Kaumudhi or Mukut's Fault?!

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Oyster

@Oyster

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

Just a thought.

We've all spoken about how terrible Mukut is in his behavior towards Kaumudhi. He's certainly very insensitive. Nevertheless, it's equally important to consider his motive and point of view.

So Mukut has this complaint that Kaumudhi is too outdated. Well that's really a matter of perspective but it is so as per his PoV. I can imagine having this problem. See I am a person who's not into fashion at all. I could go to a grand-scale wedding with jeans and a t-shirt. I have not even tried makeup in my life. And I love being this way. I am so sure that I'd appear so dull to a guy who loves to see his wife dressed up all day long. Hence, I make it a point to refuse any proposal from a guy who's party-type cuz I know that it won't work. So Mukut has a point but my question to him would be why would you even marry a girl of such background if you knew you'd have issues with her lifestyle?! That's not fair. You can't marry a woman and then tell her she's not good enough for you.

My married and unmarried friends have this belief that you should always be up to the mark for your husband and they obviously lecture me endlessly! But I'd personally find it so annoying. Some of my married friends actually make it a point to change, freshen up, and put on makeup when it's time for their husbands to return home. To me it's like you can't be yourself. I don't know but do you think it's Kaumudhi's fault if she's not following this trend? Won't you agree that she has the right to be herself?

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jaya100

@jaya100

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 12 years ago

I imagine that when Mukut got married he too wasn't sure of what he wanted or needed or the limitations his mother would impose on his wife and his own aspirations towards his marriage. He tried to bring Kaumudi into his world for example the concert tickets but seemed to have faced rejection time after time. I'm assuming that before Mayuri came along he was unhappy in but resigned to his marriage...I think in Mayuri he saw how it could have/should have been. I'm still not sure whether he likes Mayuri or what she represents, I have a feeling it's the latter.

I agree we shouldn't have to change for anyone and idealistically a partner should accept us for who we are...the you don't have to change for me, I love you just the way you are concept is fantastic on paper...but then how many business parties did ASR actually take Khushi to? In reality I don't see any thing wrong in changing certain things as long as they don't affect our personalities to a point where we as individuals are not comfortable. In an arranged marriage scenario like K&M it's even more imperative to find middle ground. The Borisagars live in an urban area and their livelihood depends on this so the onus is on K to make more of the changes. Had K&M moved to the village after marriage then the onus would have been on Mukut to make the changes.

I have a cousin who just before her husband is due home will touch up her make up, I thought she would stop eventually but nope two kids later she still does it. He thinks she's beautiful even in sweats and a t-shirt but he likes to see her made up so she does it because it takes her 2 minutes and it puts a smile on his face. It's not always about being accepted for who you are but also about what you're willing to do for the person you love.

Mukut is treating Kaumudi badly and has been for a while but being ignored or being put at the bottom of the importance list by your spouse also hurts, even when yo know it's not her fault.

Edited by jaya100 - 12 years ago

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soaplovers

@soaplovers

Explorer

Posted: 12 years ago

I think its not make up that makes a difference. Its the time you spend with your husband that matters.

Every husband want their wife to spent time, talk, give opinions atleast make him feel they are for him and listen to want he wants to share.

In this case, Kaumudhi is always in kitchen impressing her mil with traditions and haven't shown her with her husband, go out for dinner, drives which makes husband think they care for each other.

I think this is want he wants in Kaumudhi not just make up and stuff. See Manav and Chan Chan they solve problems together and spend time with each other, roothna manana .

My points guys no offence to any one.

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SS88

@SS88

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

Hi, Sonya, Eid mubarak! Actually, Mukut didn't want to marry Kaumudi. He ran away from home, either just before the wedding or on the same day, but Uma got him back . They mentioned this in one of the previous episodes. I don't know how Mummy dearest convinced him,but he ultimately got married to her. From what I gather, he has never liked her. How he can explain the two daughters then remains a mystery to me. Or maybe Kaumudi is good enough to sleep with but not good enough to respect or love as a wife should be. Pardon my language, but this is the problem with a lot of desi marriages. If you dont like your wife, how the hell did you manage to get over your distaste and get her pregnant? This isn't Kaumudi's fault. and yesterday I got a little pissed with her that she kept crying about how she's not good enough. Woman! He isn't good enough. He can't keep a promise he made to you in front of God, he goes behind his family's and your back and has been having an affair for a YEAR, uncaring that he has daughters. You think just because he 's fluent in English and can eat with a fork and spoon and is successful at business, he's better than you? What rubbish! I hope Kaumudi gives him a real hard time when he realizes his Mayuri is a bag of lies. And I hope someone, preferably Kaumudi herself, tells him he's not much of a catch himself.

