Age difference in a relation...... - Page 6

when young marry some oldie who satisfies 3x, 4x monetary value. when that person is no more & U bcum oldie urself marry a much younger person who now benefits from ur fortune 😆

Originally posted by: Summer3

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Originally posted by: crazy_sunny

when young marry some oldie who satisfies 3x, 4x monetary value. when that person is no more & U bcum oldie urself marry a much younger person who now benefits from ur fortune 😆

Great philosophy. Kabhi try ki? 😆

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

Antique pieces have exquisite market value. I think antiques also satisfy the 3X, 4X monetary value.

Originally posted by: _LalithaJanaki_

What is love to you? I'm honestly curious.

This question was directed at G-Unit. But I hope she won't mind me attempting to explain. Mind you this is not G-Units definition of love, in fact I don't think anyone can claim to honestly define love. Most will find their own definitions changing as they progress in life and even within their own existing relationships. This more my take on the situation of love in traditional desi marriages.

Our desi society is a collectivist society where the family, is given higher importance than the individual. That is why parents and elderly relatives make alliances, not based purely on individual compatibility but on a social compatibility of family. Even with love marriages in the desi culture, is more familial rather than two individuals. Many desis themselves will willingly make compromises to like and marry someone their family prefers. Often what happens in this system is that the individuality of the two people getting married can be undermined.

That does not mean there is no love in desi arranged marriages. Of course there is love. Its a different type of love though. Its more of a companionship love that arises out of two people happening to live their lives in a conjoined ways. And yes many couples will have their romantic moments and sparks too. But love is not exactly the cornerstone. Other things like compromise, adjustment, family, social compatibility and other things come before love. The inner soul of a person fails to get actualized. The individual never really searches their soul to discover their true desires that is relevant to a more fulfilling love. Social expectations prevent couples from intimately discussing the physical aspect of their relationship, and are embarrassed to bring it up. In the emotional aspect people when people feel ignored, unloved, or have other issues they are less likely to attempt head on resolution, but more likely to accept it as part and parcel of the marriage or a passing phase. Intellectually, they may share very few common interests but make it work. There is a level of mutual, trust respect and companionship - but despite having love people can feel hollow inside. Many find themselves at the crossroads where they love their family and spouse - but feel that they never really knew themselves or realized true love.

Now I have no problem with the traditional arrangement. Its a realistic perception of love in the traditional desi system. In fact many people prefer the security and comfort in this. Many feel that the lack of self actualized love is compensated by better loving family ties.

The problem I perceive is in men and women who build up within themselves an idealistic perception of love. Women tend to do this to themselves a lot. There is such a lot of faith in love and the magic of love that people build idealistic fantasies around love and perceive them as realistic. People pick out ideal ages, characteristics etc of their ideal partners. They believe in true love, soulmates, ethereal relationships. People have their head up in the clouds when it comes to love. They need to come ground zero and level with reality.

If you have an idealistic perception of love, you cannot play it safe. It is a risk you have to be willing to take. When a relationship focuses on two individuals instead of other obligations the people are more likely to express themselves openly. Intellectually they seek common interests. Emotionally the seek people who get their feelings. Physically they seek people with whom they have the spark. When individual needs receive attention, the relationship can feel a lot more fulfilling and satisfying. Of course this is riskier as individuals change over time and sustainability is the key. Also no matter what love needs compromise and a person may ponder where and what level of compatibility one must compromise with. There is also a risk of disappointing or hurting family, failing to meet social expectations, and facing challenges when things go wrong.

Like in investments its about risk reward - high risk - higher reward. Low risk - lower reward. It all depends on what you are willing to stake.

Now the summary to everything
1) People need to find a balance between idealistic romantic notions of love and real world realistic love.
2) Age does not matter. When you fall in love, you just fall in love. When your family chooses for you, they choose based on their notions.

