Swayam OneShot- Life...goes on! *Done wth PMs*

Maybe that was all what attraction is. Maybe my actions were everything when I was near but too far to be one! Might be possible that this IS what one does when he has an introvert nature. Ahh my story you asking! It can be called as A Roller Coaster Ride mahn! Ups and Downs...Twists n Turns. But but... I still feel what I experienced; whatever I felt has made me a better at handling emotions. Every phase of one's life teaches a lot. I am no different.. My childhood had every possible fun and satisfaction but the moment I turned a teenage umm... early teen, what feelings are, I understood. I never had any dream about my love life until I saw her.. You know she is a beauty. Mahn, she used to walk down the stairs of my...opps..our school leaving me awestruck.

During my school life, I was a quiet, naughty with my own boys' gang, not too good in studies.
Little knew, my gang never knew of my attraction for her. I tried all the possible ways to show them that I could talk to girls, specially the one who I always wanted to but that never happened. Sometimes they used to wonder how could I get attracted to the girl who I never spoke to, sat with...
I became really good in writing n communication skills, all the thanks to her who had motivated me, inspired me. One min, now a question, how did I get motivated by her? Simply because I observed her alott. Like alot whenever she spoke to the English teacher, I somehow stopped myself from studying n used to listen to her. When her lips moved, her hands shook; it was like a dream to see such a girl in my life. It's still a dream, fresh in my memories, oh why not? After all, because of her I could score good marks in studies.
When we entered 10th, she got selected as the 'head girl' of our batch, she gave her speech regarding her family and the post. She almost cried n made teachers cry too. Her words were so touching. I secretly clapped for her; yes I never expressed my happiness for her because I used to feel awkward. No wonder once when she took the responsibility of making and LL stand in one line I was standing in front, the first ever time I could stand in front just to see her smile, her way of talking with other post. I, maybe, started feeling..not love for sure!! Ofcourse I never knew myself!

Once in 10th, when I planned to bunk lecture n sit in library n study algebra, I never understood anything. Tried asking mam, my gang. Nothing I understood. Like the ray of hope, she entered the library, sat with her friends leaving one table between her table n mine. She started to teach the same problem to her friends. Somehow I got little close n heard her how to solve that. When she finished teaching I tried the same method, I got the answer right. How? Her luck I must say.
Those little little things that she did as a normal life meant a lot to me because she had indirectly helped me alot n I always thank god for this miracle.
After the prelims, when we had farewell party, I was hoping that I meet her n tell her how much she helped but once I saw her I changed my mind to even talk to her. "Khubsoorat" word I kept on fumbling. She entered with the sound of anklet she wore, plain white beautiful Saree, her hairs were opened n kept on one side, even her bangles were...
This much view of her from far was enough to make me drool over her like crazy...
When she got an award for the 'best outfit' I took her candid shots without anyone knowing. I clapped for her with other my mates n those clicks I kept safely in my phone. And not to forget I still have them, whenever I see them I never fail to understand my attraction for her.

Later, When we had to start applying colleges for our 11th 12th and graduation, I tried all the possible ways to get into her college but things didn't work out. After I started joining coaching classes, there she came on the 5th day of my class with classy outfits. Sleeveless white top with shrug and blue jeggings, full into the real fashion parade I started..to feel for her..Seriously? Perhaps! But irony was she came only twice a week that too in her own time, why so? Because, after little of research I came to know, the teacher was her mom's friend. And she came just to seek help with studies.

During that time, I faced a problem studying taxation, I just couldn't find any method to do, n that day teacher was out for some time with her very important work. I was restless. She saw me. She got up from her place n came n sat next to me. My heart started beating fast. All I was thinking what made her come to me? The first sentence she ever spoke to me, the first time rather we spoke "Excuse me.. You look a little disturbed. May I know what's wrong? I may help you?"
And without thinking further I directly told her my problem. That's when she took my book n looked into the question, instead of being serious I started to gape at her, again I tried all the possible ways to stop staring at her, but it never worked out. I looked at her side, her natural beautiful dimples, her serious face reading the problem. When she came back to me with a solution, I felt the same feeling I had in 10th when she indirectly helped me in algebra.
After we solved the solution to the problem, We smiled each other, I mouthed a Thankyou... That was so awkward for me and also maybe for that to find some random boy staring at her with a huge smile. In that min, thankfully, but no thankfully, she got a call from her mother n she had to leave.
That's the only time we sat together n spoke just 1 problem. Speaking about 1 problem is just enough for me. It still feels fresh.

Time didn't wait for me to atleast make me that gutsy that I could go, approach her, say a "Hy" "Hello" as a friend and not a stranger.. Ah...ya..means what my sentiments were, were actually weird. Yes, I agree. It was the time when I was attracted to her, I really had started liking her to the heart's core, I had passed my 12th, yep! Good percentage though and was busy in the College/University Admissions. I really, like really, wanted to be in the College, she wanted to be. Sorry, but ya few times I had stalked her, like for how studious she was and else. Umm, luckily, my percentage and rank worked and I got admitted in the same college which she had chosen. Wait, it was a famous University! I was happy and people around me were glad too! Who won't be like parents, relatives. Exception were my oh-so-not-well-wishers. Let that be other story... I shall continue mine.