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coolbakes_Jalad

@Lifeistooshort

Voyager

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

i feel mukut is just suddenly carried away!! peer pressure may be!! coz had he hated her he would have found a mayuri long back!! its only in this past 1 year that he is dating her! he was fine till before!!

and as you say if he wants to change he could have sat and made her understand!! even she can point out his mistakes in a minute!! come on yar there cant be a bigger mistake than an extra marital affair!! nothing can justify that!!!

what did this poor girl who keeps toiling for him and his family do around the clock!! whats the point of doing the duties of the bahu when the husband fails to call her his patni!! bahu comes after patni!! she can also lash out at his and his family for making her struggle round the clock with chores!! thats the reason why she has not spent time with him!!! its not like she went on a tour to her mom's place!! she has sacrificed way more than him!!!

i am sure once the blindfold is removed he will like kamudi as she is now!!

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Oyster

@Oyster

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: jaya100
I imagine that when Mukut got married he too wasn't sure of what he wanted or needed or the limitations his mother would impose on his wife and his own aspirations towards his marriage. He tried to bring Kaumudi into his world for example the concert tickets but seemed to have faced rejection time after time. I'm assuming that before Mayuri came along he was unhappy in but resigned to his marriage...I think in Mayuri he saw how it could have/should have been. I'm still not sure whether he likes Mayuri or what she represents, I have a feeling it's the latter.

I agree we shouldn't have to change for anyone and idealistically a partner should accept us for who we are...the you don't have to change for me, I love you just the way you are concept is fantastic on paper...but then how many business parties did ASR actually take Khushi to? In reality I don't see any thing wrong in changing certain things as long as they don't affect our personalities to a point where we as individuals are not comfortable. In an arranged marriage scenario like K&M it's even more imperative to find middle ground. The Borisagars live in an urban area and their livelihood depends on this so the onus is on K to make more of the changes. Had K&M moved to the village after marriage then the onus would have been on Mukut to make the changes.
I have a cousin who just before her husband is due home will touch up her make up, I thought she would stop eventually but nope two kids later she still does it. He thinks she's beautiful even in sweats and a t-shirt but he likes to see her made up so she does it because it takes her 2 minutes and it puts a smile on his face. It's not always about being accepted for who you are but also about what you're willing to do for the person you love.
Mukut is treating Kaumudi badly and has been for a while but being ignored or being put at the bottom of the importance list by your spouse also hurts, even when yo know it's not her fault.

Jaya you're so right in pointing out that "I'll accept you just the way you are" is way too idealistic. Exactly. ASR made it a point to Khushi that he's happy with her way of life but then we never saw him prove this point practically. I didn't think of this before but you're so right in highlighting this. In the Sheetal track too Khushi was treated like a joker. So even if you say so to your wife out of love, it can never settle in your subconscious mind and either one way or another, you'll find yourself insulting her regardless of to what degree. Talking of a personal experience again, I recently said no to a proposal my parents approved of. They thought the guy had everything necessary: looks, business, and manners. My problem was though that he never pursued his higher education. He completed high school and stopped. My brother too agreed and he explained that there will be such a huge difference in our mentalities considering that I have completed my graduate studies and looking forward to PhD. This is not to say that I look down upon the person. I am sure he'd outperform me in so many things. It's just that I felt we are way to different given our life experiences to lead a life together. Would you agree then that the entire match of Kaumudhi and Mukut was wrong? They shouldn't have gotten married in the first place...

Oh yes, certainly. There's no harm in bringing small changes to your life to please the person you are in love with. That's just faithfulness.

And I too wish Kaumudhi takes a stance without making ChanChan and UB as her shield.

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SS88

@SS88

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

Sonya- Very good point - I think the match of Kaumudi and Mukut is wrong. Maybe these things were done in Uma's time, but Mummyji, ab zamaana badal gaya hai yaar. She's uneducated, and he's the business man of the year. Obviously, he could have helped her and encouraged her to educate herself and experience new things. But then that would be possible only if the poor thing could actually step out of the kitchen. Chhanchhan actually put it really well- she was so busy being the ideal bahu she forgot to be a wife.

