Why mix money and relationships?

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

A.Hajnal

@A.Hajnal

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#51

Originally posted by: glassdoor

😛 What I meant was 100% for one function on which you have control over. The other function(reception), the other party is paying na! So sum total would be whatever percentage.

You think reception = to the day of marriage? Well, I don't think so. The reception is more of a party that high society likes to have to show off their wealth, their bahu and her family. I don't think there is any compromise happening here if I forbid him, ban him and limit him from calling the people he would like to be present on his marriage day because of what I WANT and what I have decided because he can have whomever whatever he wants on the reception. What kind of logic is that?

Originally posted by: glassdoor
Well Ramnath made it clear he would be the one performing the wedding. And no in Shravan's current state of mind nobody can have an adult discussion with him. Yes he has sugary sweet with her. But wouldn't she be wary of him after his previous explosions?

Well, that works both ways, doesn't it? If we think she has the right to be wary, then we also have to remember the way she behaved in the past weeks with him. Before the whole PCT mess. Doesn't that reflects in the way he is acting now? Weren't his explosions a contra-attack to hers? The fact is that we can't justify her actions without understanding where he is coming from. Why do we gut her some slack without extending him the same courtesy? 😕

Originally posted by: glassdoor
Here is how I see that she sees it:
If she says no, she would only suffer till marriage. People will gradually forget the wedding ceremony in a year or two.
But if she accepts the help, she would forever be branded as a user and it would difficult to come back from that.

And what does she explain about why she is saying no? That I don't like your fathers high handed attitude. I don't like your attitude? Is he in a state of mind to understand her concerns? She does not believe he is on her side.

I don't think you recognize or knowledge her inability to separate Shravan from his father like I do. That is what has created the whole mess in the first place. Shravan and his father are two different people and have to be seen and treated as two different people. If she says 'NO' to Shravan, doesn't mean she is saying 'NO' to Ramnaath. What is happening between Ramnaath and her, Shravan is not aware of it so how is she justified for holding his father's behavior against him? She has togive him her reasons for her refusal to co-operate till he doesn't get to see his father's real face. She has to see and think of his actions as his own and not Ramnaath's...

And this whole mess was created in the first place because she couldn't see and deal with him without thinking of his father, even now she is doing the same. When in this whole situation Ramnaath is nowhere because 1st) she is marrying Shravan, not his father 2nd) And the truth, her answer would have been the same even if Ramnaath wouldn't have been the one who offered his 'help' in her marriage. She would have acted and reacted the same way even if it was her own Mama offering his help. So, we can't put blame of her complete refusal to co-operate on Ramnath.

The sooner she understands that she is wrong in her Shravan = Ramnaath, everything would be easy to deal with as then she would start seeing and dealing with Shravan and not Ramnaath.

Originally posted by: glassdoor
After her shocks and numbness over the past month or so with the mind numbing PreeKar wedding, she could be having an off day. Yes a flat out no to his face was not exactly tactful. But it was on her mind and she wanted to get it out. She is not perfect but she is allowed this one decision in her favor solely due to Ramnath threatening her.

She is the loser in any which way in this hate triangle. This marriage itself is unfair to her although she is optimistic. But what is wrong with starting on a clean state where she makes sure she doesn't own anybody(read Ramnath) any ehsaan?

Oh, come on, that a justification now. I don't think one can give her an off day without doing the same for Shravan, now can they? That does no way explain anything. Can't she for once don't think of Shravan in the same line of Ramnaath? Shravan is his own person, can she give him the deserved place & respect and let him know what is she doing and why? She is the one who optimistic and she is the one who wants to start a clean state but doesn't she realizes she is not doing so if she keeps pushing, pulling and bending the rules and situations as per her wishes?

Again, what Ramnath has anything to do with this when Shravan would be the one to pay for his side? He has a job, has his own money, I don't think we can think of him as someone who depends on his father money. Then why is he being seen as someone who can't afford his own marriage? Why is he thought of as someone who's marriage has to be paid by his would-be or his father? That's insulting!

How come she is right if she can't see him, his pleadings offer to help, his money and his persona as his only? Why does Ramnaath has become a 3rd party between them, a 3rd party he is no way aware of? How can anyone think Ramnaath holds power and has a say in this whole matter more than Shravan himself? Why Shravan isn't thought of as someone who has any power or a say? Is that fair? Is it Ramnaath or Suman with Shravan nowhere to found? How is that justified?

