Chapter 22
Kitabon ki tarah bohot se alfaz hai muj main
Aur kitabon ki tarah hi khamosh rehti hu main!
Antara's POV...
As I moved like a mad through the crowded boggy train ignoring the awkward gazes of people around me I didn't know where I was heading to. That horrible scene was flashing in my mind where raghu was holding the man's neck hanging out from running train and about to crash on the electric pole. Not just only that, again the pool of memories started to hit me. Followed by that I remembered the day when I saw him fighting and crashing those goons mercilessly all alone in the streets of basti, our first encounter in Kashmir on the very domes day of my life. The sound of boom instantly appeared on my ears. Shoving my tears I increased my pace. Perhaps, someday I would be the same place where that man was today. Raghu's killer hands would clutch my throat and crush mercilessly and that Daya Naik would stand at his back flaring her cruel smile towards me. If Daya Naik came to know about my truth then she wouldn't waste a single time to destroy me. And since everyone knew about raghu's loyalty towards Daya Naik, he would be the first one to do that work.
But I didn't even care if the day was about to come. Before they kill me, I would ensure their destruction. Just I needed to find the way somehow!
My eyes were feeling a slight wet. I quickly shoved away the tears while pacing fast like mad. Before I could reach at the other end of bogy an iron grip caught my right hand and resisted me to go. I stopped immediately, unwillingly. As I again felt his harsh feast over my wrist, my jaw hardened. Suppressing my anger with a deep sigh I jerked backside to meet raghu's very annoyed face.
For a moment, our hard gaze roamed on each other's face trying to detect what was going through each other's mind. I couldn't detect his inner mind through his unreadable, utterly dark, coal black eyes. looking at the slight confusion on his faucets I felt like even he couldn't understand the rage burning down my mind, my heart.
"Eee baheri hain kya tuu?!" raghu almost barked towards me breaking the silence. His expression was hell annoyed as well as frustrated, "Kab see chillayi jaa rahi hoon ruk jaa, ruk jaa! Par tu too local train kee andar rajdhani express ki tarah bhagne lagi. Kaan me tel daal naa parega kya?! Mayal jam gaya hain?!" his loud annoyed voice stroke my ears and I stood there silently looking towards his face with my hard gaze. he seemed a slight confused looking at my silence. "Eee, ab chup kyun hain?!" as he asked me the frustration on his voice was toned down a bit and confusion took the place. "Hath choro mera !"I said greeting my teeth. "Kayekoo?!! Taa kii tu for see sau mitter ki race laga de?! Nahin chorta... KABHI NAHIN CHORUNGA!" his hard voice got mixed with his determination. It felt like the roar of thunder. Even in the anger I felt dumb for a while after listening to the last sentence. For some slight moment I stared at his face in confusion trying to understand that what just he uttered. Raghu slightly twitched his neck sidewise and huffed for a while. with a chuckle he again looked towards my face while I was continuously struggling to free my grip from him. My efforts were not bothering him at all. his fingers grooved more into my flesh and drag me along with him while he started to walk forward though the crowd. "Hey leave me!! kahan lee jaa rahe hoo mujhe."I screamed out of my lungs and struggled to free myself. He didn't bothered about my scream and kept his own pace pulling me harder. I was left with no choice rather than to follow him with stumbled feet and continuous fruitless effort to free myself.