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golpokobita

@golpokobita

Inactive

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

I absolutely agree with you..

I find it very strange that people advises women to look good or do makeovers and other things for their husbands.. To me, this is a primitive idea.

Husband and Wife share a bond for the whole life. They share their ideas, hopes, sorrows, ambitions and everything that comes on their way.. Physical intimacy is just a part of all these..

And I believe, if you love someone from your heart, she/he would always look beautiful to you..

Of course, that doesn't mean one should not take care of her look.. but that's something personal.. I should be the one to decide what is comfortable for me.. what I look good on..

Between Mukut and Kaumadi, the mutual respect is missing. Mukut is very much an ordinary person from our society who doesn't know how to respect people the way they are. kaumadi might not be smart or modern as he wants his wife to be.. but may be she like to remain the way she is, she might enjoy doing the households only .. you cannot force her into something which she is not comfortable with.

If she thinks being a good mother and bahu and supporting her husband with services as and when he needs those -- are something she enjoys, then what is the point of changing her?? asking her to do things she doesn't find necessary..

Why can she be just herself???

Edited by golpokobita - 12 years ago

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Oyster

@Oyster

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: SS88
Hi, Sonya, Eid mubarak! Actually, Mukut didn't want to marry Kaumudi. He ran away from home, either just before the wedding or on the same day, but Uma got him back . They mentioned this in one of the previous episodes. I don't know how Mummy dearest convinced him,but he ultimately got married to her. From what I gather, he has never liked her. How he can explain the two daughters then remains a mystery to me. Or maybe Kaumudi is good enough to sleep with but not good enough to respect or love as a wife should be. Pardon my language, but this is the problem with a lot of desi marriages. If you dont like your wife, how the hell did you manage to get over your distaste and get her pregnant? This isn't Kaumudi's fault. and yesterday I got a little pissed with her that she kept crying about how she's not good enough. Woman! He isn't good enough. He can't keep a promise he made to you in front of God, he goes behind his family's and your back and has been having an affair for a YEAR, uncaring that he has daughters. You think just because he 's fluent in English and can eat with a fork and spoon and is successful at business, he's better than you? What rubbish! I hope Kaumudi gives him a real hard time when he realizes his Mayuri is a bag of lies. And I hope someone, preferably Kaumudi herself, tells him he's not much of a catch himself.

Hello ji. Eid Mubarak abhi? On the 6th day of Eid? Chalo koi nahi... dair aaye durust aaye... Sowie for the melodrama.. Eid Mubarak to you and to your lovely family - par I'll make it a point to wish you right on time next Eid.

Oh I had missed the part of his mom forcing him to marry Kaumudhi. That part makes it more sensible now. Thanks. And don't even ask me about this thing of how do men get women they supposedly hate bear their children.. I have seen so many live examples and I have asked my friends this question for a million times now with no answer. As a woman, seriously if I hate a man.. I won't even tolerate his mere sight in my bedroom forget about getting so intimate with him... Looks like this would be an awesome research topic on psychology of men!!!

And yes I really wish the makers bring out Kaumudhi as a strong character. I don't appreciate the fact that she has to use ChanChan or UB as her protective shield. I mean seriously how much courage do you need to confront a man who has been cheating on you left, right, and center after you've given your life to his family...

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golpokobita

@golpokobita

Inactive

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: SS88
Sonya- Very good point - I think the match of Kaumudi and Mukut is wrong. Maybe these things were done in Uma's time, but Mummyji, ab zamaana badal gaya hai yaar. She's uneducated, and he's the business man of the year. Obviously, he could have helped her and encouraged her to educate herself and experience new things. But then that would be possible only if the poor thing could actually step out of the kitchen. Chhanchhan actually put it really well- she was so busy being the ideal bahu she forgot to be a wife.

On bold part...

Well we agree what CC said.. But there remains a point missing, had Mukut been a husband to Kaumadi?? or just a son to the BS family?? has he ever tried to know what kaumadi likes or dislikes?? May be she likes serving the family the way she is doing..

And if mukut could find out what Kaumdai likes and communicate to her what he likes, they could have found out a middle ground! And that should be the nature of relationship between a husband and a wife.

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Kaumudhi or Mukut's Fault?!

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