PART-4
Kalpana had lied mostly awake and blushing half that night and the morning too was not much different for her. When her mother "Vimla Jadhav" who was a teacher had called out her name to wake her up, Kalpi had murmured something like "Aai you haven't left for school yet?". Frustrated at her dream being broken where she was hugging Raghav tightly in her arms and feeling his arms on her own body, Kalpi couldn't help but complain. "I get up myself daily, he was about to kiss me" she had thought sadly. Then turning to the other side she tried sleeping again, "maybe I see that dream again! Hmm".
"I don't believe this, these children are not happy to see parents at home. No Kalpu, I have not gone to school yet because vacations are going on remember?" Vimla had told Kalpi. "It's already 7.30 A.M., if you don't want to get late for office, get up soon beta" Vimla had said, caressing Kalpi's head gently.
"What?" and it was enough for Kalpi to sit up straight, she didn't want to be late for office, especially now. She wouldn't have liked Raghav Sir scolding her for any reason whatsoever henceforth, "how stupid" she'd thought. She'd gone straight to the bathroom and while getting ready had blushed hard on remembering how Raghav's touches had made her feel alive last night. She or more accurately together they both were always on fire. She had traced her body while remembering his touches, wherever he had touched, lastly touching her lips. With trembling hands, she'd let her fingers brush her lips and then hid her face behind her palms. Never ever had she thought that she'll be kissed by her eternal crush and handsome boss; that too on two consecutive days. His kiss made her forget everything and both the times he had showed different sides of him; and both very passionate. Last night they both were close enough to feel each other's heartbeats and afterwards Raghav had rubbed off the smudges of her lip-gloss from around the skin of her lips. Kalpi had her eyes still closed and head down in daze & shyness. He had held her thin fingers in his hands and made her touch his own lips with them to clean the marks of her lip-gloss. This action of his had Kalpana opening her eyes immediately. That mischievous and satisfied smile had never left Raghav's face all the while, even when he had cupped Kalpi's face again, lifting it to his level. Her soft cheeks under his hands were bliss and he wanted to kiss Kalpi again.
He had kissed her again, this time very softly, brushing lightly his tongue and lips, saying "you have beautiful lips; I can't have enough of them." Raghav's kiss had Kalpi closing her eyes and feeling him again as she let Raghav do what he had wanted to. It was very reluctantly that Raghav had let go of Kalpi's lips, but not before he had applied the lip-gloss on them himself.
"You might want to hide certain, umm, marks" he had winked and enjoyed Kalpi's shy smile. Later on, with Kalpi still on his lap he had pleaded her to think over accepting his offer at least. "This feeling, whatever it is; this seems to be too precious for me to let go of it so easily. Don't do this to yourself and me" he'd said. "Can you not even try to work over your insecurities and fears about our so-called differences Kalpi, hmm?" his fingers had caressed Kalpi's hair and neck lovingly involuntarily as his eyes showed an honest request. She had only managed to say "I, I will try" unable to bring Raghav's name on her lips because she already was dangerously close to him. Allowing herself to take his name meant to get more attached to Raghav Singhania emotionally. "Promise, you promise me?" Raghav had asked bringing her closer to him by wrapping his arms around her waist. Kalpana had nodded her head in agreement and had received one kiss on a cheek of hers, "Okay, I feel better now. Come, let's drop you home".
That was about last night's memory with Raghav, the second consecutive passionate night between us. A few moments with him and Kalpi forgot everything; this was his effect on her. "But I have to make sure somehow, not to make more of such memories. The more I'll go close to him, the more I may have to handle pain. It shall be impossible for me to go away from him afterwards, without shedding buckets of tears", "No-no, I cannot take that risk! What if I fall in love with him? What will I do then? I know Gauri Ma'am is very kind and down to earth; she cares for me so much every time I go to Singhania Mansion. But she may not necessarily approve of our relation. After all, if we are not poor, we are not so rich too, like them. The Singhanias have a status and name in society; I am not sure whether Raghav Sir or Ma'am would not be hurt answering questions of their rich friends. Amidst all this my family, parents might suffer; and to think about it if I am feeling so sad now by forcing myself to stay away from Sir. Then if something goes wrong later on, how will I handle it? How would I face my parents and tell them, I was not at fault in loving him? How will I answer my society's questions and tell them I am not a gold-digger even if Gauri Ma'am agrees."
