Being Alone. - Page 5

Originally posted by: joie de vivre

I'm afraid I find your last statement to be terribly patronising. There's no one size fits all rule when it comes to social interactions. Some people are naturally gregarious and outgoing and funny and popular and well-liked. You can't really force these people to embrace solitude and be taciturn and unforthcoming. Likewise, some of us are just not of the same disposition, and you can't force us to be overly friendly and loquacious and fun.

I feel uncomfortable around strangers and just can't bring myself to trust people easily. I'm by no means a hermit crab and I have absolutely no problems interacting with my colleagues and articulating myself, but my interactions aren't of the personal nature. I would, for instance, never want to hang-out or party with them, simply because I don't think I have anything interesting to say. I'm a bore, and would probably bore the pants off people if forced to interact personally. I mean, who really envisages a night out with discussions about the financial crisis or neoliberalism, or Nietzsche or Sartre or Dorris Lessing or Hilary Mantel or Ian McEwan or subtitled Scandinavian dramas? See what I mean? I don't gossip on principle, especially not about co-workers or seniors, and I don't like sharing information about my personal life with people I barely know, and I'm just not interested about celebrities or sport or fashion or men or any other fathomable subject that might crop up on a night out. I also simply cannot pour my heart out to people, I just can't.

I don't need friends. I'm reticent by nature, and don't wear my heart on my sleeve and keep a stiff upper lip. I'm emotionally self-sufficient so I don't see the need to have a friend to fill some void; I keep myself entertained with all of my hobbies. I have a drama-free life and I like to keep it that way. This doesn't mean I'm opposed to having a friend or a partner, but I just don't go out of my way to find one and then be depressed or feel lonely and miserable when I don't find one. I like my solitude and I want to enjoy it for however long it lasts. I can see why a relationship or a true honest to goodness friendship would be an absolutely marvellous thing, but they don't happen very frequently or very easily or very quickly to many people. Chasing this paradigm as the only ideal and denigrating all other lifestyle choices as lacking in fulfilment reeks of condescension.

I'm not claiming one type of personality is better than the other - both have their pros and cons. People try to make the most of what they've got, so let's please stop making broad brush generalisations or expect everyone to conform.

Originally posted by: King-Anu

Grade 5 Loner: Living among people i.e. family, friends and romance

Grade 4 Loner: Living among people i.e. family and friends

Grade 3 Loner: Living among people i.e. family

Grade 2 Loner: Living with a pet

Grade 1 Loner: A dead duck

Two grade 5 loners providing advance loners some advice

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T06rlk7iFA[/YOUTUBE]

Originally posted by: Mindbender

Everything has a context. To give a general reason for anything is eventually, not possible.
Nevertheless, moving on to the question - "Why are people on the hunt?". Honestly, putting the question that way moves my focus from "Why are people looking for people(companions)? " to "Why are people looking for anything at all?" Then the answer seems to flow.

There seems to be an uncertainty prevalent a midst mankind, in general. We all are insecure. We might have the best of everything, but we still remain unhappy. Why? Its simply because we focus all our energies on a goal and not the process. We have the belief that conquering "something" would give us mental peace, satisfaction, et cetera. That something in this case is a companion. Many of us are tied to the romantic belief that if there is that "one" around us, life would flow smoothly, inner peace would be attained, we would become enlightened, economic crisis would end and so would global warming.

What we fail to see is that since we have already decided that having that someone is essential for our well being, we would never be happy otherwise. So, the hunt begins and continues. Of course, what happens when you do indeed get a partner is a different story for sometime else.

Also; cheesy movies and romantic fiction play a role in putting questionable impressions on impressionable minds due to which the age at which people start looking for companions is constantly on the decline.

" Is it important to crave for a companion?? "

It is not, just like it is not important to be alone. What is important is to be stable/centered in whatever situation you are.

"Is it wrong to be detached?? Is it wrong not to maintain a large circle of friends and keep only the close ones near you? Why is it socially weird/unpleasant when a girl doesnt care about anyone and cares only about her two bestfriends??!"

Nothing is wrong or right.
Social unpleasantness primarily arises in this case, according to me, due to jealousy. Three very good friends who share with each other, next to everything simply means that their bond is very deep and meaningful. Why wouldn't anyone be envious of that?
Don't let others bother you.

P.S.- Everyone enjoys being alone, some just don't know it yet.

