My Perfect Obsession - AbhIya FF;Updt:Pg24PMsLater - Page 6

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Akankshaa. thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#51

thank you. (:

Originally posted by: blossom1234

chapter 1

wow interesting ankss
so piya is not a normal human
that's nice😉
will be waiting for the next part
continue soon and do pm me😃
u r amazing👏👏


thank you. :D lol, no she's not. i'll update ASAP. finally unreserve toh kiyaa. 😆
Akankshaa. thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#52

Originally posted by: renuka1997

lovely update
I liked piya's relations
Continue sooon
Can u pleeez pm me?


thank you. :D like the first post to get PMed. 😊
a little faith thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#53
Akanksha,

This was very well done indeed.
Being of a yellowish tinged heart I tend to stay away from this genre but your brilliantly enticing opening words, the steady flow so that the trepidation slowly builds rather than engulfing all at once, encouraged me to read on, so I did. Akanksha, you created that perfect eerie ambiance, so that we all wonder, even tread the basement or rather what is in the basement and yet you pause, delay and prolong that final so imaginatively with detailing of characters, that even though I want to rush along to that conclusion, I also deeply desire to drink in every word. Just excellently and most proficiently done! ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I loved the descriptions for past babysitters, just so inventive. Like old Mrs. Mathur, who'd play peek-a-boo with Pia, and Mr. Singhania, who'd ask weird questions, like whether anyone lived on the moon yet, 😆

When something moved, she forgot about not looking, but it was only the hanging man, and all she could see was his hand peeking from behind the furnace. An excellently crafted sentence, just excellent. @bold, I loved this detail, delaying that end of the sentence and adding to its terror. Wonderful! ⭐️⭐️⭐️

That end it going to give me nightmares BUT it was worth it! Just excellent writing! 👏

Chapter one.

Akanksha, you have this amazing ability to pace your writing at your will. In the prologue it was slow, wary and that terrible anticipation as you ease us towards an end we don't want to get closer to quickly, but inevitably we find our place there. Here you begin in a hazy blur of fast random thoughts then, that interjecting '''Pia!'' so that even I startle. Just excellent writing! ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Again, I discern your skill as a writer, from that intricate detailing of characters, He'd probably murmer a vague, ''Yes, I'll see to it when I get back'' and forget all about me when he hung up.contrasting beautifully with laughing till we're out of breath well, I love how you subtly weave in her sorrowful past, just majestically done. So simple and yet breaking my heart. then there wasn't anyone to run down the stairs with anymore.👏

My dad flipped apartments like clothes. Since he was away on business most of the time, staying at one place wasn't important. For him, anyway. Again, that skilled writing. This sentence so concise and full of intricate detailing. More of his character, their tumultuous history and their fragmented relationship, all neatly included in one sentence. Just exceptional! 👏

Then that wonderful detailing again, He carried a lunch box with a superhero on it. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Akanksha, just awe inspiring stuff, seriously!
⭐️
Akanksha, sorry for my delay in replying, please add me to your pm list. 😳 Love Sabah
Edited by a little faith - 14 years ago
radt thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#54
I went to have Maggi...😳. You see maggi in the middle of the night alongside a captivating story is one of the best bets you can have when you are home alone and do not even know the "C" of cooking.😆
*sigh sigh*
Don't laugh now.😆

My Favourite FF writer...😳 At such an age you are highly talented and this is an honest opinion my chutkoo baby.😛
Who knows, one day I might fly to your place for an autograph!😉
IF will give me an extra advantage over regular fans, won't it.😆

Beginning with baby Pia and her balcony fear... My my... the way you've described it... it is so captivating. 😲I was literaly lost reading it👏. You dont believe me? Ask my mommy when she comes home tomorrow and asks how could an almost-20 year old spill maggi over the study table?😆
To be honest... I might not be a great writer or anywhere near it... but... I am really good at recognizing talent.
For example I dont like chetan bhagat... <i only read five point someone and was so pissed off so never tried another book by him>

or i love Rowling n dan brown

Or I love twilight but still find that the movies are way better than the books just the way rowling is than stephnie.