As Kalpi absent-mindedly did her breakfast, her mother noted it all. Her mind and heart were having this relay race of thoughts. She was unable to reach any conclusion and all she knew was that she was scared, too scared of taking any risks. Still lost in thoughts, she'd taken her purse and stepped out of their two-bedroom flat saying "Bye Aai, I am leaving". She'd left without giving one look to her mother who had been observing her daughter with worry. Deciding to wear formal pants and suit today, Kalpi's thoughts were still running amok as she replayed every moment spent with Raghav. Each moment was so precious this she had realized and also that she was dangerously close to him already. Being a girl if she submitted herself to a man then that certainly meant a serious emotional business; that had lead Kalpi to reading over her own thoughts again. "Did I think of falling in love with Raghav Sir? Why? I have also not given a thought to the possibility that if after becoming friends, Sir realizes that his feelings for me were never love? That we can at best be good friends but never lovers? What if Sir comes to the conclusion that what he felt was just a liking towards me; or worse still, a fierce case of intense sexual attraction between us? After all, the situation which brought us together, which broke walls of formality between us was not an ordinary one. What if by then, I fall in love with him and he thinks he had never loved me? I'll lose everything; my friend, my love and even my boss, my office. At least now I have him as my boss and I have my job, but if things go wrong, I'll not be able to face him ever again. No Kalpi, you cannot allow this to go on, you will not make more memories or moments with him. Cherish what you have received as a beautiful stroke of luck, fate, anything. Raghav Sir is a kind person, but I cannot lose my focus right now at the hands of heartbreak and other things".
Amidst these brain-wrecking musings over her new found feelings, the new version of her charming boss and the consequences of their probable closeness, Kalpi had continued with her daily commutation to office like a robot. Her eyes were focused enough just to avoid any mishap, but not alert enough to notice what was going on around her. She badly wanted to break away from all this for a few days, wanting a guiding angel somewhere who assures her that all shall be well, don't be scared. Her heart was pushing her in that lovely castle of friendship which Raghav had offered. But her mind pulled her in the opposite direction, saying this is only a castle of fantasies. One stone of reality and you'll find it broken, for fantasies are just like glass: beautiful but delicate and unreal. "Oh I so want my own time now," wanting nothing but to think, think and only think for the rest of the day; "maybe somewhere, sometime I'll reach the conclusion". Her wishes and thoughts had completely enveloped Kalpi now and she only saw the safe confines of her cabin when she reached her office-floor. Behind the glass walls of that she could try to relax and gather herself before starting work. Her anxiety didn't let her see what lay ahead and she suddenly bumped into something hard which had her almost fall back. But then she felt a familiar sudden jolt of electricity ran through her entire frame and waist, and even before her eyes had looked up she knew what or who was it. "What a way to start my day" Kalpi had sighed in her mind "when all I am trying is to go away from him".
"Hey, good morning beautiful" Raghav said his one arm was securely wrapped around Kalpi's waist and the other was lazily placed on the side of her hips. "Seems you're a lost beauty today" he frowned and observed Kalpi gulping and shivering again with his touch. He knew she was not expecting this, so openly and even before work started in office. For that matter, even he wasn't expecting it! Raghav and Kalpi's offices were exactly opposite to each other, separated by a corridor and the glass walls of both cabins, Kalpi's was in a row of other offices of those personnels who worked directly under Raghav Singhania & Samar Raizada. Raghav had a one-sided vision from his chamber and he could see Kalpi anytime. Before, he used to see her deeply engrossed in work mostly. But now, more than ever he was keen to keep an eye on Ms.Jadhav's office. He chuckled in his heart, this beautiful start also was partly his good luck and partly because he was already so alert to look for Kalpana, whether she had reached office by now or not. He had arrived five minutes before Kalpi and since the time he had stood outside his private lift his eyes were all around him for any sign of Kalpi: "Who knows she is also early like me today!" It was during one such glancing around that he had spotted Kalpi walking towards the direction of their offices. Raghav was delighted to see her and decided to enter his own chamber only after greeting Kalpi.
