Part 9 -
Do you really not feel anything?
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Riddhima woke up panting. She had that beautiful dream again where Armaan and her had a beautiful family together. How she wished that could be true. She sighed and looked at her notebooks and textbooks on the desk. She had fallen asleep on her desk trying to study.
This was useless, with her health and the pregnancy there was no way she would be able to complete the study guide in time for studying and then taking the exam. How would she complete everything? She sighed. Maybe she should just forget it? Maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Her thoughts were broken as she heard a knock on her door. "Come in," she sighed, not even turning her head to check and see who the visitor was. "I heard you were having a craving for some pani puri." Hearing her ever favorite deep husky voice, she turned and smiled. "Armaan..."
Armaan smiled and sat down on her bed. "Haan. Actually I called Padma aunty to check up on you and she told me how you had a fit because you wanted Pani Puri. but she said it wasn't hygenic and good for the baby. So I made some for you..I mean the baby. Also I figured you hadn't started your study guides yet. See I start complying mine as we get the notes, so mine are all complete. So i made a copy of all of my study guides for you. I've gotten them all checked by the professors and they are all approved. (note. I - as in Ashu- really do this! hehe)"
Riddhima looked at Armaan shocked.
"Armaan? Like really? tumne...i mean tumne saach mein... wow thank you SOOO much!" on an impulse, she hugged him tightly. "OUCH!" She yelled out as she felt a kick.
Armaan's face lit up. "OMG did she just kick?"
"OMG I felt it! like against my stomach! OMG!" Armaan bent down and held her stomach. "Hey Angel, please phirse kick karna papa ke liye."
Riddhima scowled. "Armaan. I told you na, larki hua to uska naam Sanjana hoga, Angel nahin. OUCH"
Armaan grinned, "see even Angel wants to be named Angel - not Sanjana." Riddhima pouted. "Nahin, her name will be Sanjana Angel Mallik nahin."
Armaan smiled strangely making Riddhima confused. "Acha, Sanjana Angel Mallik - It has a catchy ring to it doesn't it?"
Riddhima smiled as she realized the compromise, and it did sound nice. "Haan...toh Sanjana Angel Mallik..."
Jeeyen to jeeyen kaise bin aapke
Jeeyen to jeeyen kaise bin aapke
Lagta nahin dil kahin bin aapke
Jeeyen to jeeyen kaise bin aapke
Jeeyen to jeeyen kaise bin aapke
Riddhima wondered if this was a coincidence. This song portrayed her feelings so well. It was exactly how she felt how would she live without Armaan? She couldn't.
Kaise kahoon bina tere zindagi ye kya hogi
Kaise kahoon bina tere zindagi ye kya hogi
Jaise koi saza koi badd-dua hogi
Jaise koi saza koi badd-dua hogi
Maine kiya hai ye faisla
Jeena nahin hai tere bina
Jeeyen to jeeyen kaise bin aapke
Jeeyen to jeeyen kaise bin aapke
Lagta nahin dil kahin bin aapke
Jeeyen to jeeyen kaise bin aapke
Jeeyen to jeeyen kaise bin aapke
Armaan smiled as he finished his song. "Hey Riddhima, you okay?" Riddhima was sitting staring at the wall blankly. Riddhima suddenly broke out of her trance and smiled ever so slightly. "um haan. wow armaan that was beautiful. thank you."
Armaan smiled. "Acha come on let me test you and see how well you're doing so far." Riddhima nodded and sat down and answered the questions Armaan asked. She tried not to get distracted and fight the impending tears best as she could. Once they had covered most of the subjects Armaan got up. "acha i'll get going now, take some rest okay?" Riddhima nodded. "Acha Armaan, woh the gang is coming over so everyone can properly meet Atul and Sid. We were going to sit and watch an old movie together. I don't know if Anji remembered to tell you, par doesn't it make sense if you just stay? Everyone will be here soon."
Armaan shook his head. "Nahin, woh I can't stay. I've some impending work to do. Aur waise bhi, a cousin of mine is sick so I'm going to head over and visit him."
