stop bashing sandhya - Page 4

Brilliant counter response to all the points that was raised against your post. I especially liked what you said here. Yes, this is the beauty of Suraj's character. He has really been Sandhya's pillar of strength and the wind beneath her wings, even without her realising it. He could have had an ugly showdown with his mother and left the house with Sandy but that is not who he is. He may love his mother a lot but he does not blindly follow everything she says. He would do anything to maintain the peace in his family but if it gets ugly he will not hesitate to speak up for his wife as he did in the mahaepisode when he softly questioned his mother about why Sandy was staying back after all that she has been subjected to in their house. Babhoo had absolutely nothing to say to that. She tried to turn the tables back at him by asking him if they have a husband-wife relationship and he had an answer to that too. He told her that a relationship between a couple is not only of the body but also of the mind and the soul. I would have thought that after hearing Suraj and realising what a gem of a person he really is, Sandy would have softened towards him. It does not mean she has to jump into the bed with him to show her gratitude but she could have at least told him that she does understand what the responsibilities of marriage are and once she has made herself acceptable to the family she will try to fulfill her duties as a wife too but she needs more time as she feels that he deserves complete surrender from her, body.mind and soul and that will take time. That would have made her more endearing. Instead she tells him that she may never be able to be his wife, ever. Now that is too extreme and rigid stance she can take and that too to a husband who has done so much for her.

Originally posted by: ummesulaiman

Suraj found out pretty early on that Sandhya didn't know about housework...and he's been going all out to cover her tracks since. He's shielded her, covered her tracks, and spoken out for her in his own galant and subtle way. He's been slowly taking Bhabo out of the equation all along without even anyone realizing it. If he hadn't Sandhya would have been long gone by now. But he really raised himself in my eyes, after his simple speech to Sandhya, after her latest outburst. Koi pathar dil hi hoga, to not appreciate him...which is all I want Sandhya to do.

Originally posted by: Opti

i think too much stress is being laid on the definition of wife here. and i feel yes she shud definitely divorse suraj so that he can get a wife who can satisfy him physic1ally. what i wud hate is to see sandhya going to bed with suraj merely becuse it is her duty as a wife.

Originally posted by: vasu.avantika

i think too much stress is being laid on the definition of wife here. and i feel yes she shud definitely divorse suraj so that he can get a wife who can satisfy him physic1ally. what i wud hate is to see sandhya going to bed with suraj merely becuse it is her duty as a wife.

Originally posted by: Hiral_Madame

Interesting discussion and since it's also discussing the general idea of marriage, I hope I can add my two cents regarding above quote...

With respect, i have to disagree. Once married, whether they get physical or not, there's a connection there. Sandhya moving out of the way so that her husband can be satisfied with another woman? No woman would be able to do that and not feel a kick in the guts. Lots of sleepless nights for Sandhya if she does that.

Despite some dramas trying to turn the marriage relationship into a sleazy free for all, I think we can try to remember that these are 2 decent people with 2 beating hearts with 2 individual personalities...I'd like to see them work it all out for themselves...slowly.

Suhaag Raat won't be that big a deal compared to these 2 being able to just look at each other and feel a warm glow.

Originally posted by: Hiral_Madame

Interesting discussion and since it's also discussing the general idea of marriage, I hope I can add my two cents regarding above quote...

With respect, i have to disagree. Once married, whether they get physical or not, there's a connection there. Sandhya moving out of the way so that her husband can be satisfied with another woman? No woman would be able to do that and not feel a kick in the guts. Lots of sleepless nights for Sandhya if she does that.

Despite some dramas trying to turn the marriage relationship into a sleazy free for all, I think we can try to remember that these are 2 decent people with 2 beating hearts with 2 individual personalities...I'd like to see them work it all out for themselves...slowly.

Suhaag Raat won't be that big a deal compared to these 2 being able to just look at each other and feel a warm glow.

True. That is what I want to see, Sandy feeling a true glow seeing her husband. Right now she is shutting herself to it. Despite everything Suraj has done for her, all she feels is respect and not love.

Originally posted by: Opti

True. That is what I want to see, Sandy feeling a true glow seeing her husband. Right now she is shutting herself to it. Despite everything Suraj has done for her, all she feels is respect and not love.