As Kalpana approached closer Raghav had noted she looked kind of lost, walking like a robot. He'd felt an unexplained worry for her, when she'd reached closer Raghav had called her out by her nickname because then no one else had been there on that floor. Kalpi hadn't seem to hear him so he had walked closer to her, called her out again and waved a hand in front of her but there was no response still. After this what happened was, had pleasantly surprised him and even his subconscious senses did not avoid it. Kalpi had walked straight into him and before she could fall back with the impact, his arms had secured her.
"G, good morning Sir" Kalpi had managed, trying to bring her pulse back to normal which seemed to be happy not only with Raghav Sir's touch but also to hear the adjective "beautiful' from his mouth for herself. Kalpi's whole self seemed to enjoy this and was happily surprised internally at the beautiful surprise. She had somehow found the courage to look into Raghav's eyes and found him giving an amused and happy smile. Mischief was well evident in those magnetic eyes as she listened him speak again "Hmm, good we're in office as you call me Sir! Otherwise..." He left the rest incomplete and focused his naughty eyes on her lips as he shook his head with his charming lip-bite. "Urggh, with this rate my resolve is going to break every day" Kalpi had thought because she could not help but blush profusely at this obvious reference to his desires. Her hands which were on Raghav's arms had on their own clutched his coat-sleeves tightly, and for a change Raghav didn't mind someone ruining the crease. Raghav had sighed and gave one quick look around them; no one else had seemed to arrive yet, because it was only the two of them who had reached half an hour before usual office timings. Maybe it was just the two of them wanting to give their emotionally active brains the break of some good professional work. Thinking it to be a perfect opportunity, because he needed to feel Kalpi badly; because his heartbeats were telling him something was wrong and he should make it right. He had seen some questions in Kalpana's eyes and he wanted himself to be the answers to those questions. He had held Kalpi's wrist and in one swift move they both were inside Raghav's chamber. He could feel her soft body more closely now; wanting to only feel her Raghav had rested his forehead against Kalpi's.
Kalpi was stunned, one second before they were outside, and the next she was feeling Raghav's frame pressing against her. She had let out a deep breath murmuring "sir, we are in office and..." And before she could tell him that they should maintain a distance, her words were cut off when she felt his thumb brushing her lips. Her eyes closed automatically but she still thought to stop this. Before she could say anything more her ears registered Raghav's questions "now tell me, why were you lost, hmm? What is it which is worrying you?" his one hand was holding her by neck and the other had unbuttoned her formal jacket. "What do your eyes say Kalpi?" her eyes had widened even in closed state when he used her nickname in office. "Don't be surprised" Raghav had said as if reading Kalpi's mind. "First, official timings haven't started yet. Second, I am relaxing the rule a bit; when we talk our personal matters and that too in my chamber, our first names would be much more usable. Okay?"
"No Sir. I mean, we shouldn't do this" Kalpi had objected, her eyes now open. "But I am not doing anything now" Raghav teased and whispered close to Kalpi's ear, placing a soft kiss close to it. His one hand had now slipped under her formal jacket, making its way across gently Raghav had held her by waist now. Kalpi's breathing had stopped once again and he had now pulled her closer to himself. "I'll not do anything which a friend shouldn't do after you accept my friendship, I promise. But before that let me tell you, you looked hotter yesterday. Didn't you dress up for me today, hmm?" Raghav asked brushing his fingers lightly on Kalpi's neck. "How do I answer this now Sir" Kalpi had thought and this tingling sensation on her neck had her mind going to rest for a while. Relenting she'd kept her head on Raghav's chest, wanting to feel him before she decided to tell him her decision. Her hands had crept up and she hugged him, Raghav had raised his face by this unexpected gift. While his heart battled confusion and sensed something in Kalpi's hug he too had let those thoughts go away for a while. Smiling he had hugged Kalpi back, his arms still under Kalpi's jacket. They remained like this for more than fifteen minutes, forgetting their questions and worries for those moments. All that mattered was that they were with each other. Till now, Kalpi's back was pressed against the door, but now Raghav turned around, now it was his back against the glass wall of his cabin. He pulled Kalpi closer and closer to him in the hug.