The people round the train were looking towards the scene silently. I looked at the situation and I understood that just like yesterday I wouldn't get any help from the people around. Cause, the man who was standing in front of me was not kalua or bhoja. He was muc more dangerous and lethal, Raghunath Naik, whose name was enough to shake anyone's knees. Raghu came and pulled the chain keeping his hard face intact. The train stopped at the middle of the nowhere. The people just continued to gaze in us while raghu forcefully drag me outside and I had to jump on the side of railway track. Without wasting a moment he again walked forward pulling me. My hands were really aching like hell at that moment. I wiggled by his painful pressure and pulls. "Chorro mujhe... chorro!" I screamed again. But he didn't bother as usual. Leaving the lone area around the railway track we again reached at the crowded road of Mumbai city. I understood that my efforts and screaming wouldn't affect him. so I silently followed him with bitter mode in the determination to see that how far and where he could take me like that. I was not giving attention to my steps so all of a sudden a broken slab on the roadside footpath hit my fingers. "Ouch!!" I screamed out of my breath. Raghu stopped immediately and moved back towards me. I was busy on checking my foot. I felt the grip loosened on my wrist and I lifted my eyes. Raghu was gazing towards me silently. His hard expression was softened somehow. Throwing angry glances on him I mobved at the side of road with my stumbled feet. I kept my foot on a stand and checked the condition lifting the leg in a bit. Thank god there was not any sign of blood but there was a imprint of a very bad bruise. I was touching the bruise when another hand approached and touched the bruises. I was really startled for a while when I found raghu near my feet seating cross-legged on the road. His hand took my feet in his hand and his eyes were fixed to my bruise. Then he looked back to me lifting his eyes. I was all confused for a moment finding him in that position. With his deep coal black eyes he was observing my face. I saw some different emotion flaring through that orbs. I saw some kind of urgency in them. A different kind of tenderness was there. All of a sudden the most dangerous man of Mumbai city looked so different and poor. I didn't know why those thought came at my mind at that moment.
He was observing silently with those eyes. the kind of gaze which never I observed, for some moment I forgot about my anger and stared into them in confusion. I didn't know why was he observing me with that odd yet tender gaze. When I heard a sound of horn I realized that I was staring at him for almost 5 min. I almost slapped myself inwardly for my stupidity. Clenching my jaw, I harshly looked away from his face crossing my arms over my chest. what just happened at that small moment of eye interaction?! Why did I acted dumbly? I heard his deep sigh and felt his fingers caressing over the bruise of my foot.
I cringed in disgust feeling his touch on me. My head boiled again. "Kya kar rahe hoo?! Chro mera paaon." I said angrily. "CHUP!" he scolded in his usual signature style snapping up to me, "Thik see chalna nahin atta kya tujhe?! Humesha idhar udhar larkharati raheti hain?" he almost scolded me. It didn't shut me up as usual rather than heated up my brain more. "Main thik se chal nahin rahi thi?!Excuse me! Main thik see kaise chalti?! Tum nee too mujhe yahan mere marzi kee bagar almost ghasit te huye lee kee ayein. Main thik see kaise chal pati?!" I back fired him. "Achaa?! Ulta chor kotowal koo datein..." he jumped up from the ground, "Tu mere see bhag kyun rahi thi?! Kahan thaa naa mere see door mat jana! Meri baat kyun nahin sunti tu?!" he looked damn frustrated. I was angry and as well as confused for his unfair interruption in my life. "What do you mean?! Main wahan khari khari taamasha dekhti?!" I asked in anger and confusion mixed tone. "hello madam..." he snapped his fingers in front of my face and said, "Woo sara tamasha naa tere liye hii huya hain. Apun nee kaha tha tere koo kee station kee pass mat jana. Kyun gaayi thi?!" his voice was rising time by time as well as my. "Aur main tumhar advice kyun