Dadi overshadowing Ma ?

One of the relationships shown in CB is that between Dev and his dadi. As someone who has not been raised in a joint family set up or even spent time with her Dadi or Nani - I find their relationship interesting.

Especially when looking at the complete absence of a mother-son relationship betwen Dev and Vaishali. Where is the motherly affection, attention that every mother should naturally bestow on her own son ? Vaishali is a strange mother. Is her emotion quotient so low so as neither to be able to anticipate some of her sons desires, observe and draw conclusions from his actions/behaiour or be in-tune with his feelings. When he confides in her she asks him to be quiet but later complete ignores that obvious emotional struggle he is battling - never offering even a word of support.

Does Dev turn to Dadi becasue he feels Vaishali is emotionally blunt ? Or is the personality of Dadi that overshawdoes Vaishali's submissive nature forcing her to abdicate the exclusive maternal rights to her son - never being able to foster that level of intuitiveness that should be innate in any mother-son relationship ?. Does Dadi's excessive attention to Dev cause Vaishali to take a backward step - always Dadi is the one worried about Dev, approaching him - never Vaishali.

I wonder if this happens in joint families where a mother needs to share her children and her motherhood with other people ?

I wonder if Dev had a better relationship with his mother - would he not have really confided in her - about all his feelings ?

I was wondering about this myself. It seems to me that Dev and his mother have a very week relationship. Dadi is the one who always comes to talk to Dev about everything and not his own mother. Vaishali hardly reacts or shows any concern and she never makes any decisions on household matters, it's always Dadi.

I agree with you.

More importantly from Dev's point of view having a strong mother would be so crucial. More crucial than a strong Dadi.

Irrespective of the intimate relationship with his Dadi, whom he can consider his best friend, I believe his concern for her health will always trump his ability to truly confide in her.

To her, he cannot bare his soul.

That is what God created mothers for..... Mothers have the strength to tolerate the deepest and darkest secrets of their children.

Once - Dev bared his soul only to his mother - when he got married to Vishakha.

He should be able to do that again...The character of Vaishali needs a major overhaul.

Dadi overshadows Vaishali because Vaishali is a pretty weak Mom. Well, her character is anyway. She is emotionally detached from not only Dev but also from Vivek. She has this attitude that she should manage what's going on in the everyday household stuff and not bother her with real issues.

Interesting thread. I wonder then how Rads compares to his mother?

Did Dev fall for a weak woman much like Vaishali? Or did he fall for someone completely different? Rads is so involved with her family. Is she the opposite of detached vaishali?

Originally posted by: jpalagrawal

Interesting thread. I wonder then how Rads compares to his mother?

Did Dev fall for a weak woman much like Vaishali? Or did he fall for someone completely different? Rads is so involved with her family. Is she the opposite of detached vaishali?

I think he fell for someone different than Vaishali. Radhika and Vaishali may both know how to manage a household but I think they have a different approach when it comes to dealing with people. Like when Radhika requests something from Birju or other helping hand is different than Vaishali ordering people around. I think Dev likes Radhika because she's so different than the women he's surrounded by--Vaishali, Mrin, his other bubbly Bhabhi (I forgot her name!) and Daaadi.

I completely disagree with all of you who consider Dev and Vaishali's bond to be weak and feel that Dadi overshadows Vaishali's motherhood.

The strongest point being that when Dev only told Vaishali that he does not the love the woman who sits in his bedroom as his bride. Regardless of the fact that Vaishali reacted violently to it, the fact that she observed his detached behavior towards Vishakha and questioned him and got him to tell the truth that is too shocking to bear for a delicate Dadi or too much for the kind of father that Purohit ji was.. he told him mom only. What he expected was understanding from her and instead got scolding and responsibility in return. But thats not the point.
THe fact that Dev didn't think twice before telling his mom something he would definitely think a million times over before telling his father or dadi is a testament to the kind of relationship he had with her at that point.

if anyone remembers the entry of Dev, and the way he met his mother, that kind of tenderness is not seen between Dev and Vaishali anymore but it was there.

The reason if find is that Vaishali and Dev's relationship is slightly changed owing to several issues. Firstly, that Vaishali expected him to respect culture, rituals, and societal rules and their own familial honor over his love and his feelings and Dev rebelled against it (probably for the first time) leaving her feeling distressed over the change in him.
secondly, her husband's deteriorating health was a major concern to her... much more than what her son was going through. And even there she was the sole confidant.. who knew what her husband was going through. Anyone in the situation would give priority to the dying man.
Then Purohit ji died leaving her to live a lonely life. No matter that Dev and Dadi and the whole family is affected by Purohit ji's death, Vaishali lost her other half. She was her husband's shadow and now she is just as souless. But by the time she came out of the shock of her husband's death, her son had started to appear considerably more normal and she was not in a state to believe he was pretending to be happy.

