CHAPTER 21
The Delayed Date!!
Kashish rushed to take a bath as soon as she got home…..I should scrub myself clean..Spotless….. Not that he wud … But I don't want to smell like a corpse walking around….I jut hopes this doesn't turn into a disaster.
Bath over, kashish stood in front of her closet fussing over her dress…. This is getting soo ridiculous!!!!!!! Why am I so nervous it's not like it's the first time I am having dinner with him and what I wear won't matter... I might as well as go in my sleeping suit…NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I can't go in front of him dressed like that..So what if he can't see me? I can see him!!!
Kashish finally decided on old faded jeans and Nick's cast off shirt. She then rushed to the kitchen. Time to show her culinary skills. If this stubborn stallion won't come to the well, then I'll take the well to him and drown him in it till he drinks up!!!
Kashish arranged the carefully prepared dinner on a huge tray and taking a deep breath walked towards Sujal's door.
Taking another calming breath kashish knocked gently on the door.
"It's open!! Since when did u learn manners and started knocking Rin?"(Emotionless voice from inside the room)
Kashish pushed the door open with her foot and marched inside b4 she cud get thrown out. Once safely inside she decided to better ans his question.
K –Since Rin changed into me
Sujal gripped the window frame tightly as soon as he heard the familiar voice… ashen faced he asked-What..r?
K –Oh! Ummm what I meant was.. That I am not Rin.. I am Ka-
S (thundered suddenly) –I know who u r!!! What the hell r u doing here? Get out of here!
Why is she here?!! Why! I can't .. I.. I don't want her to see me… like this… I…
K –I.. I.. brought dinner.(unsteady voice){Maybe this was a bad idea……. Well… can't back out now… ok stubborn mutt let's see who the master is in this house..Oh my god!!!! I can't believe I compared him to a dog!!! I am going to kill Rin one day it's all her fault …. Always twittering with her puppy dog over the dinner.}
S (gritted teeth) –Fine. Leave it there on the table and get out.
K nodded her head I acceptance then realized that the gesture was completely wasted on him…. That's right! Remember ur goal. I can't let him frighten me now. He can't manually throw me out either.. Yes. I am sorry Sujal I may sound cruel and harsh tonight but it's all for ur own good.
K slowly laid the dinner on the table and started putting food on his plate.
Sujal's anger, irritation and fear were rising exponentially –What the hell is taking u so long??? (I can't stand being in the so close to u) Even Rin is quicker than u (please go away before I break down completely! ) How long does it take to put a plate of porridge on the table?! U are so useless (like me)!
K –It's taking long coz it's not porridge! Now listen carefully, coz I am going to repeat this only once!
S –{What the…} Haven't I made it clear that I just want to eat-
"Shut up." Kashish interrupted Sujal and continued as if he had not spoken at all..I should treat him as not just blind but Dum too.. Not listening to his insults wud definitely help…. "Curry 9'o clock, Salad 12'o clock, Curd 6 'o clock, Rice 3 'o clock. Water on 2 'o clock ,10 cm from plate. Fork on left, spoon on right. U take the left side of table and I'll sit on right."
Sujal heard the noise of chair being dragged and some1 sitting down on it.. Spoon striking the plate.. Water being poured… 1st glass… 2nd glass
Oh NO! She can't be serious! Who the hell she thinks she is barging into my room and inviting herself to dinner??!!! And what an idiot I am! Drowned in my misery not to have noticed the different smell of food….. I was concentrating way too much on her smell that is why!!! I cud have avoided this trouble by noticing earlier and throwing her out. Wait I can't throw her out even.. Coz I can't see her!!! Damn !! Damn!! Damn!!
Taking a calm breath Sujal tried to reason.. Find some sense in what was going on..{Maybe it's just another attempt to get me out of my room. Why can't they all just let it be?!} "What do u think u r doing? I am not sitting on the left chair and eating dinner-"
"Ok. I can sit on the left then, u take the right" Kashish said calmly as if nothing was wrong with the two of the having dinner together…
Sujal again heard the scraping of chairs and heard her sitting down again. He was close to believing that he had become deaf along with blind. Can brain injuries cause hallucinating noises?
