One Last Hope (SeHa/VarNi/MishTi ff) - Page 3

Asha

Okay, I thought to myself, Frightening and horrible flashbacks but Rohan was extra nice to me. Today had definitely been different. I had memories of my mum, brother and dad holding me close in the dark as a child and as a teenager but never thought that today, it would be Rohan. I guess it was embarrassing, really embarrassing. I didn't like people knowing my weaknesses.

I had only lost people close to me in the dark but this time, I think it brought a new closeness between Rohan and me. I wasn't really thinking of much when I let my head drop to his collar. I was too occupied replaying the scenes of funerals and terrifying deaths in my family to think of him. The deaths were disturbing; it is not nice to see the people you love thrown into the hungry flames alive. To hear them shrieking for help as the flames lick their way up their legs. To be standing there, ready to jump in but no one lets you. To just run away; leaving them in their agony. To feel guilty that you didn't do anything to help and thinking that you were really the one worthy of those flames, and that you wanted to be worthy of those flames. After all, who wouldn't feel like dying only moments after all that?

Stop I told myself sternly, it's not dark anymore and everything's fine. It's not smart to be on the verge of sobbing my heart out especially in the corridor. So instead of thinking about deaths, I let myself think of Rohan, it should have been an easy thing to do but it wasn't. I tried thinking about my feelings in that awkward but dreamy scene. It felt normal to put my head down against his chest at the time but now it felt like the most aberrant thing I've done.

The security I had felt around him was undeniable. I never felt such warmth radiating from him and especially when he smiled. That smile was so pure, soft and sweet. I couldn't believe it was Rohan who was there in the library; he had evidently taken up a different avatar in there. He had looked so compassionate and caring. All of those emotions were directed toward me? He was worried about me?

He had even joked about himself to comfort me. I must have been dreaming. But the way he turned back to check on me, he looked a bit lost but concerned. Concerned about me.

I was just standing there thinking to myself and smiling when I caught Dia and Roshini coming towards me from the corner of my eyes. I shook myself mentally and walked towards their direction, trying to behave normally.

'Asha, Ms Dreamy Roshini koh tumhe hi sambhalna hoga,' Dia started, 'School play ke liye hum sab koh kuch dances karne hai toh Varun ne Roshini koh uska partner ban ne ke liye poocha. You can guess the rest of the love involved. Ab Juliet koh Romeo ke paas le chalo, I'm going to meet up with CJ. Kitne adorable hai yeh dono, I can't wait to see their dance! But warning you Asha, tum dono ka art project ka patha nahi kya hoga, yeh dono biology project - reproduction mein zyaada interested honge.' she winked.

'Hey main apne flat mein jaaongi' Roshini protested, 'Aur art project karoongi mein, koi biology project due nahi hai, hum heart ke baarre mein kar rahe.' She added as if she was oblivious to the biological hint.

'Oh hello, tum dono keh flats ek doosre keh bagal main hai. Asha keh so jaane ke baad tum logon ke plans toh zaroor honge. Heart ke bare mein? Hmmm...Bye!'

I winked at Dia as she waved to us and ran for her life before Roshini could kill her. I looked at Roshini who relaxed after Dia's exit and was completely 'away with the fairies' now. I shook my head at her and clicked my fingers in her face. There was only so much craziness I could handle.

I'm glad it wasn't something completely bonkers like love at first sight for Roshini. I'd go with Bipasha Basu's comment on Koffee with Karan for that one, 'It saves time'. I mean, it doesn't even make sense; I look at you and fall in love? Stupidity to the extreme. If you were a bit crazy you could get obsessed but there's a difference to 'I want you' and 'I love you'. Looking and someone ticks off the 'want' factor, looking in their heart ticks off the 'love' factor.

I do actually believe in love but not to an extreme like Roshini does. CJ doesn't understand it but then again, her parents went through a messy divorce. I don't really blame her. But Dia is a bit like me when it comes to these things. Actually, Dia is a LOT like me in most things.

The drive to Roshini's house is only 20 minutes but it seemed to go on forever. Probably because I managed to replay every single moment I was with Rohan, in my head. All those feelings, I felt myself shivering but smiling as I thought of them. We finally got there though and I couldn't believe that Roshini was going to take the stairs till the 5^th floor to keep fit.

