Crumbled- AR OS

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princess52

@princess52

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 15 years ago

#21

wow......
hats of to u
amazingg OS
i wasss waiting to read something from u
n finally ur here
it wass really touchy
i loved it
plzz do write some more
love habs

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@spln

Inactive

+ 5

Posted: 15 years ago

#22

that waas depressing alright - but i read it in the right time =)

i like the way you've laid it out for the most kiz - but unlike many of your other readers, i persnally felt a lack of connection with the characters themselves ... to be distracted with the writing style, and miss out somewhat on the chars is what happened for me ... the narrative style wasn't bad - in places i missed being present/past participle :P (dont look like im from pluto please!)

the idea was nice though ... yeh, so basicaly i'd have liked it better if the chars had seen greater development - for instance, there was that para of background check on armaan, no details but facts in place alright ... i missed that about ridhima ... it seemed odd to me in definition of her char that A) she married another man cause she couldn't withstand (so i'd have read more on that happily, cause obv that has led to much else) B) shes here is one thing - aryan is all cool with her and stuff? aryan and armaan? armaan's loneliness from a father - understandable, from a brother ??!!!

i don't think those scenarios aren't possible, i just think you sort of didn't delve into them beyond surface - even for a one shot ... u know?

maybe i'm the loner on this planet of opinion though so no worries! over all BILKUL bi baddie ni tha ... it was a fair attempt of something darkly driven from love and human discrepancy .. i like the dealing of it, and most of all like i said, the way its laid out!

chalo abi, jaldi se mirage de do hum loga ko!

muah,
nj

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@-Aria-

Dazzler

+ 6

Posted: 15 years ago

#23

Will be back :)

Edit~

Man, that was awfully depressing. And for some odd reason..which isnt oodd i suppose, i kept visualising them sitting on that bench..in a beautiful windy day, with rustling autumn leaves on the sidewalk..as clouds begin to gather..uff, it was painful.

I enjoyed it though, dude does this mean all AR ffs will now have sad endings? sigh!

I'll leave the tense sense to sensible people :P Enjoyed your words and it manages to bring out that pain...alive..

Keep writing more..

Edited by olive_green - 15 years ago

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ambryn

@ambryn

Voyager

Posted: 15 years ago

#24

Hi Kiran,

Very nice but sad... please write happy stories...

Love,

Ambryn

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ahenseven

@ahenseven

Inactive

Posted: 15 years ago

#25

Hey kiran!!!...that was a fantastic one...Totally loved your style...the way you express emoctions...it's just fabulous...pls do continue giving us a lot more of them and ya pls pls don't forget to pm me with your next update...eagerly waiting...thanks and take care...loads of love neha 😃

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nyxx

@nyxx

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 15 years ago

#26

Omg that was sooo sadd :(

one of the saddest OS ive read...but you've written it soo beautifullyy..

poor armaan :(...i wa hoping instead riddhima to visit him and tell him she isnt married n stuf..looll..

anyhow, awesome OS :)

pm me if yu write anymore

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Sookie

@-Sookie-

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 15 years ago

#27

Hmm....interesting read. But why the whole negativity though? I mean I don't mind reading stuff which is tragic but I wish you had explored Armaan a little bit more. The angst of him when he smokes his first cigarette and coughs or chugs down first shot of whiskey or when he does dope. The reason behind his actions are to naive in my opinion.
Basically this OS was short 😆 and I kept scrolling and scrolling to find that it had already ended 😕

The flow of the story made me forget that I am not too happy when you switch tenses rapidly. The focus shifts from present to present continuous and suddenly we are in past. But the content is nicely done so I did not realize this shifting of tenses yesterday. 😆 So virtual cookies for ya!

I must applaud you for taking up writing a hopeless case of a broken man. (As I said I wanted it loooooooong, but oh well!)

Can I persuade you to write the same story it in Riddhima's POV? It would be interesting to see the other side of the coin and the way she sees Armaan.

😊 I liked this OS Kiz! Very different style from the way you generally write (THE FF WHICH YOU ARE NOT UPDATING) and I really like the content. But honestly, darkness does not suit you. You are Kizza! The one who gives me whacky ideas for Grimm and my caveman-talk partner! But very good attempt in writing something outside your comfort zone.

Will we get to see more OS from you or is this a one time thing? No, first update Mirage. I have to revise that FF once more to remember what was going on :S

S. (The person who is so kind enough to come out of hiatus for the sake of this author 😆 after being threatened by her)

Edited by -Sookie- - 15 years ago

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Sunaina

@SunainaTM007

Inactive

Posted: 15 years ago

#28

aite...*reserved it is ;)

*edit*

Heya Kiran !!

that was quite a different yet emotional and beautiful OS... loved this one loads !! your style of writing is really really fab ! :) :)

armaan's thoughts and the pain he underwent while in riddhima' presence ! :( and then, the story of his life... drugs is never the answer to stress an difficult... your strong will to survive and succeed helps a lot !! :) :) armaan ruined his own life after doing drugs and alcohol !!! :(

riddhima's pain to see her love suffering... and her plea to him to get wll sooon :)

overall, a beautiful and briliant read hun !! loved it ! ;) :) ;)

thanks for the pm !

Edited by SunainaTM007 - 15 years ago