Originally posted by: glassdoor

Was he being fair when he called her names and humiliated her? Yes she was cold and did not return his love. For that he blasted her in front of all her employees. He told her nobody wants her. Not even her family. And he has made it clear that he is a bystander in his own wedding. He is marrying for the sake of his family. NOT for her. Whereas she is the one who has truly invested herself in the marriage. He has shown no interest in her whatsoever except in the actual wedding. Where he wants to do some dhikaawa for the sake of his family. A real compromise would have been Shravan showing some emotional investment in the actual marriage. A promise to keep her happy and satisfied. When only humiliation and taunts are coming from his end, she thinks she is the only participant in the marriage right now. Which is true. Give the girl what she needs to actually get her to bend. Just being polite does not cut it.

I don't think you have understood the reason behind the whole PCT drama. He did not do it because she was being cold or did not return his love. He did it because by accepting Aditya's help, she wasn't as he perceived her to be, she wasn't being what he thought she was. Don't you remember the reason why he was smug when he gave Aditya those papers? He was all 'Abhi toh Aditya gaya...' because he was so damn sure that she will throw the papers on his face as she has done it when he had offered the same papers to her. That anger and devastation weren't there because she didn't love him or was suddenly giving him cold shoulder, but because she contradicted herself when she accepted Aditya's help and when kept telling him she doesn't need his or anyone's help.

If she is investing herself in this marriage, she has to show her in her actions, not the self-thoughts. He doesn't live in her brain and has no reason to know how she is seeing this marriage. If she refuses him on his very first attempt to reach a mid-way, to compromise, to a without giving him a reason, I don't think that can be seen as a prove that she is investing anything in this marriage other than the money.

The promise has to be given from her side too. Because let's face it, she is more sure of him than he is of her. She knows more about him than now he knows about her. She isn't the only one who bends when she is given a reason, we can say the same thing about Shravan too. Give him what he wants and he bends and nods at everything said with a smile.

The truth is everything works both ways, and nothing works if one only demands and the other one only gives. They need balance, give and take and decide together. One party can't have all the power over things. That isn't how it works...

Originally posted by: glassdoor
There are things which are greater than money. Relationships and respect for other humans. Lalaji says in one of the episodes so amazingly 'Keep taunting others and in the end there will be nobody around to listen to your taunts'. Yes if he is what he is by himself she can accept him. But if his father verbally abuses her she will not and should not take it lightly. If Shravan humiliates her for being herself she cannot accept it.

I agree with you and Lalaji, but the truth is the people have made money an issue and now it can't be helped. If the both parties had drag money in between them, then things are done with if they don't deal with it like two mature people. Money is very much part of our lives and if we give the relationships and respect, then we don't have to bring money in our equations. But that can't happen, can it? We can't run away it. Money has made its way in our lives so strongly that aaj ya kal, it does become an issue. Do you remember Shraman making it an issue before this whole thing started? No, they didn't. Every freaking thing started with Ramnaath offering her money and BANG, Shraman are no more Shraman. No matter how he tried to be 'Shra', she couldn't being the 'Man'...

@bold:- No, she doesn't! That is the whole point. Ever since Ramnaath has made himself known, he and Suman are having their own Tashaan and cold wars which no one, not even Shravan is aware of, the one who is getting all the burn from both sides. She can't think, see Shravan as himself anymore. He has become ONLY Ramnaath's son for her. His words, his help, his advances, and he himself now only reminds her of Ramnaath. When he had offer for help in PCT case, she thought of it as Ramnaath's. And even now when he wanted to pay his part in the marriage, she is thinking of it a Ramnaath's help. She keeps doing the same thing again and again.

When has Shravan's insults started? Only during the phase when she was not being herself with him, when he stopped thinking for her as the person he thought she was, so how can we believe and accuse him that he won't ever respect her for being herself?

He didn't have any issue with her self-respect or her being independent till the cold shoulder and PCT thing happened. The communication link was broken between them and whatever he thought of her as whatever he saw happening were two different things. Whenever the communication between them resumes, the humiliations and the insults will stop because he again will be busy in re-discovering her, only to find he was wrong.

