Threathened? Yes. Abused? I Know Not. She Isn't Abused Darn It.

Originally posted by: AraBearxx

Is the question about abuse or what's right or what's wrong? Well, if it is about abuse. We all abuse eac other. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Yes. It's a big bad world with bad bad people.

Now quoting myself from another thread.

" My point exactly. She has no abuse abuse to play against. Not even mental or psychological. Seriously, I don't see Tara emotional abused or psychologically. Abuse is what happened to Jhanvi from SB who was afraid to even breathe. Tara was out of the house flirting with a random stranger. Literally.

Okay, I took a test considering myself to be Tara. I couldn't even pass it. Seriously, do these people even know what abuse is that they just go abuse abuse abuse. It isn't just a word that you use on tv or some show. Tara isn't the one in an abusive relationship. If she was in an abusive one, I wonder what Arnav was when he started flinging Khushi the minute her met her. Or when he threw her down from one floor to another. No every time he moral degraded her.

http://m.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence -->a point or two that matches. But the number of checks is hardly two or three. And it said the more the checks the more you're abused.."

MJay was abused by TJ and his mom, you can see the effect it has on his psychology. That is harsh. TJ was abused, but not even a feminist would agree that Tara was abused. Mistreated, yes! Not abused. There's a difference. Abuse is a harsh word. It's harsh, cold and not something to play but when you decide to play with words. Just no. Physical abuse is harsh, psychological abuse destroys you and so does emotional abused. Please don't insult the word claiming that Tara ia abused. Look it up. Please.

P. S. : If what mentioned above was serious 'abuse' then Tara SLAPPING MJay would be a crime. Psht, she could even be sued by him. Yes. Or have something in court up. Or our parents threatening us and not permitting us would be abuse too. The court of law and justice has tried its best to protect us. So much so now every little act can be considered degratory. It's sad.

This isn't really my forte but here's what everyone around the net say.

**

Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased. It is is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept

Mistreatment is a very general term. It it often refers to treatment that doesn't really have psychological effect on a person.

Some of the abusive behaviors are: - the authority figure alone decide what is right and wrong,, good/bad and "appropriate" and "inappropriate" - the authority figure is only responsible and accountable for good things that happen, never the bad ones. - the authority figure tries to exercise total control of the dependent by controlling their partner's thoughts, feelings and behavior. Whenever this control is not absolute, the authority figure feels threatened.


**

Marrying and expecting there to be no conflict is setting your marriage up for failure. When conflict does arise, if you are not being kicked, hit, punched, choked, raped, screamed at, called names, degraded and on and on and on then you are not being abused. More than likely you are being asked to make compromises or negotiate problems and that seems to be the one thing that some who marry feel is tantamount to abuse



**


Domestic abuse is not always about violence, it is about control. Many victims of domestic abuse have never been physically assaulted.

Many victims of domestic abuse are not aware they are being abused because they do not recognize the controlling behaviors of their partners as abusive. There are many different ways that abusers try to maintain control, some of which may not be obvious as abusive.

The following checklist of behaviors was developed by the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence to help determine if someone is being abused.

Does your partner. . .

Use emotional and psychological control?

Use economic control?

Make threats?

Commit acts of physical violence?

The above are common tactics used by abusers to control their partners, but not the only ones. Anything that your partner does to restrict your personal freedom, or that make you afraid, could be a indication of domestic abuse.

More From Crime / Punishment

Mo re Fr om Abo u t. c om

TOP

2013 About.com. All rights reserved.

Switch to Desktop Site

Menu

Crime / Punishment

Call you names, yell, put you down, make racial or homophobic slurs, or constantly criticize or undermine you and your abilities as a wife, partner, or mother?

Behave in an overprotective way or become extremely jealous?

Make it difficult for you to see family or friends, or "badmouth" your family and friends?

Prevent you from going where you want to, when you want to, and with whomever you want to?

Humiliate or embarrass you in front of other people?

Deny you access to family assets like bank accounts, credit cards, or car?

Control all the finances, force you to account for what you spend, or take your money?

Prevent you from getting or keeping a job or from going to school?

Limit your access to health, prescription and/or dental insurance?

Threaten to report you to the authorities (the police, courts, or child protective services) for something you didn't do?

Threaten to harm or kidnap the children?

Make you afraid by using looks, actions or gestures?

Display weapons as a way of making you afraid or directly threaten you with weapons?

Use anger or "loss of temper" as a threat to get you to do what he wants?

Threaten to expose your sexual orientation to friends, family, or employer, if you are gay or lesbian?

Threaten to report you to INS or immigration?

Carry out threats to hurt you, your children, pets, family members, friends, or himself?

Destroy personal property or throw things around?

Grab, push, hit, punch, slap, kick, choke, or bite you?

Force you to have sex when you don't want to or to engage in sexual acts that you don't want to do?

Prevent you from taking medications or getting medical care?

Deny you access to food, fluids or sleep?