'Roshini tu bina moral support keh saath chale jaa na! I'm not bothered in keeping fit.'

'NO. You will come with me, you have to otherwise I won't let you in my house.'

I knew she was doing this for Varun; she had never been so self conscious. She had always been as confident about herself as the three of us: Dia, CJ and me. But lately she was always checking on how she looked, not that it made too much difference, it just gave her that touch of perfection which due to her beautiful face, she could live without anyway.

Falling onto Roshini's bed as soon as we entered, I stretched my hands to reach the cool glass of water ready on the bedside table as Roshini went to get the door. Behind the door I knew was Varun so I downed the water, shutting myself off for a few moments as they chatted and put some food in the oven and rested for a half an hour till it was ready to eat.

'Asha, you seem a bit lost,' Roshini stated, looking a bit concerned as I munched on the pizza.

'Patha nahi, shayad energy level kam ho raha hai,' I lied, I knew why I was so lost but I wasn't ready to admit it, 'Drashti kal vaapas aa rahi hogi, parson voh jaldi nikal gayi thi na college se? Uska phone bhi nahi lag raha,' I added hastily changing the subject.

'Haan yar, sirf teri sports car dekhi usne aur first lesson ke baad nikal padi. Note choda tha ki teen din mein aa jayegi, bas.'

'Kya karne gayi hai? I hope uske parents uski shaadi nah kara dein!' She said, getting up to reach the ringing phone.

I realised that there could be a serious note to this; Drashti might as well be facing serious family drama over there. Hopefully she wasn't getting engaged or something crazy like that. She had come here to become a doctor after massive arguments and big risks. I had always admired her bravery and courage. I always viewed her as a 'woman' and she was while the rest of us still seemed to be girls. But she was also much more than that.

She could joke just like all of us; she was mad and reckless in a lot of things. Only she could have convinced us to break into 3 weddings in a row to eat gulab jamun in one night. Only she could have gotten all of us drunk without having any knowledge of it. Only she could have risked her safety climbing a broken bridge (it had a lot of splinters) just to get a nice jump into the water. Only she did such crazy things because she strongly believed in living life to its fullest. She didn't do life threatening stunts all the time but she had done some unbelievably dangerous things at certain points.

She was really very clever too and had a lot of 'guy' friends who she continually distracted from their work but managed to finish her own class work. She wasn't respected for her behaviour with her teachers but she was a straight 'A' student and had a dangerous reputation, not for her recklessness but because she had actually beaten up guys in the past who had gone too far with the flirting.

I really did love her and I genuinely hoped for the best, but knowing her she would run away as soon as she got the opportunity. Especially if she was stuck in the middle of a family drama; because she was not the type to sit there patiently explaining her problems in an orderly fashion. Dia and Roshini would probably excel at that but not Drashti.

'Kiska phone tha?' I asked as I heard her putting the phone down with a smile on her face.

'Drashti'

'Seriously!? Lambi umar hai uski. Kya boli? Aur voh mujhse baath karna bhool gayi kya?'

'Mere papa type baatein karne math lagna, please. Lambi umar,' She sighed, 'Drashti kal vaapas aa rahi hai aur apne koi friend koh bhi le kar aa rahi hai, she said Delhi se aaya hai.'

'Thank god! Mujhe laga iss baar engagement ring pehn ke aayegi. Aur yeh friend kya koi bachpan ka dost hai?'

'Haan, usne aisa hi bola. You know jinke-ke-saath-ghar-ghar-khelti-thi types.'

For a second I wondered if Roshini ever played that. I remember cooking imaginary food and washing virtual clothes but Roshini? She was probably a spoilt child or a shopaholic mother.

'Boy?' I asked. I admit; I had my hopes up. Another boy's entry to our group would be fun.

'Haan, ladka hai. Voh Mac aur Sid bhi vaapas athe honge, unka voh 1 week photography course thoh khatam ho gaya na?'

