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Part 29:
Antara knotted her brows in confusion thinking about which reality she is talking.
Ruksana: So Ms. Antara Kaul u think u know everything rite? If u think so den let me tell u dat u r utterly wrong. Do u know wat happened behind u in dese 5 years? Do u knw wat changes have came to d lives of Ur Loved ones in dese 5 years? No, rite? Den get ready Antara becoz today I m going to tell u dat for which u dnt have even slightest idea. Come with me
She said nd literally dragged Antara out of her flat towards her car followed by Machmach who was praying silently for d avoidance of Storm which is yet to come now.
*************************************************
Antara: Ruksana atleast tell me where r we going?
Ruksana said nothing but just keep on driving as fast as she can.
Antara: Ruksana pls atleast slow down d speed. Its not good for u nd ur baby.
But instead of slowintg down she increases d speed. Antara looked at machmach who was sitting at d back seat helplessly. Both of dem knows wen Ruksana is angry she does exactly d opposite of she has been said of. Machmach gestures Antara to calm down nd slowly turns towards Ruksana
Machmach:Babu pls slow down. For our Baby, pls.
That did it! Hearing baby's name Ruksana slows down her speed but still didn't responded to any of d wuestions asked by Antara. After 1 hr of drive Ruksana stops her car in front of a house. Antara looked outside to figure it out where is she? Before she could understand anything Ruksana opens d door of her side nd asked her to cum out.
Antara: Ruksana atleast nw tell where are we?
Ruksana: u'll cum to know soon Antara. Come wid me.
She said nd takes Get inside. Strangely d Door is open which makes Antara more confused as to whose home she's going to dat too without informing dem. but sumwhere deep inside her heart dis place doesnt seems unknown to him. strangely she could feel his presence over dere. Ruksana senses Antara's confusion so thought of clearing it nw.
Ruksana: Dis is Naik's Outhouse nd d place where Raghu is staying from last 5 years.
Antara knotted her brows in confusion as y Raghu is staying in his outhouse leaving all d luxuries of his Mansion
Ruksana: I knw wat u r thinking Antara. Yahi Na ki aisi kya zarurat aa gayi ki Raghu KM ki jagah yaha Outhouse me reh raha hai. Main batati hoon, chalo mere saath.
She said nd takes her to a room upstairs. As she opened d Door, Antara gets d biggest shock of her lyf. Whole room was filled wid her pictures only. Not a single place on a wall has been left in which her picture is not dere. She slowly moves forward looking at her pictures. Tears welled up in her eyes wen she had a close view of her pictures. There are so many pictures of her smiling, her pouting, her eating ice-cream, her feeling low, her drenching in rain, d one in which she is eating panipuri, d one in which she was gesturing someone to be quiet; like dis dere were numerous pictures of her. The pics for which even she dnt have any idea wen he has taken it. It seems like he had captured each nd every emotion of hers. She ran a hand on those pics while tears were just flowing from her eyes
Ruksana: From last 5 years Raghu is living like dis only.
Ruksana's voice broke Antara's trance nd she turned to look at her confusingly
Ruksana: Got confused Na? We all were also equally confused wen we cum to know dat Raghu has started living in Outhouse but we got our entire anwers wen we came over here. Do u knw y has he shifted to outhouse?
Antara: ...
Ruksana: becoz he thinks dat he don't deserve anyone's Love not even his Dadimaa's, he don't deserve anyone's happiness becoz he broke d heart of d girl who loved him d most in dis world.
"No, it's not true. He deserves all d happiness of dis world" Antara's heart cried thinking dis wen she listened to Ruksana's word. His Raghu was living here at outhouse leaving all d luxuries of his Mansion just becoz of her. He thinks dat he don't deserve anyone's Love becoz he had once broke her heart.