Shaking slightly, Sujal balled his fists and tried once again to understand what he didn't want to believe –Kashish?
K –Yes? { Uh! oh! Now what do I do? He is calm now.. Now he will argue and kick me out.. What do I doo!!!!!}
S (clear, precise voice)–Didn't u hear me clearly? I had asked u to keep my dinner on the table and leave. Neither did u bring my dinner nor are u leaving.{ GO!!!!! Please go!}
K –I heard u. Although I didn't leave.. I did bring ur dinner.
S –I don't eat that.
K –Why?
Dumfound Sujal stood silently 5 feet away from where Kashish sat. He cud smell her now…. You took a bath.. A long bath.. U don't smell of work… U smell somewhat like Nick though… So he is in ur little plan too.
S –My choice is none of ur business.
K –It's coz of u r afraid, right? Afraid of spilling normal food on urself and causing embarrassment.
Sujal drew a ragged breath. It hurt. More than the injury, the inability hurt him and coming from her in such plain, dry words.. It burnt.
K –Well anyway.. That may not true again.. Person's taste do change after…. accidents. But u see it is my concern for tonight coz I don't know how to cook ur beloved porridge.
S –Yes my taste changed. And u don't have to bother cooking my dinner I know how busy u r…
K –Well I had too. Cooking isn't my fav. activity either. But every1 is out tonight so I had to make dinner.
S –What?
K –I said that although I don't like cooking, I had to cook for and for me. And I don't know how to cook porr-
S –Everyone is out tonight?{We are alone!!!!!!!!!}
K –Umm yah…. Dad has this…. National conference…. And Rin was getting stir-crazy and annoying everyone so she had to be taken out… And Nick was missing Sanskrit… So.. It's just.. me and u{..me and u.. why did saying those words feel so..odd}
S –I am sure Kaveri wud have made my dinner before leaving.
I am not gonna make a fool of myself … eating food like a baby.. spilling everything, everywhere… NO! Never in front of her…. Sujal thought stubbornly.
K –She did…. But I burnt it while reheating…{ Damn he is so sure of himself.. Note to self: Drain the porridge stored in fridge.}
S –Fine then I'll eat the burnt thing.
K –I threw it away.
S –Then I am not hungry tonight. So u can go now.
K –(Hurt voice)My cooking isn't that bad u know… Anyways if u r not hungry then fine don't eat.(So much for my well and horse idea…)Do u mind if I sit here and eat? I don't like eating alone.
NO! I do mind it very much!! I don't want u anywhere around me. I feel ashamed of myself in ur presence. Voices in Sujal's mind screamed
S –I am a bit tired.. and-
K –Pleassse?
Kashish used the most persuasive tone she cud manage. Usually she wasn't used to begging… never to him..
S finally shrugged his shoulder and nodded his head… What harm can her staying her for dinner do?... She'll be probably dying to get out of here by the time her dinner is over… I'll bore her to death Good for me. She won't barge in again.
K –I know u don't want to eat.. But can u atleast sit at the table?
S again nodded his head and sat down, making sure he doesn't stumble along the way.
Of course I'll sit. If I sit here… I can smell u from closer. I can …. I can also smell the food!! Damn it! It smells nice. Mouthwatering.
K –U know u were less stubborn and more logical when u are suffering from the worst hang-over rather than u r right now.
S –What?
K –Well remember that time when u came here dead drunk and woke up with the biggest hangover?
S –Sure… How can I forget? Ur dad barred me from stepping into 1 km radius of this house…
K –Well I am talking about the morning u woke up on the sofa. U had enough sense to drink ur coffee quietly and ask for aspirin too. Of course u even had enough brains to run before dad caught u.
S –Yah… U made coffee for me then, u were going to school…. In a skirt.
