CV's? Sibling Rivalry? SO LAME

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Mili27

@Mili27

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#21

@sarcozee - thanks for bringing up the issue of mental unstable situations

@ all -

I think even the biggest KV fan would like to see a strong, brave Jahnvi standing up to Viraj.

But giving him a chance to get cured or loving him does not mean Jahnvi has to accept all the crap from him.

One can be strong, firm yet polite and loving in a relationship. I am sure that those who are advocating Jahnvi to change Viraj would never want to see a doormat Jahnvi - . Because if Jahnvi just accepts everything like a doormat then how can she change or cure Viraj?

I completely agree with Krish_87 that if the show ends like Anjam or Agnisakshi - the message will not be delivered correctly.

CVs have already messed it up a bit - they are showing the manipulative psycho Viraj instead of abusive, hot tempered Viraj who has his humane side and undergoes through inner trials and turmoils.

TRPs were soaring high when the inner conflict of Viraj was showing - on one hand , he used to be angry at Jahnvi and on the other hand, he used to be surprised seeing Jahnvi's care and in return wanted to make her happy in his own way. It's sad that CVs have diverted themselves from the original track and hence TRPs are falling.

In one of my initial posts I had mentioned that a person like Viraj thrives on and relishes his own superiority over others. He loves and derives power from the effect he has on other people. If I had been Jahnvi's position ( thank god I'm not) I would have played mind games with him. A woman's greatest weapon is the attraction she holds for the man, aka, emotional atyachaar😉. React in the manner he is not prepared for. Loving one moment, defiant the next. In other words, keep him guessing.I

We must also understand that Jahnvi is virtually in a solitary confinement. Her defences have started to crumble. She has been overpowered by Viraj, emotionally, socially and physically.

True, it was the yoyo mood swings of Viraj that got all of us hooked and the trps shooting up. But now with Dadi track over, finally we can go back from where we started.

I did not like the way Dadi interpreted the doctor's advice. Dr Rana did not suggest that Viraj's insanity should be publicly exposed. A very shameful response by a sr. citizen.

I had done some research on OCPD and posted it here .Pity so few of you saw it.😭

Edited by sarcozee - 13 years ago

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Priya

@sangini.mitr

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#22

Originally posted by: sarcozee

I gave my opinion not based on the rosy view of the show but on a very realistic basis which I have seen in my life.Abusing a woman is wrong and on the same vein not giving treatment to a ill person is also wrong.Be it physical sickness or mental sickness,both types of sickness needs to be treated.In the show Viraj is mentally unstable and far too clever to be caught by anyone.If he needs to be treated then first the people who can get him treated like jahnvi and her parents,need to know of this reality.That is what dadi is trying to do.She is trying to save her beloved granddaughter.

Mentally unstable people need to be treated and for this their family members should take the step but it doesn't mean that they will endanger themselves doing it.

In none of my posts have my mentioned divorce.I said Jahnvi should speak out and should stand up for herself and not lose her identity.That's what victims of domestic abuse should do.That is what I mean to say in my posts.

And as we all know this is not a normal healthy relationship,and expecting normal relationship qualities here is a bit too much.Special cases need special treatments that includes a psychiatrist.

And dadi has no other way than publicly exposing him,because he is physically and financially powerful than her.She can do nothing about him other than taking others help.

And no he need not be labelled as shaitan but someone as mentally unstable who needs to be taken away from his abused wife and given proper treatment.

AS FOR ''Like the Dadi, can a mother, sister or daughter can or should dismiss this person as a ' shaitan' and severe all relations with him.''

A mother/sister/daughter need not severe relations with them but should stop blaming themselves for that person and should not tolerate that person's cruelty and should immediately seek help for that person from someone trained like a psychiatrist.A mother/sister/daughter don't have to tolerate beatings/sufferings for that person.

I would never tell my daughter/daughter-in-law to be silent about domestic abuse.Would anyone of you????