* *

I'm sorry but the relationship is abusive. I think that's made clear by MJ himself, as he says that he needs to be like this so that she leaves him. He knows he is abusing her. The Google definition of abuse is to 'treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.' I think we can safely say that is exactly what has been happening to Tara.

what Mj did was WRONG!

Views are subjective. I may be wrong for that, and I'm sorry for being wrong? But the point lies in the fact that domestic abuse is something much harsher. What MJ did was mistreatment, in my eyes. He must treated in. Mistreatment and abuse are synonyms, and we'll the difference lies well, not on the surface.

@Butterfly : I do agree with what you say, and TBH I have seen cases that deal with a abuse. I may be wrong when it comes to this one, but as you send he threatened her, abuse isn't just threats. What I am trying to say, let's just forget it. MJay abused her. Done. It's not LIKE I can do anything that will change anyone's opinions. XD

Originally posted by: AraBearxx

Views are subjective. I may be wrong for that, and I'm sorry for being wrong? But the point lies in the fact that domestic abuse is something much harsher. What MJ did was mistreatment, in my eyes. He must treated in. Mistreatment and abuse are synonyms, and we'll the difference lies well, not on the surface.

@Butterfly : I do agree with what you say, and TBH I have seen cases that deal with a abuse. I may be wrong when it comes to this one, but as you send he threatened her, abuse isn't just threats. What I am trying to say, let's just forget it. MJay abused her. Done. It's not LIKE I can do anything that will change anyone's opinions. XD

What's disheartening about what you have written is that you think scaring someone about raping them, burning them, and pushing them off an edge is not abuse but mistreatment. Does abuse need to show a physical scar? Does it need to look like something has happened in order for it to be classified as abuse?

Tara wants revenge for the way MJ has treated her. She wants him to pay for deceiving her and I thin what cuts the most is that she thought he was a friend. Her only friend BTW and it turned into betrayel. So IMO She's playing fair because she's telling him in advance watch out whereas when MJ did things to her she was in constant fear and was weaker than him physically. I'm pretty sure Mj can handle himself and this game TAra is playing will lead to her figuring it out that it's not MJ behind the attempts on her life.

Tara is not the one to blame in this entire mess. MJ started it all, started the abuse and I'm glad the CVs have made him acknowledge that he has abused her and not diminished what he has done to her.

Sonya

Sonya: Not to fight with you or anything but I am entitled to have my own opinions without you judging me. xD

And I know I have clearly posted the difference between what is defined as abuse and mistreatment.

Pssht. There's mental and emotional abuse you know. And Tara suffers from none of those two.


MJay didn't invite Tara to his safe haven. It was Tara who went there. He wanted her to keep away. She was the one who ran in search of her dost. I haven't followed each episode religiously but he was cordial sue him. And he didn't know about her identity until 2 days ago. Justified?

MJ used her own psychology against him. He didn't drill opinions on him into Taras head. She did it herself. He used her opinions against her.

God, I'm not replying to this post again. It is my mistake that I have posted something that is against everyones opinion and its my fault that I'm trying to get something out clear when clearly no one wants to be open minded and just for once try and idk consider it for a mili second. This was supposed to be a discussion not a debate. I apologise. I'm sorry. And I hopefully won't post contradicting topics again.



Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased. It is is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept

Mistreatment is a very general term. It it often refers to treatment that doesn't really have psychological effect on a person.

Some of the abusive behaviors are: - the authority figure alone decide what is right and wrong,, good/bad and "appropriate" and "inappropriate" - the authority figure is only responsible and accountable for good things that happen, never the bad ones. - the authority figure tries to exercise total control of the dependent by controlling their partner's thoughts, feelings and behavior. Whenever this control is not absolute, the authority figure feels threatened.

This what I am trying to say. Abuse is a harsh word and the thing is that every second person claims to be abused not knowing what abuse clearly is.

I understand your perspective and even agree with it to an extent.. Tara has been psychologically abused/mistreated whichever you prefer to use.. but not to an extent where her wish to fight back has been crushed.. abuse is a serious term and it can actually be used in this reference because while MJ may not have gone through with any of his threats that fear of what he was capable of was instilled within in wife.. the dread for her life.. the panic visible whenever he was around were all examples of the terror she felt towards him psychologically...

As for her sudden need for revenge Okay I will be the firs to say it seemed a bit dramatic.. yet realistic at the moment she is not really thinking straight and I completely agree she was the one who repeatedly went to his house who found peace in his domain.. but one can't forget he was the one to first figure out her identity the one to take advantage of this information in order to fulfill his goal.. as I have always stated his intentions were good yet his technique is questionable.. he did not ask her for her friendship she gave it willingly she placed her faith in him to have her trust shattered before her eyes would be difficult to tolerate for anyone.. she feels emotionally cheated and psychologically abused because she just learned the man she believed to be her savior turned out to be the one she feared the sight of..!!