Ruksana: Dard ho raha hai Na. sirf sun ke tumhe itna dard ho raha hai den just think Raghu ne to ye dard jiya hai for d whole 5 years. Raghu ko bhi aise hi dard hua tha wen u had gone away from him without giving him any chance to prove himself. But abhi to Maine tumhe kuch bataya hi nahi hai Antara to tumhe itna Dard ho raha hai. Wat will happen wen I'll tell u entire truth. Do u knw hw Raghu is living without u from last 5 years? He's nothing but just a walking dead body whole Soul has gone away from it. u cant even imagine his Cond he had during dose early days of both of urs separation. He had even tried to commit suicide also
Antara's eyes widened listening to word suicide. She shakes her head in denial as if wanted to believe dat she heard wrong
Antara: Suicide?
Ruksana: Yes Antara suicide. Raghu has tried to commit suicide. It was after 1 month u left him. everyday Raghu lived in a hope dat u'll call him today dat u'll say dat u had forgiven him but dat day all his hopes nd patience gets overed nd he was going to commit suicide but den dnt knw wat happened he stopped himself. Wen Machmach asked him dat y on earth he was trying to commit suicide he didn't replied anything but just said dat he was going to commit a mistake but his Angel stopped him.
Antara felt like someone has squeezed her heart. He was going to commit suicide just becoz of her. She remembered d dream dat she had dat nite wen she was at US. It was just not a dream; he was really going to kill himself just because of her. He said dat she had saved him from doing a mistake but in real he had saved her from commiting a sin. Yes it would be a sin only if he would have lost his lyf because of her. She closed her eyes in pain as tears dropped out from her eyes.
Ruksana came near hear nd dragged her to d nearby closet.
Ruksana: u knw Antara wats dere in dis closet? Let me show u
She said nd opened d closet giving Antara an another shock of her lyf.
"Here r d gifts dat he has been keeping from last 5 years for Ur B'days, for d anniversary of both of urs relationship. Since last 5 years he has been celerating Ur B'day on every 11th nov. Dis day he never meet anyone becoz dis day he totally dedicates to u becoz dere was a tym wen he had forgetten Ur B'day. Nd not only B'day he's celebrating 10th of every month as d anniversary of both of urs relationship nd just keeps d gifts over here just in hope dat one day u'll come back nd he'll gift all dis to u." Ruksana completed her sentence wid d tears in her eyes. Antara was sppechless at dat moment. She dnt know wat should she say or to do rite nw. dis Man loves her beyond any limits nd it's clearly evident from his actions.
"Ye mat sochna Antara ki Raghu ne ye sab kisiko ye jatane ke liye kiya hai ki wo tumse kitna pyaar karta hai, infact wo to kisiko is Room me aane bhi nahi deta. Wo to once I get into his room Accidently wen he was talking to Ur photograph pleading u to cum back nd den I came to know d extent of his love." Ruksana said while wiping her tears. Antara just thumped on d floor on her knees. Tears were flowing continuously from her eyes seeing d intensity of his love. Ruksana sat down beside her nd handed her some Diaries. Antara looked at her questioningly not understanding wat kind of diaries r dese
Ruksana: Antara, dese r d Diaries dat Raghu has written for sharing each nd every moment of his lyf wid u nd keeps dem in dis closet along wid ur gift. Nw u must be thinking hw would I came to know about it. I had enetered Raghu's room once withot his knowledge wen I saw him talking to Ur pics nd wen I fished thru his closet I found all dis over here.
Antara just looked at d diaries blankly not sure hw to react. Whether to be happy to see dat Raghu had never stopped loving her or to feel sad dat she had hurted him so much. But d next set of words of Ruksana had not only made Antara stunned but also made her fall in her own eyes.
Ruksana: But the tail doesn't end over here Antara. Dere's a lot more which is still unknown to u.
Machmach: Ruksana no, pls. Raghu will never forgive us if he'll cum to know dat u had told Antara about dat. we promised him Ruksana.
Ruksana: I told u before also Machmach, I dnt care anymore 4 dat promise nw.
"Machmach, wat r u guys talking about? Which Promise did u both made to Raghu? Pls Machmach tell me. Tell me wat Ruksana wants to tell me?" she said while shaking his shoulders feeling helpless from d situation.