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doyel

@doyelpakhi

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#23

Originally posted by: sangini.mitr

I gave my opinion not based on the rosy view of the show but on a very realistic basis which I have seen in my life.Abusing a woman is wrong and on the same vein not giving treatment to a ill person is also wrong.Be it physical sickness or mental sickness,both types of sickness needs to be treated.In the show Viraj is mentally unstable and far too clever to be caught by anyone.If he needs to be treated then first the people who can get him treated like jahnvi and her parents,need to know of this reality.That is what dadi is trying to do.She is trying to save her beloved granddaughter.

Mentally unstable people need to be treated and for this their family members should take the step but it doesn't mean that they will endanger themselves doing it.

In none of my posts have my mentioned divorce.I said Jahnvi should speak out and should stand up for herself and not lose her identity.That's what victims of domestic abuse should do.That is what I mean to say in my posts.

And as we all know this is not a normal healthy relationship,and expecting normal relationship qualities here is a bit too much.Special cases need special treatments that includes a psychiatrist.

And dadi has no other way than publicly exposing him,because he is physically and financially powerful than her.She can do nothing about him other than taking others help.

And no he need not be labelled as shaitan but someone as mentally unstable who needs to be taken away from his abused wife and given proper treatment.

AS FOR ''Like the Dadi, can a mother, sister or daughter can or should dismiss this person as a ' shaitan' and severe all relations with him.''

A mother/sister/daughter need not severe relations with them but should stop blaming themselves for that person and should not tolerate that person's cruelty and should immediately seek help for that person from someone trained like a psychiatrist.A mother/sister/daughter don't have to tolerate beatings/sufferings for that person.

I would never tell my daughter/daughter-in-law to be silent about domestic abuse.Would anyone of you????

Superlike specially the bold part! 😃 that's what we all want -Jahnvi to be strong, firm and brave!

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Mili27

@Mili27

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#24

Sangini,

Nice to meet you. I am a big votary for women empowerment. The moot problem in India is financial dependence of a woman. A Jahnvi is victimised not only by a cruel Viraj but also her gullible and financially insecure parents. Jahnvi had decided to go back to her parents but it was their indebtedness to Viraj that stopped her in tracks. The rot a woman faces culminates in her marital life but the root goes back to her paternal house.

As a woman, I can understand Dadi's concern but I cannot empathise with her impudence. She is forever jumping the gun whereas the need of the hour was to have a detailed discussion with the doctor or even with Jahnvi. Her intentions are honourable but methods are not. Maybe that's because personally I am not at all an impulsive person. Subjectivity does creep in.😃

I do not understand that why can't a woman be shown to save herself. Why does it have to be a dadi or may be some other knight in shining armour who will sweep jahnvi off her feet. The reason why I am so eagerly waiting for the Dadi track to get over because I want Jahnvi to put away her blinders, take a hard look around herself and then take an informed decision, without her family or another hero to bother. Her life is her business. The choice has to be hers.

Edited by sarcozee - 13 years ago

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Priya

@sangini.mitr

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#25

Originally posted by: sarcozee
Sangini,

Nice to meet you. I am a big votary for women empowerment. The moot problem in India is financial dependence of a woman. A Jahnvi is victimised not only by a cruel Viraj but also her gullible and financially insecure parents. Jahnvi had decided to go back to her parents but it was their indebtedness to Viraj that stopped her in tracks. The rot a woman faces culminates in her marital life but the root goes back to her paternal house.

As a woman, I can understand Dadi's concern but I cannot empathise with her impudence. She is forever jumping the gun whereas the need of the hour was to have a detailed discussion with the doctor or even with Jahnvi. Her intentions are honourable but methods are not. Maybe that's because personally I am not at all an impulsive person. Subjectivity does creep in.😃

I do not understand that why can't a woman be shown to save herself. Why does it have to be a dadi or may be some other knight in shining armour who will sweep jahnvi off her feet. The reason why I am so eagerly waiting for the Dadi track to get over because I want Jahnvi to put away her blinders, take a hard look around herself and then take an informed decision, without her family or another hero to bother. Her life is her business. The choice has to be hers.