Originally posted by: the_Naked_face

Another point, Your only asking about the age gap in the relationship...how old they are before committing to each other is different story altogether, if a 16 years old boys commits to an 18 years old girl..than the chances of their marriage surviving is slim since none of them have reached the maturity to handle such a big decision themselves. However if the marriage is between a 24 years old boy and a 26 years old girl etc..then they are probably mature enough to differentiate whats right and wrong for themselves. So more than their age difference, its the age they make their choices at, that matters most.

I have a crush on a boy two years younger than me 😳...Drool 😍

Xoxo

Thats an excellent point. You know 14 yrs and 20 yrs may seem like a big deal. But, 28 yrs and 32 yrs are not that big of a deal. I think after the age of 25 maturity levels off. There are always exceptions - some girls are always immature and some guys are too wise for their age.

As I always say - Its all about finding the right person at the right time.

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

This question was directed at G-Unit. But I hope she won't mind me attempting to explain. Mind you this is not G-Units definition of love, in fact I don't think anyone can claim to honestly define love. Most will find their own definitions changing as they progress in life and even within their own existing relationships. This more my take on the situation of love in traditional desi marriages.

Our desi society is a collectivist society where the family, is given higher importance than the individual. That is why parents and elderly relatives make alliances, not based purely on individual compatibility but on a social compatibility of family. Even with love marriages in the desi culture, is more familial rather than two individuals. Many desis themselves will willingly make compromises to like and marry someone their family prefers. Often what happens in this system is that the individuality of the two people getting married can be undermined.

That does not mean there is no love in desi arranged marriages. Of course there is love. Its a different type of love though. Its more of a companionship love that arises out of two people happening to live their lives in a conjoined ways. And yes many couples will have their romantic moments and sparks too. But love is not exactly the cornerstone. Other things like compromise, adjustment, family, social compatibility and other things come before love. The inner soul of a person fails to get actualized. The individual never really searches their soul to discover their true desires that is relevant to a more fulfilling love. Social expectations prevent couples from intimately discussing the physical aspect of their relationship, and are embarrassed to bring it up. In the emotional aspect people when people feel ignored, unloved, or have other issues they are less likely to attempt head on resolution, but more likely to accept it as part and parcel of the marriage or a passing phase. Intellectually, they may share very few common interests but make it work. There is a level of mutual, trust respect and companionship - but despite having love people can feel hollow inside. Many find themselves at the crossroads where they love their family and spouse - but feel that they never really knew themselves or realized true love.

Now I have no problem with the traditional arrangement. Its a realistic perception of love in the traditional desi system. In fact many people prefer the security and comfort in this. Many feel that the lack of self actualized love is compensated by better loving family ties.

The problem I perceive is in men and women who build up within themselves an idealistic perception of love. Women tend to do this to themselves a lot. There is such a lot of faith in love and the magic of love that people build idealistic fantasies around love and perceive them as realistic. People pick out ideal ages, characteristics etc of their ideal partners. They believe in true love, soulmates, ethereal relationships. People have their head up in the clouds when it comes to love. They need to come ground zero and level with reality.

If you have an idealistic perception of love, you cannot play it safe. It is a risk you have to be willing to take. When a relationship focuses on two individuals instead of other obligations the people are more likely to express themselves openly. Intellectually they seek common interests. Emotionally the seek people who get their feelings. Physically they seek people with whom they have the spark. When individual needs receive attention, the relationship can feel a lot more fulfilling and satisfying. Of course this is riskier as individuals change over time and sustainability is the key. Also no matter what love needs compromise and a person may ponder where and what level of compatibility one must compromise with. There is also a risk of disappointing or hurting family, failing to meet social expectations, and facing challenges when things go wrong.

Like in investments its about risk reward - high risk - higher reward. Low risk - lower reward. It all depends on what you are willing to stake.

Now the summary to everything
1) People need to find a balance between idealistic romantic notions of love and real world realistic love.
2) Age does not matter. When you fall in love, you just fall in love. When your family chooses for you, they choose based on their notions.