Originally posted by: glassdoor
Yes they seemed to have reached an impasse. I was against this marriage at this juncture. It is no good for either of them. If we as viewers are so divided about their marriage and roles in it, imagine the kind of fights they would be having when they are really married! It makes me shiver to think about it.
Completely agree with Monaco. They have a lot of growing up to do. Thanks for this lovely discussion. Enjoyed it. 😊

Honestly, I don't support that kind of marriage in real life, but as it's reel, I think that is the best thing that could happen to them. They now are forced into a situation that they HAVE to co-operate. They are forced into a situation they can run away from. The marriage gives both of them, especially him the kind of assurance and security he wanted to have when it came to her. His abandonment and trust issues can be worked on if he is sure she can't run away or leave him behind. Remember why he let go of his fear of abandonment and trust issue when she was ready to jump off to prove that he can trust him (stupid I know) but remember what his thoughts were that night?

'Kaise yakeen karon main aapni kistam pe, Jis larki se main pyaar karta hoon woh larki mere trust ke liye aapni jaan bhi dene koh tayaar hai. Iss se para prove kiya ho sakta hai ke Sumo zindagi bhar mera saath nahi choore gi..."

^ See, that is all the guy needs, a surety and an assurance that she won't leave him or abandon him. Give him that and he can become the most understanding between them. He is the one who is used to be the giver and he is who has the role of the one who bends. Larke koh aur kuch nahi chaiye but that. Till he has that, he is nod and smile over every demand of hers. So, that is why I think that was the best thing for them. Plus, now they can't avoid the problems between them, aaj ya kal they have to solve them. Aaj ya kal they have to find a way to work as a team and not against each other...They are going to have fights, brutal ones, disgusting ones but then they will get tired of all of that and would be forced to learn how to compromise and how to find mid-ways...

Edited by A.Hajnal - 9 years ago

Quote

mansi

@coolmove

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#52

Now I am more excited to see when this topic will end 😆 😆

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

A.Hajnal

@A.Hajnal

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#53

Originally posted by: nith125

Please read my reply carefully. I am very clear that I am not talking about men/women. My entire point is that each person be it a man, woman or child is unique. How can we compare that which is unique. I am talking individuality and not feminism or male chauvenism.

That was a question I was asking! How long do you think that definition works? Aren't everyone unique equally? Or are some people more 'unique' than other? I agree with the individuality, but as the creature of a socialty, we can't escape from the fact that using their 'individuality' a side does overpower and impose their will on the other side and vice versa.

'Individuality' can't be used as an excuse to run away from a situation of conflict.

If we start using it as a justification, that leaves an open door for the extreme sides to bend the definition as per their convenience. And they do it, always.

Quote

Sheesh

@glassdoor

Navigator

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

#54

@Hajnal

Ok 😆

That is one big quote now. Let me try answering your questions.

1. I cannot cut Shravan any slack. Not until he apologizes. Multiple times for each bad word he has spewed. What is his justification for bad behavior? That she did not take his help?! How can that make any sense? It is her company, which she has built from scratch. She is allowed to take help from whoever she wants under whatever conditions she desires. May be she did not want PCT to come in the way of their friendship. May be she does not want to invest a friend's money in it. Whatever the reason her business is her baby. She can contradict her own decisions and change her mind 1000 times regarding the same. It is her business. She is not answerable to anyone there. Not even Shravan. Do you agree that this is modern thinking? That in a business the decision maker/changer is always the majority stakeholder?

So when she does not take his help what does he do? He comes and creates a HUGE scene at her work place. A place he knows she holds almost sacred. When he has no respect for her workplace why should she respect any of his desires at all? Why? If it was real life some neighboring shop would have called the police to handle the vandalism. He works too and earns money. Does he have no value for all the food and livelihood of other people?

Not only that he humiliates her and calls her user and all sorts of names in front of everyone. Her employees. For something she supposedly did ten years ago.

This is not something Ramnath did. This is something Shravan did. So it has to be equated to him. He would have lost some of her respect there. He does not live in her mind either. So what should she make of this incident?

2. Shravan calls her a gold digger. I don't recollect when. But he did. This is again what Shravan did. Out of no provocation on her part. She is marrying whoever(Adi) she wants to marry for whatever reason after he himself rejected her and threw her out of his life. That gives him the right to call her a gold digger? How is that justified? He has absolutely no right to judge her and mouth such words. Don't ask me to believe this is his love and he needs reassurance.