His Dadi who so closely observes him also failed to see his sorrow, so its not fair to say that Vaishali should have been even more observant. Especially right after Purohit ji died. granted that Dadi lost her son, but she has her grandchildren to displace that love to. Vaishali lost a husband who will never be replaced in her life.

As for Dadi making decisions, This is a traditional Purohit family. Imagine Vaishali making decisions. Her every opinion would be undermined by Chacha, Mirnu and Arjun. When its Dadi making decisions even Chacha's opinions don't matter because Dadi has that upper hand of being the elder of the house. If Dadi didn't have that power, then Chacha would have everything his way and Vaishali would be asked to sit in a corner and do bhajan as suiting a widow.

SO i am happy that Dadi gets to make decisions. Ya not all elders are wise, but Dadi is pretty wise and thats is a reason she gets the respect that she has in her family. Compare that to Amma whoes son doesn't care about her opinions.

The fact is that Vaishali has just gotten an opportunity to make things right with Dev after that day when she slapped him, things have not really been ok between them. And i believe Vaishali being the only elder who knew Dev never loved Vish and was in love with someone else, should now more than ever try to find out from him whom he loved, and if its possible to hook up with her now instead of Radhika..who'll just be another girl. At this point Dev should tell her that Radhika is the girl he loved, and with that i feel Vaishali will be more confident about Radhika's character than she is now. Dadi didn't need clarification to know Radhika's innocence. But Vaishali had her doubts about Radhika and that should be cleared before RaDev are together.

JC - thanks for your opinions - it is a wonderful insight into this relationship - though different from mine.

I agree with a lot of what you have said - it makes me think about things differently.

I mentioned in my second post that Dev had barred his soul only to his mother

But why can he not do that again - why do we not see any more tender moments between them ? Especially now when Dev lonely and needs support.

Since her husbands death Vaishali appears to have recovered enough to be able to tune into Dev again.

How can the relationship between Vaishali and Dev be improved ?

Somehow I feel that if Dev tells Vaishali about Radhika - he will again not get understanding from her - somehow I feel she will blame that relationship for Choti Bahu running away. I feel Dadi would empathize with him more.

Originally posted by: jpalagrawal

Interesting thread. I wonder then how Rads compares to his mother?<br><br>Did Dev fall for a weak woman much like Vaishali? Or did he fall for someone completely different? Rads is so involved with her family. Is she the opposite of detached vaishali? <br>

Very Interesting question you have raised - since it if often said that 'Men marry their mothers' 😛

Offhandedly I would say Radhika is also submissive like Vaishali - but mentally/spiritually Radhika is stronger. Vaishali respects Dadi and elders and so will Radhika. Vaishali clearly was a dutiful daugter-in-law and loving wife and so will Radhika be. Vaishali is however not a great mom in my assessment - and we don't know how Radhika will turn out to be !.

In-spite of JC's very insightful post I still feel that Vaishali is emotionally detached - now whether that is a result of her husband dying I don't know. Radhika is more emotionally in-tune to everybody around her - maybe expect DEV 😭

- but I dont think that is why Dev loves her - remember Dev didn't have a clue to Radhika's personality when he feel in love with her - he just loved her face, her voice and the way she carried herself with feminine grace and modesty.

I would say that Vaishali is not a great mom is going too far. She did raise Dev and Dev loves and respects her. He wouldn't if she want' a good mom. Dadi also mentioned that Vaishali has been an ideal bahu, wife and mother and proven to have the same qualities that Dadi has. That is why they were looking for a girl for Dev from Vrindavan only because Dadi is from Vrindavan and so is Vaishali and they felt that their values come from being raised in an atmosphere of holiness like in Virndavan. Whereas Mrinu is a city bred girl who has no respect for their traditions and customs.

So i really don't agree that Vaishali is detached. She just has had to deal with her husband dying. And she has had to deal with it since the beginning of the show. She knew he was dying. I feel she reacted so strongly to Dev's revelation due to it too.

YOu did raise an interesting point that Vaishali might deem Radhika to be the reason Vish never felt close to Dev. And actually come to think of it, if Vish ever returns and the truth is revealed that Dev loved Radhika, then she will use that as the reason for her leaving.. that her husband didn't love her.

But then Vaishali doesn't know Radhika that closely. She has not just been detached to her son in particular. I feel she never got a chance to form a bond with anyone during this time in her life. But possibly with Radhika marrying Dev and her getting to know her better, she will form a more stable and true opinion of Radhika in her mind, one that will not be changed by any accusations.