"Princess wo..." But before Machmach could complete his sentence Ruksana intervenes
Ruksana: y r u asking Machmach? I'll tell u wat happened behind u 5 years back. Tum to chali gayi thi sab kuch chod ke US, kabhi socha hai hw would have ur family managed over here without u? Ok I agree dat at dat tym u were angry on Raghu nd was confused due to his mood swings so u thought of giving him punishment by staying away from him but wat wrong ur family has done Antara dat u had punished dem also. Do u knw Misha is going to suicide?
Antara just stumbles backward hearing d harsh reality dat Ruksana told her
"Mish... My mish... suicide?" she was just able to mutter dis only absent mindedly
Ruksana: Yes Antara, Misha was going to suicide. U knw y? Becoz she couldn't able to clear her medical exams. She thought dat she couldn't able to live up to her Di's expectations. She dnt have courage to face u. our mish who was a wild cat has been broken nd has taken dis harsh decision of ending her lyf nd do you know who saved her? Raghu saved her.
"Raghu" Antara just muttered his name listening to ruksana's last sentence.
Ruksana: yes Raghu. Antara, Misha was totally broken at dat tym. Aunty was worried too becoz dere was no sign of her. Den Raghu has set out in search of her nd found her walking alone on d middle of d road waiting for a truck to approach her. If Raghu wouldn't have reached dere on tym den today Mish wont be wid us. (She paused for a while nd den spoke) initially like u Misha was also not believeing Raghu but later she realizes dat Raghu has really changed nw nd may be he's d only person after u in front of whom she has broken down nd told him d reason for wat she is going to take such a big step.
******~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~********
Misha: I failed my Wildy! She had so many expectations from me nd I had just ruined it
Raghu: its not like dat Misha. Its not ur fault. See u had given ur 100% over dere. its just ur Luck
Misha: No its my fault only. Wildy will be so ashamed of me. I couldn't able to lived up to her expectations.
Raghu: Mish, look at me. Ur wildy will not at all be ashamed of u. she knows ur capability nd she trusts on dat also den y r u thinking all dis? u knw her better. Ya she'll be ashamed if u'll do such kind of stupid things which u was going to do few mins before. Misha Antara loves u a lot nd Ur well-being matters to her d most. Nd u'll fail her if u run away from d situation rather den facing it.
Misha: but wat should I do nw. I dnt want to give my medical exams once again. Wat if i wont be able to clear it again.
Raghu: den do wat Ur heart says to u. who said dat u can make career only in medicals. Dere r so many other fields also. Antara once told me dat u loved Designing. Y dnt u opt for Fashion Designing.
Misha: fashion Designing?
Raghu: ya it too had a big scope moreover dere r so many gud F-schools in Mumbai. Y dnt u join any one of dem
Misha: But Wildy?
Raghu: Antara will be equally proud of u like she would have been if u becomes a doctor. Trust me, i knw her better den anyone else.
Misha: u Love my wildy a lot, rite?
Raghu said nothing but slowly nodded to her sudden question dnt knw wat to say
Misha: Den y did u left her? Do u knw hw much heart-broken she was? do u have slightest idea hw much she has cried for u?
Raghu: I knw. Nd I also knw wat I had lost. But I was dumb at dat tym to understand her Love nd see nw m getting my punishment. infact dis punishment is very less in compare to wat i did to ur Sis. i deserve even worse from dis. Pls u dnt commit d same mistake. If not for me den for Antara, face dis situation Misha.
Misha: but...
Raghu: dnt worry I'll be there to guide you. But u have to promise me one thing
Misha: wat?
Raghu: u'll never ever do any such kind of thing dat u were going to do nw. Promise?
Misha: I promise
Raghu: nd one more thing. U'll not tell abt all dis to anyone. Especially to Antara. U'll not tell her that I helped to become a FD.