3. An off day is when someone is not wiling to discuss things. They are not in the right frame of mind to compromise on something they hold dear. She did not insult Shravan. She just said NO. I don't want any discussion. I have made my decision and it is non-negotiable. Everyone is allowed to have such bad days. They don't always have to be on their best behavior. And Shravan raising questions on her moods is like lamp calling the kettle black.

So no I don't have any courtesy to spare for a discourteous person.

4. Suman is very capable of separating Shravan from his father. What she cannot do is guarantee Ramnath will not bulldoze his way into the wedding and make it all about him. She has to say no to Ramnath and Shravan in the same breath because she believes they both are out to get her. And she has to be careful how she treads. I cannot blame her for being careful after Ramnath's threats.

5. It was Ramnath who haughtily declared he is going to bear ALL the expenses of the wedding. So it is safe to assume Shravan's pockets won't be pinched much. Does it matter which of them spend the money. One of them thinks she is a gold digger(for his own apparently very noble reason) and the other thinks she is a dirty schemer. Why accept money from such people?

All the money is an issue because Ramnath made it an issue by issuing her a blank check for letting go of his son. He started it and he will not end it.

6. Discuss with Shravan about spending the money they both earn for the wedding? Are they both at that stage yet? Won't Shravan get angry again with her for refusing his 'family' money? Everyday he will pester her. Why bother? Shravan has never seemed like the independent type to me. He is still working in his dad's office after planning to start his own firm.

7. If he needs reassurance he needs to begin by apologizing for all the misdeeds that he has done. Including telling her ex-fiance he slept with her. She does not know it yet but it is a horrible ungentlemanly thing to reveal a woman's private life. Most important of all he should learn how to show respect to women,

Suman has done some wrong things. But nothing compared to what Shravan has put her through.

To cut a long story, longer. This can go on and on. Their merits and demerits can be tallied all night. And we wouldn't be done. To what end though? 😆 Our conclusion will be Suman is a moron and Shravan is a badass. 😆 Do you agree with this statement atleast my dear? 😃 I am trying to find a common ground for both of US. LOL.

Ok now I forgot what this thread was about? 🤣

Oh right. About her taking money for the wedding. I was saying she is not comfortable with Shravan(or his dad) spending money on their wedding because she does not want to be perceived in the wrong light. That she is a gold digger, user, abuser, schemer etc.And then there is self respect and independence in there somewhere too.

Quote

Sheesh

@glassdoor

Navigator

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

#55

Originally posted by: coolmove
Now I am more excited to see when this topic will end 😆 😆

🤣

Quote

Sheesh

@glassdoor

Navigator

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

#56

Originally posted by: A.Hajnal

That was a question I was asking! How long do you think that definition works? Aren't everyone unique equally? Or are some people more 'unique' than other? I agree with the individuality, but as the creature of a socialty, we can't escape from the fact that using their 'individuality' a side does overpower and impose their will on the other side and vice versa.

'Individuality' can't be used as an excuse to run away from a situation of conflict.

If we start using it as a justification, that leaves an open door for the extreme sides to bend the definition as per their convenience. And they do it, always.

Allow me to crash this party!
According to me everyone be it male or female should have equal rights and opportunities.

Our individuality is dependent on how we make use of these opportunities. As a non-stereotype feminist my goal is to recognize these rights and opportunities and not allow someone else to take it away from me. A few decades ago women did not have the opportunities to improve their circumstances and now they do. Therein lies the contribution of society.

A man may choose to give up his career and be a house-husband. That does not change his voting rights. It changes him as an individual and ways he can contribute. Which is in no way less than what he was doing when he was working. It is just different. He should be accepted for the decision he has taken about this life. Not judged about being less than say a CEO of a company.

I still maintain, everyone has their own unique flavor. That is what makes the study of human behavior so fascinating!

Edited by glassdoor - 9 years ago

Quote

penganga

@penganga

Beginner

Posted: 9 years ago

#57

Originally posted by: glassdoor

...
Ok now I forgot what this thread was about? 🤣

Oh right. About her taking money for the wedding. I was saying she is not comfortable with Shravan(or his dad) spending money on their wedding because she does not want to be perceived in the wrong light. That she is a gold digger, user, abuser, schemer etc.And then there is self respect and independence in there somewhere too.