So if I tell u ur are awesome, better take my words for granted.😉
I DO NOT READ UR ff COZ ITS URS.
tHAT IS jus one of the reasons.😆
I read it coz i throughly enjoy it.😳

Now quickly add me to the pm list.😆
And update soon.
It wud break the link of the readers if you taketoo long to update.
god bless you kiddo.😃
Edited by radt - 14 years ago
Meeko thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#55

Originally posted by: radt

I went to have Maggi...😳. You see maggi in the middle of the night alongside a captivating story is one of the best bets you can have when you are home alone and do not even know the "C" of cooking.😆
*sigh sigh*
Don't laugh now.😆

My Favourite FF writer...😳 At such an age you are highly talented and this is an honest opinion my chutkoo baby.😛
Who knows, one day I might fly to your place for an autograph!😉
IF will give me an extra advantage over regular fans, won't it.😆

Beginning with baby Pia and her balcony fear... My my... the way you've described it... it is so captivating. 😲I was literaly lost reading it👏. You dont believe me? Ask my mommy when she comes home tomorrow and asks how could an almost-20 year old spill maggi over the study table?😆
To be honest... I might not be a great writer or anywhere near it... but... I am really good at recognizing talent.
For example I dont like chetan bhagat... <i only read five point someone and was so pissed off so never tried another book by him>

or i love Rowling n dan brown

Or I love twilight but still find that the movies are way better than the books just the way rowling is than stephnie.

So if I tell u ur are awesome, better take my words for granted.😉
I DO NOT READ UR ff COZ ITS URS.
tHAT IS jus one of the reasons.😆
I read it coz i throughly enjoy it.😳

Now quickly add me to the pm list.😆
And update soon.
It wud break the link of the readers if you taketoo long to update.
god bless you kiddo.😃


see i told u u have so many fans..(including me ofcourse) and nw u wnt need my big big comments, i see many here.. itll be a pain for u to read too many of them ashu... moreover, plz update IL too... il read and unres the post here after an IL update😃
and yeah.. i just got a chetan bhagat today to see wht it is like as i told u.. and here i read its bad..😆 lol..
so yeah.. cont soon! love and luck always🤗
edited*
and maggie is my flavour too...😆 no much cooking needed na?😉
Edited by elizaa - 14 years ago
radt thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#56

Originally posted by: elizaa


see i told u u have so many fans..(including me ofcourse) and nw u wnt need my big big comments, i see many here.. itll be a pain for u to read too many of them ashu... moreover, plz update IL too... il read and unres the post here after an IL update😃
and yeah.. i just got a chetan bhagat today to see wht it is like as i told u.. and here i read its bad..😆 lol..
so yeah.. cont soon! love and luck always🤗
edited*
and maggie is my flavour too...😆 no much cooking needed na?😉


Hey Eliza! This is radha. i left the forum like... ages ago! But akku was one of my few really close chums here so I cud never be really away from her like some other gems I found here. Infact, I was like her first fan from the first FF she wrote here... although she never ended it.😆 And she gets better n better every passing day...😳

I love her writing too!😃

And about Chetan Bhagat, 😆 He has quite massive following in India but to me, he totally sucks.😆 And that is generally the case with him... either people tend to adore his style of writing or they are really pissed off. Who knows, you myt like him. Give him a try.😉

And Maggi... hahaha... thats all I can cook!😆
Akankshaa. thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#57
thanks a lot sabah & radzy! those comments mean a LOT to me!! i'm overwhelmed by the response guys, thanks a LOT! 🤗 i updated this chap quite early or else i'm known for being a late latif. 😆 i hope you like it. 😃

[A/N] there are a lot of characters in the school which are NOT needed at all .. like, rhea, karan, rahul etc etc. i know this chapter is more like a filler too, but it sets the pace for what's gonna happen. don't worry if you don't remember any of her fellow classmates from the class later on in the future. (:

~~CHAPTER TWO~~

Between the dream I couldn't remember and the boy I couldn't have seen, I was scared. Focusing on my test was out of the question. I called up Panchi. ''Did I ever live in a house with a basement?''

''And good morning to you, too.''

