Second Marriage - Page 4

Originally posted by: mythili_Kiran

Now,he is planning to marry again and he wants to marry only a person who accepts his child whole heartedly.

Good for him. I am sure if it was a mother then too the same society would have accepted the remarriage. After all just like this man, a woman would also want a person in her life who would accept her child heartily.

I simply don't understand 'the Mother is the superior' and such concept. I have always thought that both parents have equal responsibility when they bring a child to this world. Just because nature allows women to carry the child for 9 months suddenly she is put on a pedestal and required to fulfill all the needs of the child whereas man stands there as a spectator😕.

I don't find anything wrong in a woman or a man with a child, remarrying. I have seen several such instances in various classes of society including middle class these days. It is not that uncommon as it is made out to be. If a man or woman is ready to accept someone as a spouse already with kid(s) then I don't think there is any problem. At least it will provide a stable home. One can always take more care of own kid.

Remarriage is always not about high on hormones or pleasure. It is also about the need for love, some sort of support and security. Everyone needs that. Just because one is a mother doesn't mean that she needs to fend for herself the whole life forgetting about her life. If she decides to start her life once kids goes to college then another major obstacle is children not accepting their old parent marrying at that age.

A parent is also a person first and she should go ahead with what suits her needs and family in that scenario. If she wants to bring her children up by staying single then good for her and if she gets married and wants to providea more stable home and still fulfill all her duties towards child then that too is equally good for her. Hope people don't judge her as high on hormones or label her as a bad parent.

Originally posted by: Maya_M

I don't find anything wrong in a woman or a man with a child, remarrying. I have seen several such instances in various classes of society including middle class these days. It is not that uncommon as it is made out to be. If a man or woman is ready to accept someone as a spouse already with kid(s) then I don't think there is any problem. At least it will provide a stable home. One can always take more care of own kid.

In a perfect world that is what should happen. But what are the chances for an average Indian women with kids (in any class of society) to find a caring man who would pick her as a wife when he can find a woman single or divorcee without kids and there are sooooo many single girls in their 30s still looking? I personaly know some who clearly state that they are not interested in women with kids when they themselves have kids of their own. this is a reality for majority , ofcourse there are exceptions here and there. Personaly, as a woman I wouldn't want to marry a man with kids either. 😊 If we think in laws are diffcult to deal with , kids in 2nd marraige are just as difficult. jmho

Originally posted by: lighthouse

In a perfect world that is what should happen. But what are the chances for an average Indian women with kids (in any class of society) to find a caring man who would pick her as a wife when he can find a woman single or divorcee without kids and there are sooooo many single girls in their 30s still looking? I personaly know some who clearly state that they are not interested in women with kids when they themselves have kids of their own. this is a reality for majority , ofcourse there are exceptions here and there. Personaly, as a woman I wouldn't want to marry a man with kids either. 😊 If we think in laws are diffcult to deal with , kids in 2nd marraige are just as difficult. jmho

There are many who don't want a partner with kids but there also are a lot who do so not because of love but many factors. My views are based on what I have seen. There are really some families whom I know have re-married and doing good and some have problems. The situation is not as before.

Lighty, I wouldn't marry either. But situations changes. That is my main point.

Originally posted by: Maya_M

There are many who don't want a partner with kids but there also are a lot who do so not because of love but many factors. My views are based on what I have seen. There are really some families whom I know have re-married and doing good and some have problems. The situation is not as before.

Lighty, I wouldn't marry either. But situations changes. That is my main point.

Maya, I still think a woman as described by Dewey - in poor economic situation, with spinal injury and 3 kids- has almost 0 chances of finding a man who genuinely will make a good husband and stepfather . If there is such a man , most single middle aged girls would try to grab him first. 😉 The only variable I can think of that can work in favor to this poor woman is if she is a US/Candian citizen or GC holder. 😕

Originally posted by: Maya_M

I simply don't understand 'the Mother is the superior' and such concept. I have always thought that both parents have equal responsibility when they bring a child to this world. Just because nature allows women to carry the child for 9 months suddenly she is put on a pedestal and required to fulfill all the needs of the child whereas man stands there as a spectator😕

i feel every culture has a tendency to put the mother on a pedestal. our culture goes a bit overboard and elevates the pedestal even more. if we look around us, we'll see that in most of the families, mothers still end up shouldering a major part of bringing up the kid as compared to dad....but, to be fair to dads, some of these families also fall under the category where father is the sole bread winner, i.e. single income families, or main bread winner, i.e. families where women have a secondary lesser paying job. i'm not trying to justify anything here. just stating what i see around me. i feel it's more a mind-set thingy than a reality. that said, i'm with u on why only one parent be held responsible for fulfilling the child's need? this shd not be the case irrespective of whether the parent is mom or dad.