😆😆

taking money from Shravan who still remembers .." maine tumhare cycle ka puncture thik kiya tha "... (~ abt 2 Rs...) after 10 years...🤪. will be like : kulhadi pe pair marana...

Suman is just being cautious...

🤣

Quote

A.Hajnal

@A.Hajnal

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#58

@glassdoor:-

It is becoming tiring, isn't it? 😆

Just com clear things:-

1. I am not telling you to Shravan any slack. I just believe that one doesn't have to justify one as they paint the other one as black. He has been wrong is calling her what he did and there is no way I or anyone can justify them. But if she wants to hold it against him then why and how can he be any good as a husband? I would never recommend her to marry him if she holds that all against him but still wants to marry him. How does that work?

The fact is that she conveniently forgets and forgives whatever and whenever she wants to...I personally believe that is wrong because that make things unclear. If she stands for herself and her rights, then she has to do it till he begs and pleads her for forgiveness. But she can't have it both ways.

But that is the thing, their relationship hasn't been a healthy one since the start. He thinks of himself as the one who had to help out and she had looked up to him when she needed help. Isn't what Shravan hold against her? (even though I don't understand why only she is the responsible for it when he was there too and has let her do whatever she wanted to) He thinks himself as the one who has the right to help her because she had given him that right. To have a healthy relationship the have to set the limits, establish the deal breakers and work on their relationship.

Don't take my putting out his POV as me thinking of him as the right one. What happened in PCT and what he said to Aditya doesn't make one think of him as a mature or sensible person, a truth that can't be ignored, no matter what. But we can't confuse his motives with something else nor we can paint it as something else. If one tries to understand her POV, they can also try to understand his. Not agree or justify, but understand.

2. I am no way justifying him. Don't think that I am. I was trying to show the other side of the coin. No way I oe anyone can justifying him or his actions. The past posts of mine were only an attempt to bring out his POV because I think we can't be extreme. You were telling her side of the story and me his because I wanted us to have a conversation that covers both sides. Not just nod away and agree from one side and ignore the other one.

And anyway, we can't pick a side between them when they both are wrong in their own way and have their own flaws. I just can't tolerate the extreme and firm beliefs if one doesn't give a thought to the next side.

Saying that, haven't we seen them fight and then makeup and then fight again just to make up? They take liberties with each other because the have a surety between them that no matter what things can be sorted because that is how they have been working since forever. How can any of them pretend they didn't have the surety or at least hope that things will be okay in near future? That they will find their way as they had in the past? Many things happened ek saath, that is why they didn't get time to explore this fight of theirs as they had done the last time. They both have the habit of this endless cycle of fighting and making up. She decides for them and he lashes out in disgusting ways, that is what has been going on since the start.

No, I don't see that as his love or anything such as. But if we understand and relate to her self-respect and the need to be independent, then how can we ignore his trust and abandonment issues?

3. Well, I do not believe in giving anyone an off day if they don't extend the same courtesy to me. For me, things work both ways, not one way. If I am to give her an off day, I would have to cut him some slack. But as I don't want to cut him some slack, I can NOT give her an off day. Can we agree to not agree on this part?

4. Then isn't she better off these both? If she is wary of Ramnaath and Shravan, does not have any of these both to have any power or say in her life, then she better no marry Shravan. But if she is, then she has to find a way to deal with them. Having off days won't work for long!

5. God, woman! That is the whole point! I guess my posts are so long that you forget the main point over which we are having this conversation.😆 This conversation is now what it should have been. But know that I have been saying that since the start that she is not'accepting' money from anyone, him or his father if the cost of the marriage is divided in half. She could present him a compromise, a limited budget and told him that he has to use his own money as she doesn't want their families to bear the expense and if then he had refused, I would have held him responsible and bashed him for being an ... till the end of the time...

Re-read the first part of me last post, I have talked about this in that part. I can't underline it more than I already had. If the cost is divided in half, both the parts have equal power and say. The whole point is missed if you keep insisting that she couldn't 'accept' money from such man if we are talking about a marriage that isn't only hers but also his.

She didn't want a rupee from Preeti's marriage because that was a marriage she and her family had to pay. I didn't think once she was wrong. She refused any money or help from Ramnaath when she was marrying Aditya, she was right in telling him off. I respect her for her actions and her stand. But I see no logic in her refusing Shravan if he wants to pay for his part for his and her marriage. I mean, does that even makes sense? Not to me.