Misha: but y? May be Wildy can change her decision wen she comes to knw dat u helped me nd she come back to u
Raghu: I dnt want her to change her decision. I wanted to live d punishment dat she had given to me. I'll wait for her to cum to me herself not by getting influence from sumthing.
Misha: dnt u wants to know where she is.
Raghu: no becoz I knw wherever she is; she is safe nd fine or else I wont be alive over here. Pls Mish u'll not tell about dis to anyone. Promise me.
Misha: I promise.
Raghu (smiles): Gud. Chalo nw lets go home aunty is very much worried for u.
He said nd moves toward his car wen Misha's voice stops him
Misha: Raghu!
Raghu: yes Misha. Any problem?
Misha: can I call u Raghu Bhaiya. Pls (she paused for a while waiting for Raghu's reaction nd den continue) I had never called anyone Bhaiya other den Arman Bhaiya becoz he was always dere for me as a brother nd mujhe lagta tha ki baki sabhi logon ki concern fake hai even of my own cousins but today I wanted to call u Bhaiya. Can I?
Raghu said nothing but slowly nodded smiling.
Misha: thank u Raghu Bhaiya. I'll always follow ur words.
******~~~~~~Back to Present~~~~~******
Ruksana: nd after dat Raghu has called me outside Ur home nd asked me to take Misha inside nd not to tell anything about it to Aunty. Later we sumhow managed to convience her dat Misha was at park due to depression but nw she's fine. Nd after dat Misha has taken admission in F-school nd nw a well knows FD. It was Raghu, Antara due to whom Misha is still between us alive nd has chased her dreams.
Antara just stood dere listening to her. She remembered wenever she has asked Misha y has she opted FD as a carrer she always use to avoid d conversation nw she understandas d Reason.
Ruksana: Antara, not only Misha, Raghu has taken care of ur family like his own till d tym dey were here just like d way u use to do without making his presence obvious. He was always dere for dem indirectly. He has fulfilled each nd every responsibility dat was urs without expecting anything from anyone. Aunty gives all credit to me nd machmach but d real person was Raghu. I still remember d day before Misha nd Aunty were leaving for US. misha has gone to meet Raghu nd had cried a lot. She tried to tell him about Ur where abouts but he just refused again giving d same reason. Raghu has always been a first person after u whom Misha has shared her success. Nd dis thing was just between 4 of us. I, Machmach, Misha nd Raghu. Raghu has taken a promise from all of us dat we'll never tell about all dis to u but I have to break my promise because I can't see my brother suffer anymore.
She said nd wipes away her tears nd turned towards Antara.
Ruksana: Ab bhi tumhe kuch janna hai Antara? Ab bhi tumhe yahi lagta hai ki Raghu tumhe fir se dhokha de dega? Antara r u really dat blind dat u r not able to see d intensity of his Love? I agree dat he made a mistake. He did behave immaturely wid u dat tym but Antara wat r u doing rite nw? Tum bhi to wahi kar rahi ho Na? Just becoz tumhe darr hai dat Raghu will break Ur heart again; he'll break Ur trust again? Antara hw can dat person break ur heart who himself has broken from last 5 years. U wanted to punish him for his deeds dat he had done 5 years back but Antara tum us insaan ko kya saza dogi jo khud 5 saal se apne aap ko hare k pal, hare k lamha saza de raha hai.
Antara: Ruksana I ...
Ruksana: Antara it was not tough for Raghu to know about ur where abouts nd dis u also knw very well. he can even use Misha also for dis if he had d slightest of feeling of Ditching u in his heart but he didnt, becoz he Loves you nd he was ready to burn in dis Fire rather den force u to cum to him. tu ja Antara, tu chali ja waapas US. U can't be our Antara. Machmach ye humari Antara nahi hai. She's sumone else. Humari Antara to apne dushmano ko bhi maaf kar deti thi nd see here she's not able to forgive d person who is head over heels in love wid her. Antara from almost last 2 months u r also wid him Na? Doesn't Ur heart said once to forgive Raghu, to be back wid him, to understand his Love for u? Or r u dis much blinded in Ur fear nd ego dat u choose to ignoreUr heart's desire. For wat r u fearing Antara? u too have been wid him from 1 nd a half months still u think dat he'll repeat d history again? Oh hw can I forgot, u r ANTARA KAUL nw who doesn't care for anything den y will she care for d person for whom she's d whole world. Datsy u said to him dat u didn't care whether he lives or die?