I recalled talking on the phone to Mac at lunch break before that project. Rohan's cute smile came flashing to my mind but I decided to let myself think about Mac and Sid instead of him. There are other good looking guys in this world, who also have amazing personalities so forget about him! He's Rohan, seriously, no lifer. Okay I admit, I had noticed he was good looking but I couldn't care less. I wasn't a girl who chased them around drooling over them all the time. I liked Mac, Varun and Sid because of their personalities, not just because of their looks although originally that's what had drawn me to them. It's like the saying, "Beauty captures attention. The personality captures the heart."

'Haan kal college aayenge dono. Finally! I missed all 3 alot.' I said finally, smiling thoughtfully.

Mac had said he would be in college tomorrow and that the course was awesome. Just the word I had expected from him. I was looking forward to tomorrow; it would be like a mini reunion of our lost members even though they had only been away for a week and for Drashti 3 days. Not to forget an addition to our group too. Mac and Sid never failed to bring a smile to my face, and I had missed them as much as Drashti in the past week but more friends, more fun.

'Hmm...chal kha liya toh art homework karte hai. I can't believe ki team project hai yeh. Collage hai but so what, art and teamwork do NOT go together.'

'I know, I know. Main sheets laathi hoon aur tu paints le aa.'

The rest of the night, both of us talked and worked together. I told her about what Shaila had said to me and she recapped a bit on her parents coming to see her over the weekend. We worked hard and we managed to pull the collage together, using a mixture of our techniques. The point of the exercise was to not just research famous artists, but to use tips from the young artists around us and it seemed to work although we started off with completely contrasting opinions.

The last conscious thought I had was I can't wait to meet everyone. It seems normal doesn't it? I forgot to add the last bit; Even Rohan. I did not need this complication in my life.

Drashti

So the bad news is, my engagement is tomorrow because my dad has cancer and wants to see me married before he dies. Funnily enough, I did have the option and my opinion in getting engaged did hold importance, it could ultimately ruin my life but I just decided to get engaged because I saw how much happiness it brought to my dad. I also told my fiance that all this is just a big 'act' so we are not actually taking things very seriously. He was doubtful at first but he reluctantly agreed after my pleading, he thought it would be his little study escape to Mumbai. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

The other bad news is straight-forward. My dad has cancer. Brain tumour, stage 3.

All my life, I have been trying so hard to get out of my little village, full of 'traditional' values such as women don't work and get married very early. Of course, I believe that these weren't always our traditions but knowing us humans, we like to twist things and get an ultimately different meaning out of everything. I believe strongly that twisting things is what made the cast system so restricted. I'm not entirely sure about some of the traditions but I'm sure I'm not too far off. So that was my family. Traditional. Not in a good way.

I absolutely love my parents, don't get me wrong and I would do anything for them but not give away my freedom (if I had any in that village). I wasn't the type of girl to do that; I needed freedom and a boundless life. Mumbai was the place I wanted to go, to fulfil all my wishes and dreams of being a career woman with a good income.

So, I left home. I said I wanted to go and I that's exactly what I would do, I made it very clear that I wasn't just going to sit in the kitchen and raise kids. I learnt martial arts from a young age, apparently there had been a few rapists around a few years ago so there was a perfect excuse to convince my family and a great incentive for me to try it. I had also managed to learn sword fighting and since my brother went there too.

Of course, if I managed to do all that being a girl, breaking out of my house although everyone knew about my plans, wasn't the hardest thing possible. I didn't tell anyone where I was going but I had kept a regular habit of checking on my family every fortnight by going to my village. Sometimes I didn't always manage but I tried my best. They did try to keep me there by doing all sorts of things, but they always failed.

My parents had realised that nothing was going to keep me from chasing my ambitions so ultimately, they decided to stop trying to shorten my visions and setting limits on my life, instead they let me go so that I received no resistance to my ideas.

Until the idea of my marriage. No one forced me to get married but guys kept coming round to 'see' me although they all knew I wasn't ready for marriage yet. So I kept postponing before I realised the terrible incident with my dad.

When my mum told me that dad had cancer, I just couldn't believe it. How could he have cancer? He was just fine a fortnight ago, so how could this have happened? Inevitably, I took 3 days off to care for my dad and well, get engaged. I promised him I would take him to Mumbai with me in a few weeks time because I knew he also had a secret passion of visiting new places and there would be better treatment. I realised he needed some time with relatives so I didn't drag him to Mumbai but I definitely consulted the doctors and took advice and some prescriptions.