After some months studying in this University college, I had always wondered what she must be doing? Where was she? What college, she would be studying in? And a randomly, there the day I was thinking about her, I saw her entering my college, means...College with a helmet on her head. When she reached to the parking lot, I was there itself leaving for home, and I saw her in cool outfits.
One look was enough for me. As always I tried telling "hello" but for the fact I realised, her college started when mine ended!! So sad luck, I never got time to meet her nor speak to her.. But again maybe it was meant to be! Annnddd, when we got promoted to SY, I always saw her happy with one guy, holding his hands daily. I kind of got jealous but again "meant to be or not" striked my mind.. Again I think, love which ps one - sided not always happen to be reciprocated, there was no way that she n me could become "US", we never spoke, we never spent time. Nor I did know her name till that time. Like I had heard her name many times during college days, her friends used to call her by. But I was never ever sure if that, beacuse you know, people love calling their friends n loved one's pet names. During those days, when I sat in canteen for little more time, going to library for books n then swicth to canteen to have food. To my luck, I must say, I had seen her from the canteen windows seat where I seated. I would sit there coz there I used to feel awesome due to smooth breeze and surroundings but I happened to see her sometimes. And somehow I loved when I saw her, wait? Did I say 'I LOVED' ? Okay yeah, I did realize I had fallen for her , her looks, her gestures, when she used to hi-five her friends and happily hug her boyfriend, when she sat on his lap and etc etc. Life was never easy for when I saw her with someone else. But she looked happier, then why come in between? It was just one- sided love. Oh well you know when I was in canteen, once, someone randomly came to me and told me her name n I was the happiest person that atleast I came to know her name but, the same, I controlled my emotions in front of the one who told me her name. Then I was confirmed about my feelings that I was in love with her you know, umm... Days and nights passed just thinking about her, her gestures to any action, her voice, ofcourse I used to secretly watch her outside from windows! Yeah... I was like madly crazy for her, yaa perhaps love is that only!

Those days, in my SY N TY, I would stay in college sometime more for studying n also I would go to canteen to eat food. Oh well I haven't told you my family problem right? I guess it was the tough phase of my life, here I say.. Since I started SY, my father was suffering from Lung cancer. He just wouldn't be able to breathe. N I came to know this news after 2 months of him being diagnosed with cancer. After TWO MONTHS. Yeah, it was because my mother wanted to hide from me since she knew and knows how much I am attached to my father. Yes I love my dad. Always I have been telling my 'love at 1st sight story', my parents were equally very very important to me. When my father was admitted, I would never let my mother make Tiffin, sometimes she made, sometimes I eat in canteen. Every night, I would sit in hospital with father, n there only many times I used to study in hospital for my exams. And for 2 years which is when I was in SY n TY I would have the time stay in hospital, hardly there was days I would be at home. College - Work - hospital. Yeah life sucked. But the best part was father's health was improving and by the time improving gave my TY final examinations, we got our father home. Alot of responsibilities came over my head since SY of my college days, alot of things to take care of, take care of my brother. Oh where did my brother come from? He was studying in London. He loves studying, n I hate it. But anyway, for that matter I had called him to share some finance for Father's treatment since we didn't had that much money. Due to this, I would start part time job. I got it easily. I would go afternoon and evening for job. My brother came as a ray of hope. Due to which my father's health became better. Our mother was proud of us. There were many days after my college life my mother used to ask me about my marriage as to whom I should marry n when I should marry.
Whenever my mother asked me this, I would always wonder whether I would fall for anyone like I did for her? That's exactly when I got the news of THAT GIRL'S, the one I term my LOVE, her marriage!!
I was kind of devastated; seriously I was, after I heard that she was getting married!!! I digested that news anyway but never it happened that my face didn't had any smile for her. I had a smile, still have, because I knew that she was getting into a relation by her choice, that joy always reflected in her orbs, beautiful orbs, she was happy. So seeing her glad it meant my happiness! Duh! I had seen her standing, taking blessings with a Mangalsutra, with that red mark on her scalp applied by her husband and she happily heading to her spouse' house to make it a home. Tears trickled down my eyes realizing at that moment as she then/now never could be mine and I must move on.
I, heartily, prayed to God for her happiness, her bright future, her secured married life. Damn! I accepted that particular phase with a satisfaction. Umm..now you will think why I never confessed and my answer would be that why would had I destroyed her smile which her husband was giving her already..
See! I ain't selfish and my love for her won't vanish maybe, I know. But, then I decided to move on. Though, still I can't erase her memories , but surely I would try umm... I shall reciprocate the love to my would be wife that is You!!. My parents chose you as my life partner and so did I agree, honestly, I did not in any pressure but ya not with love, though I am happy that finally someone in my life to be called a better half! Huhh.. Thanks for understanding me, listening to me as I let out about when n how a change in me took place.

Her swear, I promise, I'll never leave you or ever go away from my responsibility thinking of her. Yaar! Don't shed tears, I am Swayam, your fiance, taking Sharon's, my first love's swear... Yep! I won't break or hurt your feelings. you can trust me!

And he was Swayam who was telling his one sided love story to his fianc, one day before engaged, how he fell in love with Sharon.
He never confessed, though was a bit introvert, but also because he didn't wanted to fade her smile by getting between her world as he had seen and knew that how Sharon was happy with her friends in school, family, boyfriend who turned her husband. Sharon, the girl who never knew or know about Swayam, who loved n loves her unconditionally deep down his heart, who was just near to her but too far to be one!

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