I don't find anything wrong in a woman or a man with a child, remarrying. I have seen several such instances in various classes of society including middle class these days. It is not that uncommon as it is made out to be. If a man or woman is ready to accept someone as a spouse already with kid(s) then I don't think there is any problem. At least it will provide a stable home. One can always take more care of own kid.

i am with u on this one too. however, if we look at it within our indian or southeast asian society only, i really do not find many men coming forward to marry a divorcee/widow with children. i have seen couple of divorces in our friend circle where the men remarried. both had one kid each. one guy tried really hard and in the end won the custody of his child. other one wanted the custody real bad but the wife fled to india (baap is super rich) and had the divorce proceedings done from there. the guy did not get the custody. both remarried...both had the condition that the girl has to be unmarried (actually they used the word "virgin" as well). point i'm trying to put across here is that we shd not assume that all dads desert their kids in case of a divorce or if the wife dies but based on MY personal experiences seeing indians around me here and in india, most southeast asian men prefer to go for "virgin" gals the second time around. btw, both the gals in the examples i provided chose to stay single and not remarry.

my hubby used to have a colleague, an older guy, whose wife left him and remarried and left the two girls with him as well. that guy devoted his entire life bringing up his girls and never considered getting married again. also know one such case of a woman but she was well educated and has complete family support. raised her kids on her own while living with her parents in india.....her son worships her and luckily she got a nice dil as well. but she still contributes to the income as her pension is quite good....she went for further studies after separation and made a career as well as planned her retirement well. her maikey waley all supported her bigtime.

then i know another woman who was a widow with three kids....actually my kaam wali bai in india. she was married off to another widower with 2 kids. the guy and his family were real nasty to the woman's kids from previous marriage. she had 2 more with this man who then died leaving her with seven kids, no savings, and no pension!!!

i think it's important to note here three out of four women i know of did not marry again and two out of three men got married the second time around. in some cases, it was not the guy who was deserting the wife or the family. god knows why we keep on bashing them and putting only the woman on pedestal. i feel the trend is changing and most of today's men are very involved with their families. sometimes, it is the woman's reluctance to let men handle itty bitty babies and her own desire to do everything for the baby herself that results in her shouldering most of the responsibilities. if given a chance and trained well...even men do great at raising kids😉 😛 but the trend for guys is still to go for a "virgin" even the second time around.

Remarriage is always not about high on hormones or pleasure. It is also about the need for love, some sort of support and security. Everyone needs that. Just because one is a mother doesn't mean that she needs to fend for herself the whole life forgetting about her life. If she decides to start her life once kids goes to college then another major obstacle is children not accepting their old parent marrying at that age.

A parent is also a person first and she should go ahead with what suits her needs and family in that scenario. If she wants to bring her children up by staying single then good for her and if she gets married and wants to provide a more stable home and still fulfill all her duties towards child then that too is equally good for her. Hope people don't judge her as high on hormones or label her as a bad parent.

very well said. i agree with u here. but, at the same time, i have not seen many successful second marriages for women with kids in our culture.....my personal opinion here. i feel it's hi-time society changes the way it sees and judges a woman. she, too, is a person first and then a wife, mom, daughter, sister etc.

nice thoughts maya. enjoyed reading u here😊 but, i feel, there's a perfect case scenario...a utopian world and then there's stark reality. unfortunately, the stark reality about the mind set in our culture does not ensure the woman getting a nice guy the second time around in most cases. therefore, i doubt the woman will be better off marrying the second time around. she shd have every right to remarry and no one shd judge her for that but i really do not see many good options available to her...as pointed out by LH.

sorry for the looonggg post. at home today toh sari ram kahaniyaan likh daaleen😳😆

Originally posted by: lighthouse

Maya, I still think a woman as described by Dewey - in poor economic situation, with spinal injury and 3 kids- has almost 0 chances of finding a man who genuinely will make a good husband and stepfather . If there is such a man , most single middle aged girls would try to grab him first. 😉 The only variable I can think of that can work in favor to this poor woman is if she is a US/Candian citizen or GC holder. 😕

true. that's what i feel too.

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

true. that's what i feel too.

And in all fairness to men , what kind of wife this woman would make when she comes into the marriage with 3 kids and some physical disability..😊 I think she is just looking for someone to take over her problems. harsh truth.😕

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

The first thing that pops in my mind is the question - why does she have to give up her children? Is it because the new spouse to be does not want the kids or is it because she will lose custody if she remarries?

If it is the former, then I say is that man really worth it. Won't you be happier if you found someone who loves you for who you are - that is a mother with children. A strong woman will know that this man's love is not complete, he cannot accept her for who she is. She will leave him and move on.

If it is losing custody then a good lawyer can fix that. In this situation it is a risk worth taking as she is not abandoning kids but is bound by circumstance. If she has met the right guy he can support her in custody battle. Historically, courts tend to favor the stable woman rather than stable man for custody.

Finally, if she is the woman who would leave her children to find happiness and stability in her own life then her kids are better off without her.

Originally posted by: lighthouse

And in all fairness to men , what kind of wife this woman would make when she comes into the marriage with 3 kids and some physical disability..😊 I think she is just looking for someone to take over her problems. harsh truth.😕

aaj pata naheen kya baat hai. i am also rooting for being fair to our poor guys...both here and marriage age thread😕 lagta hawa ya pani mein kuchh toh badla hai😆

u do have a point there.