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"This is the truth Sharon. . .This is the truth" Swayam stated, his voice throttled.
"It just took you five seconds to prove my five long year's love a lie in front of everyone. . .This is the truth!" His statement hammered my heart. It was not what I meant to do. . . I know what I did was wrong, denying him as a part of my life was wrong but I wanted to repent it. His eyes, his voice, they didn't reflected hurt or pain. . . It would have been better to see those feelings rather than what they were reflecting right now. They held something which shrilled my inner self . . . It was defeat. Defeat by his own feelings. . . Defeat by his love. . .Defeat by me.
And it scared me.
I pleaded to him for a chance, a chance to rectify my mistake, a chance to tell him that I loved him truly and that I am not hesitant to hold his hands in front of the world, a chance to return to our happy world. . . I took a step forward to reach him but he held my hand, at a feet's distance, and this gap between us suddenly seemed too distant, too far. . .Too far from him, right now. I looked in his eyes astound at his behavior, they felt different. . . The warmth which always made its way to his eyes with just a glimpse of my face was nowhere. . . The softness which had always held me together even in our worst times were missing.
They were cold. Cold like ice. Cold which was deadening and their coldness were chilling my nerves.
He turned away from me and I felt something twist in me making my whole body shiver.
"Now I am not the same Swayam Shekhawat, Mad in love, No! Love changes everyone and now I can never be that Swayam Shekhawat, never ever again" His wounded voice rang in my ears and his every word filled me with guilt and helplessness. I was just standing there listening to him, watching a different Swayam Shekhawat standing in front of me who was trying to put all his leftover strength to not let a single tear fall from his eyes.
He turned towards me suddenly, His eyes holding a look of determination. I searched his eyes for something which can sooth my heart but in vain. They held nothing for me.
"From now on, the chapter of our lovestory is closed. . . Closed Sharon!" His words stunned me. My heart was thudding. . . No! I expected him to be mad, to be angry, to be. . . Before my mind could resgister I heard his voice again
"I will be living my life in my own way now. . .Every topic, every chapter according to my wish. . . You have moved on a lot ahead of me and now I will move on too, without looking back" Swayam's words hit me hard. I shuddered listening to him. . . His cold eyes, his poisoned words were acting like dementors for me. I felt myself sinking. . . Tears rolled down my cheeks like that was the only thing they knew when the impossible of my turned into reality.
Swayam was mustering courage to speak, to let some words out of his mouth and then I heard something which was not imaginable not in this life. I stood there horrified as my mind registered his words
"I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU Sharon" I felt stunned, drained, shattered- I didn't know but the feeling swallowed my inner existence, my soul.Swayam Shekhawat was giving up on Sharon Rai Prakash. . .The thought felt like a tight slap. I felt like a lot of weight was put upon me which I wasn't able to bear. My heart stopped beating for a second and I felt like someone had aimed a thousand arrows on my heart which all hit me right. I wanted this to be a nightmare, but nonetheless how much I wished,this was the harsh reality I gave the buildup. My one mistake had shattered my world of love and dreams. I had denied him in front of everyone letting him face the wrath, letting him be called a womanizer but now when he was doing the same, denying me as a part of his life.
It broke me.
"I cannot do this anymore. I am sorry" Swayam uttered in a broken voice. I tried to speak but he silenced me , like he had had enough.
"No Sharon, I cannot share my life with someone who will leave me in the middle of the road. . . I can't. I want to make a new way, for the sake of myself."
I cried, cried sitting at the white bench alone thinking about the turn of events. Swayam had declared his thoughts and his words jabbed my bleeding heart every time they crossed my mind. I screamed my love for him under the open sky telling the winds to carry my message to him, trying to tell him that he was wrong this time, that I did love him truly,
But for the first time it didn't reach him, he has closed the doors of heart for me. . .I had lost him, and this time probably forever.
*****
I was feeling empty at the moment. . .But I knew this was important and the most right thing to do too. I accept that I am tired but I just can't take it anymore. . .I have never felt this much vulnerable like Sharon had made me feel today. I thought I had made her fall in love with me after all the beautiful times we spent together. I thought she finally had cut all the chains barring her from being herself but I clearly was wrong. . .She denied us being a couple in front of everyone. She once again let me be the laughing stock in front of whole college but this time it broke me. . .I felt like a Use and Throw can. I felt like my love does not hold any meaning for her. . .That nothing I do will make her free of her complexities. And my love will be insulted always, like she had done before, like she had done now. I cannot see my love trapped in the spiral web of her vacillation, not when everything was real between us, when we shared a life together. The foundation of any relationship is trust and Sharon had shaked my trust from its roots. . .
Each and every word which I said broke the pieces of my already broken hearts into shards. Her tears killed me. . .But I am tired, tired of trying, tired of being insulted, tired of being the laughing stock. . .I love her but she proved that she cannot love me ever. According to what she said our relationship was a lie and so a lie must not be lived. It's time. . .time to close our book because if not it will make me insane. This book has to be shut, and this time probably forever.
******
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