Why do we look down upon 'ghar jamai'? - Page 2

Originally posted by: hippi2go

We as society are too used to this theory of a man ruling a household, a man being the head of the household, and a man bringing money to a home, that it just seems abit awkward to see the same man living with their wives family...I think a man's ego plays a big part too. No guy with a go-getter attitude would actually wanna live in their sasural for more than a month. If they have a good job, if they have the ability to earn money for the family, then they would not want to be barden-ing anyone.

We are from early age are too used to the fact that a woman leaves her family...so now if the opposite happens we feel weirded out and immediately draw a conclusion of the man to be a looser😕😆

Well I think this 'Ghar jamai' notion is man-made and quite stupid.

What's wrong if a husband stays with his in-laws...if a woman is expected to leave her family and move in with her husbands family why not the other way round?

I think this is basically our mind-set which makes peopel look down upon ghar-jamais.Such husbands are branded as losers and cowards who cannto afford their own house and are incapable of runnign and managing a family.which is very stupid.

plus, in history man is teh house head and is not expected to atke help from in-laws.

but i personally think it's fair enough for a husband to live with in-laws.We need to change our views..tahts' abotu ti!

dis aint like dat here in da uk dont knw about hw u guys r like but aint like dat ppl have changed

Wanted to bring this topic to front page 😛 will post my response later when i get chance.

[quote=Neil Diamond]reasons why Man cannot be a "ghar-jamai"

- woh ghar mein "jam" kar baith jayega and In-Laws are scared of this "property-dowry-like-situation"
- he cannot Boss-around if staying as "ghar jamai"
- he wont be called "Jamai Raja" any more and will only remain a "jamai"
- he does not want to give a boost to the inflated "Woman's Liberation" moment
- he will be caught under "Anti-dowry" Act for taking the biggest dowry by shifting into In-Laws place [/quote]

GOSH!!! 😆
This just cracked me up....omg....Anti-dowry act.. man... this is so funny... 😆 😆

i have to go.. i will also post later 😛

I cannot imagine being married and living with my parents..!!!!
I love my parents but living with any parents means giving them the authority to run your household which can never be walk in the park. 😆

I have seen families where parents are used as babysitters and house minders and that is tragic.

Ouch abhijeetji! that was harsh! This is a topic that is close to my heart. When my husband and I got married a little over 2 years ago, we lived with my parents. It was a question of practicality, My hsband was still in med school and I was working. With just one income and tons of expenses we decided at our parents request to live with them as financially it was more sensible for us. And this is a question that I have always felt angry with. Arent my parents equal to his so why is living with them such a big deal? My husband and I never had any issues with it but unfortunately many ppl's attitude especially his relatives back in India was similar to those mentioned by Aparna. In the end that put a strain on our relationship.

In short to give you the gist of my rant, unfortunately the stigma still remains as even when people try to go against the tide there are many so called well wishers in society who still enforce these stereotypes and unfortunately most of us are not strong enough to resist getting sucked in.

dont worry abhijeetji I didnt take offence. It is a debate and the beauty is we all can have our opinions. Your post was in no way offensive to me. Besides I agree the only way to have healthy and happy relationships after marriage is to maintain a healthy distance from both in-laws and live by yourselves.

[quote=shikara]And this is a question that I have always felt angry with. Arent my parents equal to his so why is living with them such a big deal? My husband and I never had any issues with it but unfortunately many ppl's attitude especially his relatives back in India was similar to those mentioned by Aparna. In the end that put a strain on our relationship.

In short to give you the gist of my rant, unfortunately the stigma still remains as even when people try to go against the tide there are many so called well wishers in society who still enforce these stereotypes and unfortunately most of us are not strong enough to resist getting sucked in.[/quote]

Very true and beautifully said 👏 👏

IMO i think that the problem of 2 household clash can be solved 'IF' there could ab an arrangement like 2 houses with separate main doors and one common door.. twin houses!! separate things, separate leadership, togetherness, everything... like one building 2 adjacent apartments... This is one of the ideal solutions!! and im talking not only the case mentioned in the post... but the other way round too... i.e. husband's in-laws...

Mythilliji I respect your opinion but I disagree. You are only reinforcing the stereotype as to why this stigma exists.

If the Girl is only daughter and no sons in and around and if those parents are sick then its okeven then Girls parents can come and stay in Son in law's house.

My 1st point:

I am an only child so my parents have no sons to look after them but even if I had brothers why is it only their res@nponsibility to look after our parents. My mother went through the same difficulty to give birth to me. My parents spent the same amount of money, love and tears to raise me and make me an independent woman who can stand on her own 2 feet.
As much as my husband owes to his parents I owe to mine. and I have a duty to do as much for them as he has to his.

2nd point:

stay in Son in law's house.

I was under the impression that after marriage the house belongs to btoh the wife and the husband so it is as much the duaghter house as the son-inj-laws.

My 3rd point:

When we hear so much about the inferior tratment of girls , isnt it the reposibility of us educated folks to break at least small stereotypes so that we may bring about a little change in society. It takes a small drop in the pond to create ripples.

I didnt mean to offend anybody and if I have I sincerely apoligise.