Riddhima looked at Armaan dejected. There was so much she wanted to tell him, ask him, but everytime she saw him she couldn't manage to get the words out. She wanted to tell him she didn't love sid - she loved Armaan only! But at the same time she knew it wouldnt make a difference as he didn't love her. She wanted to ask why he couldnt/didnt love her, why they couldnt try and make a family together, raise their daughter together.
It was all of no use she knew, but she wanted to ask him and tell him so much. She finally let her tears escape as she watched Armaan walked out.
Riddhima sat crying over her fate and her messed up life and didn't realize when she dozed off. She was woken up when she heard someone singing.
"hum tum...ek kamre mein band ho...aur chaabi ko jaaye..."
Her eyes flew open seeing Sid and immediately the tears came flooding back hearing his song. Sid came running over and sat next to her. "hey shh don't worry i was just teasing, actually that song was playing on the radio toh it was stuck in my head. I won't do anything don't worry."
Riddhima nodded and wiped her tears. "Waise Riddhima, why don't you fight for your love? Why did you agree to marry me?" Riddhima sighed. "Kyun ki woh pyaar kabhi mera tha hi nahin. He doesn't love me. He never even liked me really...we always argued. It was only after everything happened that I realized I had always mistaken my love for him hatred. I never hated him, but just got irritated and took all my anger out on him always. But if he loved me, he wouldn't have let me marry you, so there is no point of trying to convince him. And you know everything now, you know the whole situation, so it doesn't even matter anymore."
Sid held her hand, "hey don't lose hope okay? There is always hope. Aur haan I really do love you, but don't feel forced to marry me ever okay?" Riddhima nodded and held Sid letting her tears flow. Sid had become her confident since their engagement. He was more of a friend than a fiance. He was her shoulder to lean on. He knew everything and supported her every decision. She felt bad for putting him in this situation, but she couldnt help it.
"Hey we should get going downstairs, I hear everyone else coming in." Riddhima nodded and slowly went downstairs with Sid's help.
--
Riddhima sat next to Anjali as they begun watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Sid had been weary of watching this movie, but Riddhima had been adament. Within the first few minutes her crying had begun as Tina died.
Sid immediately paused the movie and looked at Riddhima wanting to switch to a happier comedy, but she was adament. While the movie was playing, Riddhima couldn't help but wonder.
"Anj, what's it like to be happy? to be with the one you love?" Anjali looked at her unsure of what to say. "Ridzi..." Riddhima shook her head, "nahin, don't answer actually. It'll be easier not knowing." She turned back to the movie placing her head on Anjali's shoulder. "We decided on a name - woh Armaan and I...her name is going to be Sanjana Angel Mallik." Anjali smiled. "wow that's such a cute name. Waise where is armaan?"
"He's not coming, but he stopped by earlier today. Anji can I ask you a favor?" Anjali nodded. "Will you be Sanjana's godmother?" Anjali looked at Riddhima wide eyed with tears brimming in her eyes. "really? main? you think i'm worthy of it?" Riddhima nodded. "I was watching life as we know it the other day, aur if anything ever happens to me and armaan, I know you will give her all the mamta in the world. I know you will watch over her like she is your own daughter. I know she will be safe."
Anjali smiled. "I will be her godmother...lekin nothing will ever happen to you. I won't let it okay?" Riddhima slightly smiled and nodded going back to the movie.
---
Few weeks went by and soon Riddhima's exams were over, much to her surprise armaan had taken them early as well reasoning that he didnt want to be stuck in an exam while his baby was born. Armaan came by often and saw to her needs, but Riddhima never got the courage to confront him. She wanted to hold him, kiss him, for just one last time even, but couldn't bring herself to ask him. She knew it must be hard just being near her knowing she loves him while he doesn't love her back.
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part complete, pms later gator, long comments pleashhh
PREVIEW:
Tere naam humne kiya hai...
Mera dil bhi kitna pagal hai...
Ishq leta hai kaise inteham...
"Nahinnn! Please..."
Armaan's POV
Edited by ammy_ka_ashu - 14 years ago
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