@ WA- of course i tried it , after passing on my fortune I now watch them enjoy the spoils 😆

here is simple way to interpret age difference...

1. Difference in perceptions... while the wife wants to go on a crazy six flags ride the hubby wants to lie down or watch TV while chewing on his tums..
2. While the wife is wanting more..hubby can only take as many viagra...
3. everytime the wifey wants him to be really cool he is almost like a parent, constantly advising...and giving unnecessary oracles....

These things wont happen if both are near same age....
In fact the 3rd reason is the one.. traditional marriages seek age difference.. they want to guarantee maturity in the male...member...

Here is the truth - there is nothing called love.. so all this should be interpreted in context of interaction.. its not relationship... its interaction..

relatiionship is a useless word created by americans ( in their bid to sound different )which is a cliche now and which means more like having s*x.

If the women is older...the guy would have nothing better to do...than watch football or some other game...


If somebody has to marry a older man the only question she has to ask herself is - is she homely or adventurous..if she is homely, frankly age doesnt matter.. if she is adventurous.. she should reconsider..

if the gal is older.. the guy should ask himself... how would he survive those hormonal years when she hits menopause or even becomes frigid way before he has quit on his wet dreams...now again if he is the kind who acts like a parent it will still work cos his focus will be more on the home and secular affairs rather than s*x and more often than not its going to work...

So in either case if the goals out of a marriage align,, age wouldnt matter upto 10-12 years beyond which they will belong to different generational mind set.....

whew!!!

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

here is simple way to interpret age difference...

1. Difference in perceptions... while the wife wants to go on a crazy six flags ride the hubby wants to lie down or watch TV while chewing on his tums..

2. While the wife is wanting more..hubby can only take as many viagra...🥱
3. everytime the wifey wants him to be really cool he is almost like a parent, constantly advising...and giving unnecessary oracles....

😆

These things wont happen if both are near same age....
In fact the 3rd reason is the one.. traditional marriages seek age difference.. they want to guarantee maturity in the male...member...

Here is the truth - there is nothing called love.. so all this should be interpreted in context of interaction.. its not relationship... its interaction..----True😆

relatiionship is a useless word created by americans ( in their bid to sound different )which is a cliche now and which means more like having s*x.

If the women is older...the guy would have nothing better to do...than watch football or some other game...---future is in their hands....😉😆

If somebody has to marry a older man the only question she has to ask herself is - is she homely or adventurous..if she is homely, frankly age doesnt matter.. if she is adventurous.. she should reconsider..

another story i tell u.....man who overheard his wife and her sister discussing his frequent out-of-town business trips. The sister kept suggesting that the wife should worry about her husband being unchaperoned at those posh resort convention hotels with so many attractive, unattached career women around. "Me worry?" said the wife. "Why, he'd never cheat on me. He's too loyal, too decent... too old.😉😛

if the gal is older.. the guy should ask himself... how would he survive those hormonal years when she hits menopause or even becomes frigid way before he has quit on his wet dreams...now again if he is the kind who acts like a parent it will still work cos his focus will be more on the home and secular affairs rather than s*x and more often than not its going to work...

So in either case if the goals out of a marriage align,, age wouldnt matter upto 10-12 years beyond which they will belong to different generational mind set.....

whew!!!

Modern research says that every man thinks once at least about sx every three seconds. Women are a little better, they think of sex every six seconds. 😆.......Once every three seconds sex somehow flashes in the mind. The young man is possessed by such great natural forces that he cannot be free. Ambition is there, and time is running fast, and he has to do something and he has to be something. All those hopes and desires and fantasies of childhood have to be fulfilled....he is in a great rush, in a hurry. The old man knows that those childish desires were really childish. The old man knows that all those days of youth and turmoil are gone. 😉so girls better marry a man older than uuuuuuuuuuu😛