Antara just nodded her head in denial. She cares for him d most, she loves him d most. She just sat on her knees crying bitterly.
Ruksana: Antara today u had not only hurted Raghu but u had also hurted d relationship which was a bliss to both of u. I dnt knw where Raghu is rite nw but I can tell u one thing for sure dat today u had once again broken him completely nd I fear dat whether dis tym he'll survive or not becoz his angel himself said to him dat she dnt care whether he lives or die.
Machmach hugs Ruksana from sideways as she too broke into tears. its not gud for her to take dis much stress during Pregnancy so he decided to take her away from dere before any other thing happen. So he just slowly takes her away from d room Leaving Antara alone crying.
**************************************************
It's been half an hour since Antara was dere in his Room alone but her tears were nowhere to stop. Wenever she reminds of Ruksana's words she felt more disgusted of herself. She looked around d whole Room seeing her pics again nd again nd it seems dat all dese too was mocking at her. She calmed herself after a while nd ran a hand on his diaries nd slowly opens it to read nd her eyes welled up in tears as she read d first page of it.
It was dated 22nd Feb, his b'day or to say his first b'day without her.
"Antara, today u saved me from doing a big mistake. Today once again u saved me from drowning in d darkness. Today once again u made me realize dat my Love was so shallow in front of urs. U r not here wid me but still ur presence is here wid me. Dis is my second lyf which u gave me Antara nd I promise dat I'll cherish it until u'll cum back nd I knw dat one day u'll definitely cum back to take care of dia immature Raghu like before. Nd once again thank u Angel for saving me."
"No Raghu I had not saved u. u had save me from being a sinner. I can't be Ur Angel. U r my Angel in true sense." Antara said wid a chocked voice as if trying to tell him wat she felt. She wipes away her tears nd opems d other page
"Antara from tomorrow my semester r going to start. I won't lie dat m not nervous at all. I m damn nervous not becoz I haven't prepare anything but because dat m afraid dat whether I would be able to live up to Urexpectations or not. Antara I was lost sumwhere till nw but u find me nd made me realize wat I m. nw I wanted to do sumthing for u, to become sumthing just for u. I dnt knw whether I would be able to succeed or not but I'll try my best to not let my angel down due to me."
"u haven't let me down Raghu infact u had made me proud of u. its me who let u down wid my words." She said nd opens another page.
"Antara u won't believe wat happened today. I topped in my whole college. U knw my teacher has got fainted after seeing my result (Antara smiled brightly wen she read dis line). I mean who'll believe dat d person who just gets passed wid d Grace Marks has topped in his college. Dadimaa is also very much happy. All thanks to u Antara. u r my inspiration. I promise u Antara dat dis is just d beginning dere are lots more events r cuming which will make u proud on me. Nd ya one gud news for u I had started being punctual. U dnt like late comers Na. So nw u dnt have to wait for me for long as I'll be there on tym"
"I can wait for u forever Raghu. Just come back once. Let me correct my mistake for once."