Because Jahnvi has totally lost her self-confidence and self-esteem.It happens to victims of abuse.Sometimes denial is the way for them to deal with the problem.You can meet with victims of abuse,and you will notice the same pattern there too.They know they are being abused but constant abuse erodes their self-esteem and at the end they just want to exist not live.At this time a counsellor is needed to pull away the blinders from their eyes and to make them see the reality.That is why the dadi track is introduced.Like Janhvi,other victims of domestic abuse need help and support.Its like a caged animal,who would have been caged so long that even if they are given freedom they won't go,the reason is fear.This fear is so deep-rooted in the minds of victims that they fear to face their problems,because facing it would mean accepting the fact that they are getting abused,and that's hard for a woman to do.Woman should be independent but a victim of abuse is so much in denial that expecting them to do everything themselves would be a lil hard on them.Though its not impossible.

I appreciate your and everyone's point of view here..A healthy discussion regarding these topics is quite necessary.The show is doing a great job showcasing the reality of victims of domestic abuse.Thank you for being kind enough to be patient and gracious to listen to my point of view.Have a good day.😊

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crazygod

@crazygod

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#26

I am of a completely different opinion here...

There are two facts about Viraj, which are unarguable. One that he is a domestic abuser, second that he is mental patient. Domestic abuse is a legal offense and he needs to be punished for that, and of course the court seeing the facts will send him for psychiatric treatment. That is the ideal solution. I know I sound very harsh when I say this, but if Viraj was my brother, father, I would have still said the same.

Why should Jhanvi put up with him? Love, I find a lame excuse here. Is Jhanvi really in love with Viraj, or she is trying to find love in this abusive marriage, or is confused because of Viraj's extreme behavior pattern? She has been given the bringing up where husband is everything and one has to love the husband, the family chooses for her. I am not against arranged marriage, but I really doubt if Jhanvi is in love; or she is living the fallacy of love by submitting herself to this marriage. And is Viraj in love??? That is a big question mark from me. He is an obsessive guy, who expresses love only post a torture. In psychology we call it as "honey moon phase". Where the abusive partner uses various tactics, including going soft, to make up for the damage caused. He acts nice to the partner, or people who matters to the partner. And then forgets the chapter till the next time he does an abuse. In recent episodes he has not been shown torturing Jhanvi due to her pregnancy, as he wants the son. This is like feeding the goat for a life time, as one has to sell its meat one day. I have not seen a genuine expression of love from him till date. I send my car to garage every month for servicing, doesn't mean I love my car, I need it to function properly. (Its just a reference, I am in no way comparing women to cars, but trying to understand Viraj's POV, as men like that treat everything as their property).

The way Viraj reacts to pagal hai (the ice cream parlor guy and then Dadi); and as even a kid, he was smart to fool his parents and avert medical treatment. So as a grown up guy, more manipulative, it would be impossible for a Jhanvi, who is physically, socially and economically weaker than him, to convince him to be treated. I wonder what he would do even if Jhanvi mentions about psychiatric treatment? Why people here are taking Viraj so lightly and pushing for Jhanvi to get him treated. Have we forgotten that Viraj has done marital rape on her apart from various other physical abuse. And post marital rape, to ensure that Jhanvi doesn't spill the beans, he got her father embroiled in a false case. Her father suffered an heart attack, he could have died.

I have read many posts which says Viraj should kill Dadi.. I understand the dislike or hatred of many towards Dadi, as she is looking very intrusive. She is a small town old lady, and is doing a lot for her granddaughter, as per her best knowledge and awareness. Dadi is not a psychology student or major, to understand complexity of Viraj. She sees him as manipulative and a risk, which he is indeed, owing to his mental instability. In any of the tortures Viraj has done on Jhanvi, she could have been dead long back. whether it was drenching her with cold water on a winter night in a city like manali; or giving electric shock in the middle of the night; or, chasing her down the road with a car etc. Tomorrow if Viraj would have burnt Jhanvi (like it has been hinted for his parents) or drove her insane (like it has been hinted for his sister Payal), we would have been hurling curse to her family for not standing up or supporting her or failing to see Viraj's reality.