Originally posted by: sita11

from where this question of getting physical with her hubby suraj coming from..none of us on this forum want her and moreover even suraj not at all interested in getting physical with her ...

we all only want sandhya to understand the situation of suraj also...he is not some frustaion outlet ...that eveyone wud come and vent out their frustation on him...everyone in the house even bhabho is using suraj...he is never happy with his family members ..on top of that if sandhya is also gonnna yell ,shout and vent out her frustation ..how terrible he wud feel...sandhya shd hv said sorry to suraj after yelling and its high time shd shd take care of his feelings and behave atleast like a friend with him...

I have been dying to see a discussion of this sort here.

@Opti: I loved all of your clearly laid out arguments and I completely agree for the most part. However, contrary to the idea that Sandhya is being inconsiderate in insensitive now, I think this outburst was the first sign she showed of actually being considerate to Suraj's feelings and expectations.

Up until this harrowing reality check, this whole marriage and the challenges laid out for Sandhya in its context were about her. She was the great martyr who had sacrificed for her brother's dreams and she sort of made a tragic heroine of herself in this whole story. Any help she got from Suraj, I felt like she took for granted, considered it her due for having to suffer the trial that she did. And lucky for her, Suraj was mature enough to stand by her during this test of her integrity and her upbringing without any expectations. And while she may have helped him and his family, it was not really because she loved them but because she was on a mission to prove herself but at some point she lost sight of what she was proving. She had made a nest of denial and self-pity and was operating from within its confines

So up until the cripplingly humiliating incident with Bhabho, I think Sandhya hadn't really taken a moment to consider the expectations Suraj may have had from this relationship. For the first time in her life, the story snapped out of perspective and no longer revolved around her, exclusively. She was given an ugly reality check that this marriage wasn't only about her sacrifice, it was about Suraj's dreams as well and for the first time she realises how much she has fallen short of fulfilling them, at least according to Bhabo's definition.

This is further emphasised by the relationship she sees between Kirti and her husband where she gets to see how far away Suraj and her are from a normal marital relationship of the nature that Suraj must have expected before marriage. Also their interactions are now coloured by Bhabho's tasteless remarks so Suraj's touch must be even more difficult for Sandhya and she realises how difficult this is for her when it is so simple for him.

For the first time she realises that her emtpy actions of being a wife, bahu and SIL may not be enough as Suraj deserves the sincere intention behind them. So actually I think here for she is seeing him as an equal for the first time. Rather than a vehicle for her own tragic narrative she sees him as an individual with his own dreams and herself, an obstacle in his way, which is why she tells him the blatant truth and gives him the option of being freed from this relationship.

Once again Suraj is thankfully far more mature than her and understands the undertones of the outburst rather than the literal words. While Sandhya may have been carrying out her duties as a member of the household like a zombie, she has also been unconsciously growing close to Suraj in casual, unstudied interactions that she does not give much weight to. But he has been collecting them like little beads and has carefully strung them together to be able to present to Sandhya the reality of their relationship with such clarity. He makes her realise that while they are far from a "normal" pati-patni relationship, it can't be said that there is no relationship at all.

And we can see how well she has understood this message when she is able to repeat it to Preeti the next day. What was established through this episodic was that there is a definite relationship between the Sandhya and Suraj. But the relevant question Preeti raised: is this relationship alone enough for Sandhya to live the rest of her life on?

Sorry, this got much longer than I intended but I have been dying to comment on the issue. 😊

Originally posted by: Opti

True. That is what I want to see, Sandy feeling a true glow seeing her husband. Right now she is shutting herself to it. Despite everything Suraj has done for her, all she feels is respect and not love.

Originally posted by: uniquebluerose

Well the question is not about yelling about him...we portray our frustration to those closest to our heart knowingly or unknowingly!!!

Suraj just lets his mother and the other family members uselessly use him... actually after marriage no one had right to interfere in their personal matter but Bhabho does that and Suraj is unable to stop her...so Sandhya frustration is coming out and remember in spite of all that she never abuses him or directly told him she does not consider him goo enough for her!!!!

Well and she does behave like friend with him there are so many occasion when he has made him his alley and shared her childhood experienced with him ...even loving couple will have their own good moment and bad moments...

Good comments is sharing pleasant things complimenting them and bad moments is letting out the pent up frustration...he doesn't do that i agree bu that is his nature !!!

yes remember the episode when her brother had come and bhabho had just crossed all limits of insulting sandhya and suraj was just quite. i mean how can any girl not be frustrated with her hub. i know i wud be and much more than what sandy is.