She keeps on reading d pages. He had written each nd every detail of his lyf over dere. hw Machmach nd Ruksana fought again, hw one girl has approached him to propose him, wat Dadimaa said to him today, hw much is he missing her, hw badly he wanted her to cum back etc etc. she cried, smiled, laughed reading dose pages, reliving each nd every moment of his lyf wen she was not wid him. She turned to another page to read more
"Antara today Dadimaa has given me d charge of KC. From today onwards Ur Raghu is going to start a new lyf. U always wanted me to stand on my feets, to make my own Identity nd see Antara d beginning of dat journey has been started nd it had started on our 3rd year anniversary. It's a good sign isn't it Antara. and on our 3rd year anniversary I promise u Antara dat I'll bring KC to such heights dat no one could ever be able to do dat. u'll see ur Raghu having his own identity wen u'll cum back. Dis is my Anniversary gift for u.HAPPY 3rd YEAR ANNIVERSARY ANTARA. I m thinking wat u must be doing nw? Thinking of me or not. I dnt know whether u are missing me just like I do or had moved on by now. but wait wat I m thinking? I really deserve a slap from u nw for thinking all dis weird thoughts. Ofcourse u must be missing me in d same way m missing u becoz if I haven't moved on in my lyf den hw could u? Right Antara? "
"Yes Raghu I haven't moved on. Dere's not a single moment wen I haven't missed u, wen I haven't thought of u. I haven't moved on Raghu, I couldn't."
"HAPPY B'DAY ANTARA. See dis tym I haven't forgetten Ur B'day. U were very much disappointed last tym Na but dis tym I won't repeat d same mistake. Well Ur Gift is at d cupboard waiting for u to open it. Its Ur First B'day wen we r not together. I m missing u a lot Antara. Are u missing me too? Wat a stupid question m asking; ofcourse u must be missing me nd complaining to Ur Babaji also dat I had again forgot to wish u but I didn't Antara. Pls cum back soon Antara. I m missing u like anything."
"Yes Raghu I too missed u. I too missed each nd every moment of us together." She said while sobbing hard.
"Antara today Ur Raghu has won d Award for d best Businessmen of d year. Dis is d first tym wen I got any such award. I just can't believe it dat I had beated all dose persons who were at top few years back. U may not be here wid me today Antara but I feel ur presence around me every single second to encourage me, to motivate mne, to inspire me.Today I felt dat m worth u nw. becoz today I felt dat m able to lived upto Ur expectations. Agar aaj tum yaha hoti den u must be very happy. Hai na Antara?"
"I m happy Raghu. M very much happy. Nd u r worth of me Raghu. If anyone is not worth is den it's me. I m not worth of u Raghu. I m not worth for Ur Love."
She kept on reading nd reading his each nd every moment nd has every emotion dat he would be feeling at d tym writing dose pages. Pain, longingness, happiness, his silent cries everything. Nd as she kept on reading d feeling of self-disgust nd guilt gets stronger in her. Ruksana was rite he had not forgot a single event to share wid her. Misha's preparation for FD, hw she use to keep on budging him tym to tym for help, hw much she was nervous during exams everything. he had shared Machmach nd Ruksana's wedding wid her, dere relationship after marriage, dere fights nd den filing for Divorce everything as if she was dere wid him.
He had mentioned wat special he has done on d eve of dere monthly anniversary, on dere yearly Anniversary, on her B'day, on his B'day. Hw he celebrated each nd every event wid her. He didn't even left d projects dat his company got to discuss wid her. She felt as if she has not gone anywhere. She was dere wid him living each nd every moment.
"Antara, yaar I m really Fed-up wid Dadimaa nw. ok dnt get Angry m not dis-respecting her but u knw today I really got irritated. I mean y she always keeps on pestering me to marry sumone else. She knows very well dat I can't marry anyone. Ok dnt think dat I am a gay. I knw if u would be here den u must have teased me like dis only. But on a serious note I can't give Ur place to anyone Antara. No matter hw many years it'll take u to cum back, no matter hw many years it'll take u to forget everything, I'll wait for u Antara. If I have been waiting from last 5 years den I can wait for sum more years too. Bas itni si baat Dadimaa nahi samajhti hai. Y cant she understand dat I m urs, just urs Antara like u r mine, just mine. Raghu sirf Antara ka hai theek usi tarah jis tarah se Antara sirf Raghu ki hai. Raghu ki Antara, Sirf Raghu ki"
"Yes Raghu m urs, just urs. Sirf Raghu ki Antara. I too can't give Ur place to anyone else Raghu. I'll not able to"
"HAPPY B'DAY ANTARA. Its Ur 5th b'day wen we r not together but see I haven't forgetten it again. Hw can I Antara? I can't forget anything which is related to u. nd today I had double reason to celebrate. U knw y? Becoz today I took d first step towards Ur Dream. Ur Dream project will cum true soon antara. Tum khush ho Na Antara? I knw dat u must be very happy today. Antara nw will u forgive me? Nw will u cum back to me? U knw Antara everyone thinks dat u'll never cum back nw. everyone has left d hope dat u'll ever cum back. Even machmach also but I knw Antara dat u'll definitely cum back to me. I had trust on my Love, on our Love. No matter hw much u get angry on me but one day u'll forget everything nd cum back to me in my Arms, just like before. Pls jaldi se waapas aa jao Antara. I Promise Antara dat I'll never hurt u again, I'll never ever do any such thing which in return hurt u, I'll give u all d happiness of dis world but pls cum back to me Antara.