I have only one question from everyone here, what if any of you have been in place of Jhanvi; married to a stranger of your parents choice; who kept you in isolation for long from your family; abused you almost everyday like Viraj does, which might lead to death or abetting suicide; embroiling your father in scam causing social harassment and almost driving him to heart attack; getting you sister married by pressurizing the groom; spoiling life of your innocent friend who just meant to help you, by implicating him in a false case; hurting dadi (from the promos it seems like that); WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE??? Gone through the tortures till he got better, used love to heal him, which can take years and suffered day and night for that???

I know my post and opinion is very harsh and blunt, but its real... And so far as this show is concerned, I don't see Jhanvi has the option of even using law in her favor, as Viraj is too powerful. She is stuck with him...

I REALLY LOVE THE WRITING OF THE SHOW NOW, AS ITS MAKING MOST OF THE AUDIENCE FEEL SAME WAY FOR VIRAJ, AS WOMEN WHO ARE SUFFERING THROUGH DOMESTIC ABUSE FEEL FOR THEIR HUSBANDS... IN SPITE OF ALL THE ABUSES, THEY STILL WANT TO LIVE IN THAT MARRIAGE WITH HOPE THAT HUSBAND WILL CHANGE ONE DAY, TRYING FOR IT, THE WAY THEY KNOW... THEIR FEELINGS MOVE FROM LIKE TO LOVE TO SYMPATHY TO GUILT TO CONFUSION TO RESPONSIBILITY TO HELPLESSNESS TO SUBMISSION ETC...

Edited by crazygod - 13 years ago

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Krrish

@RoyalLEO_Krrish

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#27

Originally posted by: crazygod

I have only one question from everyone here, what if any of you have been in place of Jhanvi; married to a stranger of your parents choice; who kept you in isolation for long from your family; abused you almost everyday like Viraj does, which might lead to death or abetting suicide; embroiling your father in scam causing social harassment and almost driving him to heart attack; getting you sister married by pressurizing the groom; spoiling life of your innocent friend who just meant to help you, by implicating him in a false case; hurting dadi (from the promos it seems like that); WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE??? Gone through the tortures till he got better, used love to heal him, which can take years and suffered day and night for that???

I know my post and opinion is very harsh and blunt, but its real... And so far as this show is concerned, I don't see Jhanvi has the option of even using law in her favor, as Viraj is too powerful. She is stuck with him...

@ Bold: Agreed. Ur post and reasoning seems realistic and logical! as far as ur questions goes: 1st reaction to it would be only divorce (Won't happen as Jhanvi's family Prays Viraj as Ganesha *ref. to Sia's mrg card*). get rid of the guy by killing him (*anjaam story) & peace forever (*that is if he DIES but guess what EVIL don't die easy!). (*realistic ones!) but as we all have seen Jhanvi is NOT brave enough to stand up for herself (*or may be bacause she doesn't know anything about Viraj YET) but i am thinking iff she end up giving a birth to a Baby Girl (* i know i have mentioned about happiness of RajVi family and i did mention of having Junior Viraj for the sake of saving their marriage.. but this one is an option according to many realistic discussion ppl*) then she would stand up. *storyline might reflect some of Geet drama season 1, how she runs away to save her girl.* Nyhow...the solution to this is to only play it his way...manipulating him...making him in confidence and then at the right moment convince him for the treatment.. but it won't can't be easy..coz these ppl are 2 steps ahead of normal thinking brains!😆 The only way she can make it is to support him with knowing the fact of his deeds. She has to play his way otherwise there is no way to save him... (*that is if she loves him, she wants to save him, cure him..In this case I truely blv by the time baby will be born Jhanvi will totally fall for him as she wants to give a chance to their marriage*)