Raghav's heart had suddenly welled up with an overwhelming contentment and he had placed a caring kiss on Kalpi's head and she had smiled. "Just being like this is bliss" she'd thought; "don't know when or if ever I'll feel this again. Will I feel these arms again, which so make me feel at home? I don't want to break this embrace, don't want to leave this lovely feeling and his arms. But then...I'll only feel him for some more time, then let go, of...everything" thinking so she too had tightened her hug. They'd have remained like this without keeping count of time; if not for the nearing office hours and if not for Sammy.
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Sammy had arrived ten minutes before as usual and seeing Raghav's car parked already he was surprised. He'd thought it must be something urgent or important that Raghav was earlier than the usual, for Raghav Singhania might be famous for working late but he rarely was seen even one minute earlier than office timings. Their relation was more of brothers and it was only Sammy who never needed any permission to enter Raghav's chamber. Thus, when he had entered Raghav's office, he was surprised and shocked. First not seeing Raghav on his seat Sammy was confused "weird where is he then". Deciding he'd come back later to check again, he'd turned and had frozen then and there. His workaholic friend was not on his seat but busy passionately and sweetly hugging Kalpana Jadhav. "No, actually they both are hugging each other" he mentally noted with his mouth agape. "Raghav you idiot, you'll hide things from me now huh? I'll not leave you, but that later on. For now, it seems I came at a wrong time" smiling to himself he had opened the door again to go out when the little sound broke Raghav-Kalpi's trance. Raising their heads but still in hug they both saw to their side and saw a startled Sammy.
"Sorry" Sammy said raising his hands in air "I'd not meant to disturb you two." Kalpi's first reaction was to immediately step away from Raghav but she had nowhere to hide there too. So she just tried to make some distance between them only to be stubbornly kept in place by Raghav, in his arms. So, now feeling the heat rise to her cheeks, she hid her face shyly in Raghav's chest. Gritting his teeth at being disturbed and caught by Sammy, Raghav had hissed as softly as possible "Sammy, just leave." "Oh, with pleasure, that's what I was doing when you, umm, got disturbed" he teased and Raghav barked again. "Sam..."
"Okay, okay. I am going. You can continue" and with that Sammy finally left them alone. Raghav had sighed with relief and found Kalpi's tightened hold on him. "Hey, it is fine. Sammy won't say anything to anyone. He is one person whom I trust more than myself; and he is a good friend, okay? He won't judge you". Kalpi had only silently nodded her head, "now can we please go back to our hug, before I start with my question and answer round?" In response Raghav had received a gentle smile from Kalpi with her trademark nod of head; and her arms around him. "Oh, life is bliss with her, in this moment, for now. Infatuation does not have such peace; it is certainly more than that. Maybe liking, or maybe something more than that...love? Is this called love? Or it is just there? Hmm, but who cares the questions for now" he thought and enjoyed the little showering of his feelings on her in this hug, through this hug and the caresses on her body along with it.
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"I cannot believe this sometimes that we have travelled so far. As beautifully the journey of those ten days had started and as sweetly it had ended on the eleventh day; the intermediate period was a journey from heaven to Earth and then back to heaven, with high possibilities of me ending in hell" Raghav pouted. Kalpi covered his mouth with her hand "Never say that; if you go to hell, I'll be with you there also and together we'll make our own heaven there". Raghav smiled and picking up a chocolate muffin from the table, made Kalpi eat that and shared the same himself. "Okay my muffin, but it was a tough journey and I know if I was under pain and confusion, your situation was no different either. I knew very well what you were going through, and your stubbornness to continue your facade of a strong girl; to punish us both had me frustrated by the time five days journey had ended".
"You are right, I was stubborn and now I realize how stupid I was. When it was only you and you for me, for my whole life, in my destiny, forever! I was running away from my destiny for I didn't believe in its reality" Kalpi said as they both got lost in each other's eyes, remembering the journey ahead.
