Suman : In QUEST of self respect

I saw a lot of posts regarding Sumo's self respect jaap. Here are my views. Please bare with me for a long post

What is Self respect? Isn't this a very subjective question. Opinions will vary from person to person. But certainly its the incidents in our lives that define it for us.

An accident changed her life. It was untimely demise of her parents that forced Suman, a six year old kid move to a new home, her maternal uncles home. Her family now was her Mama-Mami, Mausa-Mausi, little Preeti and beloved Naanu. It was Maami who took the place of her mother and took very good care of her.

Maami a middle class home maker, could not just forget the 22 lakhs by her given to Sumos mother Priya. She can not be called wrong for that, the amount is too huge for a middle class family.! With Priya not around, Sumo was a constant reminder of the loan for Maami.

A young Sumo would not have understood this, but she surely saw it as she grew. So for Sumo, replacement of mothers love came at a cost of constant taunts about her mother. She could not deny that her Maami loved her, there was no doubt about it. But she certainly could not ignore the taunts too. It was Maamis this behaviour that defined Sumo's definition of Self respect. "When someone loves you, that doesnt mean the person respects you". She had love, but wanted to earn respect.
That she could only do by repaying the loan. So indirectly MONEY has always been the means of earning self respect for her. When-ever someone tries to help her financially, she conciense reminds her of her ongoing quest for SELF-RESPECT.

Have we ever seen Sumo hesitate to take help in any other matters except money? Certainly not. She ran behind Shravan even when he humiliated her constantly without caring about what people around think about her. Most of us would have called it a blow to self respect. But thats not how Sumo defines it. But at the same time any help that came during Preekar wedding from Ramanth/Shravan was pushed back. Reason : She was offered money to do the same. She denied PCT when it comes from Malhotras, it was snatched from her and was given back for free.

Sumo's experiences with life have pushed her to have this kind of opinion about Self respect, only her further experiences can change it. I am not saying her opinion is wrong, but its definitely half-baked. Its now to be seen , what kind of effect the marriage has on her definition as she is pitted against Shravan. Its not necessary to say that the Rich Shravan will always have an upper hand above Sumo in money matters. It would be intersting to see Sumo's opinion being changed.

PS : I feel in today's marriage discussion at PCT, Shravan was right. He even said PLEASE😲
That's some sensible action by Shravan in a very long time. So though Sumo is justified in having the above opinion about self-respect, I want Shravan to change her outlook towards it.

Havent seen the episode but read the updates

Originally posted by: slumberqueen

Havent seen the episode but read the updates

See... As a girl, a second daughter I was very keen on not having a lavish wedding as I saw my dad go overboard with the older one. So somewhere am able to relate to Sumo as she at this stage feels she has taken enough favors. How will her conscience let her accept money from Ramnath ..when she refused it for Preethi. ...as he had an hidden agenda.Also Shravan was going on and on abt "paapa".

She did suggest that they could have a lavish reception...as a compromise.

Now coming to Shravan and the way he asked and his "please"...I also I read many say there were glimpses of the old Shravan... somewhere it was a case of sour grapes for me when I also read that he had pre-arranged the court marriage thing...

So was he really earnestly asking her or was he "testing" her. This is the guy that had called her a gold digger just two days ago...how on earth would she accept this?

Perhaps my view will change after I catch the episode later today but as of now I felt Suman was not really wrong here.

but what am hoping is once these two start living together and shravan makes her feel his, she should slowly go easy on the "gratittude" and "self -respect" chants.

You are absolutely right. If sumo has the arrange a wedding then small wedding and less expense is absolutely justidied. I am somewhere against this concept of a necessity of marriage to be arranged from girls end. I don't think its necessary. If guys side wants to arrange marriage for some reason it should be allowed. Or atleast share the expenses. My opinion only.
Today shravan was really polite in asking the same.

Bang on post!

As gor shravan being polite.. I think not. He was manipulating her, playing games with her.. It was preplanned.. All paperwork already ready, Preekar present as witnesses. He did his papa jaap and hiw they can pay for it all. He always says what papa wants. Suman doesnt want anything from Ramnath as she knows his true chehra. I am sire the day shravan asks her to do something without acting like papa chamcha.. She'll agree. She only thinks of shravan as his own in the whole world. If shravan has suffered in life, so has suman!

Originally posted by: vibg

Bang on post!

As gor shravan being polite.. I think not. He was manipulating her, playing games with her.. It was preplanned.. All paperwork already ready, Preekar present as witnesses. He did his papa jaap and hiw they can pay for it all. He always says what papa wants. Suman doesnt want anything from Ramnath as she knows his true chehra. I am sire the day shravan asks her to do something without acting like papa chamcha.. She'll agree. She only thinks of shravan as his own in the whole world. If shravan has suffered in life, so has suman!

Yes, he tried to manipulate. But somewhere his logic was right. The way he tried to convince her was right.! And just for a change paapa jaap in this context did not sound wierd

I follow the show from time to time. The attitude to Suman in the forum is appalling and reminds me of the attitude to another heroine of another show I followed closely. Women still have an outdated mentality that a woman should accept husband's money, wedding should be by guy's family. Despite all our claims to becoming emancipated we have not given this up.

I see so many criticisms of her 'self respect'. Shravan of all people has failed to understand the major merit of this girl and has turned it into a flaw. She is what she is because of her self respect. An orphan living at the mercy of her relatives develops a strong sense of independence and a will power to not take ehsaan. This basic thing Shravan has not understood and has humiliated her making her go against her principles of pleasing her family and society.

If Shravan has not fallen already, this would be the final fall

but wen misunderstanding and problems r arising due to self respect...den its better to hold d relationship den cribbing on self respect..and self respect wud b tarnished if tiwaris ask money but malhotras r demselves doing it so let dem do it...and dey have already adjusted in pushkar wedding

Originally posted by: naaju

but wen misunderstanding and problems r arising due to self respect...den its better to hold d relationship den cribbing on self respect..and self respect wud b tarnished if tiwaris ask money but malhotras r demselves doing it so let dem do it...and dey have already adjusted in pushkar wedding

..and got their relatives taunts..so why shud dey undrstnd dis tym...suman shud also think of others...

in matters of love u have to give up self respect and ego otherwise kuch nai ho skta...personality clash r difficult to handle...

if u have seen madhubala show..den d female lead was so much humiliated by male lead but still she gave all ego and self respect jst to be wid luv of her life..even in real lyf i have seen dis hw girls have to become submissive to hold d relationship becos males generally dont undrstnd...nirmala did d same ..and ultimately her son suffered d most...so its better to b practical den holding on to morals and values

But then aren't such women just doormats. Yes Sumo can go easy on self respect but why is it so difficult for the other partner to understand this one aspect of her when she has understood and accepted all his crap including all his public humiliation?

It works both ways and it is time for Indian women to learn from strong heroines

Originally posted by: rima

I follow the show from time to time. The attitude to Suman in the forum is appalling and reminds me of the attitude to another heroine of another show I followed closely. Women still have an outdated mentality that a woman should accept husband's money, wedding should be by guy's family. Despite all our claims to becoming emancipated we have not given this up.

I see so many criticisms of her 'self respect'. Shravan of all people has failed to understand the major merit of this girl and has turned it into a flaw. She is what she is because of her self respect. An orphan living at the mercy of her relatives develops a strong sense of independence and a will power to not take ehsaan. This basic thing Shravan has not understood and has humiliated her making her go against her principles of pleasing her family and society.

If Shravan has not fallen already, this would be the final fall