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ritzbitz786

@ritzbitz786

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

#28

Wow, this has turned into a insightful conversation. I'm glad. We have all learned from one another to see each other's points of views and perhaps, our posts have affected our own personal point of view. I agree with that Viraj is a psych patient, and needs to be cured. BUT, keeping that in mind, guys, this should be realistic. Love does not cure everything! Drug addicts, alcoholics, abusers, rapists, gamblers, there are so many addictions in the world. People love their wives, kids, parents, every relation, but once you have a psych issue, you do. And in addition to love and support, you REALLY NEED TO BE CURED! via psych methods, hospitals, drugs, etc. This is just the realism of it all. So Dadi, by exposing Viraj, yes perhaps she went about it in an evil way, she should have been more concerned about Viraj and not just Jhanvi, and known that its his OCPD and not labled him pagal. But the thing here is, Viraj, from childhood is avoiding treatment. He will do anything in his power to stay the way he is. I have seen drug addicts who have lost their wives and children, they actually want to go seek treatment. Viraj has been avoiding it since day one. Maybe Jhanvi will be the one to convince him to get treatment? Thats how her love will change him? That would be a lovely track. But just o solely depend on love, is just oo fairy tale. Dadi HAD to be the detective you guys, because jhanvi is having a man vs. self battle. One minute she's scared and wants to run away, the other minute she's completely in love. Everyone else is so smitten by Viraj. That leaves Dadi, to expose Viraj not to get rid of him, but to convince everyone "hey he has an illness, lets help him and support him in getting cured."

Lastly, the sad thing is, in all the SBS segments, it seems that Dadi keeps saying " I will get paralyzed, lose my voice, and have to quietly watch Jhanvi being torutured." The actress playing Jhanvi also made this comment, which made me cringe that Viraj will once again begin torturing Jhanvi.

I don't know what the future track holds, but one thing that gives women the most courage to stand up, is when their husband in a rage, causes a miscarriage. I *hope* this is not the track, but I feel it maybe.

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doyel

@doyelpakhi

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#29

Originally posted by: crazygod
I am of a completely different opinion here...

There are two facts about Viraj, which are unarguable. One that he is a domestic abuser, second that he is mental patient. Domestic abuse is a legal offense and he needs to be punished for that, and of course the court seeing the facts will send him for psychiatric treatment. That is the ideal solution. I know I sound very harsh when I say this, but if Viraj was my brother, father, I would have still said the same.

Agreed - it wud be the most realistic solution and justice for Jahnvi. But Just sending someone to mental asylum cannot always cure a person - specially if the root of the problem lies in childhood trauma or abuse or some other problem.We still have not known every detail of Viraj's life and knows only Dr. Rana's perspective.

Even if a man is sent to the asylum for treatment, then also the parents, sister, brother need to be with him ...The family has to be supportive ...however in our country, most people disconnect completely once they throw the victim in the asylum - most patients just exist in those asylums or they have to spend rest of their lives there even after getting cured.

In case of Viraj, after the divorce, if Viraj is sent to the asylum, who will consult with the doctors regularly? Who will be the support system? Who else is there forViraj? Moreover, in some cases, close relations not only support but also become part of the curing process of mental patients. If Viraj has to be cured even by sending to asylum, then Jahnvi has to be with him in some way or the other. At least, she has to be in touch with the doctors while his treatment goes.

Edited by doyelpakhi - 13 years ago

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Priya

@sangini.mitr

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#30

Originally posted by: crazygod
I am of a completely different opinion here...

There are two facts about Viraj, which are unarguable. One that he is a domestic abuser, second that he is mental patient. Domestic abuse is a legal offense and he needs to be punished for that, and of course the court seeing the facts will send him for psychiatric treatment. That is the ideal solution. I know I sound very harsh when I say this, but if Viraj was my brother, father, I would have still said the same.