That Ramu kaka ki toh! 😡 But that is the thing, he is the one who has started all it, not Shravan. Between Shraman, Shravan isn't the one who has this money issue. She was the one who has raised it between them first. He hadn't paid any attention to that aspect till it was made visible. I again don't think she was wrong in not accepting his help. But the fact is that this money issue has raised so many problems between them. God, why can't they both just have a conversation on this matter?

6. We can't pretend to know what he would have said and what not if she didn't even give him a chance, can we now? If she didn't even think of him worthy to have a conversation over this matter, how can we pretend we know which would have been his answer? That's the whole issue here, she can't decide for himself without letting him decide for himself.

What? Shravan has never seemed like the independent type to you? Why is that? He may be dependent type emotionally and when it comes to personal life, but he doesn't depend on his family or his father when it comes to money or his career. He had a decent job in London for years, has proved that he is worthy of the position he is being given. And about still working in his father's office, Ramnaath is planning to retire soon, doesn't he as a son has the responsibility to take over? Not everyone thinks same or would have reacted in the same way, but he does feel obligated to do so. And it's not like he is not worthy or hasn't proved himself, he has already done that. He is very much capable of finding a job somewhere else, anywhere, but as a son, he thinks he has to take over his father's responsibility for his family at least on that field. What is wrong in that? Does the people who have taken over their family business and are proving to be worthy of their position aren't independent? How does this independent thing work for you?

7. That is what we all are waiting for, isn't it? Them to find their way back to each other and be the best version of themselves. The common ground for us is that. Nothing else...

I think we should agree to disagree, we are not going anywhere if I keep insisting that it was his responsibility and right to pay for his marriage as she thinks it's hers, while you keep saying that it wasn't by use 'couldn't accept'...

Edited by A.Hajnal - 9 years ago

Quote

vibg

@vibg

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

#59

Originally posted by: glassdoor

@Hajnal

Ok 😆

That is one big quote now. Let me try answering your questions.

1. I cannot cut Shravan any slack. Not until he apologizes. Multiple times for each bad word he has spewed. What is his justification for bad behavior? That she did not take his help?! How can that make any sense? It is her company, which she has built from scratch. She is allowed to take help from whoever she wants under whatever conditions she desires. May be she did not want PCT to come in the way of their friendship. May be she does not want to invest a friend's money in it. Whatever the reason her business is her baby. She can contradict her own decisions and change her mind 1000 times regarding the same. It is her business. She is not answerable to anyone there. Not even Shravan. Do you agree that this is modern thinking? That in a business the decision maker/changer is always the majority stakeholder?

So when she does not take his help what does he do? He comes and creates a HUGE scene at her work place. A place he knows she holds almost sacred. When he has no respect for her workplace why should she respect any of his desires at all? Why? If it was real life some neighboring shop would have called the police to handle the vandalism. He works too and earns money. Does he have no value for all the food and livelihood of other people?

Not only that he humiliates her and calls her user and all sorts of names in front of everyone. Her employees. For something she supposedly did ten years ago.

This is not something Ramnath did. This is something Shravan did. So it has to be equated to him. He would have lost some of her respect there. He does not live in her mind either. So what should she make of this incident?

2. Shravan calls her a gold digger. I don't recollect when. But he did. This is again what Shravan did. Out of no provocation on her part. She is marrying whoever(Adi) she wants to marry for whatever reason after he himself rejected her and threw her out of his life. That gives him the right to call her a gold digger? How is that justified? He has absolutely no right to judge her and mouth such words. Don't ask me to believe this is his love and he needs reassurance.

3. An off day is when someone is not wiling to discuss things. They are not in the right frame of mind to compromise on something they hold dear. She did not insult Shravan. She just said NO. I don't want any discussion. I have made my decision and it is non-negotiable. Everyone is allowed to have such bad days. They don't always have to be on their best behavior. And Shravan raising questions on her moods is like lamp calling the kettle black.

So no I don't have any courtesy to spare for a discourteous person.

4. Suman is very capable of separating Shravan from his father. What she cannot do is guarantee Ramnath will not bulldoze his way into the wedding and make it all about him. She has to say no to Ramnath and Shravan in the same breath because she believes they both are out to get her. And she has to be careful how she treads. I cannot blame her for being careful after Ramnath's threats.