S clamped his mouth shut astonished at what he had just said. He cud sense an awkward silence from K. What is she thinking? What is that noise she made? Is she clearing her throat? Did she just choke? Did she just put her hand on her mouth? Is she blushing? Bl**dy hell!!! I wanna see her!!!
S –Umm what I meant was…. U didn't wear skirt often… It looked strange on u…
Strange on her?!!! I seriously need to keep my mouth shut. She'll strangle me now. I can feel it heat radiating from her. She is probably angry, very angry. With her eyes flashing danger and her cheeks glowing red… Her cute nose all wrinkled up….dammit!!! why cant I see her?!!!
K -…T..Thanks for the complement…{of all the things which he remembered was my hideous skirt!!!! Damn it! I know I had no sense of fashion then but that doesn't mean he can make fun of it!!}
Kashish continued to eat her dinner in silence after that. True, now she was even ready to beg and grovel in front of him.. But taking insult from a blind man was just unacceptable.
Sujal sat in his chair for another 5 mins nervously…. He had again let his mouth run off with him. He still hadn't apologized for long back things. He cud literally hear Kashish's hard breathing now. And her clean sweet smell cud not be ignored. On top of that he was very hungry and the aroma of food was becoming hard to resist with every passing second.
S –Ummm Kashish… I … I wanted to…
K –Try out my curry? U know it's my specialty… Sure why not? Go ahead it's still on ur plate 9 'o clock.
No I don't want to taste ur curry I want to apologize!!! Sujal gave a deep sigh and nodded his head cautiously moving his hand towards the table Eating her curry is easier than apologizing to her.
K –Spoon's on right.
S nodded again and moved his hand to locate the spoon. Ok I found the spoon good. This is good. I haven't bumped my hand against anything either. Very good. Now where is the curry? She said 9 'o clock.. What does that mean? She means it's on west side? Like clock hands? Maybe… Heck!!! This is so frustrating!! I'll just eat whatever comes in my spoon. Sujal's hand shook a little as he carefully tried to scoop of from is plate. Kashish watched in silence, remembering to breath. If he knows I am watching him like a hawk, he wud stop. I have to act casual .. As if we eat dinner like this every day..
Sujal took a spoonful and slowly tasted it… Delicious…. He had been on sick diet for a month. This morsel was like a taste of heaven created from angel's hand. Whatever it was… Curry or rice or anything.. It was better than what had been eating for weeks… So what if he ate curd instead of rice both taste equally good. There was nothing to be embarrassed about in this.. I am so stupid!! To have rejected good food!!
Sujal took another cautious bite and then another. Slowly gaining confidence slowly increasing his speed.
The horse finally started drinking!!!
K –Umm u like it?
S –Hmmm.
K –Do u want more curry?
S –Hmmm.
K –Do u want sugar in ur curd?
S –Hmmm.
K –Water?
S –Hmm.
K –More rice?
S –Hmm.
Kashish kept on serving sujal. Wow!! He eats like a man possessed!! I better keep my mouth shut on this.
Dinner finally over. Sujal felt a small glimmer of happiness and satisfaction after a very long time…Guess good food does that to u…
Kashish cleared the table and stacked the plates. Unsure what to do next.
S –Ummmm… U cook well..
K –Thanks..
Her voice sounds weird…. Unfocused.. Isn't she looking at me? Why not? Is she embarrassed by the compliment? Come to think of it, it's the first time I am tasting food made by her… I wonder how u r looking right now kashish… I really wanna see.
S –Yah.. Umm listen..look ..aah..I am sorry for earlier…
K –It's ok. U wud probably have been thinking how cud a girl who mangles corpses all day long, cook up a decent meal… So its fine that u didn't want to taste dinner.
S –Oh! Yah I am sorry about that too. I was very rude for no reason. But what I really want to apologize is for acting like a chauvinist pig a long time back. I called u so many bad things and behaved abominably.. I .. was horrible to u during Nick's engagement. I don't know how to-
K –Hey!!(kashish was too shocked by the sudden apology to have replied earlier) stop. U don't.. It's.. I don't even remember all that.. As u said it was a long time back. So forget it. I have forgotten all about it. So should u.
