my next story @ pg 4: Duo ki Dosti

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neeme

@neeme

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#11

Yes, Shreela is rite.. Its very similar to Deadly Betrayal.

This Is Ur first Attempt..So i want to say u somthng..When U write Story Then Ur Words Clearity is very much necessary..Dont use Short Language..Specially In Hindi..It will Creat Difficulty in reading...Like If U want to write Tum..Then Write it as Tum.Dont write Tm..

Mostly u used Short language.And Also read ur story once Again.there are spelling Mistakes Too..

Gud Luck For Next Time And Keep Writing.

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akshayan11

@akshayan11

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#12

welcome to the forum. I also think it is an another version of deadly betrayal. keep writing

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gadhadada

@gadhadada

Achiever

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#13

hey CHINOY... NICE attempt... gud luck for UR future projects...

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Sakshi.. Angel..

@Reserved_angel

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#14

thanks 4 ur feedback...n suggestions, i'll take care next tym...

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Daydreaming

@Daydreaming

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#15

Hey chinoy, i hope soon u'll cum up wid a new, good Daya centric story.. All d best 👍🏼

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Nandini

@NandiniRaizadaa

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#16

Chinoy good attempt. Only one suggestion avoid using sms language in a story and also in discussions

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Hasini

@Hasini_smile

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#17

Good attempt chinoy... and yes its resembling 'deadly betrayl' a bit, especially in climax... but ur effort is good... plz no more heart breaks to daya sir...

Dnt use short words or sms language.. its difficult to understand...

keep writing stories... all the best...

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halfbloodprince

@Wistfulness

Achiever

+ 8

Posted: 14 years ago

#18

This story is good and I really appreciate your work.👏 Keep writing 👍🏼

and try to follow the suggestions by the members.

Try to avoid the short and sms language. It creates problem.