Whose responsibility is new born ? - Page 3

Originally posted by: kabhi_21

The title of the topic is a bit misleading.... as I see you were just referring to the expenses for new born child than responsibility of child completely..... some of the views came like ofcourse the responsibility is with parents....😆

okk i have thought something that i would like to share......

Main responsibility of a child lies with the people responsible for him/her 😉 that is parents 😆..... however a new born baby or any person is a responsibility of the whole society.... tomorrow if the baby is at mom's place and having fever, would grandma say that its the responsibility of baby's parents?.... if there is an accident, shall public say its not my reponsibility? So general responsibility lies with society, yes even with government..... however major responsibility of expenses and raising lies with parents....

But i was surprised to see certain views here..... I have seen many topics like

1. Whether the girl shall retain her maiden name?
2. Whether the girl shall leave her home and be called parayi beti?
3. If the girl shall take responsibility of parents in old age? etc.....

On all this topics i have seen people advocating that the two families are united and its not girl going from her parents and become parayi..... so the couple has responsibilites towards both houses.....I completely agree with this too......

But when it came to expenses in this topic.... everyone said there is no responsibility of girls side??????

So is it that two families are together only for profits and liabilities has to be considered by boys side?????? give it a thought😊

😆😆😆 u brought it all together...and that too very nicely😆

In UP, we have this not - so - common - anymore tradition that the girl goes to her parents' home for her very first delivery. The tradition started in the older era when most of the household chores were manual and families were large and joint. By going to her parents' place, the girl was getting a break and time to rest and, later, bond with the baby. Due to joint family system, the bhabhies were also there along with the girl's mother to help her with the transition that motherhood brings. All the delivery expenses were borne by the girls' parents during that time. The in-laws used to do this for their daughters. So, the intent was to give as comforting and loving environment to the expecting mom as possible.

No one is really bound by this tradition anymore and most people do not follow it either in today's times. One of the reasons is that families are smaller and nuclear families are on a rise. The girl feels comfortable in her nuclear household and usually do not want to leave her house for a long period of time as the hubby will face problems....miss ghar ka khana etc as the family is not joint anymore. On top of that, husband and wife are emotionally lot more closer today than what they used to be in our dada-dadi's times. The father also wants to be involved with the whole child birth process and the couple does not wish to stay apart from each other during these landmarks of their life.

I personally feel that the couple should bear all the expenses and shd not expect either side of the parents to foot the bill BUT if girl's side wants to be involved and willingly wants to take care of all the expenses then it is really the couple's wish whether they want to honor these wishes or politely refuse.

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

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😆😆😆 u brought it all together...and that too very nicely😆

In UP, we have this not - so - common - anymore tradition that the girl goes to her parents' home for her very first delivery. The tradition started in the older era when most of the household chores were manual and families were large and joint. By going to her parents' place, the girl was getting a break and time to rest and, later, bond with the baby. Due to joint family system, the bhabhies were also there along with the girl's mother to help her with the transition that motherhood brings. All the delivery expenses were borne by the girls' parents during that time. The in-laws used to do this for their daughters. So, the intent was to give as comforting and loving environment to the expecting mom as possible.

No one is really bound by this tradition anymore and most people do not follow it either in today's times. One of the reasons is that families are smaller and nuclear families are on a rise. The girl feels comfortable in her nuclear household and usually do not want to leave her house for a long period of time as the hubby will face problems....miss ghar ka khana etc as the family is not joint anymore. On top of that, husband and wife are emotionally lot more closer today than what they used to be in our dada-dadi's times. The father also wants to be involved with the whole child birth process and the couple does not wish to stay apart from each other during these landmarks of their life.

I personally feel that the couple should bear all the expenses and shd not expect either side of the parents to foot the bill BUT if girl's side wants to be involved and willingly wants to take care of all the expenses then it is really the couple's wish whether they want to honor these wishes or politely refuse.

The last generation itself in Kerala was nuclear family but even then the custom is continuing here. If both family has money and has the willingness to perform the custom then no problem.

Please note that all these customs and tradition strengthen the togetherness of the parents and siblings and in laws. please note that all memebrs of the family including father, mother, chachi and chacha dada and deedi etc has a duty towards the family, when it is not peerformed the problem.

The remaining part is not a reply or any thing to Gouri 3, but it is my humble opinion.

Now some of the nuclear family who think the child is their own property and they don't want any body's involvement and are too self centrred and think like what I make is for me,for my wife and children. It cuase so many social problems such as suiciding of the whole family etc. Even if we live as nuclear family, please think we are from a family and we have some responsibility towards that family members. That will give the oppertunity for sharing our problems and feelings and will not lead to the extremes like family suicide

Originally posted by: nitasuni

The last generation itself in Kerala was nuclear family but even then the custom is continuing here. If both family has money and has the willingness to perform the custom then no problem.

Please note that all these customs and tradition strengthen the togetherness of the parents and siblings and in laws. please note that all memebrs of the family including father, mother, chachi and chacha dada and deedi etc has a duty towards the family, when it is not peerformed the problem.

The remaining part is not a reply or any thing to Gouri 3, but it is my humble opinion.

Now some of the nuclear family who think the child is their own property and they don't want any body's involvement and are too self centrred and think like what I make is for me,for my wife and children. It cuase so many social problems such as suiciding of the whole family etc. Even if we live as nuclear family, please think we are from a family and we have some responsibility towards that family members. That will give the oppertunity for sharing our problems and feelings and will not lead to the extremes like family suicide

👏👏👏 Awesome point here. I am totally with you on this one. We had this debate earlier here on the extent of grandparents' involvement in bringing up your child. Some very good points were raised by all on that thread😊 here, on this thread, i feel the issue is solely of who should/should not pay the expenses. One can keep grandparents' involved even w/o having them boot the maternity and delivery expenses😊.