S –But it doesn't excuse my behavior..-
K –Please sujal don't…
Sujal closed his mouth breaking off his apology. What was that note in her voice? She sounded as if she was pleading…. As f she is in pain…. My god what's wrong? What happened to her?
Sujal moved a step towards where he thought Kashish was, "Kashish are u.. Okay?"
K nodded her head, but realizing the futility of the action once again, tested her voice to speak again.. It was hardly a whisper, "Yes"
Why is she whispering? What is she afraid of? What's wrong?!! "Wh..What's wrong? What happened? R u hurt? R u alrite?"
Kashish violently shook her head in no, not trusting her voice to speak now… This all .. All this happened because of me. He is blind today coz of me and he is APOLOGIZING… He is worried about me… Oh!!! God !!! Please don't say another word. Don't care so much about me when I didn't even know of ur accident for a whole month. I don't deserve ur apology!! I deserve hell…. Kashish took deep breaths and sniffed to calm herself to stop the tears from spilling. All this noises confused S and made him more anxious.
"Kashish?" S raised his hand unable to find her, touch her, unable to understand what was wrong... What's wrong? Tell me!! Please!
Kashish gingerly placed her own hand in his outstretched palm. Sujal pulled her closer and located her face.. He cud feel the wetness there..She..Is..CRYING….
Sujal wiped her tears and said in the calmest of voice, "I don't want more of this crying and moping. Neither do I want ur pity. If u want to cry for my misfortune then u-"
K (voice thick with tears) –It not ur Misfortune!! It's my fault! I should have never called u so early. I shouldn't have insisted on ur being punctual. It's not ur misfortune. It's all my fault. My stupid fault!!!
Kashish choked on her words and hid her face in his chest.
Sujal slowly stroked her head. Completely blown off guard. He had never thought of the whole situation as her fault. And he can't understand as to how cud she think it was her fault!!!
S (gently) –U silly girl… It's not ur fault-
K –It IS!!!!(crying from his chest)
S –No. What had to happen, happened. If I was supposed to have an accident then I had it. No matter at what time u had called me. It doesn't matter.
K –No!!! It does. If I had agreed for later then that truck wouldn't have been there! And u wud have been safe and unharmed today.
S –What do u know? U didn't know that a truck wud hit me when u set the time. And it cud happen that like u postponed the time, so might have the truck driver. U can't blame urself for my condition.
K –But if I hadn't been so angry about it u wud have driven slowly and u wud have avoided the truck.
S –No. I had wanted to get to u as fast as possible. Coz that was the day I realized what a jackass I had been for the past weeks and I was desperate to apologize to u. So u see it's not ur fault at all. So don't ever say such stupid things again. Okay?
Sujal cupped k's cheek in his hand… She is still crying… God what sins did I do that I am making her cry like this? I wud gladly go blind 100 times rather than make her cry like this. As it is, I had hurt her enough with my words and now reckless actions too have hurt her.
S –Kashish? Please stop crying… It doesn't help to cry over spilt milk. Please stop. How can I endure this if u cry? How can I live with hope if u cry in despair?
K –I..I… am.mm… ss.ss..sssooorr..yyyy.
K choked out the word from her throat. He is right!! If I cry like it's the end of world. How can I make him believe that it is not? I have to stop!!! But I can't.
S –Kashish? Please..
K –I..I k..kno..knowww..I undderstad…….I..caaaan'ttt….stop …..crying..
K bit her lips hard and shut her eyes tight. It still didn't help. The steady stream of tears just wudn't stop.
S –Okay.. It's okay… Then let it all out… It will stop eventually…
S sat down on the bed, hugging K tight. Her head hidden in his chest. He cud feel her struggling to control herself, he cud feel her each rising spasm of tears.. He didn't even realize when his own cheeks were a bit wet….
How can two sensible grownups cry like kids over the past when nothing was there to be forgiven?
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Anupamaa
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