet. "Beti, apni baba aur ma se ase baat nahi karte."
"Baba aur Ma?" Geet said sarcastically. "They themselves rejected that relationship and disowned not only me but Rahul as well. Now that it's convenient they want to reaffirm that relationship. I won't let that happen."
"Please Geet." Rano made one last attempt.
"Leave before I make you all leave." Her voice held nothing but contempt. "My daughter and I shall always be strangers for you."
That was the day that Geet hardened her heart against any affection outside of Mel and her friends. No one else could enter her heart.
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PRESENT:
"I won't let them have Mel." Geet left no room for argument.
"Don't you think as grandparents they should be able to see Meliara?" Maan asked tentatively.
"NO!" Geet shook her head. "They kicked Rahul out of the house and refused to talk to him for marrying Lily. Yet the want his child. I won't let them get away that easily. No one can take my Meliara away from me."
"But they legally have some right over her as well, as the next of kin to Mel." Maan tried to be practical.
"That's why I am here, to fight against their custody claim. To make them understand that they can never have Mel. Otherwise I would never come back to that house."
"I'll come with you." Maan was just as resolute.
"Fine but we need to grab Mel first."
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Darjii stood up as he heard the doorbell ring. He could feel his bones creak with the movement and his joints were stiff.
Ahhh'..the pain of old age, he thought with amusement but it soon became gloomy. I've not much time left. If only I could see my Geet and Mel before I leave this world forever. Just be with them for a while.
It had become a daily mantra and prayer to wish for Geet and Mel. After losing his other grandchild, Rahul, he could never discount the value of the remaining members of his dwindling family.
Letters and pictures could console only to a point. He wanted to hold his precious children.
With a sigh he tried to push these increasingly sad thoughts away and finally opened the door.
And his prayers were answered.
"Hi Darjii." Despite everything Geet couldn't help but smile as she saw her grandfather.
Darjii rubbed his eyes in disbelief as he stared at Geet who had Mel in her arms. He hardly noticed the man standing next to her, instead focused on Geet and Mel.
"Geetu?" He whispered. "Is that really you?"
"It is me." Geet laughed. She quickly reached forward and embraced her grandfather with Mel between them. It was such comfort to just hold onto her grandfather.
"I've miss you so much." Darjii whispered.
"I've miss you more Gramps." She reluctantly pulled away from him but still held his hands. "No one can tell a story like my Gramps."
Suddenly there was the sound of glass breaking. Geet and Darjii turned to see a shocked Rano standing in the corridor staring at them.
"Geet." She murmured.
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PRECAP: None!🤣
AUTHOR's NOTE:
Loved all the comments! You guys are so amazingly supportive!
Really sorry for the delay in updating...but didn't feel like writing anything for awhile.
I am not surprised that you all forgot Belle telling Iman that she was sick as a child. She didn't explain it further but that was a hint from the very beginning!😆
About the medical jargon...the main issue is that any future pregnancies would have high chance of major complications for Geet, potentially life threatening.
And that is not the only reason for Geet's refusal. I hope you guys understand why she is so adamant about staying away.
Those who want to be PMed please add me as a buddy!
PLEASE DO COMMENT and press the LIKE button!!
Nothing motivates me as much as reading your comments!😃
-SanjanA
Edited by maan-ki-sanjana - 13 years ago
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