Originally posted by: raj5000

Questions in mind :

How is it gurl's parents responsibility to take care etc etc when baby is born ?

Isn't baby more responsibility of folks who claim the gurl is now our beti ?

most importantly from new born's / spouse's perspective isn't it father's resposibility to take lead in proceedings ?

Arguable based on various factors... open to all. IMO - both spouse's are responsible for everything...no expectations from anyone.

Raj you are so lucky.. 😃 😈 When you get married , you will find out that you/your parents most likely will be expected to share wedding expenses equally. 😆 . Used to be, girls parents paid for the wedding but this is how it is these days, I didn't make it up ok. 😊

So going by that logic , I am not surprised girls parents are required to chip in for other major expenses later on in the couples life. It is payback time for changing the rules in the frst place.😉

Originally posted by: #1EijazFan

Arre yaar, sabh UK main aajao! 😛 over here there is no question of mother or father's family pay expenses because here all the treatment is FREE! 😃 😆

Yepp.. Let the taxpayers pay for delivery 😡... No free lunch as they say. 😉

Originally posted by: lighthouse

Yepp.. Let the taxpayers pay for delivery 😡... No free lunch as they say. 😉

😆😆

I think it all started out as in old days so that girls could go to her "maika" and get some rest during last months and also that with arrange marriages in those days and child marriages girls can be comfortable with her own parents so it was tradition to send girls to their parents and then obviously they would do the expense of delivery. However, now it does not matter and we should not stick to these customs. I would say where ever the mother to be fills comfortable having her baby should be done. Now a days it also depends upon insurance and other factors like living in foreign country and how parents want their kids to have citizenship of different country etc. 😆 ...in a nut shell everyone is going to enjoy the baby that comes. It's part of each family and husband and wife should be responsible in taking decision where they would feel comfy having one. 😛 My in-laws came to US to help me out during my pregnancy and they took care of me and my baby more than my own parents...I was all comfy with them around asking questions and learning new motherhood experience... guess money should be least concern unless someone's financial position is not that good 😛

Originally posted by: sowmyaa

I think it all started out as in old days so that girls could go to her "maika" and get some rest during last months and also that with arrange marriages in those days and child marriages girls can be comfortable with her own parents so it was tradition to send girls to their parents and then obviously they would do the expense of delivery. However, now it does not matter and we should not stick to these customs. I would say where ever the mother to be fills comfortable having her baby should be done. Now a days it also depends upon insurance and other factors like living in foreign country and how parents want their kids to have citizenship of different country etc. 😆 ...in a nut shell everyone is going to enjoy the baby that comes. It's part of each family and husband and wife should be responsible in taking decision where they would feel comfy having one. 😛 My in-laws came to US to help me out during my pregnancy and they took care of me and my baby more than my own parents...I was all comfy with them around asking questions and learning new motherhood experience... guess money should be least concern unless someone's financial position is not that good 😛

At bold - It's all about baby and happiness...customes / ttraditions can follow...money should be secondary...God why cann't people undertstand this... brochure(tips on geting exception) from CPA(ofcourse desi) for tax calculation mentions if baby is due for C - Sections mid Jan then seek possibility to get it done before 31st Dec to gain tax benefit..what the blah...

Originally posted by: kabhi_21

The title of the topic is a bit misleading.... as I see you were just referring to the expenses for new born child than responsibility of child completely..... some of the views came like ofcourse the responsibility is with parents....😆

okk i have thought something that i would like to share......

Main responsibility of a child lies with the people responsible for him/her 😉 that is parents 😆..... however a new born baby or any person is a responsibility of the whole society.... tomorrow if the baby is at mom's place and having fever, would grandma say that its the responsibility of baby's parents?.... if there is an accident, shall public say its not my reponsibility? So general responsibility lies with society, yes even with government..... however major responsibility of expenses and raising lies with parents....

But i was surprised to see certain views here..... I have seen many topics like

1. Whether the girl shall retain her maiden name?
2. Whether the girl shall leave her home and be called parayi beti?
3. If the girl shall take responsibility of parents in old age? etc.....

On all this topics i have seen people advocating that the two families are united and its not girl going from her parents and become parayi..... so the couple has responsibilites towards both houses.....I completely agree with this too......

But when it came to expenses in this topic.... everyone said there is no responsibility of girls side??????

So is it that two families are together only for profits and liabilities has to be considered by boys side?????? give it a thought😊

Pucch mat yaar ..have heard of best of 3 world's MIL's..mothers...and then living separately...phir bhi concerns... 😆😆 kiddin...ladies

Originally posted by: lighthouse

Raj you are so lucky.. 😃 😈 When you get married , you will find out that you/your parents most likely will be expected to share wedding expenses equally. 😆 . Used to be, girls parents paid for the wedding but this is how it is these days, I didn't make it up ok. 😊

So going by that logic , I am not surprised girls parents are required to chip in for other major expenses later on in the couples life. It is payback time for changing the rules in the frst place.😉

Mey kidhar lucky..this devil conscience... I hate it 😆😆😆 made it very clear at begining no shagum more then 11Rs.. and nothing from relatives... all expenses half and half..for happiness of In Laws go ahead open an account and add it spouse's saving. Same thing my Bro did... he actually took some loan we being financially :( ..but paid back in full with interest on installments... 😃 touch wood... we all are doing great now and no financial prob..far off ..Bhagwan ki kripa 👍🏼 touch wood..again..lolss u never know... what happens next..😳