5. It was Ramnath who haughtily declared he is going to bear ALL the expenses of the wedding. So it is safe to assume Shravan's pockets won't be pinched much. Does it matter which of them spend the money. One of them thinks she is a gold digger(for his own apparently very noble reason) and the other thinks she is a dirty schemer. Why accept money from such people?

All the money is an issue because Ramnath made it an issue by issuing her a blank check for letting go of his son. He started it and he will not end it.

6. Discuss with Shravan about spending the money they both earn for the wedding? Are they both at that stage yet? Won't Shravan get angry again with her for refusing his 'family' money? Everyday he will pester her. Why bother? Shravan has never seemed like the independent type to me. He is still working in his dad's office after planning to start his own firm.

7. If he needs reassurance he needs to begin by apologizing for all the misdeeds that he has done. Including telling her ex-fiance he slept with her. She does not know it yet but it is a horrible ungentlemanly thing to reveal a woman's private life. Most important of all he should learn how to show respect to women,

Suman has done some wrong things. But nothing compared to what Shravan has put her through.

To cut a long story, longer. This can go on and on. Their merits and demerits can be tallied all night. And we wouldn't be done. To what end though? 😆 Our conclusion will be Suman is a moron and Shravan is a badass. 😆 Do you agree with this statement atleast my dear? 😃 I am trying to find a common ground for both of US. LOL.

Ok now I forgot what this thread was about? 🤣

Oh right. About her taking money for the wedding. I was saying she is not comfortable with Shravan(or his dad) spending money on their wedding because she does not want to be perceived in the wrong light. That she is a gold digger, user, abuser, schemer etc.And then there is self respect and independence in there somewhere too.

@glasdor.. nicely put!

Male or female.. dont matter.. noone can behave and talk the way Shravan does 2 Suman.. supposedly BFF and love of his life.. both have had their share of worse in life. Every time that cant be his excuse!

And now he married her in worst way possible to teach her some lessons... lessons for what? Being independent minded? Being self reliant? not taking charity from his evil father who has threatened her to stay away from shravan? for not coming to meet him for coffee date? For not taking money from groom's family for a lavish wedding that middle class families cant afford? For saying yes to an arranged marraige, under immense family pressure, with a man who is son of a woman she admires, who appeared to be decent? And she agreed cause her true love (only person she trusts), her BFF was verbally abusing her, insulting her 24/7? destroying her life's work.. PCT? what should she be punished?

There is always an excuse for shravan's behavior! Sumo has her own baggage and bigger set of issues being an orphan girl in Indian society! If she does self respect jaap to stand for herself, protect herself., so be it.. its not a crime.

Edited by vibg - 9 years ago

Quote

Sheesh

@glassdoor

Navigator

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

#60

@Hajnal

Dear, if we are all on the same page. We all agree to disagree. Why are we exchanging these lovely essays? 😆

Somewhere I want you to empathize with Suman.
And you want me to empathize with Shravan.

So let me have you know I do empathize with him! He has his own set of issues. I do feel for him. I do feel his yearning for his lady love. In short I understand him. He is not trying to teach her a lesson.
For more of my empathy on Shravan, check my post here:

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4715314&PID=137146968&#p137146968

in indranigupta's thread(absolutely smashing thread. Please go through if you have not already. Highly recommend it.)

So yes I understand him. See?

But understanding a person and condoning his actions are two different things.

Just because she understands him somewhat she cannot condone his bad actions or not hold him accountable. He is answerable to her for the things he said. Until he resolves the bad blood between them nothing can move forward.

When he is the one who has rejected her shouldn't be the one to say 'Well you know what Sumo, actually all those things I said. I don't actually believe it. I said it in a bad moment.'

Then Sumo can also say 'Actually I didn't mind what you actually said. I just want you to love me!'

Right now Sumo does not know what he thinks or feels about her! So what approach can she take with him? She has no option to be herself and hope for the best. Which is why I feel right she approached this situation in the right way. Atleast here her peace of mind is intact even though she is marrying a person she does not recognize anymore.

She may not be a saint or the smartest girl on the block but she needs to be sane to make this marriage work!

Quote

1 ... 3 4 5 6 7

Why mix money and relationships? - Page 6

Related Topics

Explore Topics