I had been trying to be strong and everything but I did break down in tears. There was only so much Drashti Dhami could handle. And my dad getting cancer was definitely not on my 'can handle' list. Definitely not. I seemed to be stronger than everyone else, like a shoulder for them to cry on. Little did they know that I had already drowned in my tears inside.

All the memories had come flooding (I didn't mean to get so watery: tears, flooding, drowned but I have a very good excuse) back and I made a scrapbook out of all the photo albums there were available. I collected many photos and stuck them onto separate pages, describing what I could remember of those moments. Yes, it did take a long time but it wasn't like sleep came very easily at night, so I decided to do that. I would take it to my father who would sit with me and laugh at the photos, I nearly smiled at that thought.

Getting engaged was like basically half an hour, or well, it felt like that. I had made a compromise that it would just be at home and nothing fancy or anything. It was a bit of a mini engagement but all the important rituals did take place.

Through all the absurdity in my life, I thought, 'how funny would it be when I would turn up and say that 'Yeh mera mangethar hai.' I took another look at my fiance, I did know his name. It was Rajesh. He did look like husband material and not village-like at all. He had studied in the U.K. so obviously he wouldn't be all 'gao ka gora'. Actually the film was called 'gao ki gori' but surely I could still use it for the opposite gender too?

Here I am thinking about college when my dad is going to go to surgery in a few seconds. I mentally chastised myself for being so shallow and uncaring. Then I realised that I should enjoy life and appreciate the little details, I mean I was already depressed enough already, I didn't need to convince myself to stay away from the little happiness's of life. Thinking about college wasn't uncaring I concluded. Since when did I become so philosophical?

The doctor came out and said a few caring words. I smiled sadly at my dad while I handed my dear dad's life to the steady hands of the surgeons from the trembling hands of my own. I thought of how much I had hurt him sometimes because of my actions. When I ran away, when I refused to listen to my parents, when everyone had laughed at my family. All these times I had hurt him so much. I tried to push away my guilt thinking that my life would have been so different and boring if I hadn't done that.

I hoped for the best and sat down with Rajesh, maybe we could have a conversation regardless of the situation.

'Sorry Drashti, kash humari engagement koi acche circumstances me hoti. It's not fair on you.'

I had a silly urge to laugh mockingly and say that our engagement would have never happened in 'normal circumstances'. But it was just highly inappropriate and all I would achieve is making him feel bad. After all, he was just trying to help me here. Stress was really coming down on me and I had to stop feeling so irritable.

'It's not fair. Mere papa ek bahut acche aadmi the, unhe yeh sab kyun?' I stopped to regain control, I would not start sobbing madly and pierce the silence with my hysteria. Although the atmosphere here was far from tranquil, it was so thick with tension it was suffocating me, but it still would not be helpful if I created some drama. Be strong, be strong. I repeated to myself in my head, to help me keep sane. I fought hard not to give in to the grief and madness that was slowly eating away my insides and remained very still.

"I don't know Drashti. Life is hard and unfair." He sighed thoughtfully. I wondered if he had lost someone he loved. I wondered why he was here to marry and if he actually wanted to. He had studied in the U.K. and his parents were probably well off and maybe not so traditional. Traditional, the word was enough to make me think of my dad again.

I stayed there for a very long time, I knew that this was probably a surgery that my dad would survive but I still didn't like the fact that there was a chance. I also hated the fact that I was just sitting here, hopelessly and helplessly. I couldn't do anything to help, I just couldn't do anything. Feeling extremely frustrated now, I went to get a glass of water.

I tried to calm myself again but I felt a tear leaking out of the edge of my tired eyes. I immediately wiped it away and hurried outside. I managed to hide somewhere and cried my heart out. Starting off with crying, I went to noisy sobs and then to hysteria. My knees gave way and I let the salty stream of water run down my face without making any effort to wipe it away. I don't know till how long I was there but I had really needed a refuge. A place where I could let all my emotions explode.

After my therapeutic crying session, I realised that there was hope and hope was really everything for my dad.