The fifth day after the said incident, Raghav was having a quiet lunch with Sammy. At least he was trying to have it in peace for the much needed energy. It was to be a tiring day once again, both physically and mentally, and he may as well enjoy the food. But even Sammy could see that Raghav was failing miserably at enjoying the lunch. Sammy had merely shaken his head, "at least do not think about anything else while having food yaar" he had said. "I am trying" was the only reply he had received from Raghav as he continued playing with the fork and rice on his plate. Raghav's eyes had gone back to stare at the cabin in front of his own chamber. He could see that even Kalpana was trying just as much as himself, to have some food without any emotional blocks or obstructions. Unable to resist, a small smile had played on his lips at this observation "stupid girl, trying so hard; at everything"! The past five days had been anything but as Raghav had thought to be; after that much peaceful hug which he and Kalpana had shared Raghav was in for a small blow when after all this Kalpi had voiced out her decision. "Sir I, I still think the same" Kalpi had told him in a determined voice and Raghav had only clenched his jaws tightly hearing Sir from Kalpi's mouth yet again.
He had not replied just focused his angry stare on Kalpi more and involuntarily tightened his hold on her. One look in Raghav's eyes and Kalpi had guessed the lion was ready to roar. Gulping she had told him all her thoughts, reasons behind this "I am already so close to you Sir, I am, I am scared. What if something goes wrong, I'll not be able to bear it and my family? Anything related to you becomes news; they would not like me to be a subject of one of those infamous paparazzi pictures. I may lose three relations with you later on if things do not work out; but now at least I have you as my caring boss" her eyes had shed tears of pain and clutched one last time to her lifeline by her own will. Kalpi had clutched Raghav's shirt tightly and rested her head back on her angry lion's chest, not caring for his anger this one time. She still needed his arms, she had realized, for the strength to carry on her resolve; his permission. "I am sorry, I am sorry Raghav" she had cried her heart out and even though his eyes were red with anger, Raghav's arms had draped around her to calm her down. Closing his eyes in pain and clenching his jaws he had caressed her back. "Now I like you and respect you; if I say yes to this friendship I will certainly fall in love with you. What after that? Gauri Ma'am or you, will you have courage enough to give me Singhania surname? What if you realize you don't love me?" She had shaken her head in pain and ran away from Raghav's chamber, leaving a baffled Raghav who was left wondering on what to do now and how to make Kalpi understand. He was already feeling as if he's just lost his life.
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The next five days whenever Raghav tried talking to Kalpi about this so she could change her mind and at least listen to him she had mostly kept stubbornly mum. Not answering or replying to any of Raghav's pleas, statements and questions. "Sir, May I request you not to make me miss you more? I, I cannot take in your proximity" was one of those few words Kalpi had ever spoken to Raghav. It was on the third day when Raghav had been angry enough at Kalpi's demeanour; after all, he wanted only one chance to get to know her, to get to know this side of him and to know their relation. But Kalpi was trying very hard to tie-up Raghav's hands to do much in anyway. She had forced him not to drop her home every evening anymore or to do anything which brings them closer. "Please give me some time, only a week or two. Maybe my anxious heart will calm down by then; and I can feel much more relaxed to rethink over it. Until then, please don't!" Kalpi had continued when all Raghav had done was hold her arms and question her in their quiet corridors that third day's late evening, "Why are you doing this to yourself and me?"
Frustrated but respecting Kalpana enough to not force anything on her he'd said a loud "Fine!" leaving her immediately and throwing his arms in the air. For a few seconds Kalpi had felt a pain at the loss of his touch, but Raghav had again held her close to him. His hands were on Kalpana's arms again as he brought her angrily close to him one last time "if you want I don't discuss this friendship issue with you again and again, then fine! I won't. If you want I don't touch you anymore, then fine! I won't, until you want me to! But if you want I forget you and every feeling related to you Ms.Jadhav, then I am sorry to inform you it is not possible! You are the first true relation I ever asked from God and I cannot see you go away. You know what; sometimes I give a damn to whether it is love or a strong liking I feel towards you. Because all I want is you, for you to be with me always and I am not letting that "always" convert into "never" so easily!" He had growled furiously and if this was not enough his arms had found her small waist again and wrapping them around her he had tried to read out some possible truths to Kalpana.