loon?! Meri life hain, meri marzi hain, main jahan chahe jaoon. Aur main apni life tum jaise ek gunde kee baton ke dam pee nahin chala sakti!" as I said those words harshly to him his angry eyes continued to gaze towards me. I suddenly felt like an expression of getting hurt flickered through his face for some little moment. As if like my words hurt him. But it didn't stayed for long. Frustratingly he scratched his head with a sheer annoyed expression. "Gayi bhains pani mein!!" he uttered irritatingly and glanced towards me. "Tera dimag ka screw dhila hain kya?! Arey log khatre see door rhena chahta hain aur tu ek hain kii khatre kii taraf bhagti hain. Samajh nahin pata apun tujhe! Arey teri yee akar bhi too tab dikha payegi jab zinda rahegi. Bhoot ban kee akkar too naahin dikha sakti." He chuckled irritatingly. I looked silently towards him for a while. even he seemed startled seeing my cold look. As I spoke after a moment, "Mere liye mere life se zyada meri self respect maine rakhta hain. So uss kee barein mein tum baat naa hii karoo too acha hain." I answered him back with cold voice. He looked at my face dumbly for a while even I saw a slight worry in his face, (don't know why). but soon they were covered up with harshness. "S**a pata nahin. Kyun apun aaj apna poora din kharap kar kee tere picha karta raha?!" he stated disappointedly. "Kis nee kahan tha tumhe mera picha karne kee liye?! And you know what, aise chupke see ek larki koo follow karna gunah hota hain." I said coldly. "Eee, picha nahin karta naa too woo shetty kaa chamcha abhi tera thobra jala kee uran choo hoo jata!!" he said making his usual annoyed face. "Joo bhi hota main dekh leti. Tumhari madad nahin chahiye mujhe apni security kee liye. Joo bhi hota main handle kar leti." I said in firm voice. "Acha?! Kab samhal leti...jab woo apnaa kaam khatam kar kee satak jataa. Tab too tu sayad baat karne kee halat mein bhi nahin hoti. Too kaise samhalti haan? Zara bata mere koo!" he asked demanding answer. I was not in slightest mode to take it further. Facing him for a single moment near me sucks out my half life force. I didn't know how I was able to stand in front of him, facing his irritating gaze and arguments which felt like poison to me. But still I needed to answer him back. I had to make him clear that I was not afraid of him. "Too tumne kaunsa mahan kaam kiya hain? Ussey too almost maar ne wale the tum! Kya laga kii bahut bare herogiri ka kaam kar rahe hoo? taliyan bajayengey sab tumhare liye?!" I asked him in mocking voice. "Too kya karta uss kee sath haan?! Ussey gale laga leta, khilata-pilta, kyun kii woo tere mooh pee acid maar ne aya tha?! Arey tujhe andaza bhi hain kii kya hone wala tha?!" he asked loudly with his mad voice. "So what?! Woo muere mooh pe acid maar deta, mera chehera jala deta too iss sey tumhe kya farak parta hain?!" I snapped back on his face. His eyes got stunned for a moment and suddenly became dangerously cold. All of a sudden he grabbed my left forearm with his iron grip. I couldn't control the painful wince that came out my mouth. his single grip seemed breaking my bones. He dragged me near with a shot. I lifted up my eyes and faced his maddest and most fiery gaze till date. "Bahut bakws kar liya tune..." his words seemed like hissing of dangerous serpent. "Ab chupchap apun kee sath chal. Samjhi naa?" as he probed those words I continued to look silently towards his raged eyes. "Bakwas lagta hain tujhe yee sab?! Unn doo tingu mingu koo kaal police mein pakarwa diya too tujhe lagta hain kii shetty ke pure gang se akele lar legi?! Ghanta kar payegi tu! Tere kuch kahene see pahele naa uss kee banduk se nikli goli tere chithre ura dengey. Kab kaise.. tujhe khud nhin pata chalega!" his thretful voice reflected in my ear but couldn't shake me a bit. I was still firm. I had already overcome the fear of death and anything else. a girl who didn't had any wish to live, could she even get afraid of any kind of threat?! "Dekh mere koo koi saukh nahin hain tere jaise larkio kee picha krte karte pura din barbaad karne kaa. Woo too bas tu apun kee basti mein raheti hain... aur tune ruksana ki kal madad ki thi... iss liye ayy tha." his voice had softened a bit. "Wadha kiya tha tere see.. jab bhi tujhe zarurat