Second Marriage - Page 3

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

in this case, it is the crappy retirement planning that is more to be blamed than not marrying the 2nd time. Think about this dewey....the woman had spinal injuries, language problem in canada, and three kids!!! what kind of man would she have gotten the second time around...u can very well guess here. then couple of kids from second marriage and no guarantees that he won't die/leave her ever. in this case, chances are the second marriage would have put her in a deeper hell hole!!!

why do women seek finacial security thru marriage....beats me. if secured old age is the main issue here, one should be focusing on getting an education or developing her skills that will fetch her a job to fulfill her duties towards her kids and save some for retirement.

i am now lost and confused about the whole point of this second marriage debate😕 whatever happened to marrying someone for love😕

Exactly. The whole situation described here could also hold true for a couple who sacrificed everything for children and at old age are left to fend for themselves. It has nothing to do with second or first marriage. The real issue here is neglectful attitude of children.

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

in this case, it is the crappy retirement planning that is more to be blamed than not marrying the 2nd time. Think about this dewey....the woman had spinal injuries, language problem in canada, and three kids!!! what kind of man would she have gotten the second time around...u can very well guess here. then couple of kids from second marriage and no guarantees that he won't die/leave her ever. in this case, chances are the second marriage would have put her in a deeper hell hole!!!

why do women seek finacial security thru marriage....beats me. if secured old age is the main issue here, one should be focusing on getting an education or developing her skills that will fetch her a job to fulfill her duties towards her kids and save some for retirement.

i am now lost and confused about the whole point of this second marriage debate😕 whatever happened to marrying someone for love😕

👏 Awesome reply...and I whole heartedly agree.

Originally posted by: nitasuni

It is a very sad condition but it is a usual story here. Now a days kids are more selfish than last generation, they move off without thinking about their widowed/divorced mother who sacrified her life for them. If she is financially secure, problem is much less, only the lonelyness and self-pity.

She should have gone for second marriage but generally what happens with desi upbringing is that women will be reluctant to marry again since the wives is wound around their kids and husband...now this is never viewed as a woman living with a man.. by that woman.. so the husband leaving is another incident which she tries to forget and move on focusing on kids...

value of these actions is not definitive.. what if the husband dies when both are in their 50's.. I mean there is always a time to find companionship in life... at any age.. but some people not putting too much of value cant be wrong either....

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

in this case, it is the crappy retirement planning that is more to be blamed than not marrying the 2nd time. Think about this dewey....the woman had spinal injuries, language problem in canada, and three kids!!! what kind of man would she have gotten the second time around...u can very well guess here. then couple of kids from second marriage and no guarantees that he won't die/leave her ever. in this case, chances are the second marriage would have put her in a deeper hell hole!!!

why do women seek finacial security thru marriage....beats me. if secured old age is the main issue here, one should be focusing on getting an education or developing her skills that will fetch her a job to fulfill her duties towards her kids and save some for retirement.

i am now lost and confused about the whole point of this second marriage debate😕 whatever happened to marrying someone for love😕

Well said Gauri👏

Another Issue is that it is not always that mother gets the custody.... whichever parents take the custody of children is through will and not force... and when you take custody with will, there is no question of sacrifice while other person is enjoying....

there are cases where father are heartbroken for not getting custody and women are shameless to not even allow them to meet children... there are also cases of vice-versa.... so all the talks of only woman has to do sacrifices are beyond my thinking power....

However the lady shall have the right to remarry and only she can decide if she shall fulfil promise to her child when she took custody voluntarily or just break the promise and become little selfish.... I agree with varshaji about seeing after the child till child is 18 years old.... but the opportunities for marriage dont come at regular intervals... and sometimes the woman may stuck in situation where she had to take decision before child is 18.... its either her happiness or child's happiness.... well i cant suggest anything here though i would have feeling to look after child, whether a mother or father whoever has custody.... however anyone in the situation would be utterly confused.... i just pity them😊

Originally posted by: Kool Ahmed

My personal opinion 😳

If a divorce is going to happen then the rights of custody for kids will arise.

If the female is so interested in marrying rt away second time then i dont think she will care take custody.

And a woman who will cry and try hard to take custody may not ever thing to get marry rt away. Coz she knows well that she has to work hard or however to raise the kids...

A MOTHER is something so special in this world which cant be described. Some times if she is divorced with 1-2 kids and even at that time some guy is ready to marry and adopt kids too at that point also mother will think lots on kids only...

this is more like it... true...Kool

Originally posted by: Morning_Dew

In a situation of divorce, usually children go with mother. If this mother got a chance to get married only if she has to let her children go.

Then , what she should do? Let children go , after all their father is also responsible for them so why only she sacrifice her life , while father already got a new woman.

Or she need to sacrifice because she is a mother and mothers are basically responisble for their children😊

Some years back a far relative of mine had a horrible situation in US. His wife fell in love with a new person after several years of marriage. She divorced my relative and married her new found soul mate. She demanded lotttttttttt of money to give back my relative and her's child. My relative who is very fond of his son payed somuch money to get his child. Now,he is planning to marry again and he wants to marry only a person who accepts his child whole heartedly.