''Sorry. I had this dream and it's bugging me.'' I told her what bits I could remember.

''Ah, that would be the old house in Delhi. I'm not surprised you don't remember.''

''Thanks. It was-''

''Bugging you? Aw. Must have been a nightmare.''

''Something about a monster living in the basement.''

''Monster? What? Is everything okay?''

''No, just..my imagination's in overdrive today. I freaked Siddharth out this morning, thinking I saw a boy run in front of the cab.''

''What?''

''There wasn't a boy, not outside my head, anyway.'' I saw Rhea at the locker and waved. ''The bell is going to ring so-''

''I'm picking you up after school. We'll talk.''

The line went dead before I could argue. I shook my head and ran to catch up with Rhea,

**

School. People think art schools must be different, all that creative energy, full of happy kids, less pressure and bullying. It's true that stuff like that isn't that bad at Excel, but, when you put kids together, no matter how similar, lines are drawn. Instead of geeks and jocks and nobodies, you get artists and musicians and actors. As a theatre student, I was pushed in with the actors, where talent counted less than looks, poise and grace. I didn't turn heads, and I scored a zero on the last two.

I'd always dreamed of being in art school, and it was as cool as I'd imagined. My dad has promised that we could say until I graduated, no matter how many times we moved. That meant for the first time in my life, I wasn't the ''new girl''. I'd started at Excel like everyone else. A normal kid. Finally.

That day, I didn't feel normal. I spent the morning thinking about the boy on the street. There were a lot of explanations. I'd been staring at his lunch box, so I didn't know where he'd been running. He'd jumped into a waiting car at the corner. Or moved at the last second and vanished in the crowd. That made perfect sense. Why did it still bug me?

**

''Oh, come on.'' Shweta said as I dug through my locker at lunchtime. ''He's right there. Ask him if he's going to the dance. How tough can that be?''

''Leave her alone.'' Rhea said. ''Come on people, or we'll never get a table.''

We made it as far as Rahul's locker before Shweta elbowed me. ''Ask him, Pia.''

He glanced over..and quickly looked away. My face went red and I clutched my lunch bag to my chest.

''He's a jerk.'' Rhea said. ''Ignore him.''

''No, he's not a jerk. He just doesn't like me. Can't help that.''

''Here.'' Shweta said. ''I'll ask him for you.''

''No.'' I grabbed her arm. ''Please.''

''God, you can be such a baby. You're seventeen, Pia. You have to take matters into your own hands.''

''Like phoning a guy until his mother tells you to leave him alone?'' Rhea grinned.

''That's Armaan's mother. He never said it.''

''Keep telling yourself that.''

That set them off for real. Normally, I'd have jumped in and made them quit, but I was upset over Shweta embarrassing me in front of Rahul. Me and Rhea used to talk about guys, but we weren't totally into them. Shweta was - she'd had more boyfriends than she could name. When she started hanging out with us, it suddenly became important to have a guy we liked. So, I invented a crush. Rahul.

I thought I could name a guy I liked and that would be enough. Not a chance. Swetha told him I liked him. I was horrified. Well, there was a part of me that hoped he'd go like, ''Cool. I like Pia, too.'' Not a chance. We used to talk in the class sometimes. Now, he sat two rows away.

We'd just reached the cafeteria when someone called my name. I turned to see Karan jogging towards me. He bumped into a senior, grinned an apology and kept coming. ''Hey.''

''Hey yourself. Did you forget miss rescheduled film club for lunchtime this week? We're discussing avant-garde. I know you love art films.''

I rolled my eyes.

''I'll send your regrets, then. And I'll tell her you aren't interested in directing that shot, either.''

''We're deciding that today?''

He started walking backward. ''Maybe. Maybe not. So, I'll tell her-''

''Gotta run.'' I said to my friends and hurried to catch up with him.

**

The film club meeting started backstage as always, where we'd go through stuff and eat lunch. We discussed the shot, and I was on the list for directors. I snuck out before it ended and headed back ro my locker. My brain kept whirring until I was halfway there. My stomach started aching up again, reminding me that I'd been so excited about the shot that I forgot my lunch.