Ur Raghu is incomplete without u Antara. Dere's no existence of Raghu without his Antara. Everyday without u is equivalent to a Death to me Antara, but I'll bear it Antara. I'll bear Ur each nd every punishment Antara if it results in u forgiving me; if it results in u giving one more chance to our relationship. I LOVE YOU ANTARA. I STILL LOVE YOU ND I AM WAITING FOR YOU.Pls cum back soon. I can't stay away from u nw. I'll die without u Antara; if u'll not cum back to me den I'll definitely die."
"No don't say dat Raghu Pls. nothing will happen to u. Suna tumne, kuch nahi hoga. Nw m here na, dare u say anything like dat. Ye mujhse kya ho gaya? y i did dat nd dat too wid d Person whom i Loved d most nd who loves me more den anyone else. i wonder kya maine kabhi tumse pyaar kiya bhi tha Raghu. becoz if i had ever loved u den i wouldnt utter dose words today. I LOVE YOU RAGHU, I LOVE YOU A LOT. I M SORRY RAGHU. U loved me so much nd I just gave u pain wid my harsh words. Where r u Raghu? Atleast come back to give me my Punishment." She said nd cried out loud feeling so guilty nd disgusted.
Antara's monologue:
(P.S. Pls Listen to dis song to get its Feel)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-TSp90883s
Na Kuch Poocha, Na Kuch Manga
Tune Dil Se Diya Jo Diya
Na Kuch Bola, Na Kuch Tola
Muskura Ke Diya Jo Diya
Tu Hi Dhoop, Tu Hi Chaya
Tu Hi Apna Paraya
Aur Kuch Na Janu, Bas Itna Hi Janu
Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai, Yaara Mein Kya Karun
Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai, Yaara Mein Kya Karun
Sajde Sar Jhukta Hai, Yaara Mein Kya Karun
Tujh Mein Rab Dikhta Hai, Yaara Mein Kya Karun
Rab Ne.. Bana Di Jodii...
I closed d diary rite den nd dere not able to read further. if i m feeling so much pain by reading it den Raghu has beared all dis just because of me. I hate myself yes I hate myself more den anything. Though unknowingly I hurted d person who Loved me d most. Ruksana was right; dis is not Me. Dis is not Raghu ki Antara. Raghu's Antara can never see her Raghu getting hurt nd here I had just given him nothing but pain from last 5 years. He had suffered so much because of me. He had beared so much pain because of me. He died every second without me nd I was dere living my lyf trying to forget everything dat was related to him. nd here he was taking care of everything related to me, my Dreams, my family everything without any expectation. Without letting anyone know anything. hw can I be so selfish? Hw can I be so stone-hearted.
