Posted:
Yes - the pun IS intended. Holy intimidating Gujju-ben, Batman!!! 😲😲😲
Today's episode belongs, without a doubt, to Umaben.
Uma-BEN? 😲😲 Actually - she be Uma-BAAP, not ben. Hitler, Mussolini and Idi-Amin could take lessons. Day 4 of Jingle All The Way...and the earth trembles.
A judiciously worded, much abbreviated Take 5 posted from an undisclosed location, bherry bherry far away from the epicenter of the earthquake in Gujarat.
1. Maalkin is M.A.D. And resolved. As a result of the day's fiasco - when it is time to find a bride for her own son, she will yank out the unfortunate bride's family tree by the roots, and research it, all the way back to when the girl's ancestors swung from trees and dragged their knuckles on the ground. Coz she now knows what her next bahu shall NOT have. (Answer - a spine. Or a brain. Or other assorted internal organs related to any kind of independent thinking.)
Dikhris of Gujarat - be afraid. Be VERY afraid. I recommend mass migration to the same undisclosed location I'm posting from.
2. Shaadi toot gayi? How awesomely Cool! 🤣
Say bhat?😡😡😡 Abey dikhra - people usually say they are sorry when they hear of a toota hua rishta - they don't start giggling like retards. Even Hindi-challenged, kidney-returned bitwas know that! 😕
A broken shaadi is about as cool as you were trying to be - Einstein, and failing just as miserably.
Since this is apparently Han's first soap - 'tis but fair to withhold judgement for a little while longer and allow him a chance to grow into the role. But the clock is ticking, and dikhra - you need growth pills. STAT. I suggest calling 1-800-LANCE (Armstrong)
3. Uma-baap-re-ben's three stooges. Larry, Curly and Moe - otherwise known as the three bahus. 😕 The troops fall in line for inspection, cowering in front of the General, who runs an approving eye over her prized thoroughbreds. But they can rest easy - the General is pleased with them today. So instead of a firing squad at dawn, they get silver coins - bilkul phree. (Word of advice - hold it up to your ears to make sure nothing's ticking. Just in case)
The upshot - she's pleased with her results of her first three bahu deliveries from the marriage menu, and determined to make sure that the next order will be even more spectacular. And clueless Manav bitwa chooses that opportune moment to wander in, asking who the unlucky girl is...
4. ...Cut to the unlucky girl in question, who's enjoying a sleepover with the almost-bride. Their relief at the narrow escape lasts until the next morning, when the almost-bride's dad calls to inform then that he's headed to the zoo. To stick his head into the lioness' mouth.
Hoping and praying she won't actually bite it off.
Unfortunately for him - she's hungry (or angry), and takes a healthy bite. Job and house are both gone in one shot. The week ends with junior Ya preparing to go mano-a-mano with senior Ya - hoping to get both back.
5. Wardrobe-wa!! Take 5 returning to its roots with a wardrobe update!! Sanaya must be thanking the Devi Maiiya on her knees- she actually has OUTFITS on this show! 🥳And not just uniforms in different colors!! 🥳🥳 And most important - there isn't hide nor (bad pun alert) hair of a Gangotri - anywhere in the vicinity! 🥳🥳 🥳
As for Han...he..um, has a white shirt??? Bitwa - I suggest keeping a good hair stylist on speed dial. Purely as a future favor to your co-star, who is apparently quite adept at pulling it out by the roots. Oh, and shave already.
But this PH manages to do a better job of outfitting its cast - as opposed to others that shall remain nameless. 😈 The sets look better too, and don't appear to have been scrounged from Salvation Army rejected maal.
Thus ends the first week for Jingle All The Way. (you lucky so-and-so's. 😡😡😡)
And Take 5 goes back to its regularly scheduled weekly programming as opposed to daily. Because if I continue to do this daily, Devi Maiiya ki kasam - AD (asli duniya) mein dil hi nahin, AUR BHI BAHUT KUCH TOOTEGA.
But for now - we celebrate the launch of YaYa, and watch out for their future exploits.
TGI-almost-F!!! 🥳 🥳 🥳