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

in this case, it is the crappy retirement planning that is more to be blamed than not marrying the 2nd time. Think about this dewey....the woman had spinal injuries, language problem in canada, and three kids!!! what kind of man would she have gotten the second time around...u can very well guess here. then couple of kids from second marriage and no guarantees that he won't die/leave her ever. in this case, chances are the second marriage would have put her in a deeper hell hole!!!

why do women seek finacial security thru marriage....beats me. if secured old age is the main issue here, one should be focusing on getting an education or developing her skills that will fetch her a job to fulfill her duties towards her kids and save some for retirement.

In my states among all classes including labourer class they get a groom only after giving almost all they have. It is the way people(labourers) living,now they are trying to get educated their girls. But the elder persons can not go back and study since they are spending all the time they got to do some kind of job. usually the money they earned had to be share with the men folk for alcohol. In such condition they can not puchase food for thier kids. in that condition, how they could save for retirement life.

About education, in Kerala education up to +2 is almost free, it is correct some help from govt. is there for the people from the lower strata , but additional money is necessary for books and Uniforms. After all, for a job now +2 education is not enough. If some vocational education is available to them then it is ok,

When we expressing our opinion we are thinking about people of our level not thinking about persons below to us (in my case most of the timeI am not thinking about above my level)

i am now lost and confused about the whole point of this second marriage debate😕 whatever happened to marrying someone for love😕

@ bold There may have been some retiremant plans ther in Canada. But in India ther is no retirement plan for a mannuel labourer if it is not in some companies or aggriculturel labourer or a labourer in tody shop(in my state). The fate of most labourers are like this.

Originally posted by: Morning_Dew

In a situation of divorce, usually children go with mother. If this mother got a chance to get married only if she has to let her children go. [/quote]

Why? Where is this from? She should be allowed to get a new spouse as well as have custody of the kids. Is she suddenly an unfit mother because she got remarried?

Say what now? Sure women carry them in the womb and give birth to them and suddenly they're the only one's responsible for them. What?! I don't think so. If a parent is going to be a parent. They need to take care of their parental duties. Whether the parents live separately (with someone or alone) or together, both need to put forth the same effort in raising their kids otherwise hand over full custody and give up their visitation rights then move on. I'm sure that last is going to cause some emotional repercussions for the kid namely abandonment issues. People need to finish what they started.

Originally posted by: nitasuni

@ bold There may have been some retiremant plans ther in Canada. But in India ther is no retirement plan for a mannuel labourer if it is not in some companies or aggriculturel labourer or a labourer in tody shop(in my state). The fate of most labourers are like this.

😕😕😕 how's that related to the woman with three kids deserted by her hubby and later by her kids....as pointed out by dewey!!!

sorry, at times i find it extremely difficult to comprehend ur chain of thought and where exactly u r coming from. no, not blaming u here...it's just my poor comprehension skills...i think.😕

even thou ur response is totally unrelated to the context my post is in, still let's see whether i get the gist of what all u wrote above right - u r talking about poor labor class in india and saying that they do not have the money or the time to go to school and govt. doesn't help them with retirement.

okay, let's just focus on these poor people for now. u need to take a stance here for and support it nita. what exactly r ur thoughts in this situation:

-the poor laborer shd get married second time around

-she shd not get married and focus on raising her kids

the way u set up ur points, if she goes for second marriage for financial security (as proposed by dewey in her example), this ain't happening because u urself mentioned that most of the women folks salary in ur state goes in paying for the liquor their hubbies consume and other expenses .

now, if she chooses to stay single and raise her kids, she is doomed here as well. u urself said she can't elevate her educational status, can't save for retirement as she is poor and govt doesn't help and the dewey is pointing out a case where the kids left their mom high and dry after they grew up.

my post above was in context of dewey's example of that lady in canada. if u want to debate on general middle class, then my points above are very much valid. if u solely want to focus on poor labor class in ur state, then ur points do have merit but they fail to support whatever stand u want to take in this debate.

different situations will have different solutions here. what is fit for a middle class women to do in case of divorce/desertion/widowhood may not be fit for a laborer or what a super rich woman wld choose to do. even if we focus on one class at a time, there still r personal differences that will make each situation unique. for example, if we talk about a middle class woman - her choice wld be impacted by her educational level, employment scenario, number of kids, her looks, the background and conditions put by the guy who wants to marry her, extent of family support, whether any kid needs special attention or not, how involved her ex wants to be with the kids, whether she is getting child support or not......list just goes on and on. how cld u find faults in my arguement above by bringing in a totally unrelated scenario is beyond my comprehension😊

if u were just countering my points to prove they do not address keralite labor class problem, then let me be very clear here...my response was addressed to dewey and was in context of the example she provided. if u have any disagreements in that context, please feel free to point them out.

if u want to discuss poor labor class women of kerala and whenther they shd go for second marriage or not....that's perfectly fine but then u shd be quoting dewey's very first post on this thread that introduces the debate topic...not my post above that addresses a specific condition used by her to make the debate more interesting. and u also need to take a stand here. can't be just bringing in a totally unrelated scenario, explain it, and leave it at that. that's not countering my post quoted by you above.

what exactly r u trying to say here. please make ur stand clear and then we can debate on it some more😊