paregi apun tera madad karega.. ussi wadhe koo nibha raha tha. Raghunath apne wadha kaa pakka hain, chahe woo kissi sey bhi kyun naa karein." As he said those words there was something in his voice. It was harsh but not with anger, with some determination. His eyes were so deep with some unknown feelings. Looking to those eyes so close to mine, I suddenly let out a small painful laugh startling him. he frowned in confusion. he must be thinking at that moment that the girl had lost his mental balance. The sound of laugh seemed painful. Not the pleasant one. "Jakham dene kaa baa dab use pee marham laga nee ki koushis kar rahe hoo?!" I asked him with my mocking voice. his eyes widened in amusement as his hands slid down from my forearm which was aching painfully. Looking at his confused face I backed off a step. "Kya matlab kya hain tera?!" he asked with great confusion. I again laughed a bit to control the tears which badly wanted to come out at that moment. "Nahin kar sakte... Chahein kuch bhi kar loo... Joo jakham tumne mujhe diye hain woo kabhi nahin bhar sakte..." as I said those words my voice started to crack. "Kyun jantee hoo? woo jakham mere jism mein nahin meri andar lagi hain.. meri dil pee, meri atma pe... aur meri akhri saans tak yee aur gahera hota jayega aur ekdin mujhe hii kha jayega!!" My bleeding heart screamed to him. "Eee Antara!!..." he looked hell confused and stretched his hands to me intending to stop me. "Just don't you dare! Mera naam mat loo apne zuban se, Koi hak nahin hain tumhe mera naam lene kaa!! Mazak bana diya hain tumne mere naam kaa, mere life kaa!" I tried hard but a lone tear escaped from my eyes. I quickly clamped my mouth and turned back. I saw a bus coming to the halt nearby and it was going towards my locality. Without waiting a moment I rushed to that bus clamping my mouth harder. "EEE... SUN... EEE ANTARA..." I heard his mad scream from behind. I know he was following me but that time I didn't gave him any chance and moved inside the bus as soon as possible. The bus started and I collapsed on the iron rod holding it tighter. I hid my face from the crowd and bit my lips to control the tears. Why it was happening with me. I chose this path, to fight back those evils, who destroyed my life then sometimes why I felt so weak?
I didn't know why my eyes fell on the outside through bus window. With my weary eyes I found raghu's fig standing on the road keeping his eyes to the bus, there was so many questions, confusion in those eyes. I just hope that I didn't leak any secret due to my outburst. But I saw another thing in his eyes. Some kind of heart wrenching shattered expression. As the bus moved further, his face got lost in the crowd and I couldn't see him anymore.
Later at my home, when I was about to change my dress I was damn surprise to find some black spots on my salwar. Curiously I checked them and they smelled like grease. Grease!! Where did it came?!! Suddenly I remembered something and a amusing whiz cae out from my mouth.
The spots of greases were exactly at the same spots where raghu touched me, near my tummy where he was holding around his hand in the train, my wrist which he was dragging mercilessly and my forearm. Probably he was working on that garage at the opposite of our house where he stayed often. I looked dumbly towards the spots for a while then collapsed on the bed hugging myself. Silent tears escaped me.
He left me imprinting his signs on me, just like showing his owe, his victory sign over me!
But why him?! The guy who turned my whole being into nothing, why him?!!
No one answered me.
Next morning, I was washing my clothes as it was holiday. While putting them on the balcony for drying I still continued to look at the white salwar which I wore yesterday. Still those black marks of grease were imprinted on them. They were not faded a single bit after getting washed. I looked dumble at those spot for a while and then with disgusted face I rubbed and rubbed again on those spot but seriously, it didn't weep off. Rather than it get deeper. I wondered that of they would ever get fade. Looking at those spots I was remembering those moments, his harsh, rough touches on mine. I didn't even cry like before. Seemed like my eyes were tired of crying!