I became so much blinded in my insecurities nd fear dat I always overlook his Love for me. Haven't I saw his Love wen he took care of me in office wen my palm got hurt, haven't I seen his care for me wen he took me forcefully to d Hospital for TT shots, haven't I saw dat fear in his eyes for losing me wen he saved me from dose Goons. Haven't I saw dat assurance in his eyes dat he'll always be dere by my side wen he was comforting me at Lift, wen he slept on d same bed wid me in d hotel. Haven't I saw d possessiveness in his eyes, in his acts wen he was holding me in during Dance, wen he was ready to kill Rahul for laying his lusty eyes on me. Last nite would be so much tormenting for him to compress his Desires for me but he did; he did that just for d sake of my Trust nd burned in d flame of his passion. Today he had almost killed Rahul for touching me, for humiliating me. Haven't dat showed his Love, his possession, his care for me. Yes it does, it always does. Nd dat kiss, it was not a weak moment. Raghu was rite it was not a Weak moment it was only Love nd nothing else. It's only me who was so much blinded dat I refused to see his Love; it was only me who was so much deaf dat I refused to listen to my heart which always takes Raghu's name.
Nd today I insulted him, I insulted his Love for me by calling our moment of love nothing but a weak moment. Today I hurted him by saying dat I didn't care if he dies or live but d fact is dat it matters to me a lot. today I had broken him wid my words. His all hopes, his every dream has been broken by me today. He took care of my every dream nd I ruined his every hope. Y I had become so much selfish? Y I had become so much blind? He kept on proving his Love again nd again; he keeps on waiting for me fir whole 5 years without expecting anything from me. He's burning in dis hell from last 5 years nd today I just added more fuel on it. I can never forgive myself for insulting his Love. I can never face myself anymore. Wat he did was wrong but wat I did was worse. Wats d difference between me nd him; nothing. Becoz I too did d same thing dat he did to me infact more den dat.
I LOVE YOU RAGHU, I LOVE YOU. Pls cum back Raghu from wherever u are. I knw dat I dnt deserve Ur Love, I dnt Deserve Ur care but atleast I Deserve a Punishment from u. yes dis is d only thing which I Deserve from u. I m not worthy of Ur Love. Pls Cum back to give me my Punishment for hurting u, for under-estimating Ur Love. Pls come Soon Raghu.
(Antara's monologue ends)
She just sat over dere clutching d Diaries tight to her heart crying continuously. Every moment dat dey had shared wid each other flashes in front of her eyes. She was in pain, yes she was but dat pain was not due to wat Raghu did to her 5 years back but it was due to wat she did to him from last 5 years nd today. She closed her eyes only to see Raghu's pained face wen she said to him dat she don't want to see his face again. She just wanted to run d tym back so dat she can slap herself before uttering dise words.
Hw much she wanted to kill herself right den nd dere for uttering dose words to d Person for whom she's more den a world. At dat moment she only wished dat he comes from sumwhere nd she hug him tight, telling him dat she didn't mean dose words; dat he, his well being, his happiness is d most important to him. God will definitely not forgive her nd she'll get a worse punishment from Babaji for hurting him but before Babaji she deserves a Punishment from Raghu nd she'll wait for him to cum nd give her his punishment.
She rests her head at d edge of his bed clutching his Diaries nd closed her eyes waiting for him. Her tears were unstoppable today neither she wants to stop dem because today she wanted to wash away her every fear nd insecurities thru her tears. Because it was due to dem only she was not able to see d true Love in his eyes for her. She kept on waiting for him nd didn't realize wen she was drifted to Sleep. After so many years she was actually feeling light at heart.
She gets up from her sleep wen she felt a jerk on her shoulders. She slowly opens her eyes only to find Machmach nd Ruksana standing in front of him petrified nd worried. She instantly got up nd looked at dem.
Antara: Ruksana, Machmach kya hua? Y u both r so worried?
Machmach: Antara wo Raghu...
Antara: kya hua Raghu ko? Tum log chup kyun ho, batao na Raghu ko kya hua? Wo theek to hai na.
Machmach: Antara, Raghu ka Accident ho Gaya hai nd he's in Hospital.
Antara felt dat she'll fainted any moment seeing d darkness in front of her eyes. She felt like d floor beneath her slipping away listening to wat Machmach has just said to him.
Precap:
It finally ends (Last Part)