"And you know Ms.Kalpana Jadhav? If you think my remaining away from you will make you forget me then I am sorry to say you are so wrong! If being a man, I miss you so much already; if I cannot bear the thought of losing a chance with you then you?" he had caressed Kalpi's cheeks with the back of his fingers and watched with satisfaction Kalpi closing her eyes. "You are a girl, and a very ideal female at that. Strong, soft, delicate, intelligent; you are everything and yet you have an ordinary girl's heart Ms.Jadhav. A girl who won't allow just about anyone to touch her, to come close to her; if being a man I may find it difficult to forget you then being a girl I am sorry to say Kalpana, I doubt you'll let anyone else come close to you like this happily" he had finished and paused to see Kalpi's reaction; she was dumbfounded, she could not negate what Raghav had said. Her only answer was a lowered gaze and silence, "No, tell me can you bear someone else kissing you like this, just on your cheeks?" He had pressed his lips gently on Kalpi's cheeks. "Can you bear anyone else caressing you like this, or kissing your beautiful lips like this?" he had put his lips one last time angrily on Kalpi's and attempted to suck her stubbornness away, while his hand caressed her neck. He had then left her suddenly and Kalpi had stumbled because she was still dazed with the effect of his kiss. Breathing hard Raghav had watched Kalpi first stumbling and then slowly opening her eyes and before he decided to remain away from her physically from then on, asked one last question "What do you say Ms.Jadhav? Can you bear someone else's proximity to you out of your will when you get married one day? Maybe this is love, that I cannot think of touching any other girl like this since the time I've touched you; and you'll never be able to let anyone else come close to you other than me...Ms.Kalpana Jadhav" Raghav had added her name after a small pause, then strode away from there, leaving Kalpana struggling with tears and the answers her senses were trying to give her.
But it was the fifth day today and both Raghav and Kalpi were still indulged in their inner fights. "You still think it is just a strong liking Raghav? Just look at yourself, four days away from Kalpana and you're in depression!" Sammy had asked Raghav during the lunchtime, when he saw Raghav's eyes were more on Kalpana's cabin than his own plate. Raghav had been lost in those thoughts, their moments and attempted to find a solution to this impossible puzzle: 'how to start his and Kalpi's story?'
"I did tell her that it might be love; I had truly felt so, because it is very different from what I have ever felt before for any other girl" Raghav said, his eyes now dropped to his plate.
Sighing Sammy had closed his eyes and complained to God "Unique piece you've given me as best friend God. There is nothing in the world which Raghav Singhania cannot do or solve, but when it comes to heart and love; he is lost in the web of confusion". He had opened his eyes and tried giving some hope to Raghav "Look, she has asked you not to do anything which brings you two closer. So, in short you are not to be overtly friendly with her to make her insecure or alert her. But you can still behave normally with her, instead of discussing with her on your friendship issue and repeat your offer, why don't you let your actions speak? Do everything which a new, good friend does for another friend; behave normally and nicely without going near her. If she needs a friend sometime, your presence should be there even if you are not with her. That way, she may subconsciously start accepting your new relation. Show her that you care for her, miss her, but she should also know what she will miss if she lets you go. Okay? Do I make any sense Rags?"
Raghav's eyes had sparkled for the first time in those five days and he had surprised Sammy by jolting out of his seat and hugging him for life. "You're superb Sammy. You do make a lot of sense" Raghav had told Sammy. "Be prepared Ms.Jadhav, your new friend is coming for you" he had winked in the direction of Kalpi's cabin.
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"It might have worked you know" Kalpi said, feeding Raghav a spoonful of Poha which she had cooked for breakfast as she still sat on his lap. "This plan of yours had been showing its magic slowly but surely. If only..." She sighed and this time Raghav fed her from the same spoon.
"Yeah, if only" Raghav agreed with Kalpi, "I too had begin to feel hopeful and could see little differences in your demeanor. But, if only..."
They both said in unison "Aai and Baba" and started laughing, for now they could afford to laugh at themselves and the nincompoops they both thought now they were then.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction using characters from the show 'Ek Mutthi Aasmaan" on 'Zee TV". The characters are owned by creators and owners of the show.
Indian Idol 16