Someone rang the calling bell and my trance got broke. I peeped through the balcony and found ruku standing at our doorstep. "Ruksana!!" I called her from the above. She looked up with a smile. She was holding something in her hand. "Hello mautarma... darwaza kholiyee... kab tak iss nazuk sii payar koo zameen mein khara rakhengey?!" she said in her as usual filmy style. "Jabtak tumhare nawab sahab aa kee payar koo zameen see naa utha lee!" I teased also. "Arey sahebaan.. nawab sahab aaj chutti pe hain... abb thora aap hii khol nee kii zarurat karengey?!" she asked in same teasing tone. "Aaa rahi hoon... rukoo!" I smiled and rushed downstairs. Mami had alredy opened the door and ruksana was already inside. "Aunty... Hum nee aap kee liye sewaiyen banayein hain." ruku said grinning as she handed over the boxes to mami. "Hmm... to aap kii kya farmais hain iss kee badle?!" mami asked with a smiling frown. "Aunty jii... woo aap kii sarso wali machi!! Woo special Bengali dish! Yumm!! Soch kee hii mooh mein pani aa raha hain!" Ruku said with gleaming eyes. "badmash!! Tujeh kaise pata kii aaj mein sarsoo ilish (Hilsa fish mixed with mustard powder, a very famous Bengali dish) banwa rahi hoon." Mami asked lightly pulling her ears. "Arey auty... ap kee ghar mein yee dish bane aur humare ghar mein khusboo naa ayein aisa kabhi hoo sakta hain kya?!" ruku said. "Acha baba thik hain.. lee kar ati hoon main. Antara zara iss kee sath rahena.. main abhi ati hoon." Mami said and went to the kitchen. "Too mautarma bataiyen kya chal raha hain?!" ruku asked in her usual style nearing towards me. "Hmm.. filhaal too chennai express ki minamma style mein kapre dho rahe the. App kii kya khabar hain?!" I asked frowning. "Hum too veer zara kee zara kee style mein zara kii tarah khirkisee bahar jhak rahe the aur aap kee pyari mami jii kee khane ki khusboo le rahe hain.. to socha kii khusboo lee kar adha pet kyun bhare... too khud lene aa gaye." She answered.
We both looked each other silently for a moment and laughed out loud on our craziness. As our outburst saturated we looked towards each other smiling. Really, I didn't thought that we would be such good friends in such a short time span. Ruksana was one of the person with whom I used to enjoy my time fully and forget my all worry! "Chalo.. mere kamre mein chalogi?!" I asked her. "Arey rani saheba bulayein aur hum naa ayein. Chaliye!!" she said. "Main rani sahebaa kab se ban gayi?!" I asked rolling my eyes comically. "Abhi se!!" she winked. I smiled and brought her to my room. "baap ree.. tumhare pass kitne sare kitabein hain!" she said rolling her eyes looking at my large book shelf. I smiled and said, "Thanks!! Baitho naa!" I smiled and forwarded the chair to her. She sat while I moved towards my cupboard to put some clothes which was kept outside unarranged. Ruksana was looking around my room with gleaming curious eyes. "Arey woo ghantiya too bare pyare hain." she said indicating towards the wind chirm at my window. I smiled and said, "Thx.. mere mamma pappa kii taraf gift hain." I answered with a smile. She stood up and moved near the window and touch the bells making them sound. A beautiful sound spread on the room making both of us smile. she moved around the room and we continue to talk. She asked lots of questions but still her question had so much innocence and enthusiasm which didn't make u bore anytime. I answered her all with a smile. she was watching the photo of my collage hanging from the wall and asking me about that. while talking to her, I didn't watched and kept the clothes abruptly inside the closet. Something hit my hand and the thing fell on the ground making a sound. We both got startled and looked at the box which was on the floor. the box was opened due to the jerk and the pair of ghungroos had came out from the box. I looked silently towards the ghungroos. A part of my cheerful past which I buried long ago!