I'd left my lunch bag backstage. I checked my watch. Ten minutes before class. I could make it.

**

Film club had ended. Whoever left the auditorium last had turned out the lights, and I had no clue how to turn them on, especially when finding the switch would require being able to see it.

I picked my way through the corridor, running into props twice. Finally my eyes adjusted to the dim light and I found the stairs leading backstage. After that, it got tougher.

The backstage led to small areas and green rooms. After feeling around the wall and not finding a switch, I gave up. The faint glow of emergency lights let me see shapes. Good enough.

Still, it was pretty dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I had some bad experiences as a child, people who lurked in dark places and scared me. Other people imagined playmates; I saw ghosts.

Three more steps and I screamed as fabric moved around me. I'd run into a curtain. Great. How loud had I screamed? These walls better be soundproof.

Ahead, I could see the lunch table. And my bag. I took a step forward and something thumped. My shoes squeaked and that made me jump higher. I rubbed the goose bumps on my arms. Another noice. A rustling. So, we had rats in our spooky corridor, did we? I turned my attention to the table. There was a shadowy figure..

A sob echoed through the room and broke off. Crying. From the right. The end of the hall. A dark shape-

I jumped forward, racing for my bag. I grabbed it and took off.

**

Like the first post for the PMs.

Edited by _Akanksha_ - 14 years ago
radt thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#58
EEEkkk...😲
Ending on such a suspense is the best you could do so as to drive me crazy and not let me sleep...
Counting 2 days...
Brilliant part as usual...😉
So u dragged ur armu here too...?
No?😆
Edited by radt - 14 years ago
mangona thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#59
aw good so pia sees ghosts this is gonna b intersting waiting and today update was suspense :s
a little faith thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
#60
Akanksha,

Just when I was feeling able to fall asleep peacefully again, ( or as my mother says, with the lights off)...

This opening line, Between the dream I couldn't remember and the boy I couldn't have seen, is as eloquent as it is surreal. Just exceptional. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love your ability to weave in humour that adds to the narrative rather than just an afterthought, so that the conversation with Panchi is peppered with good lines whilst moving the story along too. Excellently done. ⭐️⭐️⭐️ I liked, The line went dead before I could argue.Cute. ⭐️

I loved this insightful preface to her college, setting the hierarchy whilst adding your perceptive note. when you put kids together, no matter how similar, lines are drawn. Instead of geeks and jocks and nobodies, you get artists and musicians and actors. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I didn't turn heads, and I scored a zero on the last two. Excellent details. I love how you create a world whilst moving along the action so that we don't become lost in the mundane details that need to be told BUT are caught within their intricacies and actually want to pause and linger over their meaning, their effect upon the whole narrative. Here, she becomes a nobody, a ghost, from amongst the invisible nobodies. Seemingly effortless weaving of her status, engagingly told. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

''Like phoning a guy until his mother tells you to leave him alone?'' Rhea grinned. ''That's Armaan's mother. He never said it.'' Really cute😆

I thought I could name a guy I liked and that would be enough. Not a chance. Swetha told him I liked him. I was horrified. Well, there was a part of me that hoped he'd go like, ''Cool. I like Pia, too.'' Not a chance. We used to talk in the class sometimes. Now, he sat two rows away. I loved this paragraph, NOT only because of its subtle humour and excellent portrayal of teenage girl's predicaments BUT for your style of narration. Each line is followed by a negation of the sentiment of the previous. That is just very stylish. So we go from a rational reasoning, to its flaw, then mouth open being floored from its consequence, then that glimmer of a sliver lining, to hoping the floor would open up and swallow you. 👏 Akanksha, you not only tell a tale, BUT you tell it supremely well and with panache. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Again without reiterating my last statements, that conversation with Karan whilst moving the story on, adds more on both their characters and layered with humour. Just excellently done. ⭐️


I loved this explanation of her phobia people who lurked in dark places and scared me. A common trait differentiated by your detailing of this wonderful line. 👏

Although I was expecting that scary end, it still managed to give me the heebeegeebees. Excellent update. I read it twice. 😃 Love Sabah


Edited by a little faith - 14 years ago

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