Originally posted by: cuteteddy

well i totally understand what u r saying.

earlier, i like to be alone. i even felt annoying when anyone kidded with me. well i had a reason that they all just made stuff like i'm a loner and i am an arrogant girl. but honestly, i try to be as polite and helpful as i can to be someone. in fact, i feel easily guilty if i talk to someone rudely. but i'm short tempered as well. so i didn't even realize when i started to like being alone. i am a bit reserved and don't get too close to anyone easily because i have problem trusting anyone easily. i do talk to the ones with whom i spend my time, like in my classmates n all but i never get too close.

the main point, we find it nice and feel satisfy to be alone. but if once we can't focus on things in hand and have problem and need some advice, we do need someone by our side. it can be a friend, a family member or a teacher or anyone. about a lover, i never was eager and i'm not now as well. having crushes is a different thing.(my case totally different coz i have a crush on the cartoon in my profile pic!😆)

about everyone so eager to have someone close romantically, i also noticed this. they don't understand the meaning of being in a relationship! once i asked my friend in school (a long ago) that if she has taken this risk of being in a relation at the age of 13, and being in a girls' school as well, if anything happens, what will she do?

she simply replied, "i'll find someone else. the current one isn't that interesting." can u believe that ?

kids these days think that they need to all those things they've been seeing in movies or what the adults do. its just like a trend. they don't actually understand the meaning of all of this at all!

coming back to the topic, i clearly say that not being that open to everyone isn't a bad thing coz m like that as well. but sometimes we need at least one person to be with. it can be anyone. a lover isn't that important to be.

hope i didn't say unnecessary things 😳

And no, you didnt say any unnecessary things 😆

Originally posted by: Savage

What you need to know before anything else is that you might have offended I don't how many classes of people in the procedure of asking these questions.

IDC about other people.. it's their problem :) and, IDK what sort of a person would be offended by something a member from some corner of the world says in the VIRTUAL world. Are their morals and ideals so weak?!

Secondly, alone and lonely as the terms go are extremely different, directly proportional but mostly totally different. The cases you tell are more the cases of loneliness than being alone. Preteens are perfectly capable of going astray and interpreting the onset of puberty as the need of someone to be romantically involved with. But if we look into the matter, they are just as much at liberty of being alone and/or lonely, it could be people at the new school who don't talk to them or some loved one they recently lost. Anybody can feel lonely. Anybody can be left alone and feel it.

I... dont get your point. I was talking about being recluse. Never mentioned anything about "lonely".

Now, if I illuminate you with what is lonely - it's a condition of excessive yearning for something you've practically never had, being to yourself when you'd have liked to be somebody and you got your reasons for that. You can't go around voicing theories if you don't know what it is like. As for being alone, physically no one ever is alone, and there is no such rule as 'being old enough' to feel as though you may be surrounded by people physically but they won't be around when life gets shitty. That is alone.

Enjoying solitude and actually being abandoned by people are two different things. I like to curl up in bed with a book too, that is not being alone, that is being to yourself for as long as you like, and eventually joining others of our own accordance. What you fail to notice is that there may be several reasons why 'young people' look for love. It is highly offensive and insensitive to say that people need to be old enough to yearn for love.

I agree with that, I'd like to be with myself all the time other than with my parents, or kids when I babysit :)

As for OTHER "classes of people getting offended in the procedure of asking these questions" - it's none of my concern if anybody gets offended, I was just looking for answers.. I didnt categorise anything as "good" and "bad". Even if I DO, I dont care. This is an online forum, if people are so immature to get offended by something a person from one corner of the world says... it's their headache :) Anyways, I dont see anything which might offend anyone...I'm somewhat amused at how my post touched you and made an impact on you to make you think about classes of people.

@red - YES! And I was asking for the reasons which I failed to notice. I have even boldened part where I put questions.(in the opening post)

I was merely asking some questions, it's left to the readers choice to take it in a sportive manner or get offended.

I am not saying you are totally wrong, because some people might wanna establish romantic bonds out of nonsensical excuses that have already been discussed here. However, I am sorry, there is absolutely no such thing as 'being old enough', age is only a number and you might wanna check with yourself, as to how you can possibly state that someone could not need something simply because they are, young?!

Well, I have different morals, values, ethics etc. Anyways, I never said anything about people doing the wrong thing. I merely asked as to why people who's so young as 13 are literally craving and yearning for romantic relations. (in the opening post)

In my quotes and other posts, yes, I may have stated how ridiculous I find it when people who're not old enough act like "forever alone :( " ---> That's definately ridiculous 😆 ..

And yes, I do believe things should happen and people should behave their age. If they fall in love, that's a different story, but a 15 year-old acting like he's some 20+, already settled and done with achieveing career goals and acting as if the only thing left is getting a GF does look ridiculous to me!

Lets not start discussing about morals values and offending "class of people" now. That's out of topic 😛 😆 If the MODs think my post has offended class of people, they'd have edited out my posts and closed the topic :)