Just like singing, dancing was also one of my passions. I used to learn katahk in Kashmir from Aliya's ammi. She was an enthralling dancer but left dancing after her marriage. She only used to teach me aliya and meghna. We were taking coaching from her since 8 years old. There was no facility for dance in Kashmir so me, aliya and meghna went to give our yearly dance exam in Delhi. If everything was ok then I would be completing my masters in kathak in next month. But seemed like... Destiny didn't want that.
I sighed and suppressed the agony inside me. Ruksana was looking towards the ghungroos with wide eyes. She came and grabbed one of the pair from ground. "Antara yee tumhare hain?! Tum dance sikhti hoo?!" she asked me with amused eyes. I smiled slightly at her eagerness and nodded in yes, "Haan, sikha karti thi kashmir mee. Par Kashmir see ane kee baad maine dance chor diya." I sighed as I said those words. "Chor diya matlab?! Abhi nahin karti hoo?!" she asked me again. I sighed and nodded in no. I opened the closet and was about to put the ghungroos inside. Then ruksana noticed my dance certificate and a medal which I received after ranking first in states dance competition. "arey yee too..." she grabbed the certificate and medal in her hand. Her eyes widened looking at them. "Antara Iss certificate mein too likha hain... haye allah... tum sach mein states competition mein first ayi thi?! Wahan too bahut tough judgment hoti hain." her eyes rolled a bit. I smiled and let out a photo album which was containing the photo of states competition where I was receiving medal from judges. There were also some other photo of my collage programs where I danced and sang in my group. After seeing everything ruksana looked towards me with slight wide eyes. "Antara, tu itni achi dance karti thi aur tu kahe rahi hain kii tune dance chor diya?!! Kaise?!! Tu kaise dance chor sakti hain?!!" she looked a bit frustrated. A slight sadness pinched my heart, "Halat aur waqt sabkuch badal deta hain ruksana. Kabhi kuch pane kee liye kuch khona bhi parta hain. Main yahan job karti hoon, pura din busy raheti hoon... time kab milega mujhe. Aur waisey bhi... abb mujeh inn chezoon mein man nahin lagta." I sighed again as I said those words. Ruksana looked towards me for some few mins with narrowed eyes. Suddenly she grabbed my hand. "Chalo mere sath!" without giving her another chance she dragged me along with her. "Arey ruksana... kahan lee jaa rahi hoo?!" I asked her with dumb face. "Tumhara ilaaz karne!" she said without stopping. "Kya?!!" I was hell confused. "Chalo bhi. Baad mein sab pata chal jayega... Aunty,main antra koo leke kuch der kee loye bahar jaa rahi hoo. Bada mein aa kee lee lungi mera sarso ki machi!!" ruksana screamed to mami and dragged me with her. without saying another word she rushed along the footpath of the basti's streets taking me along with her. I was so startled that I didn't even noticed that where she was dragging me all the way. "Arey ruksana.. ruko too." I caught my breath, "Yee too batao hum jaa kahan rahe hain." I asked her again. "Dayan kee kile mein!!" she said seriously and moved forward. "Kya?!! Ruksana dekho paheliya mat banao!!" I said in a bit irritation. "Paheliyan nahin kar rahi hoon mautarm. Yahan har koi pith piche ussey dayan kaa kila hii kaheta hain." Ruku said and in front of my wide eyes she pushed the collapsible gate of Naik sadan and stepped inside with me.
Precap: "Abey yede aaj tuu idhar kaise tapak para?!" Ajji asked towards me with a frown. "Woo apun..." scratching my head I tried to find an answer. I glanced towards her. With her little firm gaze and frown she was gauging me with her hazels. Her unarranged hair locks were still scattered over her forehead and her dupatta was slipped a bit from her neck revealing the milky skin of her neck. The little drops of sweats were still playing over her forehead and neck which caught my attention. "Oye?!! Kaun sii duniya mein ghum hoo gaya?!!" Ajji's loud voice again broke my trance.
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