Why should Jhanvi put up with him? Love, I find a lame excuse here. Is Jhanvi really in love with Viraj, or she is trying to find love in this abusive marriage, or is confused because of Viraj's extreme behavior pattern? She has been given the bringing up where husband is everything and one has to love the husband, the family chooses for her. I am not against arranged marriage, but I really doubt if Jhanvi is in love; or she is living the fallacy of love by submitting herself to this marriage. And is Viraj in love??? That is a big question mark from me. He is an obsessive guy, who expresses love only post a torture. In psychology we call it as "honey moon phase". Where the abusive partner uses various tactics, including going soft, to make up for the damage caused. He acts nice to the partner, or people who matters to the partner. And then forgets the chapter till the next time he does an abuse. In recent episodes he has not been shown torturing Jhanvi due to her pregnancy, as he wants the son. This is like feeding the goat for a life time, as one has to sell its meat one day. I have not seen a genuine expression of love from him till date. I send my car to garage every month for servicing, doesn't mean I love my car, I need it to function properly. (Its just a reference, I am in no way comparing women to cars, but trying to understand Viraj's POV, as men like that treat everything as their property).

The way Viraj reacts to pagal hai (the ice cream parlor guy and then Dadi); and as even a kid, he was smart to fool his parents and avert medical treatment. So as a grown up guy, more manipulative, it would be impossible for a Jhanvi, who is physically, socially and economically weaker than him, to convince him to be treated. I wonder what he would do even if Jhanvi mentions about psychiatric treatment? Why people here are taking Viraj so lightly and pushing for Jhanvi to get him treated. Have we forgotten that Viraj has done marital rape on her apart from various other physical abuse. And post marital rape, to ensure that Jhanvi doesn't spill the beans, he got her father embroiled in a false case. Her father suffered an heart attack, he could have died.

I have read many posts which says Viraj should kill Dadi.. I understand the dislike or hatred of many towards Dadi, as she is looking very intrusive. She is a small town old lady, and is doing a lot for her granddaughter, as per her best knowledge and awareness. Dadi is not a psychology student or major, to understand complexity of Viraj. She sees him as manipulative and a risk, which he is indeed, owing to his mental instability. In any of the tortures Viraj has done on Jhanvi, she could have been dead long back. whether it was drenching her with cold water on a winter night in a city like manali; or giving electric shock in the middle of the night; or, chasing her down the road with a car etc. Tomorrow if Viraj would have burnt Jhanvi (like it has been hinted for his parents) or drove her insane (like it has been hinted for his sister Payal), we would have been hurling curse to her family for not standing up or supporting her or failing to see Viraj's reality.

I have only one question from everyone here, what if any of you have been in place of Jhanvi; married to a stranger of your parents choice; who kept you in isolation for long from your family; abused you almost everyday like Viraj does, which might lead to death or abetting suicide; embroiling your father in scam causing social harassment and almost driving him to heart attack; getting you sister married by pressurizing the groom; spoiling life of your innocent friend who just meant to help you, by implicating him in a false case; hurting dadi (from the promos it seems like that); WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE??? Gone through the tortures till he got better, used love to heal him, which can take years and suffered day and night for that???

I know my post and opinion is very harsh and blunt, but its real... And so far as this show is concerned, I don't see Jhanvi has the option of even using law in her favor, as Viraj is too powerful. She is stuck with him...

I REALLY LOVE THE WRITING OF THE SHOW NOW, AS ITS MAKING MOST OF THE AUDIENCE FEEL SAME WAY FOR VIRAJ, AS WOMEN WHO ARE SUFFERING THROUGH DOMESTIC ABUSE FEEL FOR THEIR HUSBANDS... IN SPITE OF ALL THE ABUSES, THEY STILL WANT TO LIVE IN THAT MARRIAGE WITH HOPE THAT HUSBAND WILL CHANGE ONE DAY, TRYING FOR IT, THE WAY THEY KNOW... THEIR FEELINGS MOVE FROM LIKE TO LOVE TO SYMPATHY TO GUILT TO CONFUSION TO RESPONSIBILITY TO HELPLESSNESS TO SUBMISSION ETC...

Awesome Post.Very well written.👏.I agree with each and every word of your post.

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